


The Lowlander

by cecania



Series: The Lowlander [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe, Avvar AU, F/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-12
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-04-09 00:31:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 142,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4326996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cecania/pseuds/cecania
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thane to a clan that has seen more than it's fair share of grief, Cullen can only wonder what bringing the pale eyed and even paler skinned Lowlander under his protection will mean. His people are already wary thanks to tragedy that struck over a decade ago but the Avvar's memories are long and those of Sky-Bear Hold do not easily forget. Nor are they keen to forgive. Faced with the very real truth that Elora was sent by the gods, as Thane, it's Cullen's sworn duty to keep her safe from any threat. Even one that would come from within his own clan.</p>
<p>Waking up in the bed of the Thane of a clan of Avvar was not something Elora had ever thought would happen to her. Yet that was exactly where she found herself; told that she was his guest and more than that the guest of the gods because of the glowing mark on her hand that had healed the tears in the Lady's flesh. Confused as to where the mark even came from, she finds holes in her memory and the last thing she remembers was being told to go to bed by the Templars escorting a group of mages from the overstuffed White Spire to the newly opened Circle Tower in the wilds to the east.</p>
<p>Together they will try to discover what the mark means, for the clan and for them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight nsfw in the chapter ahead!

            Walking along the paths of the hold, Cullen returned the nods as he passed people and was grateful none of them tried to stop him. They all knew he was looking for someone without him having to say anything. It would have helped if they had pointed him in the proper direction, but he hadn’t told anyone who he was looking for. He was sure they could guess but the hold was only so big so she was here somewhere.

            His boots stirred the fine dusting of snow over the path through the hold and it made him frown. The winter had been mild so far and, if he hadn’t lived through it, he would have thought it was only the first breath of the season. But they were already in the second month of the new year and there wasn’t half as much snow as there usually was. It was worrisome because they didn’t need a drought in their farms down the mountain. They had finally gotten them back to the point where they could produce enough to not only support them through the winter months but was also enough to be sold or traded.

            But with the mild weather, hunting parties were still scouting the immediate areas for any herds that were coming back to the mountains. They were usually sent down the mountains to check in on the farms and their allies in the forests, but there wasn’t any harm in looking for more food while they could.

            Looking up at the sky, Cullen squinted as he tried to figure out where the sun was sitting above the mountain peaks. They hunting party had left as the sun was rising this morning. They would be due back soon, not wanting to traverse the mountain paths in the dark if they were carrying game.

            Cullen’s lips twitched faintly. There had been grumbles about going out, especially since they had celebrated the birth of a new member of the clan just last night. He didn’t know why any of the hunters had complained to him when they had decided on the day together so they had all known that they would still have to go out no matter what had happened the day before. Just because the previous night had been a celebration of not only the child surviving but the mother as well didn’t mean that they still wouldn’t need food. If anything, they needed it more considering how much they ate whenever they were celebrating.

            But complain they did as they sullenly dragged themselves out of the warmth of their beds to go down the mountain.

            Heading toward the river that ran along the edge of the village, he was running out of places that she could be. If it weren’t for the fact that he knew she wouldn’t leave without speaking to him first, he would have thought that she had left on her journey already.

            The tension in his shoulders fled when he saw the figure crouched on the other side of the bridge. “What are you doing?” he asked when he came up to her.

            She made a low noise but her fingers stayed in the frigid water. “Something’s coming,” she said lowly.

            He did not like the sound of that. “What do you mean?”

            “The gods won’t stop talking and for once it’s not about it.”

            He waited a moment to see if she was going to elaborate. “It?”

            Icy blue eyes narrowed slightly. “You can’t pretend it’s not there, Cullen,” she said lowly. “It’s not going to go anywhere any time soon and unless we do something, we may lose everything we’ve fought for.”

            His gaze moved from her to the sky. At first, they had thought it was the Lady painting the sky like she did sometimes but it wasn’t right. The skylights came in green to be sure but not like this, the colours were all wrong. It hadn’t taken them long to realise that it was not the skylights, but they didn’t know what it was beyond a wound in the Lady. Hunters had reported smaller ones on the outskirts of the hold, deep in the trees, and the things they said were coming out of them were troubling.

            And that nothing they did seemed to close them.

            “Cullen.”

            Sighing, he looked back at her. “What do you want me to say, Hawke?” he demanded. “You know more about it than I do.”

            “All I know is that they’re magic,” she corrected. “Which you know so how do I know more than you?”

            “Now isn’t the time to be cheeky.”

            She dipped her head slightly. “You’re right,” Hawke said quietly, pushing to her feet. “I did say that the gods weren’t talking about it. They just won’t stop talking.”

            His stomach tightened. “Are you sure you should be leaving?” There were others in the clan who could hear the gods but they preferred Hawke and she understood them like nearly no one else in living memory. It rubbed many of the clan the wrong way because most of them were still young enough to remember the last augur who was so close to the gods like this but there wasn’t anything to be done about it. Hawke was their augur and she wasn’t going anywhere. Except north. “Surely one of the clans down here knows something.”

            “We discussed this yesterday and the day before and the day before that. This is old magic, older than ours. The only ones who might have any idea of what it is and how to stop this are in the north.”

            “At least take hunters with you.”

            “I’ll travel faster alone.”

            Taking a deep breath, Cullen knew butting heads with her wouldn’t get them anywhere. There was no point in it when they had both agreed that they needed answers and they weren’t to be found here.

            “And we’re distracted once again,” Hawke sighed.

            A common occurrence in their discussions lately. “You said they were talking. About what?” He didn’t really want to ask, wanted to try to keep her from leaving but if there was one thing he knew about Hawke after dealing with her for ten years was that no one changed her mind unless she wanted them to. And he knew that she didn’t want him to.

            “They keep whispering about her, that she’s coming, that they want to meet her, that they want her here, that they aren’t going fast enough.” Her face scrunched slightly, as if the gods were still whispering to her, before her expression smoothed. “They’re agitated about the hole in the sky, but whoever this ‘she’ is has them…excited.”

            “Excited?” he echoed. “When was the last time they were excited?”

            “They don’t even remember,” Hawke admitted. “I didn’t want to leave without telling you that. I didn’t want to leave before seeing if they would tell me more about her.”

            “We don’t need more problems, Hawke,” Cullen sighed, stepping off the bridge.

            She was quiet as she followed him over the bridge, back toward the hold. “It’s been ten years since my people came here,” she muttered. “Are they still on about us?”

            He wasn’t sure some of his people were ever going to let it go. “It doesn’t matter.”

            “It matters if you get a knife in the back over it.”

            “Olivia,” he said flatly, stopping to look at her. “You’re going north. You need to at least be at the bottom of the mountain before the sun sets.”

            “I know the way, Cullen. I’ve done it often enough, I could do it in the dark if I had to.”

            This was how it had always been since he had become Thane and she was now his augur, not his father’s. He told her what she should do and she ignored him. Within reason but she had been raised in a different environment and wasn’t Avvar so she didn’t adhere to their rules as closely. “I will toss you off the mountain if I have to.”

            Delighted laughter left her. “No, you won’t.”

            No, he wouldn’t, but it was tempting. “Just go, Hawke. Take Bethany and-”

            “Thane!”

            They both jerked at the shout of his title, looking at the man running toward them. “He was with the hunting party,” Cullen said lowly, already starting toward him.

            Hawke swore quietly but kept pace with him.

            “What happened?” he demanded when they were close enough to the other man.

            He was sweating and pale, a touch of madness in his eyes. “We found someone! A Lowlander! She-Branson has her!”

            “You brought a Lowlander here?” Cullen demanded. That was not what they needed. Yes, they raided other clans for brides on occasion but they avoided the Lowlander settlements, not wanting them anywhere on their lands. The other Avvar wouldn’t come after the stolen women, the Lowlanders would.

            “She was alone, in the river.”

            “The river?” Hawke murmured. “The winter’s been mild but the river is still a death trap. Why would anyone-” She stopped in the middle of her sentence, staring off at something and Cullen knew the gods were whispering to her again.

            “She was half-dead when we found her and-” The archer made a noise as Hawke suddenly pushed past him, sprinting toward the hold.

            “Talk,” Cullen said flatly as he followed after her. He didn’t run but he wasn’t walking anymore. “What is so important about this female that you’d bring her here?”

            “Your brother says she’s touched by the gods.”

            What was that supposed to mean? Even if he hadn’t thought to go to Branson’s home first, he would have known it was where his brother was because of the crowd gathering around his front door. No doubt to see what his brother had brought back. They parted as he approached, letting him through with relative ease. He could hear Hawke’s voice from inside Branson’s home and the steady pitch of his brother’s as well. Although, it was higher than usual. Before he made it to the door, he saw the Master of the Hunt standing nearby, a sour look on his face.

            As much as he wanted to know what was going on inside the hut, he went straight to him. “What happened?”

            His gaze flicked to Cullen before back to the door of Branson’s hut. “We found one of those tears in the middle of the game trail,” he said lowly. “Skirted around it, avoiding drawing attention to not summon the demons. That was when your brother found her, more than half frozen in the river. Near as we can tell, the only reason she hadn’t died was because she’s got magic. Must have used it to keep herself warm although why she’d stay in the river is anyone’s guess. She could have used it to get herself out, but she didn’t. She stayed in that water for some reason.”

            Which made no sense. Why would a Lowlander stay in freezing water and nearly kill herself because of it? “You pulled her out.”

            “Wasn’t going to just leave her to die like that,” he spat, bristling. “She may be a Lowlander, but that doesn’t mean we’d just walk away from her when we could do something to help.”

            “I wasn’t accusing you of anything, Raleigh,” Cullen growled.

            “Your brother pulled her out,” he said after a moment. “Would barely let go of her as we wrapped her in what we could. Didn’t seem to help much, even with him holding her. We were all sure that we were too late, that there wasn’t any amount of furs or warmth that was going to bring her back. But she surprised us, woke up long enough for us to get her name, where her people were. Couldn’t really talk, her teeth were chattering too much and we didn’t want her to bite off her damned tongue. Didn’t matter in the end.”

            “Why not?”

            Raleigh’s gaze never wavered from the door. “The tear acted up despite us not being that close to it, demons charging us while we were tending to her.”

            Cullen’s gut clenched. “How many lost?” he asked lowly.

            “None.”

            Jerking back from him, Cullen shook his head. “We have yet to walk away from any of those tears without losing at least one hunter.”

            “We didn’t lose any hunters this time, Cullen.” Dark brows drew together before he made a sharp noise. “I need to deal with what game we did manage to bring in. You want the rest of it, ask your brother. He was with her the entire time so he’ll know it better than me.”

            Watching him walk away, Cullen didn’t feel any better. He was pleased that no hunters had been lost because too many had already died at the hands of demons. It was good that they hadn’t lost anyone but how had that happened? What did the Lowlander have to do with it? There was only one way to find out.

            He nearly stalked to the door before shoving it open. Two sets of blue eyes snapped up to him as he closed it roughly but the paler pair fell back to the fur wrapped bundle between them. “Come here,” he told Branson, not approaching Hawke.

            His brother hesitated for a moment, looking down at the bundle.

            “Branson.”

            He pushed to his feet, slowly coming to him. “Don’t be mad,” Branson muttered. “She saved our lives.”

            “So Raleigh said, but he failed to mention how, said that you were the one to ask.”

            “Aye,” Branson said, looking back at Hawke. “Slight slip of a thing, didn’t even realise she was awake when the demons came. She just kept shaking in my arms, barely made a peep when I picked her up. Raleigh told me to get her out of range and return, but I passed too close to the tear. It…it woke her up in a mean way, Cullen.”

            Crossing his arms over his chest, Cullen stared hard at his augur. Hawke was murmuring softly to whoever was wrapped up in the furs but she wasn’t getting any responses. His eyes narrowed. “Is that every fur you own?”

            “And that you own,” Branson muttered. “She won’t stop shaking no matter how many we wrap her in.”

            The cold was set deep in her then. How long had she been in that river? Where had she come from? “What happened with the tear?”

            “I tried to get her away from it, tried to get her to stop screaming, but she wouldn’t. It drew the attention of the demons and they abandoned the hunters to swarm us instead. I didn’t know she was a mage yet and I didn’t have any hands for weapons since they were full of her. They got close enough I could feel the fire burning in them on my skin and then she…well, she woke up.”

            “That means nothing to me. What. Happened.”

            “She killed the demons, all of them. I couldn’t keep hold of her and I didn’t think she could stand but she did and she ran right for the tear. More demons were coming, the hunters wanted to abandon her, clearly she was touched in the head if she was running right at the thing bringing the demons into the world. But she-She did….” Branson blew out a breath and ran his hand through his hair. “She closed the tear in the air, Brother.”

            Cullen stared at him, positive he had heard wrong. “We have tried every magic that we know and nothing has worked. You’re telling me that the Lowlander has the magic to do it?”

            “I’m telling you what I saw, Cullen,” Branson said lowly. “She killed the demons and closed the tear. She saved our lives.”

            “Cullen, come here,” Hawke said sharply, beckoning him with one hand.

            “Don’t go anywhere,” he told Branson, striding past him.

            “It’s my home,” he muttered.

            Ignoring the comment, Cullen went to kneel at Hawke’s side. He couldn’t see the Lowlander, they had her completely wrapped in fur. The only thing that was visible was a wealth of dark curls spilling out from between the blankets. “What is it?”

            “She’ll live,” Hawke said quietly, her hands moving over the furs. “There’s residue of fire spells on her, how she survived being in the river most likely. It’s weak now but you can get the mages here to help with that. Enchant the blankets, keep the fire roaring, get someone to stay close to her, and she’ll pull through.”

            Did they want her to pull through? She might have been alone but she wouldn’t be without people that would surely come looking for her. They didn’t need any of the shit that came along with Lowlanders accusing them of stealing one of their own.

            “I don’t need to tell you to be careful, Cullen,” she said lowly. “You know as well as I do the dangers the Lowlanders bring. And you’ve only dealt with the usual ones, the lords and the farmers and the typical ones that try to come onto your lands. But this one is a mage.”

            “So Branson said.” He knew the Lowlanders treated their mages differently, he’d heard enough stories about it to know. But Hawke had experience with it, with them.

            Hawke’s fingers hovered over the furs, moving over her without touching her. “Someone is going to look for her, Cullen. The Lowlander mages have keepers who will come looking for her when they find out that she is missing.”

            “Then we take her down the mountain and back to her people.”

            The words had barely left him before the rattling started. Everything in Branson’s house that wasn’t nailed down was shaking, moving as agitation filled the room.

            Hawke stared at him for a long moment. “You can’t. They won’t let you.”

            Apparently. “So what do I do? Let her stay, bring the wrath of her keepers down on my hold?” he demanded. “Because they want her to stay?”

            Pale eyes didn’t waver from his face. “You know why she has to stay.”

            Cullen looked away, down at the fur wrapped bundle in front of him. “Branson said she closed the tear.”

            “Yes, he did,” she agreed.

            He saw her reach into the furs and pull out the Lowlander’s hand. It was all pale skin that looked soft before Cullen even touched her as Hawke offered her hand to him. “What-”

            “Look at her palm.”

            Turning her hand over, he abruptly dropped it when he saw the mark bisecting her skin. It glowed with the same eerie green light that came from the tears. “What is that?” he demanded.

            “What she used to close the tear I would think,” Hawke murmured. “The gods don’t know what it is but they say that it burns, that it is very old, that it shouldn’t be on her.”

            Cullen looked away from the flickering mark to stare at Hawke, who was staring vaguely at the air. “Is she the one they spoke of?”

            “Yes,” she whispered. “They’re very excited, Cullen. They can’t contain it. They aren’t going to leave her alone while she’s here.”

            “The clan isn’t going to like her being here,” he growled. “We have enough problems with them and your people and we have a pact in place. They aren’t going to accept a Lowlander into their midst.”

            “They will if you tell them to. Especially when you tell them the gods have made her their personal guest.”

            Cullen threw a glare at Branson. As Thane, he was fully within his rights to say that, without adding the gods into it. They wouldn’t like it, but they would choke on it if he told them to.

            “She has value, Cullen,” Hawke said seriously. “She can close the tears in the Lady’s flesh. They will surely see that.”

            Hawke was clearly forgetting how stubborn the clan of Sky-Bear Hold truly were. They accepted change, but slowly and this was asking a lot of them. “They’re more likely to want to cut off her hand and attempt to use it to close the tears.”

            “You can’t let them do that,” she said, turning to face him. “You can’t allow that to happen.”

            “What do I tell them?” he demanded.

            “That the gods have brought us a miracle.”

            He shook his head slowly. They wouldn’t believe a Lowlander had been sent to save them. Mage or not, they wouldn’t believe that a Lowlander would be able to heal the Lady. “Hawke, we can’t-”

            “Help…?”

            His gaze jerked down to the furs at the weak voice. The Lowlander had shifted, strands of dark hair stuck to her face but her eyes were open and looking right at him.

            “You’re safe,” Hawke soothed, gently brushing the curls off of her face. “You’re safe now.”

            Her brows drew together slightly. “Help?” she repeated, pleading with him.

            Cullen stared at her. If he offered her help, would he be bringing the wrath of a Lowlander tribe on his people? If he offered her help, were those keepers that Hawke spoke of going to arrive on his mountain? If he offered her help, was he opening himself up to further troubles with the clan? If he offered her help, was he inviting his own doom?

            “Cullen, say something,” Hawke hissed.

            She was trouble. She was truly trouble, more so than the woman sitting beside him. But...she could heal the Lady. The mark on her hand made his skin crawl but she could heal the Lady. “I am the Thane of Sky-Bear Hold,” he said lowly, “and you’re under my protection, Lowlander. So long as you hold the gods’ favour, you hold mine.”

            Her lower lip wobbled and tears shone in her eyes. Did she even understand what he was offering to her? Did she know how important what he had just said was? Did it matter?

            “What is your name, Lowlander?”

            “Elora,” she whispered. “Thank y….”

            Cullen watched her as she passed out mid-word, trying to discern if she was actually asleep or-He could see her chest rising and falling, she was still breathing. She was alive. For now.

            “Keep her safe while I’m gone, Cullen,” Hawke murmured, tucking her glowing hand back under the furs. “Our brothers in the north will surely have answers as to what’s happening.”

            “You’re still going?” he demanded in shock.

            “We need answers. I don’t think she’s going to have them.”

            “You don’t know that. If she can heal the tears, she can-”

            “What do you suggest? That we bring her to the gaping hole in the Lady and attempt to make her seal it when she’s almost dead on her feet right now? She needs help, Cullen, and blindly charging into a situation is going to get more people killed.”

            He shook his head slowly, wanting to snap at her and make her stay. He didn’t know how to take care of a Lowlander. Hawke had had more contact with them than he had. She would be better suited to this than him. He had enough to worry about without adding to it with the care taking of a Lowlander mage that might bring more of her people down upon his hold.

            “You promised her protection, Cullen. Treat her as any other guest of the hold and remember the gods brought her to us.”

            He looked over his shoulder as she walked to the door before his gaze swung around to the Lowlander. Elora. Her name was Elora and she was his guest. Before the door had fully closed behind Hawke, he slipped his arms under her still body and scooped her up against him. Lifting her as he stood, he looked at Branson. “Get Mia,” he said lowly, “and tell her to meet me at my home. Alone.”


	2. Chapter 2

            _Wake up._

_It’s time to wake up._

_Can’t stay in bed all day!_

            Nose wrinkling at the whispers filling her ears, Elora cuddled further into the warmth around her. She could feel the heat but it wasn’t filling her. She was still cold. Would it honestly kill the Templars to allow them to use magic to fuel fire runes? Would it honestly be so bad to let them use some magic to make more fire?

            _More fire! She wants more fire!_

“By the Mountain Father!” a voice snapped. “The fire is high enough as it is! Please leave it and not burn down my home.”

             Soft laughter filled the air. “Hawke was right, they are excited.”

            “I understand that, but they can be excited and not burn down my house.”

            Turning her face, she felt fur brush against her skin. It was soft and comforting, but it wasn’t one of hers. Her blankets definitely didn’t smell of smoke and…was that musk? They also weren’t nearly as heavy, barely more than cloth that did nothing to keep her warm at night. How many nights had she spent shivering in her tent, huddled closer to the three other mages shoved into it to try to keep warm? A shiver wound through her as something colder washed over her and a tiny whimper slipped past her lips. She wanted to be warm. When was the last time she had been warm? Val Royeaux? The day before she made the grass burn in the garden?

_Help her! Help her!_

_Fire!_

“Easy,” a low voice breathed and she felt something press against her shoulder. “Easy, Elora. You’re safe.”

            Opening her eyes, she couldn’t see anything past her hair. But moving it required uncurling and losing heat and she wasn’t sure she could actually move at all.

            “She’s still freezing,” the voice said and she thought she felt something else weigh down on her. “How is she still freezing?”

            “We don’t know how long she was in the river for, Brother. Lowlanders have very thin skin after all.”

            “She shouldn’t be this cold,” the voice muttered, clearly irritated but with her or something else she didn’t know. “We’ve kept her bundled and near the fire for three days. She’s also shared body heat for those three days and yet it hasn’t helped. She shouldn’t still be this cold.”

            _Fire, fire, fire!_

_No!_

“Try giving her this.”

            The weight on her shoulder left before the darkness cocooning her was broken by soft light. Blinking against it, a weak protest left her as she was lifted out of the blankets.

            “Shush, Lowlander. I’ve got you. I need you to drink this for me.”

            She was being settled against someone, cradled against them with her head on their shoulder. Who was it? Surely not any of her keepers. They wouldn’t have been so gentle with her. She licked her lips when something cool pressed to them.

            “Open your mouth, Elora.”

            Obeying, there was barely a pause between her parting her lips and liquid hitting her tongue. She moaned softly as she realised what it was, greedily swallowing as more lyrium was poured into her mouth. It was over before she wanted it to be but a pleased sigh left her. She already felt warmer as it spread through her body, her magic responding immediately. Moaning again as the bottle was pulled away, she turned her face and buried it in the fur next to her cheek.

            “Better?”

            She nodded faintly. There was still a chill clinging to her but she felt infinitely better. “Thank you,” she breathed, her voice raspy and her throat raw.

            The low noise he made rumbled through her and it made her head tip back to see who had made it. The face was fuzzy for a moment until she could focus and even then all she saw was stubbled cheeks and a strong jaw beneath a shock of thick golden curls. She turned into the touch when rough fingers stroked her cheek. “You’re still pale as snow but there’s a bit of colour back in you.”

            “Oh, leave her be, Brother.”

            The fingers rubbed gently against her cheek bone before they fell away. “Do you remember me?”

            She frowned at him. She could barely see him so how was she supposed to know?

            “Do you remember telling me your name? …Do you remember your name?”

            What kind of question was that? “Elora,” she pushed out before coughing at how dry her throat felt despite the lyrium she had just swallowed. “Elora,” she repeated, a little stronger this time.

            _Elora, Elora, Elora!_

            “Do you remember me?”

            “No? We’ve met?”

            “Briefly,” he admitted, shifting her in his grasp.

            Elora tried to hold onto him as he propped her against something that wasn’t him but she didn’t have the strength to. She watched him lean back, pushing to his feet. Her gaze moved over the area, her head rolling on her neck. Fire, table and chairs, a striped pelt on the wall. Squinting, she tried to figure out what it was before jumping when something was put in front of her face.

            “Easy,” the woman crouched in front of her said softly. “You should eat.”

            “Oh, thank you,” she said softly, reaching out for the bowl. Or at least she tried to. She huffed when she saw that her hands were shaking too much to actually hold it.

            “Here. Let me help.”

            Elora wanted to protest, having no interest in someone else feeding her. But the woman simply covered Elora’s hands on the bowl, holding it steady and helping her lift it to her mouth. Sipping at the broth, she couldn’t stop the hum that left her. This was much better than the rations they had been given on their trek and it warmed her nearly as much as the lyrium had.

            “Good, you like it,” the woman murmured. “I wasn’t sure you would.”

            Her eyes flicked up over the rim of the bowl to meet warm brown ones. She thought about making a noise but drinking the broth was taking most of her focus as it was. There was no need to add choking to her current list of issues. But why wouldn’t she like it?

            The question must have been somewhere on her face because the other woman smiled. “You’re a Lowlander,” she explained. “I’m not certain what your people like to eat.”

            Pulling away from the bowl, Elora licked her lips again.  “It’s very good.”

            She smiled. “Good to hear. Now, drink more. It’ll help warm you as well.”

            Elora was more than willing to do that. Her stomach was cramping in on itself. The lyrium was already being absorbed, that need satisfied, so now her body was telling her she needed more than that to be fully sated. She only hoped she would be allowed to have a second bowl.

            “My name is Mia,” the woman said as she helped Elora lift the bowl. “And since he didn’t introduce himself, he is my brother, Cullen.”

            Her eyes darted over to where the man was sitting at the table, slouched in a chair and watching them quietly.

            “Our brother Branson was the one who found you,” Mia continued. “Do you remember him?”

            Branson? Found her? What was she-A strangled noise left her when pain flared through her palm before it became a cry as she dropped the bowl, spilling the soup on herself. But she barely felt it compared to the throbbing moving up her arm.

            _No! No!_

_Hurting!_

_Help her!_

            Clutching her left hand, she squeezed her eyes shut as she curled around it, rocking as pain flared through her. Gasping for air as tears stung her eyes, a long moan left her as it only seemed to get worse. “Make it stop!” she screamed.

            _Help her!_

Rough hands grabbed her shoulders and forced her upright. “Elora!”

            She could barely see him but she knew it was Cullen in front of her. “It hurts!” she gasped.

            His expression darkened. “Our augur isn’t here. We have healers that can treat you, but we don’t know what that magic is. Their best suggestion might be to cut your hand off.”

            _NO!_

            Elora cringed as the fire roared in the centre of the house and she saw Cullen flick a glance at it before it came back to her. “It hurts,” she repeated, her voice wavering.

            She thought she could hear things in the house shaking but he was completely calm. “What can I do to help you?” he asked lowly.

            “Not cut,” Elora whimpered.

            “You don’t remember it but I promised you my protection and the gods were witness to it. No one is going to cut off your hand.”

            Pressing her lips together, Elora nodded quickly.

             He nodded slowly before his gaze flicked back to where the fire was still much larger than it ought to be. “She’s your guest too,” he said lowly.

            _Help! Help, help, help!_

Elora gasped as something icy trailed down her arm, numbing the limb as it went. The feeling faded as soon as it reached her hand, focusing there until she couldn’t feel it at all. Blinking against the tears, she slowly uncurled her hand from around the marked one and stared at it. If she hadn’t been able to see it, she would have thought that it had been removed. “Thank you,” she whispered shakily.

            _You’re welcome._

            “Leave her in peace for a moment,” Cullen said quietly. “Let her catch her breath.”

            “Who are you talking to?”

            “The gods. I’ve been told that they were excited to meet you so I’d be surprised if you couldn’t hear them.”

            Looking up at him with a frown, Elora echoed, “Gods?”

            “They live with us in the hold. We keep them safe and happy and they do the same for us.”

            Her head turned slightly but she couldn’t see anything. He had to be talking about the voices she was hearing, but gods? Were they gods? “Where did Mia go?”

            “Down the mountain. Our augur would be the best one to look at you but she isn’t here right now. Her sister is the next best healer that we have.”

            “Down the mountain,” she said softly, turning that over in her mind. “I’m still in the Frostbacks?”

            He squeezed her shoulders before leaning back. “Aye. Do you remember why you were here?”

            “Caravan,” she murmured. “Going through the southern pass.”

            “The winter has been mild, aye, but that pass is a death trap in the summer,” he grunted. “Don’t you Lowlanders have any sense?”

            Elora wasn’t offended. She agreed with him honestly because the pass had been covered in snow and hard to traverse. But she hadn’t said anything because their keepers wouldn’t have cared if a few mages died on the way to their final destination. As long as they had made it through, no one would have questioned what had happened to the mages.

            “Do you remember why you were in the river?”

            She tried but there was nothing there, only black and cold. “No.”

            Cullen nodded slightly and she felt something heavy settle in her stomach. Why couldn’t she remember? How long had she been in the river? Had it done something to her memories? Had she blocked whatever had happened out?  “Calm down,” he said suddenly. “It’s alright if you don’t remember yet. You just woke up.”

            Staring, she didn’t know what he was talking about until she saw that her hand was caught in the fur around his neck, clinging to it tightly. “Sorry,” she murmured.

            “You’ve done nothing to apologize for.”

            Letting her hands fall into her lap, Elora sighed deeply. “How did I get here?”

            “A hunting party found you in the river near one of the tears in the air. They fished you out of the water, tried to warm you, and then save you when the tear reacted.”

            “Demons,” she whispered. “There were demons.”

            “Aye. It’s a common occurrence with the tears. They don’t seem to activate unless you get close to them but when they do, it’s demons.” Cullen paused for a long moment. “Every time we’ve found one of them,” he said lowly, “we haven’t walked away without losing at least one hunter. But I was told that no one died, they barely got to engage the demons.”

            “Because I killed them.” Panic, pain, too much pressure. It had been building inside of her, screaming to get out so she had let it. She had ignored all the things she had been taught about magic and simply reacted, letting it go as it would. It had ripped through the demons, leaving her weak but she had kept moving. The rip in the air was wrong, so very wrong. She had known that it needed to be closed, someone needed to close it. “The tear…?” she asked hesitantly, almost not wanting an answer.

            “You closed it. With that.”

            Turning her hand over, she stared at the mark scarring her palm. It was flickering with a pale light that made her stomach sour. “Do you have something I can use to hide it?” she asked. Simply looking at it made her skin crawl and she wondered if cutting off her hand wasn’t such a bad idea.

            He shifted on the bed, reaching down toward the floor. “Let me,” he said when she went to grab the thin strip of cloth he was holding. “You’re down a hand right now.”

            She watched as he carefully uncurled her fingers and started wrapping the bandage around her hand. Why was that mark there? How had she gotten it? Why could it close these tears he was talking about? “Thank you for letting me stay here,” she whispered.

            “I don’t know what they teach you Lowlanders, but when someone helps us we help them back,” Cullen said lowly. “You saved my hunters so they brought you back here.”

            “Does that mean I can stay?” She winced when she heard how hopeful she sounded. There was no way he could miss that.

            He tied off the bandage and looked at her. He was quiet for a long moment, watching her and thinking about who knew what. “Most people would be asking when they could go home, not if they can stay,” he finally said. “You know nothing about my people and yet one of the first things you ask is if you can stay here. Tell me, Elora, what is so wrong about your home that you would not be desperate to get back to it? Why would you want to stay here, in the mountains, in the middle of winter, when the Lowlands are your home?”

            Squirming under his gaze and his questions, she tried not to pick at the wrapping. She didn’t want to go back to Val Royeaux. Between the Orlesians, the Templars and the other mages, it was a living nightmare. There was nothing for her there, nothing that she wanted. What’s more she hadn’t been ‘home’ in longer than she could remember so there was no reason to want to go back.

            Cullen sighed deeply. “You can stay as long as the gods allow it.”

            That wasn’t really an answer but she didn’t say anything about that. “Thank you.”

            He nodded before glancing down at her. “The furs will need to be hung up,” he said, pushing off the bed, “and you should wear something else. You’ll freeze if you stay in those.”

            She looked down at herself. Her robes, while stained with soup, were all that she had. She’d admit that they weren’t overly warm but what was she supposed to do? “These are all that I have.” All that she owned now that she thought about it. Whatever material worth she had had at one point was lost to the river or wherever she had gone into it. Her books, her journals, the little things she had collected in the Circle that were hers and hers alone. They were all gone, lost wherever the camp the Templars had made was.

            “Mia had time to find something that would fit you while you slept. Well, that will hopefully fit you.”

            Her hand curled into the blankets. Was she to be ridiculed here as well? She stared at the bundle that was dropped on the mattress before looking up at Cullen when he stood near the bed. “While I appreciate that you saved my life, I’m not taking off my clothes with you standing there,” she said, her voice more than a little tart.

            His mouth twitched slightly. “If you need help,” he said as he walked toward the door, “I’ll be outside.”

            Elora’s nose wrinkled as he left. She was a grown woman and was perfectly capable of dressing herself. Picking up the bundle, she stared at her left hand for a long moment. Because the pain was gone she had forgotten that she couldn’t really move it right now. “Blast,” she muttered, throwing a look at the closed door.

            He had known and not reminded her. He’d let her just stubbornly say that knowing she wouldn’t be able to do it on her own. Her eyes narrowed and she shuffled to the edge of the bed. Well, she’d show him. It couldn’t be _that_ hard to put clothes on one handed.


	3. Chapter 3

            Leaning against his home, Cullen absently spun a knife between his hands. The tip was pressed to one finger as he stared out at the hold, not quite hard enough to draw blood but enough that he knew it was there. People were throwing him curious looks as they went about their business and he knew they were all desperate to know something about the Lowlander. He had no doubt they had all heard the scream and even if they hadn’t, gossip would have reached them fast enough. There was very little to talk about in the hold during the winter months so the arrival of Elora was like a sudden avalanche to them.

            The Lowlander was all anyone could talk about since she had shown up. Magic glowing hand, demon killer, sky healer, he had heard all of it in whispers as he had passed through the hold in the last two days since she had been here. It was all they wanted to talk about and they needed to see her before they started making up fanciful stories like her having two heads and six arms or something ridiculous like that. He wished it wasn’t something he had to worry about, but he knew his people.

            It didn’t help matters that the gods were all abuzz as well. The only thing that mattered to anyone at this very moment was the small woman in his home and it was going to get worse. It wouldn’t be a gradual thing either because as soon as he led her through the hold, everyone was going to be coming to get a look at her. Which was both good and bad. If she was going to be staying here, the clan needed to see her and see her with him so that they understood he meant it when he said that she was under his protection.

            Cullen felt bad for her because he was sure she wasn’t going to be ready for the attention that was going to come her way. All he could do was attempt to buffer it, but he wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep everyone away from her at all times. It wouldn’t work if she wanted to stay here. All he could hope for was that she wouldn’t get overwhelmed too quickly.

            He glanced over his shoulder at the door when he heard an irritated noise come from inside and his mouth curved slightly. He’d wondered how long it would take her to realise that her left hand wasn’t going to be much help to her. Now he just needed to wait and see how much longer it would be before she asked for help. If she asked for it. That spark of temper before he had left had been surprising but it would serve her well among the clan.

            “Thane?”

            Looking over at the voice, Cullen straightened as he saw the woman approaching him. “Moira,” he said respectfully.

            Her eyes moved from him to his home but they didn’t linger for long. “Is she well?”

            He spread his hands. “Her pain is gone for the moment thanks to the gods but I doubt she’ll want them to continually freeze her hand to stop it.”

            “Perhaps Hawke shouldn’t have left if she was in need to this level of healing.”

            Cullen didn’t say anything to that. He had wanted Hawke to stay, had said his piece to her to try to make her stay, but she and the gods were both of the firm opinion that answers lay in the north. He wasn’t going at accept dissent from the clan about it. “Mia went to get Bethany.”

            “Probably best for the Lowlander. At least the Chasind will have had more contact with her kind and know how to handle her.”

            “No one is going to be handling her,” Cullen said lowly. “She is my guest and has the graces of our gods. Everyone would do well to remember that.”

            Moira lifted her hands. “I did not mean it like that, Thane. I simply meant it will be easier for her.”

            Sucking on his cheek, he sheathed the knife and looked over the hold. He knew this wasn’t going to be the greatest news to a lot of people. They were curious about her, wanted to know about her, but that was going to be it. Their last encounter with anything to do with the Lowlanders had scarred the clan almost beyond repair. It wasn’t something they were likely to forget and the fact that Elora wanted to stay here wasn’t going to help matters. He was fully expecting to hear about it daily in some form from the clan as soon as he announced that she was staying until the gods said otherwise or she chose to leave.

            “Has she told you anything of importance?”

            “Skald,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “You can’t want to write something about her already.”

            She smiled at him. “Of course I do. A Lowlander who kills demons and can heal the Lady? The song that could come from that would be sung through all the clans, carrying our names to every corner under the Lady. I can’t write it if I don’t know anything about her.”

            “Give her some time, Moira,” Cullen said softly. “Let her at least get used to us before you start asking her questions.”

            “As you wish,” she murmured. “But I will be most unhappy if she returns to her people before I get the chance to write about her.”

            If she returned to her people. From the way she had asked about it, he wasn’t sure the Lowlander wanted to go back at all. But he nodded. “You’ll get your chance to talk to her, but for now, I think she’s overwhelmed enough as it is. Give her a bit of time,” he repeated, “and maybe she’ll come to you.”

            Moira laughed. “If only I could be that lucky.”

            Cullen was saved from trying to come up with a response to that as the door opened behind him. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw Elora half-hiding behind the wood and staring down at his knees. He made a small gesture at Moira and was pleased when she left with a nod for him. “Elora?”

            She peeked up at him before making a face. “I can’t get the thing,” she mumbled. “Could you please help me?”

            “Let me see,” he said, pushing the door open fully to take a look at her. She’d done surprisingly well given that she’d never worn their clothes before.  But he could easily see what her problem was.

            Elora was watching him as he caught the ties of the leather jerkin Mia had found for her to wear. It was lined in fur so it would hopefully help keep her warm. Most of the clan hadn’t been wearing this heavy of a layer, the weather mild enough for them. But Mia had figured the thin skinned Lowlander would appreciate it. Especially since she had been wrapped in damn near every blanket he owned for the last few days and she had still been shivering.

            Quickly lacing them together, he tied them off, tugging them closer and making her rock on her feet as it moved her. It was still a little snug but it would do for now.  At least until he could get something made specifically for her.  Once he was satisfied she would be warm enough and the ties weren’t going to come loose, he looked up at her. “Do you feel steady enough to go for a walk?”

            She nodded.

            “Come with me,” he said, stepping back.

            He heard the door close and her light steps against the stone in front of his door. “Is this a village?” she asked curiously.

            Glancing back at her, he saw that her head was already turning in every direction. He had to keep himself from snorting when he saw her stand up on the tips of her toes to try to see further. “It’s called a hold,” he corrected. “But I suppose a Lowlander village is close to what this is.”

            He watched her face scrunch slightly and she turned to him. “Sky-Bear Hold,” she said slowly. “And you’re the Thane.”

            “You do remember,” he said, gesturing for her to walk beside him instead of trailing behind. She was his guest and walking behind him like that made him feel like she was a prisoner.

            “Vaguely,” she muttered, tugging on her sleeves. “It’s…fuzzy.”

            Fuzzy was better than nothing.

            “What’s a Thane?”

            “It’s a title for whoever rules the hold.”

            She stopped walking to stare at him. “Like a lord?”

            He shrugged. He’d heard the term before but had little care for it, or anything much that had to do with any who lived outside of the mountains. Unless he was learning about them in order to attack them, he didn’t have time for it. “This lord takes care of his people? Settles disputes? Leads his warriors into battle? Makes sure that all are well?”

            She fiddled with her sleeves again, looking at everything but him. “They’re supposed to,” she finally muttered. “They don’t always.”

            Cullen’s nose wrinkled. “An Avvar’s first loyalty is to their hold. Any who put something before that do not last long, not even a Thane.”

            A memory flickered to life in him and he viciously squashed it. He was not going to think about what had happened the last time the Thane had put something above the wellbeing of his people. He already heard the screams while he slept, he didn’t need them in his ears while he was awake.

            “Do I call you Cullen or Thane?”

            He looked down at Elora, frowning as she pulled him out of the memory he had been fighting. It still took him a second to register the question. “You are my guest.”

            She gave him a puzzled look. “That’s not really an answer.”

            “Do as you will,” he said, starting off again. “As my guest, you can call me what you want.”

            She took a bunch of fast steps to catch up with him but she was silent as she walked beside him this time. He could still see her head turning out of the corner of his eye as they moved through the hold before she took a half step closer to him. “Everyone is staring at me,” she whispered.

            “We don’t get visitors,” Cullen said quietly. “We all know who lives within the hold so we know when someone new is here. It doesn’t help that you made quite the entrance.”

            “What? Passed out in your brother’s arms?” she muttered, moving closer again.

            She was close enough that he had to move to the side to make sure he didn’t step on her. “You saved the hunters and have our gods in a frenzy. Of course people are going to look at you.” He frowned down at her when she made a noise. “Is there a problem with them looking at you?”

            Elora didn’t look at him, didn’t answer for a few more paces. “The only time people watched me like this was when they knew I was in trouble and they were waiting for me to be punished,” she said in a low voice.

           Where had she lived that that was what she would expect from them? “No one is going to hurt you here, Elora,” he said firmly, grabbing her arm to stop her and waiting until she looked at him. “You are safe and they are just curious. What visitors we do get are never from the Lowlands.”

            Elora’s lips pursed together and she looked down at her hand. “It’s because of this,” she muttered. “This is the only reason I’m even here and I don’t even know what it is.”

            He followed her gaze and noticed that there was a faint glow coming from under the cloth wrapping. He couldn’t deny that what she had said was true. If she hadn’t helped the hunters by closing the tear, they would have simply made sure that she was well enough to continue on her own and pointed her in the right direction to the nearest Lowlander town with supplies to get there. That was it. “There’s no point in dwelling on it. You’re here, it’s there, and answers will come in time as the gods will it.”

            She didn’t look like she believed him and she glanced over her shoulder to look at the clan members that were milling about around them. “No one’s going to hurt me?” she said quietly.

            The soft hope in her voice made him want to demand to know more about what had happened to her in the Lowlands. But he choked it down. Now wasn’t the time. “I swear on my life that no one will harm you.”

            He actually heard her swallow hard before she was peeking at him through her loose hair. “Thank you, Cullen,” she said softly.

            He couldn’t stop from pulling back slightly as she said his name. He was used to hearing it in the accent of his people or the way Hawke’s tribe said it. Her accent was completely foreign to him, rolling over letters differently, saying it in a way he had never heard before.

            Her head tipped to the side when he didn’t say anything and he knew he was staring.

            Clearing his throat, he looked away to reorient himself and try to remember where he had wanted to take her. What kind of fool was he to get hung up on the way a woman said his name?

            “Uncle!”

            Cullen turned sharply at the shriek, bending automatically to catch the small body hurtling toward him. He hefted the boy up, arms wrapping around him to keep him close as short arms and legs tried to wrap around Cullen’s chest. “Leo, why aren’t you at home?” he asked, gaze flicking up to see which of his siblings had set their nephew loose.

            “Wanted to see you,” he said happily, swinging his feet behind Cullen’s back.

            He nearly flinched. He hadn’t seen his nephew since Elora had been brought to the hold. Which was a long time when Leo usually saw his aunt and uncles every day. “I’m sorry, Leo. I’ve been busy.”

            “It’s okay,” he said with a sunny grin.

            “Hey, hey, hey, what happened there?” Cullen demanded, noticing the missing tooth from his nephew’s smile.

            Leo’s eyes got huge and he looked slightly horrified. “It fell out!” he squeaked.

            Chuckling, Cullen shook his head at him. “I told you to stop eating the sweets. Now all your teeth are going to fall out,” he said sadly.

            “No! Mama said-no! Uncle, no!”

            Laughing outright now, Cullen pressed a smacking kiss to Leo’s forehead. “It’s alright, Leo. You’ll get a new one in due time but there aren’t any more after that so you need to be careful not to lose those ones.”

            Leo’s blonde curls bobbed as he nodded enthusiastically before he stopped abruptly. “Hello! I’m Leo!”

            Cullen shifted to look at Elora who was blinking in surprise at the happy and sudden greeting.

            “Ah, hello,” she murmured, smiling faintly. “I’m Elora Trevelyan.”

            His lips pulled down slightly. He didn’t know much about Lowlanders in general, but he did know that not just anyone had a second name that didn’t relate to what they did with their life. He’d heard of Turners and Farmers and Stones, but that? Trevel-whatever wasn’t a normal Lowlander name. What had she said before, about lords? That they were similar to Thanes and ruled their people? Is that what she came from? Had he invited the wrath of a lord Lowlander upon his clan?

            But Leo’s nose was scrunching and he shook his head. “Can I call you Ella?” he asked curiously.

            “Leo,” Cullen interrupted, “she’s my guest and a guest of the gods. We need to be polite to her.”

            “Ella is fine, Cullen,” Elora said softly. “It’s a big name and I’m a small person. If he’d rather call me that, I don’t mind.”

            He watched her for a moment before he suddenly found himself holding onto a squirming and squealing little boy who was trying to launch himself into Elora’s arms now. “Leo, no, she just woke up from being sick,” he said firmly, trying not to waver when big eyes looked up at him. “And you just met her.”

            Leo sighed like the world was ending and slumped against Cullen. “But, Uncle,” he pouted.

            Cullen sighed himself. “I was going to show Elora the hold,” he said, knowing he was in charge of Leo for the next while. “Did you want to help me?”

            The little boy pushed back with an excited gasp. “Can I?”

            “Aye, but remember that Elora has been sick,” Cullen reminded him, setting him down on his feet. “She’s not going to be able to keep up with you right away.”

            “No running?” he asked with a pout.

            “Not right now. Maybe after we show her around.” With any luck from the gods, Leo would run around enough to pass out for a few hours before supper and they’d get a small break.

            Leo hurried over to Elora as soon as Cullen let go of him. “Ella,” he said excitedly, taking her hand. “Come see the goats!”

            Cullen rolled his eyes as Leo tugged gently on Elora’s hand, thankfully the right one. He should have known that was where the boy would want to go first. He saw Elora glance at him and he gave her a faint smile. She would have met Leo sooner rather than later, especially since she was going to be staying under his roof during her time here. More often than not, Mia sent her son to him and he was sure it was because he was more conscious of time passing when his nephew was there. He would actually take breaks, remember to eat, would let himself rest if Leo was tagging along after him.

            But now he was following Leo as he kept a hold of Elora and returning the amused looks on the faces of everyone they passed. They all knew that no one was safe where Leo was concerned. Apparently not even a Lowlander.

            Catching up with them as they came to the fences that kept the goats out of the hold proper, Cullen leaned against the wood, keeping Leo between him and Elora for now. She was listening to the boy as he climbed up onto the fence, talking about the goats and how they usually wandered the mountains, but they always came back home.

            Of course, Leo didn’t know that they had lost a ram and several ewes in the past month, picked off by predators as they wandered the peaks with their shepherds. But it had been the first thing the shepherds had told him as soon as they’d brought the beasts back a few days ago. It was upsetting to hear because the herds were finally getting back on their feet after the Blight and they didn’t need any more setbacks. He’d gotten hunters to track along the usual routes the goats took but they hadn’t found anything yet.

            “Are they your favourite animal?” Elora asked Leo, pulling Cullen’s attention back. He was surprised to see that her hand was on Leo’s back, helping him keep his balance on the wooden fence poles. What’s more, she had Leo’s full attention as well, keeping him engaged and more impressively in one spot.

            “No,” Leo said dragging out the word. “The hold beast is my favourite animal!”

            Cullen caught the back of Leo’s shirt as he leapt off the fence. “We’ll save the hold beast for another day,” he said firmly. “For now, we should make sure that Elora can find her way around the hold if no one is there to help her.”

            “Like where do you live, Leo,” she said when he deflated slightly. “I’d like to come visit you, if you and your parents would like.”

            “My house is this way!” he squealed, squirming out of Cullen’s grip to take off like a shot.

            “Blast and-Leo, wait!” Cullen yelled after him before shaking his head when he barely stopped. “We’d better follow him. We take turns watching him while Mia is occupied and this is counting as my turn.”

            Elora pushed away from the fence and walked with him in the direction Leo had gone. “How old is he?”

            “He’ll be five at winter’s end. He’s been like this since he got his feet under him,” Cullen grumbled. “It works in our favour when he passes out, but until then we run ourselves ragged trying to keep track of him.”

            “He’s a sweet boy. I’ve certainly met five year olds who are much worse than him.”

            Pushing out a breath, Cullen looked at her. “I know I’ve offered you my protection, Elora, and I will not rescind that so long as you do not threaten my people, but I must know.” He paused, wondering how to phrase this. “We haven’t kidnapped you and you’ve asked to stay, but will your people attack mine for your being here?”

            He thought he saw her lower lip wobble and her eyes got glassy before she blinked and it was gone. “I don’t have a people anymore, Cullen. I haven’t in a very long time. Believe me when I say, they won’t notice I’m gone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That last line was just added and I made myself sad with it so it had to stay.
> 
> A small note, I know the Avvar are more Scandinavian/Nordic in nature and I'm going to reflect that as much as I can, but a lot of the names are more Celtic based. I made a lot of characters and backgrounds forgetting to look into that so some things will be flubbed along in regards to that. Or I might change my mind and overhaul all of them to reflect that instead. As for Leo, he stays the way he is because he's from our canon story so his name stays.


	4. Chapter 4

            Cullen was staring at her and she didn’t need to look at him to know it. But she kept her gaze forward, watching as Leo practically danced in place waiting for them to catch up. He hadn’t stopped walking so neither had she. She didn’t really want to stop, really didn’t want to think about what she had just said.

            “Care to explain?” he finally asked. “You Lowlanders build your holds as we do, as spread out as the clans are, so you can’t honestly tell me that you don’t come from somewhere.”

            “I hail from Ostwick, a minor city that thinks it’s something, and more recently from Val Royeaux.”

            “Those names mean nothing to me,” Cullen dismissed. “But if you’re from there, are your people not there as well?”

            “My people disowned me when they found out that I could make fire with a thought.” She kept her voice as controlled as possible. It had happened almost twenty years ago. It didn’t hurt anymore. She wasn’t going to let it hurt anymore. She just wasn’t.

            “How did you survive without people?”

            She finally looked at him again. “What do you know of what the Lowlanders do with anyone that has magic?”

            “You have magic, Ella?” Leo gasped and she jerked. She hadn’t realised that they’d come upon him already.

            “Ah, yes, I’m a mage,” she admitted slowly.

            “Can you show me? Not now,” he added quickly when Cullen growled. “Later?”

            “I could, yes.” He wanted to see magic? Most children did want that but their parents would never allow them to even ask. Would Cullen actually let her show him?

            “Later,” Cullen agreed, ruffling Leo’s curls and giving a small push. “Get on with you. Show her where the house is.”

            He giggled and skipped ahead of him again.

            “I know little about Lowlanders’ ways of life,” Cullen admitted in a low voice. “I don’t need to know beyond where they make their homes to keep them off of my land.”

            “You don’t know anything?”

            “I know a great deal,” he growled, “especially how a Lowlander’s words can poison the minds of those that don’t know how to stand firm against them. I know how a Lowlander can spread his filth and try to turn a good man away from his gods, the gods that have watched over him since he was a child and had never done him any wrong.”

            The Chantry. Somehow the Chantry had touched even here. “Those words are the Chant of Light,” she whispered, “and it says that because I have magic I’m not to be trusted, to be locked away, and never see the light of day again.”

            “Because you have magic?” Cullen demanded, disgust clear in his voice. “You can no more change that than the colour of your eyes.”

            “They don’t care. Magic killed the Bride of the Maker and therefore everything that has it must be evil.”

            “Bride of the Maker?” Cullen made a short noise. “I know more about Andraste and her death than I have ever wanted to.”

            Elora stumbled and gasped when his hand shot out to catch and steady her. “Thank you,” she murmured, but her mind was reeling. How did he know that name? What had the Chantry done to these people?

            “What do you know about my people, Elora? What do you Lowlanders say of the Avvar?”

            She stared at him, telling herself not to blush, not to think about the horrible romance stories some of the acolytes snuck into the tower about brutish barbarians coming to kidnap young women to take as their wives. “Probably nothing true.”

            His lips twitched, the scar bisecting the upper one tugging on that side a little bit more. “You’d be surprised, but let me ask it differently. What do you know about my people and mages?”

            “Nothing,” she said after a moment.

            “We don’t cage our mages up like the Lowlanders,” he said, letting go of her as they started walking again. “They are a valuable part of the hold. Without a mage, we wouldn’t be able to talk with the gods, wouldn’t know when to appease them, wouldn’t be able to ask for their help.”

            “You aren’t scared of them becoming abominations?”

            “The gods watch over them, make sure that nothing wicked creeps into them in any way. They keep us safe, all of us.”

            She nibbled on her lip as they came up to Leo again, who was standing proudly in front of a door. “This is a rather large house,” she said in surprise.

            “It’s my family’s home,” Cullen explained. “My parents had four children so we had to have a larger house. When my father became Thane, Mia kept it even though he claimed the house I live in now. It was our family home and we all stayed there until both of our parents returned to the Lady. I took up the Thane’s house and they remained here. Branson now has a cottage as well, but Mia, Leo, and Rosalie all still live here.”

            “Can Ella come for supper tonight, Uncle?” Leo asked excited.

            Cullen glanced at her, a brow raised and she realised he was letting her decide. Did she want to have dinner with his family? Was that something they usually did? They all lived in separate homes so maybe they didn’t? She really had no idea what was the appropriate answer to this problem.

            “Ella?” Leo asked, tugging on her hand.

            “I would love to, if I’m allowed,” she said, unable to say no to the huge blue eyes staring up at her. “We should probably ask your parents first though.”

            “Mama!” Leo shouted, spinning on his heel to rush through the door.

            Elora blinked at the sudden departure. “Ah, didn’t you say she had gone down the mountain?”

            Cullen laughed softly. “Aye, but she should be back soon enough and Leo would have been with Bran or Rosie so he wouldn’t know she wasn’t home.” He paused for a moment. “And you should know, it’s only Mia raising him.”

            She stared at him for a moment but decided against asking about that.  “Is it okay?” she asked him, going back to the original question. “I don’t want to impose.”

            His head tipped to the side, braids and loose curls brushing against his neck and forehead. She watched him shove them out of the way irritably before saying, “Can you cook?”

            Elora bristled slightly. “Can you?”

            “Aye.”

            “Oh. Really?” she said in surprise. She flushed when his brows lifted. “Ah, I mean, yes, I can cook. Not extensively but I can manage not to burn things.”

            Cullen didn’t seem to let it go though. “Why the surprise? How do you Lowlanders live if no one cooks?”

            “That’s not why I was surprised. I was surprised that you, the Thane or ruler or whatever you are, knows how to cook.”

            “Why?” he repeated in confusion. “I wasn’t always the Thane and I was expected to carry my own within the clan. Before I was old enough to join the hunts, I learned the skills that would help me survive, just like everyone else in the hold. I wouldn’t be much good to anyone if I only took without giving anything back. We’re taught everything that we would need to survive on our own in the mountains and being safe in the hold doesn’t mean that we suddenly forget how to do all of it.”

            “Oh,” Elora whispered. “That…makes a lot of sense.”

            Cullen’s expression was still puzzled. “What do you Lowlanders do?” he asked, stooping to scoop up Leo when he came barreling out the door again and settling him on his hip. “What do you do differently that this is such a surprise to you?”

            “Tasks are divided, some go to the men and some to the women. Tasks considered more feminine go to the women and the others go to the men.” She fidgeted with the cloth he had wrapped around her hand, knowing he was staring at her again. “Like cooking or sewing would be done by the women of the house, or servants in a lord’s home, and fighting and hunting would be done by the men.”

            “That doesn’t make any sense,” Cullen said shortly. “If you need to eat and there are no women around, what are you going to do? Starve? If you’re lost or on your own in the cold and your clothing is torn, are you just going to let yourself freeze because you think the task of sewing is a woman’s job? How have you Lowlanders lived for so long if you do this? We aren’t considered adults until we can show that we are capable of surviving on our own without assistance from anyone, when we can show that we will bring prosperity to our hold. No child, female or male, is allowed to dance if they can’t support themselves.”

            “Dance?” she asked curiously. What did dancing have anything to do with this?

            He studied her for a moment but Leo squealed excitedly. “Mama!”

            “Oh, Leo, what are you doing?” Mia’s voice said. “Are you bothering Elora?”

            He shook his head as she came up with a darker haired woman trailing behind her. “No, no! Mama, can Ella come for supper?”

            “Ella? Oh, by the Mountain Father, we just can’t keep you out of anything can we,” Mia sighed, taking him from Cullen and kissing his brow. “He hasn’t bothered you has he?”

            “Not at all,” Elora said, returning Leo’s smile. “He was a most informative guide and I will definitely be able to find the goats no matter what.”

            Cullen snorted, looking away with a cough when Mia threw him a glance. “Well, I suppose that could come in handy,” she murmured. “It’s easy enough to get to the house from the goat pens, plus the tanner is right there so he could point you in the right direction of where you wanted to go. Have you not shown her anything else, Brother?”

            “Leo decided that the goats and your house were what she needed to know.”

            She clucked her tongue at him. “Cullen Ar Sorcha, you can’t just let him get away with everything. Telling him no isn’t going to end the world.”

            “Says you,” he muttered and looked at the other woman. “Bethany, thank you for coming.”

            She tipped her head politely. “Of course, Thane,” she murmured. “Although, she seems well enough now.”

            “The gods intervened but I don’t imagine it will last.”

            Warm eyes looked at her and Elora was surprised to see the friendliness on her face already. “Greetings, I’m Bethany of the Hawkes,” she introduced herself.

            Elora tried not to frown. Of the Hawkes? Did that mean that she wasn’t part of the clan?   
“Elora. It’s nice to meet you.”

            “My sister would be the better person to look at this,” Bethany said, holding out her hands and waiting for Elora to place her left one in them. “But she’s gone north and won’t be back for weeks.”

            Cullen growled. “Please don’t remind me,” he muttered. “I never should have let her leave. We need her here. What is she honestly going to find up there?”

            “She was told to go north so she went north, Thane,” Bethany said patiently, unwinding the cloth from Elora’s hand.

            “That doesn’t mean I have to like it. We haven’t been without an augur in over ten years, I’m not liking what this is going to mean for the clan.” He paused for a beat, his head turning to follow Leo as Mia set him down and he took off. “No disrespect to you.”

            “None taken, Thane. I’m not as skilled at deciphering what the gods want as my sister is.”

            He sighed and Elora saw him nod at Mia when she gave him a pointed look before going inside her home. “We’ve known each other for ten years, Bethany. You’re allowed to use my name.”

            “Perhaps in privacy, but for now I think it best I use your title.”

            Cullen muttered something Elora didn’t catch but she was far more focused on Bethany as she gently prodded at Elora’s palm.

            “How strange,” the woman murmured. “It’s a part of you yet it isn’t. Your skin is clearly marked, I can see the light of it as easy as anything, but there is no wound, no scar. It hovers against your skin without tearing it.”

            “I don’t know if I’d go that far,” Elora grumbled, thinking about the pain that had flared through her.

            “It’s connected to you, your emotions perhaps? Liv would know but that is the best guess that I have.”

            “Meaning what? That I have to not get upset about the entire thing? About not remembering how I got it or why? Or why it can close rifts in the air?” Elora was starting to feel agitated at just the thought.

            “No one can remain calm their entire lives and I never meant that you should try to keep your emotions in check. I simply meant the flare up Mia told me about could have been linked to something like that.”

            Except she had only been eating soup. But what else did they have to go on? “I guess I’ll just have to keep it numb then,” she said sullenly. “And learn how to do everything one handed.”

            “The pain came out of nowhere, it might not last for long,” Bethany said quietly, rewrapping Elora’s hand. “But if the gods numbed it once before, I’m sure that they would do it again. Or I could….”

            “What is it, Bethany?” Cullen asked when she fell silent, a frown marring her face.

            “There is…the clan of Dalish my sister is in contact with. The elves have magic that is older than ours so perhaps they would have some idea of what to do to help.”

            Elora glanced at Cullen when he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck but something cold shivered up her spine. It was like someone trailed an icy finger along her back and it left a sheet of frost in its wake.

            _Careful. Careful. Must be careful!_

            “The Dalish? There’s many among the clan that don’t even like asking your people for help,” he muttered. “And they don’t know anything of the alliance your sister forged with the elves. Telling them that we’re going to ask a clan of elves for help isn’t going to make them happy either.”

            “They’re the only ones who might have answers right now.”

            _Don’t touch that! Listen!_

Elora frowned slightly, rubbing her arms. The voices were back and she was cold despite all the layers she was wearing. Were those the gods Cullen was talking about? What were they talking about? Were they the ones making her cold? They had numbed her hand so surely it wasn’t beyond them.

            “Even if we had time to contact them, there’s no guarantee they would be anywhere near close enough to give us answers or even have any to give.”

            “Ah…Liv, didn’t tell you?” Bethany said hesitantly.

            Elora saw Cullen’s expression darken immediately. “She contacted them,” he said flatly.

            “I thought she told you,” Bethany apologized. “She did it right before she left, right after she came back from the hold, so I thought she’d talked to you about it.”

            “She didn’t.”

            _Too close! Little bear, you’re too close!_

“Can you hear that?” Elora demanded.

            Both of them looked at her in surprise. “Hear what?”

            “Those voices!” she said, looking around even though she knew no one was there. “They won’t stop talking!”

            Bethany shook her head and Cullen frowned at her. “The gods? No, Elora, if that’s what you’re hearing they only talk to a select few,” he explained.

            _Be careful!_

“Then why can I hear them?” she said shortly. “I’m not one of your clan, I’m not even an Avvar! Yet I can hear them and-”

            _Help him!_

Elora’s head snapped around at the scream that echoed through her skull, throwing out her hand before she’d even fully thought about it. She heard Bethany cry out, but she was more focused on channeling her mana as she saw what was happening. Time seemed to slow around her but she could hear the shouts and cries going up as they all saw what she did. But no one was close enough to prevent something horrible from happening.

            Except she didn’t have to be close to help.

            One thought had the shield snapping around the small body falling to the ground, pouring enough energy into it to make sure it held no matter what struck it. The second a sharp blast of ice that froze the waterfall of weapons that were falling toward Leo.

            Silence filled the air around them and Elora felt a trickle of unease wash through her. She knew what a stunt like that would get her in the Tower-lashes and isolation-but she didn’t know what was going to happen here. But she swallowed her nerves and hurried over to where Leo was huddled on the ground, staring up in horror at the icy spikes barely a foot above him. “Shh, shh,” she murmured, falling to her knees beside him. “It’s alright.”

            “Sorry,” he whispered. “Just wanted to see.”

            She glanced at the table he had been attempting to crawl onto, the table that had held several weapons before one of the legs had given out because of his added weight no doubt. A second glance showed whetstones and wheels meant to sharpen the blades. Blades she had probably just ruined by encasing them in ice. “I don’t think you’re allowed to see those, are you?” she asked, dismissing the barrier as she reached for Leo.

            He shook his head as he climbed into her lap, holding onto her as she shuffled back a bit to get them away from the ice.

            “Are you alright?” she asked, running a hand over his hair.

            Leo nodded, pressing his face into her neck and she felt something wet strike her skin.

            Rocking him gently, Elora glanced at the swords and her heart gave a hard thump as she saw how many of them had been coming off of the table. Why were there so many? Who in their right mind would have that many? Who needed that many? She looked up when a shadow fell over her and watched as Cullen crouched next to her. “He’s alright,” she whispered, not sure what else to say.

            He gently cupped the back of Leo’s head, rubbing slowly. “Good. And you?”

“Not as alright,” she said, realising she was shaking. But was it the unexpected use of magic or the fact that Leo could have been seriously hurt if she hadn’t been there? Or was it in response to the punishment she knew had to be coming?

            “I can take him.”

            “No, I think I want to hold him for a little bit,” Elora said, pulling back from Cullen. “Please?”

            “As you wish.” He paused and then gave her a faint smile. “You’re going to have to put up with more stares, I fear.”

            “I didn’t mean to do it,” she said softly, cradling Leo against her. “I reacted.”

            “Elora, you’re not in trouble,” he breathed, his brow furrowing. “Far from it. The clan adores Leo and you just saved him even though there was no reason for you to.”

            Something snapped to life inside her. “What? Because I’m a Lowlander I’m suddenly incapable of caring for a small child? That I’d want to see him hurt because I didn’t grow up on a mountain?”

            “Because you are my guest,” Cullen interrupted sharply, “and as a guest you are not expected to carry your weight while you’re here. We support you while you’re within our hold. If you wanted, you could drive us into destitution and we could do nothing to stop it.”

            “I wouldn’t do that,” she whispered shakily. She could never take advantage of anyone like that.

            “We don’t know that. I didn’t know that when I offered you my protection, but instead of making demands, you save our own not once, but twice. Without promise of reward or even being asked. That is why my people stare, Elora,” Cullen said firmly. “We are used to helping one another but to have a guest, a stranger, a Lowlander, do it and simply because she reacted?”

            Elora’s gaze dropped to the snow or at least she tried to. Cullen slid his fingers under her chin and lifted her until she was looking him straight in the eyes again. “I’m really nothing special,” she insisted.

            “Perhaps in the Lowlands,” he rumbled. “But you’re not in the Lowlands anymore.”

 


	5. Chapter 5

            Walking through the hold with Elora, Cullen kept an eye on her. She’d been quiet since the incident with Leo and even Mia had had a hard time getting the boy away from her. It had shaken her but he didn’t think it was simply because Leo had come perilously close to dying.

            A cold feeling settled in his stomach at the very thought. To lose his nephew in an accident like that? After everything they had already lost? No. He wouldn’t have been able to survive it and he didn’t think his siblings would have either. More often than not, Leo was the only thing keeping them grounded, keeping them steady, keeping them going. If he was gone, they wouldn’t have anything left and the grief would probably kill all four of them.

            And he was honest enough with himself to know that if it weren’t for Elora they would have lost Leo. He’d gotten distracted and wasn’t watching him even though Mia had left her son in his care. He owed Elora more than he could say and he wasn’t sure she really understood what she had done for his family.

            “Oh,” she suddenly said softly and he looked over in time to see her hurrying away from him.

            “Be careful,” he called. “The edge comes up quickly.”

            She stopped almost immediately but it didn’t really matter because he knew she could see what had caught her attention without going far. “Oh, look at them all,” she whispered.

            Cullen joined her quietly, looking up at the stars overhead. They were in rare form, glittering and shining across the dark expanse of the Lady. He suddenly wished he had Moira’s gift for spinning a story, wished he could tell her the legends his people painted from the stars, but he hadn’t paid attention to them in years. “Did you not get to look at them before?”

            “They don’t like letting us out of the Towers,” she breathed, spinning in a slow circle so she could see more. “Even when they were moving us, we weren’t allowed out of the tents much once the sun set. They didn’t want us running.”

            Which was by far the dumbest thing he had ever heard. Mages were an integral part of the hold and brought just as much to the clan as any warrior or hunter. To lock them away, take them away from their people, reeked of being wrong. He’d heard other clans whispering about mages that had gone missing. Was that what waited them if they were caught by the Lowlanders? Cut off from everything they knew and loved to be locked away in a tower without any access to the outside world?

            He would sooner die than submit to that. Perhaps that was what the mages did, fight to their last breath to keep themselves from going to a place like that.

            “I’ve never seen them like this though,” Elora said softly, wonder in her voice. “So clear, like there’s nothing between us and them.”

            He didn’t bother pointing out that they were on a mountain so there was very little between them and the sky. “Elora, thank you,” he said suddenly.

            He saw her chin drop in the torchlight, her brows pinching together. “For what?”

             Cullen sighed. “Saving Leo.”

            “Oh, you don’t need to thank me for that,” she muttered. “Mia did that enough.”

            “Aye, she did, but I haven’t. I was supposed to be watching him and I wasn’t. If it weren’t for you, we would have lost him.”

            “Please don’t say that,” Elora whispered.

            “I don’t like the thought any more than you do but it is the truth. Leo could have…Korth’s teeth, he could have died and none of us would have been able to stop it.”

            “If I hadn’t been there, you would have been watching him, Cullen. It wouldn’t have happened.”

            “Maybe. We won’t ever know because thankfully the Lady made sure you were there.”

            Elora looked away from him and he saw her eyes squeeze shut as she took a deep breath. Her breath fogged in the night air as she let it out slowly. “Can you tell me about your Lady? We only have Andraste and…I’d like to know about her?”

            He frowned at the change in subject. “The Lady of the Skies came long before all of us.”

            She hummed softly. “Is she the same as the gods I keep hearing?”

            “No, those are the hold gods and watch over us from nearby. The Lady keeps to her skies, sends the birds to check on her children.” He was doing a horrible job at explaining this. “Our Skald, Moira, would be better suited to answering these questions, Elora. She knows our stories.”

            “They’re not stories, they’re your gods. Don’t you know them?”

            His mouth flattened and he looked up at the stars. He wasn’t about to tell her that it had been a long time since he had thought about the gods. It had been a very long time since he had thought about them in something other than anger and bitterness. “We’re all told the stories,” he said lowly, “but some of us don’t retain them as well as others.”

            Cullen was surprised when Elora laughed softly. “I can understand that. I never liked it much when my parents drug me to the Chantry for services. My mind…wandered frequently.”

            “Do you not believe in the Lowlander’s god?”

            “Maybe when I was little,” she said in a small voice. “But it’s hard to keep faith with something that tells you you’re a monster when he was supposed to be the one that made me this way.”

            Korth’s fucking teeth. “Come on,” he said, cupping her elbow to turn her back toward the hold. “You’re shivering. You need to be inside.”

            “Are you not cold at all?” she asked, rubbing her arms as she walked beside him.

            “Elora,” he chuckled, “it’s not that cold out.”

            “I’m freezing and you say it’s not that cold out.”

            “You also took an extended dip in a river in the middle of the winter. You’re going to be cold for a while I would imagine.”

            “Lucky me,” she muttered.

            He chuckled slightly. He didn’t think he needed to point out that she was probably going to be ill. She was already upset enough as it was. No need to add to it right now. He could actually hear her shivering despite the layers she was wearing. He wasn’t sure how much more he could honestly do to keep her warm because if he put more clothes on her it would be easier to roll her around the hold than ask her to walk.

            When she sneezed, he tried hard not to laugh. “Here,” he murmured, shrugging out of his outer layer.

            She watched him for a moment as he settled the fur coat around her shoulders before her hands clenched in the material and pulled it closed over her chest. “Thank you. Are you sure you’re going to be alright?”

            “It’s not that far back.” And it was still a mild night. One of the few that were left if they were reading the weather right.

            “And yet you’re still wrapping me up in more clothes,” Elora sighed. “Maybe I should just stay inside until the snow is gone.”

            “You could if you wanted to.”

            “Because I’m your guest.” She said the words slowly, clearly thinking about it.

            Cullen felt a knot form in his stomach. The Avvar didn’t make just anyone their guests. Only those that had done a great service to the hold or were chosen by the gods. He had already told her that nothing was expected of their guests, that the hold would do all that they could to repay whatever the guest had done. Sometimes they could impose a time limit on that because no hold could support a single person in everything that they demanded. No hold would want to and no Avvar would demand that they do that.

            But a guest of the gods? They were there until the gods tired of them and no one in the hold could speak against them.

            “Is anyone going to get offended if I try to help?”

            Help? She wanted to try to help them? “Depends on the person, but most likely not.”

            “If I’m allowed to stay here, I want to help. I don’t know what I can do for the hold, but I’d like to try. Even if I don’t have to,” she added quickly when he went to say something. “I’ve spent the last twenty years in a tower where laziness was discouraged. I’m going to need something to do.”

            He nodded slowly. “Something to discuss in the days to come.”

            He thought he saw her shoulders drop before she was hurrying up to his door and inside to where it would be warmer.

            Following her at a slower pace, Cullen rolled that over for a moment. The clan wouldn’t protest her helping; they’d still be wary of her to begin with, but her want to help and saving Leo would make great strides in winning the rest of them over. Because they would need to be won. As much as he hated to admit it, he knew his people and he knew they weren’t just going to accept her even if his family had. Too much bad blood and the inability to ever let anything go.

            “Thane.”

            Pausing on the doorstep, he looked toward the voice. Cullen closed the door when he saw who it was, turning his back to it so he could face Raleigh. “What is it?”

            “There’s been wolf sightings along the game trails,” he said, “and before you say that’s normal, they’re tearing into what they find but not eating it. They’re just leaving it to rot after it’s dead.”

            Cullen frowned. “Do you think they’re what killed the goats?”

            “Maybe, but we would have found the carcasses if that was the case. And this is the first we’ve seen any sign of them. If we still had an augur, maybe she’d be able to tell us more about it.”

            “I’m not getting into this with you,” he said flatly.

            “No Avvar would leave their clan like this, not when we need them so badly. We should have an Avvar as our augur, not the Chasind witch. She’s an affront to our gods.”

            “Those gods picked her, Raleigh,” Cullen snapped. “Just as they picked her father before her. If you have a problem with that, I suggest you take it up with them but since they talk to few save Hawke, good luck getting an answer out of them.”

            “It’s not right, Cullen,” Raleigh growled. “It never should have been allowed to happen. If your father hadn’t been so blinded, he would have-” Raleigh made a noise as Cullen seized the front of his furs and hauled him forward until they were nose to nose.

            “Speak ill of my father again,” Cullen said lowly, “and I will throw you off of this mountain myself.”

            Raleigh was glaring at him, but his lips were pressed together in a flat line and he didn’t say anything else.

            Cullen held onto him for a moment longer before he gave him a shove back. “Warn the other hunters about the wolves, tell them to keep their distance,” he ordered. “Most of them should be coming back with the storm that’s going to blow in. I want them all back before it hits, Raleigh.”

            His head jerked in a nod and Cullen watched him stalk off.

            This was not what he needed right now. Not the wolves or the missing animals, but the subtle, and sometimes not so subtle, insubordination that ran through the hold. It had been ten years since they had been divided and he knew that some weren’t over everything that had happened, but no one had been bold enough to say anything to his face about it.  The fact that it was Raleigh didn’t surprise him.

            _“It’s going to come from somewhere, Cullen, I can promise you that. But so long as you have a good guess as to where, you can prepare for it, shield yourself against the attack.”_

_“Who would attack you?”_

_“Plenty and there’ll be even more that will go against you if you let the pact stand. They’re looking to you to be a fresh start, to get rid of the Chasind even though they helped us and we wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for them. It hasn’t even been a year and already they forget what all they’ve done for us, why we had to accept their help.”_

_Screams. Curses. Tears. Pain…so much pain. “I’ll pay attention, Father. They won’t catch me or you unaware.”_

_“Good lad. You’ll be a good thane, the thane this hold needs. Better than I ever was.”_

Giving himself a shake, Cullen shoved the memory down. Now wasn’t the time to be doddling in the past, not if Raleigh was already starting to sharpen his tongue against him. It wouldn’t be long before it was a blade. Pushing his door open, he saw Elora glance up from the fire before quickly looking back down at it. “You heard all of that,” he sighed harshly.

            “Eavesdropping is rude,” she muttered.

            “Didn’t stop you from doing it.”

            Her cheeks coloured as she poked at the fire. “Yes, well….”

            When she didn’t finish her sentence, Cullen moved around the fire to sink into a chair at the table. A deep breath left him as he closed his eyes, sliding down in his seat until his head was resting on the back of the chair. He could hear Elora poking at the fire again, the logs shifting and snapping as they moved in the pit. “You can go to bed if you like,” he said after a moment of nothing but silence between them. “I’ll be along shortly.”

            “Where am I sleeping?” she asked curiously.

            He cracked one eye open to look at her as she stood up. “Same place you woke up.”

            She looked over her shoulder at where a large fur was strung across one side of the room. “And you?”

            “Don’t worry about me.”

            She fiddled with his coat for a moment before smiling. “Good night, Cullen.”

            He nodded at her, closing his eye again and listening to her move across the room. The fur shifted as she slipped behind it and he could only just hear the soft sounds of her moving around the sectioned off space. The fur wasn’t usually there, the bed behind it usually in plain sight of the few who were allowed within his home, but he had helped Mia put it up when they had realised they didn’t know when Elora would wake up. They’d left it open to make sure heat from the fire would reach her, but when someone had come to speak with him, he had drawn it back to keep people from staring.

            They’d still stared at the fur, knowing the Lowlander was just beyond it. They’d all also known better than to ask and he’d appreciated it because he had no answers to give.

            Slitting his eyes open again, he focused on the spot where the fur didn’t meet the floor and he could see the lower half of her legs. He watched as her clothes fell to the floor, watched as the pale skin of her legs came into view. He saw as her hands and arms came into view as she stooped to pick up everything she had dropped as an afterthought. He tracked her as she padded along the fur to get to where she could slip into the bed. Even across the house, he still heard her pleased sigh and smiled to himself. He’d quietly talked to Mia about getting a fire rune from one of the mages to slip under the mattress to keep it warm if the fire died down at all. Apparently she appreciated it.

            Cullen drummed his fingers against the table top and silently counted in his head. He knew what was about to happen and he knew she was going to protest it. If he could manage to time it right so she was almost asleep, there might not be as much of a fight. Although he was ready for her to fight him on this. She definitely seemed the type no matter how he presented the facts

            Once he hadn’t heard her shifting in a few minutes, he pushed out of the chair with a heavy sigh and crossed to the fire. Cullen added a few more logs to it, waiting to make sure that they caught and didn’t put the flames out. Once he was sure it was fine, he went to the fur and tugged it aside enough to slip behind it.

            There was a short candle burning on the table beside the bed and it cast enough light for him to see that Elora was curled up in a ball under the furs. He waited a second before shaking his head as he heard her shivering. What was it going to take to keep her warm? He was almost sure she had her head under the furs as well but he still stripped quickly. His clothes were quietly laid across the chair in the space and he slipped around to the opposite side of the bed.

            He’d barely managed to pull the furs back when he heard her breathing shift. “Cullen? What are you doing?”

            “Going to sleep, Elora. As should you.”

            She pushed up on one arm, blowing her hair out of her face. “But I’m sleeping here,” she said in confusion.

            “Aye, I know and it’s my bed.”

            She blinked at him in the low light as he crawled under the furs and settled down. “Why didn’t you say so before?” she asked. “I would have gone somewhere else to sleep.”

            “Did you see somewhere else to sleep in my home?”

            Elora glanced toward the fur, worrying at her lower lip. “No,” she said slowly. “But I could take some furs and sleep by the fire so you have your bed and-” Her gaze jerked back to him as a low growl left him.

            “You’re not sleeping on the damn floor,” Cullen said tightly, trying not to snap the words at her. “The bed is big enough that both of us can sleep in it without touching if that is what’s bothering you.”

            “Don’t get snippy with me! You should have told me that you’d be joining me!”

            “Would that have saved me from getting yelled at?”

            She hesitated. “No,” she said after a moment, “probably not.”

            “Just go to sleep, Elora,” he sighed, rolling onto his side so he was facing away from her. “You need to rest.”

            “I’ve been sleeping for three days. The last thing I need is rest,” she mumbled but he felt the bed move as she lay down again. No doubt as far away from him as she could get.

            He felt the bed continue to move as she couldn’t get comfortable, squirming and muttering to herself. “Elora, stop that.”

            “I can’t help it! I’m not used to sharing a bed with someone!”

            “You’ve never shared a bed with a man before?” He grunted when he felt something strike his leg sharply. “Did you just kick me?”

            “It was an accident.”

            There was a lie if he had ever heard one. The bed was more than large enough that the only way she would have connected with him was if she’d meant to kick him. “I know you’re lying to me.”

            “Who just asks a person if they’ve slept with someone?” she demanded.

            “That’s not what I asked,” Cullen muttered. “I said shared a bed. Nothing about sex. Is that on your mind?”

            “No!” she squawked.

            He rolled his eyes, telling himself he wasn’t offended. Sex wasn’t on his mind either. He simply wanted to go to sleep. “Just go to sleep, Elora,” he sighed.

            She made a tiny noise and he felt her settle down again.

            He tried not to sigh in relief, thankful that it hadn’t been as bad as he had thought it was going to be. At this rate, he might even be able to get a decent amount of sleep. Although he would admit it was strange sleeping on the edge of the bed when he was used to having the whole sprawl of it. Or at least not having someone sharing the space who objected to him being there. But if he could just go to sleep it wouldn’t matter.

            He had apparently counted his blessings too soon because Elora suddenly threw back the covers. “No, I’ll sleep somewhere else. I think-“ A breathless shriek left her as he hauled her back onto the bed, trapping her under him as soon as her back was flat against the mattress.

            She was staring up at him with wide eyes and he could see the fright in them, but he didn’t move away. “You are probably going to become ill within the next few days, Elora,” he said slowly. “Sleeping on the floor is only going to make that worse. As my guest, you can sleep in my bed without fear of me doing something you don’t want.”

            Elora licked her lips nervously, looking away from him. “I….”

            “The floor isn’t comfortable, Elora, and neither of us are going to sleep on it. The bed is big enough for two people to not even know there’s another person in it.” He paused for a moment before sighing. “And you’re still cold so adding my heat under the blankets will help you.”

            Her brows drew together. “You’re really not going to do anything?” she said in a small voice.

            Cullen cocked a brow at her. “What exactly do you think Avvar do with strange women in their bed?”

            Even with the low light, it was easy to see the colour that flooded her face. “Ah, I mean, I don’t.” She clamped her lips together and stared up at him.

            He couldn’t stop his low chuckle as he moved back to his side of the bed, flopping onto his back. “I’d tell you it wasn’t true, but that would be a lie. There’s nothing to worry about though,” he added lazily.

            “Why not?”

            His lips quirked as he heard the slight put out note in her voice. Like him, it didn’t matter that they weren’t going to do anything; the implication that they weren’t desirable to the other wasn’t well received. “For starters,” he said around a yawn, “I didn’t steal you.”

            “You really do that?” she squeaked.

            “Aye from other clans,” he said sleepily. “Helps keep the clan’s blood fresh.”

            She made a noise in disgust. “You just steal women and they get no say in it,” she muttered.

            “It’s considered good form to at least inform the clan of your intention to steal a bride.”

            “And that makes it all better?”

            Cullen chuckled again. “Go to sleep, Elora. No one has stolen you, no one is going to steal you, so you are safe here.”

            She mumbled to herself and he felt the blankets move as she covered herself with them again. “Sharing a bed with a naked man and he tells me I’m safe,” she muttered. “Could you at least put pants on?”

            “No, they’re uncomfortable to sleep in.”

            “I’m wearing something, why can’t you?”

            He’d noticed she’d left the cloth shirt that went below everything on. “Good night, Elora.”

            She fell silent for a long moment before her breath caught. “Cullen?” she whispered.

            “Mm.”

            “Where have you been sleeping the past three nights?”

            “Where do you think?”


	6. Chapter 6

            Staring out the window, Elora watched the snowflakes dance in the wind. There had been plenty of both in the past week. The weather had turned sour practically the day after she woke up, any mildness the winter had had completely gone. All that was left was this fury.

            She had never seen winter like this. Winters in Ostwick had been mild with only a bad day here and there. She had a vague memory of snow in the garden one year, of running squealing through the faint dusting of white covering the cobblestone paths. But that had only been once and the rest of her winters were locked inside a tower, only watching and never experiencing.

            Now she was once again watching, but it wasn’t because she was locked inside. She was choosing that this time because even with the walls of Cullen’s home between her and the weather, she was still cold. And only a fool would go out in a blizzard like this. Which didn’t say much for her host as she hadn’t seen him all day.

            A rush of heat went through her as she thought about him. For the past week they had been sharing a bed because he wouldn’t let her sleep on the floor and he refused to himself. And for the past seven days she had woken up in some kind of tangled mess with him. It didn’t matter how far apart they were when they went to sleep, they always wound up curled together in the centre of the bed. It just seemed to get worse as the days went on.

            _Coming awake slowly, Elora sighed deeply. She didn’t know how it had happened but she was actually warm, right down to her toes. That never seemed to happen anymore. A happy noise left her and she cuddled deeper into the bed._

_Since when had the Spire given them such good beds? Was it because she was slowly moving up the ranks in the Circle, that she was finally getting more than a threadbare mattress and flimsy blanket? If that was the case, she wasn’t going to stop until she was the damn First Enchanter._

_A tiny moan left her as she pressed deeper into the mattress, the blankets heavy over her. This was easily the best morning of her life, at least since she had come to the Circle, and she didn’t like the fact that soon she was going to have to get up. Apprentices wouldn’t train themselves after all._

_The thought soured her mood. Her apprentices enjoyed setting things on fire and not putting them out before the templars got there. But if she left them alone, they would probably try to burn down the entire tower._

_Shifting on the bed, she started to edge toward the side when she froze as an arm tightened around her and hauled her back onto the mattress. More importantly, back under the warm weight that was definitely not a blanket but another body_ r _. Her eyes snapped open as she realised it was a decidedly male, decidedly naked body as she felt his cock rub against her thigh._

_Had she slept with someone? She had promised herself she wasn’t going to do that to herself anymore, not after the last one. She didn’t move as she felt a stubbled cheek rub against her partially bare shoulder as he cuddled closer._

_What was he doing? If they got caught by the templars they’d be in so much trouble! Didn’t he care about that? Or was he going to blame her for tempting him and she’d be locked in isolation? Or was he a templar himself? Had she slept with a templar? Why would she do that?!_

_“Mm, are you awake now?” a low voice rumbled._

_She nodded quickly, not trusting herself to do more than squeak if she tried to talk._

_“The weather’s turned,” he sighed. “Most everyone is going to stay inside for the first day and gauge how bad the storm is going to be.”_

_What was he even talking about? What did the weather matter when they weren’t allowed to leave the tower?_

_“If you want to stay in bed, I won’t be opposed.”_

_“Stay in bed?” she said softly._

_His chuckle was warm and liquid and made her toes curl against the blankets. “Good choice.”_

_She didn’t understand what was going on. Who was he? Why did he think they could stay in bed? Why was he naked? “Uhm,” she said softly, “please don’t take this the wrong way but…who are you?”_

_He didn’t move but she felt him pull back from her. “Cullen. Do you know who you are?”_

_Her brows drew together at the amusement in his voice. “Elora,” she said tartly. “Why are you in my bed?”_

_“I’m not. You’re in mine.”_

_Her panic flared. Oh no! That explained why it was so much more comfortable than what she was used to. “I need to go,” she whispered._

_His arm tightened and he pushed down on her a little more. “Elora, I don’t know where you think you are, but you’re not there. You’re in my home at Sky-Bear Hold in the Frostbacks.”_

_“Oh. Oh!” she gasped, her mind fully waking up. “Cullen!”_

_He chuckled softly but didn’t move off of her. “You aren’t much of a morning person, are you?” he asked._

_Not overly but-“Why are you on top of me?” she muttered._

_Cullen stretched, rubbing against her and making her breath catch. “It’s where we wound up,” he said as if it was a common occurrence. “I’m not surprised, you spent most of the night shivering until you cuddled into me.”_

_“I did not!” she gasped._

_“You did. Not that I minded,” he admitted._

_“Get off!” Elora yelled, trying to push him off._

_“Easy, Elora,” he said, rolling off of her immediately. “I meant no harm.”_

_She barely heard him as she tossed the blankets off and scrambled away from the bed. She tugged the shirt she was in down and looked around for where she’d left her clothes._

_“If I’ve upset you, I’m sorry, Elora. I didn’t mean to,” Cullen said from the bed as she moved to where her clothes were. “You were asleep and cold and I was beside you and warm. It was bound to happen.”_

_“And the erection?” she muttered to herself._

_“Have you never spent the night with a man? It happens, even more so when they’re in bed with a woman.”_

_She didn’t want to, but she glanced back at him over her shoulder, wanting to snap that her sexual history was none of his concern. The words died on her tongue before she could say anything as she got a good look at what she had just been in bed with._

Elora sighed and let her head thump against the window pane. She’d tried to banish the image from her mind but it wasn’t going to happen. He’d been nothing but a toned length of muscles, the blankets she had thrown sitting low on his hips. His torso had been littered with scars and golden hair that the flickering candle had caught. But more than that, her gaze had been caught by the lines swirling all along his left side, the blue so vivid against his skin. He’d been stretched out on his back, one hand behind his head, the other resting on the mattress where she had just been. He’d completely stolen her breath and she hadn’t been able to get her thoughts out.

            Not that it mattered anymore. She’d woken up before him several times in the past week and they’d still been tangled together, her sprawled on him, one of them curled against the other’s back. But he’d always wake up shortly after and quietly get himself free of her before leaving the bed. He didn’t say anything, didn’t ask if she was awake or wanted to stay in bed. He simply got up and started his day as much as he could when they were pinned inside because of the storm.

            The bed never stayed warm for much longer after he left so she usually got up, slipping into her clothes and shuffling after him. She didn’t say anything about how the bed got cold after he was gone because it was her own fault. She’d gotten defensive about cuddling even though she knew she had done that. She liked cuddling, liked being held and pretending that she was safe, warm, wanted, maybe even loved. Instead she had snapped and gotten herself into this predicament.

            Pulling her knees closer to her chest, she buried her face in them. Looking outside wasn’t doing her any good. It was just making her colder. She’d never known that it could snow for seven days straight. The childish glee she might have once had at the sight of it was long gone. She just wanted to curl up in bed and sleep until winter was gone.

            Except the bed was cold.

            Sighing, she uncurled from her seat and wandered back toward the fire. Cullen had left before she’d been fully awake again and he hadn’t come back yet. It was well into the afternoon now, or at least she thought it was, and she was slightly concerned. Usually someone came by his house, either looking for him or one of his siblings coming to keep her company for a bit, despite the weather outside. The Avvar didn’t seem to even notice the fact that the sky was dumping inch after inch of snow upon them. Or maybe it was foot after foot. She fully expected to look out the window one day and be greeted by a wall of snow.

            But no one had come to the house at all today. She’d already explored the entirety of the house, not that there was much to explore. The first time she had been left alone, she had poked around Cullen’s home. If she was going to be staying here until winter broke, she would need to know where things were. Or at least that was the excuse she had planned on using if anyone had caught her while she’d been doing it. But she’d gotten completely distracted by the tub after she had found it and spent most of her time looking back at it without retaining anything else she had seen. She had needed to explore a second time because Mia had come over with Leo and a warm meal that day.

            Granted Mia had seen the looks she’d kept throwing at the tub and strung up a sheet and offered to melt snow for her to use as bathwater. When Elora had said she could just create ice and melt it to save them both time, Mia had promised to stay there and make sure she wasn’t interrupted. Leo had been rather put out that he wasn’t invited to the bath which had shocked her. Weren’t children supposed to hate baths? More than that, why ever would he want to bathe with her?

            Although if she thought about it, he had practically been glued to her side every time she had seen him over the past week.

            Throwing a few more logs into the fire pit, she watched the flames lick at them. If it weren’t for the fact that there wasn’t anyone here to guard the door, she would have another bath, just to warm up. She could practically feel the hot water against her skin, the steam making her hair curl further as she soaked away the chills. Maybe she had time to sneak in a little-

            She jumped when the fire suddenly flared up before a squeak left her as a blast of cold air followed the door slamming open. The man that came in was hooded but she breathed a sigh of relief when he shoved it back as he closed the door. “Welcome back,” she said quietly.

            Golden eyes found her and Cullen gave her a faint smile before he was shrugging out of the heavy coat he was wearing. “I thought you’d be wrapped in the furs again.”

            “I didn’t think I should sit on the floor in them.”

            He gave her another look as he hung the coat near the door. His stomps rang through the small area as he attempted to get the snow off of his boots. “They could just be cleaned again. There’s no point in you freezing.”

            She didn’t say anything to that, watching him as he moved toward the fire. He held his hands out to it for a moment before he continued on. Her gaze tracked him because she had nothing else to do, but she lost sight of him as he went behind the fur keeping the bed separate from the rest of the house. She could hear him moving around, but he came back out quickly and had a fur blanket in his hands. “Cullen, no, I’m-” She didn’t get any further as he wrapped it around her without listening to her. “Thank you.”

            “There’s no point in denying it, Elora. After your time in the river, you’re going to get sick,” he said patiently, crouching down beside her.

            Elora pulled the fur tighter around herself, not liking the chill his words left behind. “I might not,” she murmured.

            “That’s true,” Cullen agreed, “but it’s far more likely that you will get sick. We don’t know how long you were in the river and given the fact that you’re having a hard time staying warm, I’d say it’s going to happen sooner rather than later. But you’re going to make it worse if you don’t take care of yourself.”

            Her gaze shifted to the fire as she thought about that. She didn’t like being sick, didn’t know anyone that did, but what did being sick mean now that she was here?

            “The fur can be easily cleaned,” he repeated. “It can be easily replaced. You cannot be.”

            “I’m only special because of the mark on my hand,” she said quietly.

            “The mark on your hand may have closed a tear in the Lady’s flesh, but you are the one that saved my hunters. That gives you worth to my people. You saved Leo. That gives you worth to my people.” He paused, waiting until she looked at him to continue. “The mark on your hand may be what brought you to us, Elora, but it’s not why we value you.”

            “Yes it is.”

            His lips twitched slightly. “It’s not the only reason,” he amended.

            She smiled faintly before pulling the fur even closer. “I guess I’m used to people not caring,” she explained. “You’re essentially on your own and when you can’t contribute, you’re nothing more than a burden. Granted, the Templars make you feel like a burden no matter what you do.”

            “You’re not a burden here.” He pushed to his feet and held out a hand to her. “Did you want to help me make the meal?”

            “What did you want to make?” she asked, reaching out and letting him help her to her feet.

            “Stew is easy enough.”

            “Easy enough for you or for me?” she teased.

            He chuckled. “For the both of us.”

            She smiled as she followed him across the room. “Well, I could boil the water if you’d like.”

            “And take away one of the few things I can do?”

            Elora laughed softly. She knew that wasn’t true and it wasn’t simply because he’d told her he could cook. He’d made meals for them, asking for her help a few times in the last week, almost like he was slowly testing her to see how much she could do for herself. He’d still done most of it, showing her which spices went into the pot and which ones they used directly on the meat. He’d said that everyone in the hold did it a little differently, that they all had their own way of making their meals, but this was the way he had been taught. “Did you want me to do vegetables or meat?” she asked politely as she watched him sort through crates.

            He didn’t answer her, simply held up the root vegetables for her to take.

            She rolled her eyes slightly, taking them and a knife to cut them. There was a thick slab of wood on the table she had used the last time she’d cut the vegetables so she simply went over to it. A twinge in her left hand had her setting them down quickly and flexing her fingers. Cullen’s gods and Bethany had been keeping her hand moderately numb but there were painful flare ups that nothing was going to fix.

            “Is it bothering you?”

            “It doesn’t do anything but bother me,” she grumbled. “Where did it come from? Why do I have it? Why can’t I remember how I got it?”

            “Easy, Elora,” he said as he joined her at the table. “We’ll find answers.”

            She wanted to demand when but there was no point. She knew he didn’t have the answers and the only person that might had gone north because she thought they might know something. Heaving a sigh, she glanced at him when she heard something splash into the pot above the fire. “Did you just toss the entire thing in there?”

            “It’ll cook fine like that.”

            “That’s not my point. I’m here chopping vegetables while you’re just throwing things into the pot. How is that fair?”

            Cullen pushed to his feet and sat down at the table across from her. “The vegetables aren’t hard.”

            She just gave him a look before loosely holding the vegetables with her left and slowly cutting them. “You gave me this to give the meat more time to cook didn’t you,” she grumbled.

            “It does look that way.”

            Rolling her eyes, she went back to cutting the vegetables and trying not to add her fingers to the stew. Or at least she tried. She jumped when a loud crack sounded through the air, dropping the knife quickly. “What was that?” she demanded, even as Cullen leapt to his feet.

            He was looking around quickly, his brows drawn tight. “It came from inside, but there’s only us here,” he said lowly, still scanning his home.

            Elora considered picking up the knife again even though she wasn’t overly proficient with it. She had her magic but that didn’t always work in close quarters. Her fingers had barely touched it when the crack came again. Dread coiled in her stomach as she realised the sound had come from her, from the mark on her palm. “Cullen,” she whispered.

            “Aye, Elora. I see.”

            Her breath shook and she turned her hand over. Even through the bandage on it, she could see the sickly green light seeping through it. “What is it doing?” she said in a small voice.

            “Elora, keep calm. We’ll-” Cullen stopped abruptly as the sound of a bell rang through the hold, along with shouting.

            “What is it?”

            He swore sharply. “Stay here.”

            “Cullen, what’s happening?”

            “We’re under attack,” he said tensely.

            She stared at him, disbelieving he had actually said that. “Under attack? In the middle of a snow storm?”

            “It’s the perfect cover,” he growled, lifting a sword off of the wall and unsheathing it quickly. She saw him grab the strange striped pelt off the wall as well but he merely held onto it so she had no idea what he was going to do with it. “And we’re not fragile like Lowlanders. Hakkon gives us the strength to fight when others cannot.”

            When he paused at the door to look back at her, she wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do. Did she wish him luck? Did she tell him not to go? What did she do? What was appropriate?

            “I’ll be fine,” he told her. “But bar the door behind me and stay here. If someone tries to get in, there’s a space under the bed that you can hide in. There’s a trap door that slides off and you can get in there easy enough.”

            Elora was staring at him again. “I….”

            “If you don’t feel safe at all, hide there, Elora.” Cullen paused, looking at the door as the bells grew louder. “I won’t lie to you, if someone comes to the door they will not be kind to you. I know you have magic, but the safer bet for you would be to hide.”

            “Alright,” she whispered.

            His brows drew together before he hauled the door open. “Bolt it tight, Elora,” he said as she crossed to the door.

            She nodded and started to close it behind him. “Be safe,” she whispered before he started away.

            He stopped to look back at her, something unreadable in his expression. “Lady keep you as well, Elora.”

            She watched him go before she closed the door and lifted the wooden bar to slat across it. She stared at it for a long moment, wondering if she should just hide now to save herself any trouble. No. Not yet, but she was going to go look at this hiding space to make sure she could actually get to it. It wouldn’t do her any good if-

            Elora stumbled to her knees as the mark on her hand flared again and this time she felt the pain with it.  Clutching it to her chest, she curled over her knees. Why?! Why was it doing this?! What was it even doing?!

            Her head snapped up when she heard a chilling cry go through the hold. She knew that sound. She would never forget that sound. That couldn’t possibly be another Avvar clan out there. Not unless they were using demons.

            Looking down at the mark, she stared hard at it. Why were demons here? What had they said? The demons came from the tears? Was there a tear in the hold? Her gaze moved to the door.

            If there was a tear, there wasn’t anything any of the Avvar were going to be able to do about it. Except die.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to do this last week but it completely slipped my mind and I'm so glad Rae reminded me about it.
> 
> For those of you that haven't seen it, Rae (raexmell) is an utter dear and drew Cullen as I see him in this story. You can thank her for that lovely tattoo because it was completely her idea and I'm so happy she thought of it because it's opened the door for so many fantastic ideas. Honestly, the only direction I truly gave her were a few scars, the braided hair and the fur cloak. Everything else is solely from her imagination and I can't be more delighted with how creative she honestly is. If you're curious, and you should be so curious because god damn she's talented, the link to the art is right below here!
> 
> http://raexmell.tumblr.com/post/126371930837/1st-prize-winner-razzmatashs-request-of

            Cleaving the demon’s head from its shoulders, Cullen barely fought off a growl as he heard the crack that signalled another was spawning. He braced himself as he saw it lumbering toward him, lifting sword and cursing his luck. No clan would send twisted gods in to fight for them. No clan that had any honour. When he found out who had done this, he would see the entire clan burnt to the ground for this perversion.

            He slammed his shield into a black, twisted shape that approached him through the snow and actually snarled when it latched onto the wood. It wanted the shield? It could pry it from his cold dead fingers.

            Using its grip on him, Cullen swung around and let the momentum guide his sword. He put his weight behind it, tightening his hold on both sword and shield and not stopping as the blade bit into flesh. He hated fighting twisted gods, hated that anyone would let their gods become this, hated the memories it brought of a time that their gods had walked this dangerous line.

            Of a time when that line had been crossed.

            The thought didn’t stick as he felt magic rip past him, freezing another enemy in place. “Well done, Maddox,” he called. He’d seen Raleigh and the mage only a few moments ago, the pair coordinated enough to work as a team in fights like this.

            “Raleigh wants you near the tanner, Thane!” Maddox called back.

            He sucked on his cheek for half a second before he saw the other warriors with Maddox. They would hold this position against whatever came at them. Running through the snow, it was almost impossible to see through the falling flakes but he had grown up here, spent his entire life running through the paths of the hold. He didn’t need to see to know his way around.

            All of the twisted creatures were pouring down from where the goat pens were. By the Lady, he hoped that the animals hadn’t been slaughtered before the darkened gods had turned their gaze to the people. They needed those goats alive. They couldn’t afford to lose any more of them.

            Rounding a corner, he swore when he nearly ran into his brother. “Bran, where did you come from?” he demanded, shoving the skull helm he had on up to see his brother better.

            “South gate,” he said shortly. “They haven’t reached it yet so several of the clan have taken shelter there, away from this.”

            “Go back and-”

            “Mia is watching them,” Branson interrupted. “Along with five hunters and two mages. They’re fine. Where are we going?”

            Cullen stared hard at him, knowing his brother knew what look was on his face, even with all of the snow still flying in the air.

            “Don’t waste your breath, Brother,” Branson snapped. “Where are we going?!”

            “Pens,” he growled, pulling the skull helm back down. “They’re coming from there.”

            Branson’s curses followed him as he started up the path, his voice hot behind him and telling Cullen his brother wasn’t leaving much room between them. Good. It would be too easy to be caught unaware with the storm still raging. They didn’t need anything getting between them.

            But he nearly tumbled into the snow as he stopped abruptly as the pens came into view. “Lady’s mercy,” he whispered. “It can’t be.”

            Branson was swearing again but Cullen barely heard him. He couldn’t stop staring at the tear that was crackling and writhing above the open area the goats were allowed to roam in. There was a tear. In the hold.

            He didn’t get to think on it long before the air was snapping and a stream of green light shot out of it. “Bran!” he shouted, surging forward.

            “Don’t you fucking die!” Branson yelled at him.

            He vaulted over the fence into the pen, charging straight for the perversion before it had even fully formed. This was no clan twisting their gods to attack them. This was much, much worse. This was death to any who approached and it was in the centre of his damn hold! What was he supposed to do about that? What could he do about that?!

            Elora. He needed Elora but he couldn’t spare the time to go and get her. How was he going to close this without her? He had told her to stay in his house, to barricade herself inside and to hide.

            Gritting his teeth, he swung his sword without waiting for the demon to attack him. It collapsed back into a puddle in the snow but Cullen knew it wasn’t going to last. He was too close to it and he knew that they were just going to keep coming. He didn’t know what was happening here but the storm had calmed enough that he could see the whole of the small field. The goats were still in their proper pens, most at least. He could see some still bodies in the snow, most likely rams that had defended the herd.

            Shit. That was not what they needed right now.

            He heard another crack and whipped around. Using the speed of his turn, he loosed his shield and threw it at another that had started to form. It exploded but before he could go to get the tossed shield he heard something else, another forming behind him. Bran needed to hurry, he needed to bring more hunters to the pens so that he wasn’t the only one fighting to keep them all alive.

            Turning to the one starting to form, he stepped back sharply as fire exploded around it, making it scream even as it sank back into the snow. The flames lashed out, searching for another life to claim but they died before they got close to him. His head turned toward the source, ready to snap orders at the mage and get them both through this. The shout died on his tongue as he saw the mage standing on the other side of the fence. Her hands were thrown out in front of her, green light surrounding one while the other still had flames licking at it. “Elora?” he said softly.

            Her gaze turned to him and he saw her take a step back, her hands falling slightly and a look of fright crossing her face. He started toward her before stopping when she took another step back and confusion flooded him. Why was she scared of him? She knew he wasn’t going to hurt her, didn’t she?

            He cursed himself for a fool. He was wearing the pelt of a red lion, the red and black fur covering nearly all of him. But more than that, the skull of the beast was still attached and covering the majority of his face so she wouldn’t know it was him. Even if she had seen him take it down, she hadn’t seen him put it on.

            Shoving the skull back, he shook his hair out of his eyes. “Elora,” he called sharply.

            He saw her jerk at her name, her head coming up sharply. But she relaxed as realised it was him and he thought he saw a faint smile cross her lips. “You’re going to need help,” she called back to him.

            He stared at her, wondering if she had somehow known that the tear was here. Or had she heard the demons and thought that she would be needed? Either way, he didn’t really care. She was here and hopefully they’d be able to figure out how to close it. He almost asked her how she had found her way here but there was no point because he knew the answer. Leo’s fascination with the goats had possibly saved all of their lives.

            His shoulders sagged in relief at that thought. He started toward her, intending to help her over the fence when he froze. He could see it just beyond whatever the tear was doing with the snow, where it was still blowing fiercely; a dark shape moving up the path, moving up behind Elora.

            Cullen didn’t bother shouting at her. There wasn’t time for it. Sprinting across the distance, he vaulted the fence again and knocked her into the snow. Her startled cry was cut off as he covered her body with his and he curled as tight to her as he could, tried to keep as much of her shielded as he possibly could. Which meant that the claws bit into him and not her.

            He heard her gasp as he tensed above her, no doubt realising what had happened but the only noise he made was a low hiss at the pain. He felt her shift under him before the twisted god was screaming in frustration. “What did you do?” he asked thickly.

            “Barrier,” she whispered. “I should have done it sooner but-”

            “It’s okay,” Cullen assured her. “Hold it.”

            She nodded against him and Cullen pushed himself up.

            His side screamed in pain, the clawed muscles wanting nothing more than to lie back down in the snow. But he ignored it, sword in hand as he faced off against the demon. “You won’t have her,” he said lowly.

            It bared teeth at him but whether it understood him or not he didn’t know. Didn’t care. He would stay between her and it no matter what.

            “Cullen, I have to get to the tear,” Elora whispered behind him. “They’ll keep coming if I don’t.”

            “You said you didn’t know how you closed it,” he reminded her.

            “I don’t,” she said in exasperation. “But there’s nothing else that can be done but to try something!”

            He hated that she was right. None of the hunters knew how she had closed the tear, only that the mark on her hand was involved. And they did need to try before the entire hold was overrun by demons and he lost his clan. “How long can you hold the spell?”

            “As long as you need me to,” she said firmly.

            Shit. “Stay close to me,” he growled, watching as the perversion studied them from a distance.

            He thought he felt her hand on his back through the red lion fur but he didn’t think too much on it. The thing was tracking them, watching and following them as he backed Elora toward the fence. It knew where they were going to try to go and it was going to do everything in its power to keep them from getting there.  “Elora, when I tell you to run, go straight for the tear.”

            “What?” she gasped. “That’s not staying close to you!”

            “You’ll have a better chance if I keep this here. Are you going to do what I said?”

            “There’s no one here to watch your back,” she hissed. “You can’t fight that thing on your own!”

            He didn’t have a choice at this point. He could only hope that if the tear was sealed the demon would lose some of its strength, that he would have enough time to kill it before it tried to kill him. “Are you going to go?”

            Her hand was definitely on his back because she was fisting it in the material now. “Cullen.”

            “Elora, will you go?” he demanded.

            “Yes!”

            She certainly wasn’t happy about it, if the way she had growled that word was any indication. But he knew she would hold to her word. He continued moving, watching the perverted god as it watched them. It was slowly lowering its upper half, readying itself to launch forward. Once he was sure she had a clear line to the tear, he shouted, “Go!”

            Her touch disappeared as he surged toward the perversion, keeping its attention firmly on him. Not her.

            It screamed again and did exactly as he wanted. He was surprised when the blow it aimed at him bounced off the barrier she had left around him. He hadn’t expected it to still be there and he wasn’t going to let it go to waste.

            Getting in closer, he ducked as it swung at him again. He was under it before it could stop him, blade gripped in both hands as he thrust it up through the perversion’s skull. It screamed and flailed even as its body began to hiss and steam.

            Cullen didn’t let go of the blade, clenching his teeth as it writhed and tried to knock him down. He felt blows knock against the shield repeatedly before they struck him again. Swearing as claws dug into his leg, he threw his weight forward, dragging the sword through the centre of the creature. It gurgled, the claws spasming against his leg and digging deeper before he stumbled forward as it dissolved above him.

            His knee struck the snow and stars swam in front of his eyes for a moment as the pain set in. Giving his head a shake, he pushed back to his feet and turned to where Elora had gone. His heart stopped when he saw a second figure with her in the eerie green light of the tear. Despite the pain that screamed through him, he was moving as soon as he saw it grab Elora’s arm and thrust it toward the light. “No!” he shouted, watching as the mark on her hand exploded with the same green light.

            His leg and back were throbbing but he continued forward, getting over the fence as fast as he could. Agony screamed up his leg as he landed on the other side, stars bursting before his eyes. He could feel the pressure in the air growing, the snow swirling madly now as her hand stayed extended toward the tear. She was too close to it. What was going to happen? Who was that with her?

            A shockwave blasted through the area, nearly knocking him down as he came upon them and he did stumble as Elora slammed back into him. Wrapping one arm around her waist, he hauled her away from the person that had grabbed her, sword levelled at his throat.

            But the hooded figure had his hands up, made no move for the staff on his back. “Easy,” he said lowly. “I mean no harm.”

            “How did you do that?” Elora asked, not moving away from him. If anything she seemed to move closer to him as he took another step back.

            “Me? I did nothing. It was all you.”

            “Who are you?” Cullen demanded. “How did you get here?”

            “I was nearby when the rift opened. I thought I would lend my aid if I could.”

            Nearby? The only people nearby were the Chasind and he was definitely not one of them. “I am Cullen Lionsbane,” he said lowly, “Thane of this hold you stand in without permission and you’re speaking in riddles. I do not approve, Stranger.”

            “Forgive me,” he said, slowly raising his hands to push back the cowl. “I am Solas.”

            Not a man but an elf. Cullen’s eyes narrowed at him. “What are you doing here, Solas?” he asked, tightening his hold on Elora. “How did you know that she could close the tear?”

            “I only guessed and it turned out to be right. Why else would she be coming here if not to close it?”

            He didn’t like the way his questions were being answered with more questions. He could hear the sounds of others approaching and he knew none of them were going to like this. “Raleigh,” he called sharply.

            “Here, Thane. The hold is secure,” the shout came back.

            Solas was still holding his hands up, looking for all the world like he meant no harm. But something was off. What was an elf even doing this close to the hold? The Dalish avoided the holds almost completely and yet he came straight to them, in the middle of a snowstorm. His brows dropped low over his eyes. “You came to help,” he repeated.

            “Yes.”

            Hawke had sent word to her elven friends. He didn’t know how long it would take them to get here, didn’t know where they had made their camp, but perhaps luck had been on their side for once. “You can remain,” he said slowly, “so long as you are clear in what your actions here will be.”

            “I only wish to help, Thane,” Solas assured him, “but I can see that my presence here will cause some misgivings. I will return to my camp for the time being. If you have need of me, there is a cave to the north of your hold that serves as a good shelter from this storm.”

            Too many words got caught on his tongue. He didn’t want to invite the elf into his hold because there wasn’t anywhere to put him up and that would make him Cullen’s guest. He wasn’t going to stretch the tolerance of the clan that far, even if he was a friend of Hawke’s. Also, that cave was known to house wolves on stormy nights and wasn’t usually used by any of the clan. They left it alone because they knew the wolves denned down there and would rather know where they were than have them searching for a new place, one closer to the hold. “As you will.”

            “Wait,” Elora said when he started to walk away.

            Cullen’s grip on her tightened as she shifted against him.

            “You knew what to do, how to close it,” she said softly. “You grabbed my hand and held it out to the tear. How did you know how to do that?”

            He gave her a funny look. “The mark on your hand was glowing the same colour as the rift. I made the only logical conclusion that I could, that the two were connected and perhaps it would close the rift.”

            Elora settled back against Cullen. “Oh,” she said softly and he could hear her disappointment.

            Solas’ gaze flicked over Cullen. “He’s injured and the storm is most likely to get worse before it gets any better. I will come back when it abates and we can speak more if you like.”

            She looked up at him. “Is that alright?”

            He didn’t like it but he nodded. “Let the clan settle,” he told Solas, turning them both back to the hold. “We’ll come to you when they are.”

            Solas murmured something but Cullen didn’t hear it. He hoped the elf did get out of the hold as quickly as he could, but he didn’t like the fact that he had gotten in without being spotted.

            “What was that?” Raleigh growled as he came up to them.

            “Post more guards on the northern gate,” Cullen said lowly. “I want to know how he got in here without us seeing since I know that gate has remained shut since the storm started.  He said he’s staying at the Wolf Den. Watch it.”

            Raleigh squinted in the direction Solas was going. “Aye, I’ll do that,” he said, his voice just as low. “And I’ll find out how in Korth’s teeth he got in in the first place.”

            Cullen nodded. “Casualties?”

            “Two so far as we can see,” he muttered, but he gave Cullen the once over. “Get yourself tended. I’ll speak to you after we’ve done a sweep of the hold.”

            Nodding again, he caught Branson’s eyes and saw his brother’s face tighten before he moved off. Bran hated watch shifts but he’d stay on the gate through the entire storm if it meant they knew how Solas had gotten in.

            “Cullen, come on,” Elora said softly. “You’re bleeding.”

            He lifted a brow at her. “I hadn’t noticed,” he said dryly.

            Her lips pursed together. “Please, can we go?”

            He nearly teased her again, wanting to know if she thought him so weak to not be able to handle the wounds. But he didn’t when he saw the tension in her face, in the way her left hand was curled tight and pressed to his stomach. More than that, it was the way she was shaking like a leaf in the wind against him. “Aye, we can,” he agreed. “Delrin, send word to Mia to bring healing-”

            “I can heal you,” Elora cut in. “I didn’t specialise in it but I can at least tend to this.”

            His head tipped to the side slightly. “As you wish,” he said softly.  “Delrin, once the sweep is done get the others back to their homes.”

            “Aye.”

            Looking down at Elora, he gave her a nod before they started forward, slower than he would like thanks to his leg and her steps were almost as faltering. He helped her over the fence before shooing her back when she looked like she was going to attempt to help him. Once they were both on the other side, he was surprised when she tucked herself right back into his side. “Thank you, Elora,” he said after a few steps of silence.

            She didn’t say anything and she was definitely shaking.

            “Are you alright?t” he asked in concern.

            She shook her head sharply and he felt her hands tighten on him.

            Cullen stopped walking and gently pulled her away from him. Stripping the pelt from his shoulders, he wrapped it around her instead. “Can you walk to the house?”

            A weak laugh left her. “You’re bleeding and you’re asking me if I can walk?” she asked in disbelief, clutching at the pelt.

            “Just because you aren’t bleeding, doesn’t mean you weren’t hurt.”

            Her eyes closed and she sighed. “I’ll be alright until the house,” she admitted.

            He wrapped an arm around her again, preparing to tell her it was to help support him if she asked. But she didn’t. She simply leaned into him as they walked. If it weren’t for his leg, he would be tempted to pick her up and carry her back to his house. But the wind and snow were blowing again and he focused on just getting them through it.

            A chill had crept into his skin by the time they got to the door but she pushed it open quickly and he followed her in. He cocked a brow when she flicked her hand at the fire and it roared back to life. So far as he had seen, she had used conventional means to do everything in the past week. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” he asked.

            “Sit down,” she said, gesturing at the table.

            He made a low noise and went to one of the chairs. Before he was settled, his gaze was back on her as she stood near the fire, staring pensively at it. Her small hands were fisted in the pelt, keeping the striped fur close around her. He could almost see her shaking from his place and he knew that it had little to do with the cold.

            But she abruptly turned away from the fire, giving him her back as she crossed the room to where the pelt usually hung. She hung it up, fidgeting with it and picking at where the demon’s claws had ripped holes into it. “Elora?” he asked gently.

            “You’re really not scared of me because I have magic?”

            Cullen frowned at her. She wasn’t facing him and he wished he could see her face so he had some idea of what she was thinking. “No. You’re clearly in control of it so why should I be?”

            A disbelieving laugh left her. “You don’t mind that I use it?”

            “Elora, your magic is your greatest skill, the greatest tool that you have been given. To not use it would be a waste.”

            She slowly turned to face him. “And you’re alright with me using magic to heal you?” she asked in a small voice.

            “Of course.”

            Her brows drew together and she looked like she was going to cry. “You really aren’t scared of me.”

            It wasn’t a question, more a statement of wonder that had him severely questioning what the Lowlanders did to their kin to make her feel like this. But he already knew, didn’t he? She had told him, mages were reviled in the Lowlands, tucked away out of sight where no one had to see them or deal with them outright. “No, Elora,” he said honestly, holding her gaze. “I’m not scared of you.”

 


	8. Chapter 8

            _I’m not scared of you._

            The words echoed, twisting repeatedly, in Elora’s head and she knew she was staring at him. She was starting to shake again and she wasn’t sure if it was from relief or left over from closing the rift. How long had she waited to be in a place where she could hear those words and actually believe them?

            “Elora,” Cullen said softly, “I need you to heal me.”

            She jerked harshly. What was she doing? He was bleeding out and she was having a moment. “Sorry,” she muttered, hurrying across the room to him.

            He didn’t say anything as she plucked at the shirt where the slashes dug into his ribs. She could feel him watching her and her fingers trembled in response. What if she hurt him accidentally? She wasn’t a healer, only knew basic spells that would be enough to take care of this but if she panicked for any reason she was liable to summon fire. While that would help seal the wounds, it probably wasn’t what he wanted.

            Or maybe she would.

            Pursing her lips, she took a deep breath and focused on Cullen. She tried to see how far the gashes went but with his shirt on, she couldn’t see much. Her gaze flicked up to him and she wasn’t overly surprised to see that he was watching her. “I need you to take this off,” she said softly.

            His head tipped to the side slightly.

            “I can’t see how much damage the demon did to you,” she continued. “If you take your shirt off, I’ll be able to see.”

            There was no way to know what he was thinking of her request but his head dipped into a slow nod. “You’ll have to help me,” he told her.

            Elora started to push to her feet but he stopped her by simply leaning forward so she could grab the material and gently tug it off of him. She knew what to expect, had seen him that first morning they’d shared the bed, but her breath still caught as she got the material off of him.

            She didn’t know if it was because she wasn’t used to being around someone built like him, at least not where she could see how toned he was, or if it was the swirling tattoo along his left side, but she felt like she couldn’t breathe as she stared at him. It wasn’t just the muscles or the tattoo, but she could see a myriad of scars that tracked across his skin as well.

            Jerking slightly, she forced herself to look at his side again. The cold had helped slow the blood flow while they’d been outside, but now that he was warming up so she could see the liquid seeping from the jagged cuts. “Shit,” she whispered, dropping his shirt and shuffling closer to him.

            He hissed softly when she put her hands on either side of one of the claw marks, gently easing the torn flesh back together. “Easy, Elora,” he grunted as she pushed a little harder.

            She wanted to put a little magic into her touch to ease the pain but between his ribs and his leg she was going to be stretched thin on her healing abilities. And she was more than partially responsible for what had happened to him so she wanted to heal as much as she could. That meant very little in the way of numbing him. “I wish I had embrium and a bit of elfroot stalk,” she muttered. “Fifteen minutes on slow simmer and it’ll take away the pain for a couple hours. But I don’t have fifteen minutes or embrium or elfroot, do I?”

            Cullen shifted on the seat and she didn’t have to look to know he was staring down at her. “You’re talking to yourself.”

            “I know,” she said absently, trying to flip through the spells in her head, trying to remember how to channel the mana so that it would gently mend, not sear the flesh under her palms. “Sorry.”  
            “I didn’t say it was a bad thing, but why are you doing it? Most do it when they’re nervous.”

            “I am nervous. What if I hurt you?”

            “I highly doubt that you would.”  
            “Well, not on purpose,” she agreed, gently feeding her mana through her fingers and coaxing the flesh to start knitting itself together. She was pleased when it did, without the encouragement of any fire. “It’s just…been a long time since I’ve healed more than a cut or a scraped knee.”

            He shifted again and she moved into the space between his legs to get closer to him. “You aren’t a healer.”

            She shook her head. “Basics are taught to everyone,” she whispered. “But I wasn’t ever inclined to be a healer. My natural talents didn’t lie on that route.”

            She thought she felt her hair move, like he had picked up some of the curls to twist them around his fingers. “And where do your natural talents lie?”

            Elora flicked a glance at the fire and blushed when it flared a bit more than normal, jerking her hands back from him to make sure she didn’t respond the same way.

            “Ah.”

            Cupping the second cut across his ribs as she saw that the first was now just a line of angry red flesh, she started the process again. “It’s not that bad,” she said, feeling self-conscious. “I mean, yes, it’s bad if you sneeze and set your clothes or someone else’s on fire, but it can come in handy.”

            “Like keeping yourself warm while you drift in a river.”

            “Like that,” she sighed deeply. “Although I think I used all my fire on just doing that.”

            His hand was definitely in her hair and if she hadn’t know better, she would have thought that he was braiding it. “You just need rest.”

            “Maybe but what exactly have I been doing since I woke up except rest? I don’t do anything. I sit here, talk to you, your family, play with Leo a little, but I don’t _do_ anything. It should have come back!”

            He tipped her head up so she was looking at him. “You fought the demon, didn’t you?” Cullen said patiently. “You used magic to do that.”

            Elora wasn’t going to tell him that even that had been a struggle. She’d been elated when the fire had come but it hadn’t been near as much as she was used to and it hadn’t come as easily. The elation she had felt at finally feeling the fire rip through her had been short lived as she’d thrown all the magic she could into a barrier to keep the demon from ripping them both apart. She definitely wasn’t going to tell him that she had tried to cast another fire spell and even that had fizzled.

            It was honestly a miracle the fire in his home had even responded to her.

            She wasn’t sure what to think about the fact that creating the barrier wasn’t half as hard as the fire. Barriers were easy, but fire was instinct and struggling with it…terrified her. Terror brought sloppiness which could accidentally spark the flames.

            Taking a deep breath, she moved on to the last of the gashes. “You’re going to have to be easy on these,” she said softly. “They’re mostly healed but not fully. If you over exert yourself, you run the risk of tearing them open. I can’t promise they won’t scar. I wish I could heal them more, but….”

            “You’re doing a good job, Elora,” Cullen murmured. “I appreciate it and a new scar or three isn’t offsetting.”

            Her gaze darted up, moving over the white lines on his chest. Yes, he had scars but she didn’t like that she was the cause of these new ones. “Mm.”

            She actually felt his chuckle rumble through her fingers, a low sound that had a different kind of fire leaping through her. “Finish your task, Elora. Don’t worry about the scars.”

            Her nose wrinkled at that. Don’t worry about the scars he said when they’d been taught to heal until there was no trace of wound anymore. Because the mages weren’t of much use if they couldn’t even do that. She blew out a harsh breath as the voices of Templars rang in her ears before she could stop them. No. She wasn’t with the Templars, she was with the Avvar now and they seemed leagues better suited to taking care of their mages. At least they weren’t terrified of them.

            Sitting back on her heels, she stared at his ribs and the angry red lines across them. “I wish I could do better,” she apologised, looking up at him.

            His hand was definitely in her hair and she was sure his thumb brushed against her ear before he leaned back in the chair. “You’ve done better than I would.”

            Elora couldn’t help rolling her eyes. “You would have gotten Bethany to heal them,” she muttered.

            His chuckle told her she was right but it was short lived as she shifted around to pick at the leather of his boot. “Easy,” he mumbled again as she tried to figure out how best to get it off of him.

            “I should have healed this one first.” His blood had completely soaked the leather of his boots and she wasn’t sure if there would be a simple way to get it off of him. “Give me your knife.”

            She wasn’t sure what to think about the fact that he didn’t even hesitate to unsheathe the blade and pass it to her. Awake for a little over a week and already he trusted her with a weapon when he was near defenceless. Her eyes darted to his torso and she blushed. No, definitely not anywhere near defenceless. He might not have a weapon his hand, but he wouldn’t need to when it was very clear that his body was a weapon.

            Carefully cutting the leather away from him, she bit her lip as she realised his pants were stuck to the wound as well. She lifted his foot to gently tug his boot off and stared at the mess of blood and cloth that was his lower leg. “Shit,” she whispered.

            “That good?” he said mildly.

            There was no other way to say this. Telling herself it was to help him, that she was being a professional healer, she looked back up at him. “I need you to take off your pants.”

            Clearly she could have phrased it better as his brows snapped up. “You _need_ me to?” he repeated.

            So much for being professional. She could feel her cheeks getting hot but she refused to look away from him. “It will be easier to heal your leg and wrap it if your pants aren’t in the way.”  
            Cullen’s head tipped to the side. “You haven’t reacted well to me being naked any other time,” he said slowly.

            “This is different,” she insisted. Oh, she was sure every drop of blood she possessed was rushing to her cheeks and completely making her sound like a fool.

            He sucked on his cheek, his jaw flexing as he no doubt clenched his teeth. “Scoot back.”

            She did more than that, hopping to her feet and turning around. “You had bandages before,” she said, telling herself she wasn’t listening as the sound of leather whispered against skin.

            “Wooden crate under the bed.”

            Elora didn’t wait as she heard him stand up. She hurried across the room, practically running behind the fur and hurrying over to the bed. It was different, it was to heal him. Maybe she should grab a cloth or sheet or something to give him some decency and save herself the embarrassment. Dropping to her knees, she started to look under the bed but her gaze moved back into the room. She was low enough she could see under the fur, could see across to where she had left him.

            Her breath caught as she saw the material of his pants get shoved down his legs, watched him gingerly step out of them. She saw his hands hesitantly run over the flesh that was wounded, his hiss reaching her across the room and it spurred her into action. What was she doing? Ogling when she was supposed to be getting bandages to help with the healing? What was wrong with her?

            Absolutely nothing and that was the problem right now because she would have to be blind not to see how attractive he actually was.

            She grabbed more than she probably needed, but with the way her knees were wobbling she wasn’t sure she’d make it back to the bedroom to get more. She completely forgot about finding something to cover him with until she was back around the fur curtain and staring across at him.

            Cullen was still standing, his gaze on her as if he’d waited for her to rejoin him. It was probably only his eyes on hers that kept her from looking down to see if he was actually naked or not. But the way he was watching her had her heart doing flips in her chest.

            “Is something wrong?” she whispered, hesitantly approaching him.

            He shook his head slowly. “No.”

            Her breath shivered out of her as he took his seat again and she came around the fire. Her head cocked to the side when she saw that he wasn’t naked. “What’s that?” she asked before wincing. “I’m so sorry. That was rude.”  
            “I was wearing it before,” Cullen said mildly.

            Was he? “Oh,” she said softly, kneeling in front of him again. She bit down on her lip when she realised that there was no easy way to do this. “Oh, uhm…you’re not wearing anything under that are you?” she asked in a deathly quiet whisper.

            “No.”

            Oh, Maker have mercy on her. “O-Oh,” she repeated, focusing solely on his leg. This was going to be difficult. Most of the marks were on the back of his calf which would be difficult to treat when his legs were together like that.

            Cullen swore sharply under his breath as he seemed to come to the same conclusion that she had. “I can stand back up.”

            “No, that’ll put pressure on your leg that we don’t need.”

            More heartfelt swearing and she swore that her blush was going to travel across the whole of her body before they were finished.

            Swallowing, she mumbled, “I won’t peek if that’s what you’re worried about.”

            “Korth’s fucking teeth!” Cullen snapped. “That isn’t-! Could you-!” He broke off into harsh mutters that had her staring at his leg and wondering if she had offended him.

            Maker she knew so little about the Avvar, but his seeming nonchalance towards being naked, at least while he’d been sleeping, made her wonder if not peeking was insulting to him. “I could…uhm, a little if that’s what you’d prefer?” she said in a squeaky voice.

            “You could…? No! By the Lady’s mercy, no! That’s not what I meant!”

            Elora hazarded a glance up at his face and she was startled to see that his cheeks were almost as red as hers felt. He was rubbing harshly at his neck, his fingers leaving white marks from the pressure he was putting on it. Had she embarrassed him now? Oh, what was she doing? “I’m going to stop talking and heal your leg now,” she said timidly.

            He groaned harshly, dragging his hand down his face now. But he nodded so she shuffled as close as she could get and wrapped her hands around his calf.

            Summoning the magic was even harder this time and she knew it was because she was distracted. Every time his legs started to relax, they parted and he would jerk them closed as soon as he remembered. Which pulled his leg in her hand and disrupted her concentration. But she kept her gaze firmly on his calf and tried not to think about glancing to her left, or about the muscles she could feel shifting slightly as he flexed his foot. She was just going to heal him and be done with-“Oh, stop that,” she snapped when his leg jerked again. “I’m not going to look!”

            He growled at her. “Aye, you’ve made it clear you have no desire toward me, Elora. You don’t need to rub it further in my face.”

            She jerked around to look at him, her jaw dropping even as she saw him shove the loincloth down so she didn’t get an eyeful. “What are you-” She nearly screamed when the door banged open and her head whipped to it.

            Whatever blood had been filling her cheeks from her embarrassment fled completely, leaving her feeling light headed as people came through the door. They all stopped short as soon as they saw the pair of them, Cullen stripped down to that odd fur loincloth and her on her knees in front of him with her hands wrapped around his leg.

            To make matters worse she definitely recognized two of the three, Raleigh and Bethany, and wanted to scream even more.

            Jerking away from Cullen, she turned her gaze to the far wall and balled her hands into fist in her lap. She could only imagine what this looked like.

            “Raleigh I expected,” Cullen said evenly. “What are you two doing here?”

            “We heard the bells,” Bethany said and Elora heard light steps coming toward them. “We wanted to check to make sure everyone was alright and offer our help.”

            “No, you did. You wanted to come up before we’d even secured the clan in defence of whatever was going on up here.”

            Elora didn’t recongize the voice and knew it must have been the other man, the one she didn’t know.

            “With Olivia gone, I’m primary healer for both clans,” Bethany said and Elora knew she was next to her and Cullen but she didn’t look. “And with her gone, you’re primary leader of the Hawkes, Carver. Your responsibility is to maintain their welfare.”

            “Which includes you, Sister,” he said dryly.

            Bethany ignored him as she crouched beside Elora and hummed softly. “You’ve got this under control,” she said after a moment. “You’ll want this though.”

            Elora barely looked at her before a vial was pressed between her clenched hands and Bethany was moving away.

            “I’m going to check on the others. Raleigh said that the injured were gathered in one of the houses near the south gate.”

            “Thane,” the voice she didn’t know said before the door opened and closed.

            “What did you learn?” Cullen asked lowly.

            “No one saw him come in,” Raleigh growled. “Meaning he used magic. If it wasn’t for the fact that they probably scattered as soon as the tear opened to keep themselves from becoming twisted, the gods would have kept him out or alerted someone about his presence before he got that close to you.”

            Solas. They were talking about Solas. “He helped didn’t he?” she said softly.

            “Aye, he did. But Hawke’s friend or no, I’m not keen on a stranger coming into my hold without permission and neither announcing himself nor his attentions to the clan. Sneaking in with magic reeks of ulterior motives.”

            “Or he knew you wouldn’t let him in otherwise. The tear would still be open if not for him.”

            “The tear is closed because of you, Lowlander,” Raleigh said from behind her. “He didn’t do anything, admitted it himself.”

            She pressed her lips together to keep from arguing with that. Except she hadn’t had any idea what to do with the tear, had been panicked that clan was going to die because she didn’t know what to do and then Solas had grabbed her arm.

            “He’s settled in the Wolf Den like he said,” he continued, “but there’s no sign of where the wolves went. I don’t know if he somehow claimed the spot from them or if they moved on. The pack hasn’t been seen in a while and if he had something to do with it he’s been there longer than he says.”

            Cullen made a sharp noise. “Keep watching him. Set a mage on the gate as well. I want to know if he comes back in uninvited.”

            “Aye, we’ll be ready for him this time.” There was a long pause. “I was wrong, we lost three not two.”

            “Who?” Cullen demanded.

            “Almrik, Mickael, and Neah.”

            Cullen made a pained sound. “Recha will want to prepare them before the storm is done.”

            “She can’t do all of it,” Raleigh growled. “The augur-”

            “Is not here. Recha has been preparing the bodies for offering to the Lady since before either of us was born, Raleigh,” Cullen said shortly. “She knows what to do.”

            “If they don’t make it to the Lady’s side, it’s the Hawke’s fault.”

            Elora jumped slightly as the door slammed and her gaze jerked to Cullen. He was glaring at the door, his brows drawn tight over his eyes. “Is he always like that?” she whispered.

            “Raleigh? No. Not…all of the time,” Cullen sighed, rubbing his neck again before wincing and dropping his arm. “We don’t always see eye to eye but he has always done what he’s thought was best for the clan. As have I. They don’t always line up, aye, but we work through it.”

            “He doesn’t like your augur.”

            “Half the bloody clan doesn’t like our augur,” he corrected, “but she’s ours and we’re not giving her up.”

            “You said the Hawkes weren’t Avvar,” she slowly, forgetting the word he had used.

            “Chasind,” Cullen supplied, still looking at the door even as her hands hesitantly wrapped around his leg again. The wounds were mostly sealed but she still had a bit of mana left in her.  She could do better. Which meant the bandages would be rendered useless but she didn’t care at the moment. “From the Korcari Wilds.”

            “Chasind,” she agreed, repeating it silently so she didn’t forget it again. “If…Cullen, how did someone who isn’t Avvar get the title of augur? It’s clearly a vaunted position and-” Elora stopped talking as she felt his muscles tense under her hands, almost felt the air cool around her. “Never mind,” she said quickly. “It’s not any of my business. I’m sorry.”

            He let out a slow breath. “The Hawkes saved the hold,” he said tightly. “They saved us when none of our own could and yet so many seem to have forgotten that we wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for them. Olivia inherited both the title of augur for my clan and the Hawke in hers when her father died, just as I inherited thane when my father returned to the Lady. She’d already been augur for a year. I couldn’t take that title away from her even if I’d wanted to. The gods don’t talk to anyone but her. The gods, _our_ gods, picked her over all the others but some have a hard time accepting that. Even ten years later.”

             Elora glanced up at him after she had pulled her hands away from his leg. “And the augur before her father?” she asked softly.

            Cullen shook his head sharply. “We don’t speak of it,” he said flatly.

            She looked down at her lap and saw the vial Bethany had left was glowing faintly. She brushed her thumb against the lyrium draught, wondering if that was all she would need to help recover her magic or if it was something more. Turning her left hand, she stared at the mark on her palm, the sickly green light muted now. So many questions and no answers. Was she ever going to learn what she needed to survive?

            Fingers threaded through her hair and turned her back to him, made her look at him. “It isn’t an easy thing to speak of, Elora,” Cullen said softly. “For anyone in the clan. We’ll tell you. One day. You don’t need the burden of those memories right now, not when you carry so much already.”

            “How am I supposed to learn if you won’t tell me?”

            His expression tightened before he sighed deeply. “Our Skald wants to talk to you anyways. I’ll see that she comes round after the clan have settled.”

            That was going to have to be good enough, she supposed. “Cullen?” she asked when his fingers curled in her hair, brushing against her scalp.

            “Thank you, Elora,” he said. “I seem to be saying that a lot, but there are no other words for me to give you for helping as you have been.”

            She gave him a faint smile, telling herself she wasn’t disappointed when his hand slipped out of her hair. “If I’m going to stay here, helping is only the right thing to do.”

            He returned her smile and her heart did that flip thing again as it warmed his eyes. “Aye. Drink the lyrium and get settled. I’ll see what I can do about salvaging our dinner before Mia and the others get here.”

            Elora blinked. “They’re coming here?”

            Cullen gave a shrug and slumped a little in the chair. “Without a doubt. Bran would have told them I got hurt and Mia will want to check me over to make sure I’m not dying.”

            Her hand stuttered as she lifted the vial to her lips. “She what?”

            He shrugged again. “She’s eldest,” he said dismissively. “She worries. Even before Leo came into our lives, she was like that. Our…our mother was the same. Mother bear and we’re her cubs whether we like it or not.”

            Sipping at the lyrium, Elora wasn’t sure what to say to that. And she wasn’t sure if she should ask if she was included as one of the cubs now as well.

 


	9. Chapter 9

            Cullen tipped his head to the side as he watched Elora pull on another layer. “Do you need help?” he asked, trying to keep his amusement out of his voice.

            She bounced around a little, trying to get the clothes to settle properly on her. He felt bad, they hadn’t had a chance to get outer clothes that would fit her well, not with the attack. They’d managed to find a few for her to wear indoors and Mia had told him that more would be coming, new, specifically made for Elora. But the attack had pushed everything back, including getting her new clothes. “No,” she said once she was standing still.

            “There’s no shame in asking for help, Elora.”

            She muttered under her breath, tugging on her coat a little more.

            “Would you prefer mine?” he asked.

            “I’d prefer it if my breasts would cooperate with me,” she said tartly.

            Cullen didn’t say anything to that and he had to turn away so he didn’t laugh. He knew it wouldn’t be well received. “You could wear the pelt,” he offered, looking at where it was hanging on the wall. He’d repaired the cuts in it and it would more than cover her. “I can honestly say that it is warmer than it looks.”

            “You’re not helping.”

            He didn’t bother hiding his smile now that he wasn’t facing her. “I’m serious. It would be easy enough to put on,” he told her, unable to not tease her for the put out note in her voice. “You could even wear the skull to keep your head warm.”

            His shoulders itched suddenly but he didn’t shift. He’d felt this particular itch before, usually when he’d irritated Mia and she was glaring at him so he didn’t have to look to know what was happening behind him. “Oh, yes, no one is going to notice the fact that the Thane is suddenly a foot shorter and wider,” she sassed.

            “I wouldn’t say a foot wider,” he said, his smile disappearing as he frowned.

            “Well they’re my hips so I say a foot.”

            He turned back to her but he decided to let it drop. They needed to be on their way. “Are you ready?” he asked. “Are you going to be warm enough? The nights here are colder than the days and you’re having a problem with even those.”

            She nodded, her mouth twisting faintly at the reminder. Big eyes watched him as he came up to her to pull the hood up over her hair. “Thank you.”

            Cullen grunted softly before moving to the door with her hot on his heels. He didn’t pause as he opened it, reaching back and glad when her mitten covered hand landed in his. Closing his fingers around hers as they stepped outside, he gave her a moment to shut the door before he was leading her through the hold.

            It was silent around them, most already tucked in for the night, but he knew a few would still be up. He’d cautioned Elora that they would have to be quick and as quiet as possible so they didn’t draw attention to themselves. Neither the clan elders nor the council wanted anything to do with the elf, friend of Hawke’s or not. His sudden appearance and the place he had chosen to bed down made him far too suspicious.

            He agreed with them completely but it wasn’t just the safety of the hold he had to consider. Elora’s health and wellbeing was his responsibility as well and he couldn’t ignore the fact that something was wrong with her. It had been a couple days since the tear had opened in the hold and she had become listless in that time. He’d been worried, thinking she was going to become ill from her time in the river, but he’d started to wonder if it was something else when she hadn’t shown any signs of actually being sick.

            Cullen had woken this morning to both the storm breaking and Elora whimpering in pain. She’d been curled tight around her hand, trembling even as he had wrapped more blankets and himself around her to try to give her what comfort and warmth he could. But she’d just kept whispering that it hurt, that she wanted it to stop hurting and he’d made his decision.

            He had told Solas that they would come to him and they were now that most of the hold would be asleep. A part of him was sorry that he’d made Elora wait all day for this but he knew it was for the best because if any of the clan had seen them leaving they would have tried to stop them. Despite the fact that all of them had brought possible pain relief for Elora throughout the day, they still would have tried to stop them. The only reason she was alright now was because the gods had numbed her entire arm for a while until Bethany could get there to bring a stronger tonic for her pain.

            But she was staying close to him as they walked, keeping quiet and holding firmly to his hand even with the mitten on hers. He knew he was setting a hard pace to get them to the north gate, he could hear her heavier breathing, but he didn’t slow. Once they were out, they could light a torch and slow down.

            Freezing when he heard voices, Cullen tugged Elora between a pair of houses, crowding her between him and one of the walls. “Shh,” he breathed when he heard her inhale sharply.

            She let the breath out slowly before her head thumped against his shoulder.

            Cullen kept them pressed tightly together, hoping they would be far enough into the shadows so that whoever was passing by wouldn’t see them if they were carrying a torch. It was probably a patrol; both he and Raleigh had agreed that they couldn’t just assume that they were safe in the hold anymore. They needed to take more precautions which was good but not right now when he was trying to get out of the hold.

            He listened to the quiet conversation and heard as Elora held her breath as the pair of hunters walked past. He wanted to tell her it was a bad idea but he wasn’t going to risk it. He just hoped it wasn’t because she was in pain again. He gently cradled the back of her head as she pressed her face deeper into his chest and he felt a tremble run through her. _Please,_ he threw at the gods. _Please don’t let her hurt._

            He didn’t expect a response but he thought he felt Elora calm in his arms, her shoulders sagging as she sighed.

            The pair of hunters passed without incident but he still waited a few more moments to ensure they were gone. “Are you well?” he asked lowly.

            “No but we need to keep going,” she said softly.

            He pressed her a little closer, giving what small comfort he could before he was leading her out from between the houses. Her hand was caught fast in his again and she was close behind him as they continued to the north gate.

            They made it without further incident. At least until they were at the gate. He’d made sure that Branson would be stationed there when they needed to leave but his brother was not happy about it. Even the silhouette of his brother was agitated. Cullen could see him rubbing his hands together, picking at the hilt of his sword, and doing everything someone on guard duty wasn’t supposed to be doing. He didn’t even realise they were there until Elora sneezed softly.

            Bran whipped around to face them, sword half drawn before he saw them. “By the Mountain Father, make some noise would you?” he hissed, shoving his sword back into its sheath.

            “Or perhaps act like an actual guard and pay attention?” Cullen growled back at him.

            “That isn’t fair. I’m not expecting people from the hold to sneak up on me!”

            “Shh! And you damn well should given everything that’s happened!”

            “Cullen, maybe you-”

            “Don’t,” Cullen said shortly, jabbing a finger at him when he opened his mouth to continue.

            Bran’s brows dropped lower over his eyes, his expression souring. “One hour,” he said flatly. “If you’re not back in one hour, I’m sending them after you.”

            “We’ll be back before then. Do not send the hunters.”

            Branson didn’t answer.

            Giving his chest a shove, Cullen repeated, “Do not send the hunters, Branson.”

            He grunted, moving to open the gate. “One hour, Cullen. No more than that.”

            He knew that. He was the one that had told Branson that, but he stayed quiet as he slipped through the gate with Elora close behind him. Unsheathing his sword as soon as the gate was closed behind them, he glanced at her. “Can you make a light for us to use?”

            Her lips pressed together and she looked away from him.

            “Elora?”

            She sighed deeply. “I don’t think I can,” she admitted, her voice small. “My magic isn’t…. I don’t know if it’s the mark or something else but it’s getting harder to use.”

            He stared at her, a sick feeling coiling in his gut. “How long?”

            Elora went quiet, staring at the ground before he gently tugged on her hand to bring her attention back to him. “Before I healed you,” she admitted. “Maybe after Leo? Maybe before then? I don’t know.”

            “You should have said something sooner,” he said tersely. “Bethany could have healed me when she got there.”

            “I wanted to try,” she whispered harshly. “And I did it, didn’t I?”

            Cullen let go of her hand to tip her face up to his when she looked away again. “Aye and I thank you for it,” he said honestly. “But pushing yourself into hurting yourself isn’t something I want. And it isn’t something that should ever cross your mind, no matter what the situation is.”

            She squirmed under his gaze, clearly wishing he would let go of her. “I want to be useful,” she finally said. “How can I be useful if I don’t have my magic? What good can I do if I don’t have it?”

            The growl left him without a second thought and she took a step back from him with wide eyes. He followed her, backing her into the gate. Stooping down so they were at eye level, he waited until he knew she was paying attention. “Stop. It,” he said firmly. “Stop thinking that you don’t have worth when you do.”

            “It’s hard to unlearn something I’ve been taught for twenty years,” Elora said in a small voice.

            “I can understand that, but are you even going to try? Or are you going to hide behind this idea that you’re useless because perhaps there’s something wrong with your magic?” Cullen pinned her with a look when she opened her mouth, most likely to protest, and she closed it quickly. “You haven’t been with us that long, Elora,” he continued, his voice gentling. “You’ll find your place soon enough. There’s no rush. You don’t have to go through grand gestures to get us to like you, especially not if it’s at the cost of your own wellbeing. Take your time. You weren’t planning on leaving, were you?”

            She shook her head. “You said I could stay,” she whispered.

            He tugged her hood back over her hair from where it had slipped down a bit. “Aye, I did and you can. But, Elora, you must understand. We grew up here, the clan have had years to find their places in the hold, have had parents and friends help them find their own. You’ve been here, what? Not even two weeks? I know it will be hard to forget what you have been taught but in time you will and you will find your place here, no matter how different it is from what you knew.”

            “So I need to be patient,” she sighed.

            “Is that going to be a problem?” he asked, smiling faintly.

            “No,” Elora said, drawing out the word.

            He didn’t bother calling her out on the lie. “And are you forgetting that you have been useful? If you keep on the way you are, you’re going to earn your own Legend Mark for saving the hold as many times as you have.”

            She blinked up at him before jumping with a squeak when a fist thumped against the other side of the gate.

            “You’re down ten minutes,” Branson growled through the wood.

            “Korth’s teeth,” Cullen muttered, reaching up to unhook one of the torches on the side of the gate. He doubted it had been that long but he wasn’t going to waste more time arguing with Bran about it.

            “I can carry it,” Elora offered, holding out her hand. “Since you have the sword and I think I still need you to hold my hand so I don’t get lost.”

            Cullen passed it to her without comment and waited for her to shift it to her left hand before taking her free one. He led her away from the gate, slower than he had in the hold, but still faster than he would have liked. They’d lost time and he didn’t know how long this Solas was going to want to talk to her. Or how long Elora would want to talk to him.

            But his skin was already crawling at the thought of going to the Wolf Den to speak with him. Of all the places, of all the caves around the hold, he had picked that one. Had he not seen that the wolves clearly denned down there? Had he driven them off to claim it as his own? As much as he wanted answers to those questions, Cullen knew he would have to save them for another time. They needed to know what the elf knew of the mark and make it back to the hold before Bran’s watch was over.

            His gaze kept sweeping over the area, sure he was going to see eyes reflected in the torchlight of the displaced wolves. There weren’t many packs that stayed near the hold, the clan made sure to drive them off before they could get too large, but this one they had left alone for the most part. A shudder passed through him as he thought about that and how bad of a mistake that might have been.

            Hawke’s vision had had to do with wolves, had been about this very pack, but the mere thought of it made his blood run cold as they approached the Wolf Den. Hawke had been so sure she had understood the meaning of her vision, of that lone wolf moving through the mist, but now that Cullen knew something was wrong with the pack he couldn’t help but wonder if she had read it wrong. He was the last person in the clan that would ever be able to understand a vision, but if her wolf was deranged, feral, was she only chasing trouble in the north?

            But now wasn’t the time to think about it. He had his own troubles to deal with, namely an elf that had managed to sneak into his hold unnoticed and a Lowlander with a mark on her hand that no one understood.

            Elora was panting by the time they reached the cave and he couldn’t resist saying, “Don’t you Lowlanders do anything physical? It wasn’t that far.”

            “Your legs are too long,” she threw back at him.

            He couldn’t help his smile but a sound from the cave had him turning quickly, his hold on her hand and sword tightening. They didn’t ease as Solas stepped into the light of their torch.

            “You’ve come. Good. We have much to discuss.”

            “We don’t have a lot of time,” Cullen told him, not moving. “The clan doesn’t want us here.”

            “And yet here you are. Why?”

            “The mark hurts,” Elora said softly. “It’s hurt since I woke up, but it’s getting worse.”

            “If you won’t come in, will you let me see your hand?”

            It wasn’t until Elora tugged on her hand that Cullen realised he had to let her go. He took the torch from her, not wanting to lower his sword as she stepped around him. He watched as she tugged the glove off, the mark on her palm unwrapped and glowing faintly in the dark.

            His grip on the sword tightened, the leather wrapped around the hilt creaking slightly from the pressure. Elora glanced at him, but Solas was completely focused on her hand. “Do you know anything about it?” Elora asked, turning back to the elf.

            “I know that it can close the rifts and it is most likely linked to the tear in the Fade.”

            “Is that what they are?” Elora asked curiously while Cullen frowned. “Oh, it would make sense if they were spilling demons into the world.”

            Solas nodded, his fingers still gently probing at Elora’s hand. “They are all connected to the Breach in the sky.”

            “The bigger one? Oh, Maker, that goes to the Fade as well?”

            “Yes,” he said, dipping his head. “It is the first and all of the others spring from it.”

            “But to go into the Fade,” Elora protested. “What would have enough power to do that?”

            Solas shrugged but Cullen didn’t buy it. The elf was too cagey to not at least have some idea. “There are artifacts in the world that may have the power required to do something of that magnitude but they are few and far between.”

            “Tevinter?”

            Cullen frowned further at the name and how it brought a chuckle from Solas. “Perhaps,” he agreed, “but what would they be doing so far south?”

            “They’d surely want back what they lost, no matter what deals they made with Maferath for, ah, his wife,” Elora finished, looking at him hesitantly.

            Meaning Andraste. The mere name had his temper snapping but he choked it down. “How does this have anything to do with the mark on her hand?” he demanded lowly. “That’s why we’re here. Not to discuss the Lowlander’s history and mistakes.”

            “Right. Do you have any idea how I got the mark? Or maybe where it came from?”

            “All I know is that it is clearly linked to the rifts and the Breach. Anything else is beyond me.”

            Elora’s shoulders slumped and Cullen felt irritation rise. “If you don’t know anything about it, why are we here?” he demanded. “Why did you want to speak with us if you have nothing to tell us?”

            “I never said I wished to speak with you. I only said that I would help if I could.”

            Cullen grit his teeth. “Elora, we should go back,” he said firmly.

            “We just got here,” she protested.

            “And there’s nothing here.”

            Her brows drew together. “But I have so many questions,” Elora whispered.

            And Solas had said that he didn’t have answers.

            “I can try to shed some light on whatever you ask,” Solas offered. “I might not know the true answer but there is no harm in asking.”

            “It won’t stop hurting,” she said quickly. “It started before I closed the tear or the rift or whatever it was but it’s been worse since I did. And I can’t use my magic. Well, I can but it’s hard, barely there. Things that should be easy I can’t do.”

            Cullen’s frown deepened. It had taken her days to tell him that and yet she just voluntarily gave the information to a stranger?

            Solas looked down at her hand, his thumbs on either side of the mark. “Is the mark spreading?” he asked lowly.

            Elora sucked in a sharp breath and Cullen stared at both of them. Spreading? Why would it spread?

            “I…I don’t know,” she admitted. “We’ve had it wrapped for the most part. I don’t like looking at it.”

            The elf looked up, right at Cullen. “Did you see it? Would you be able to tell if it has spread?”

            “Perhaps,” Cullen admitted. “I have only seen it a few times.”

            Solas didn’t ask him to come closer but the look on Elora’s face when she swung back to him had him moving. She was scared, that much was clear and he didn’t blame her. He wanted to put her mind at ease but he wasn’t sure how. He saw both of them tense before muttering under his breath as he sheathed his sword before he joined them fully.

            “Has it spread?”

  
            Pulling his gaze away from Elora’s scared face, he looked at her hand and felt his stomach clench. “Aye,” he said softly.

            Her hand snapped shut, curling into a fist as she pulled it away from Solas to press to her chest. “No,” she whispered.

             “I wouldn’t lie to you, Elora,” Cullen breathed. “Not about this.”

            She shook her head, her eyes shining in the torchlight. Tears. She was crying because of what he had said.

            But it was the truth and he wasn’t going to lie to her, not about this. Before, when she had first come to the hold, the mark had been smaller, like a shallow slice across her palm. Even when Bethany had checked it when Elora had awoken, it hadn’t gained any size that he had seen. But now, now it looked like a gaping wound, swollen, like it had become infected. It was no wonder it had been hurting her.

            “If I had to guess,” Solas said quietly, “I would think that the mark has been feeding on your mana but now that that is running dangerously low it is consuming you instead.”

            Her breath caught and she shook her head. “No!”

            “It’s only a guess,” he continued, “but the mark will continue to grow unless you do something about it.”

            “What am I supposed to do?” Elora demanded, her voice high. “No one knows anything about the Maker damned thing! The augur went north to find answers! You’re telling me it’s killing me! I don’t know what it is! I don’t know where it came from and I don’t want it!”

            Cullen heard the snap, that sharp crack that had come from her palm before when the tear had opened in the hold. Reacting, he moved to her, putting himself between her and Solas. “Elora,” he said firmly, grasping her chin. “Look at me!”

            Her pupils were blown wide, her fear overwhelming her.

            Giving her a small shake, Cullen growled, “Elora, listen to me.”

            “I don’t want to die,” she whispered. “I just got out. I can’t die when I just got out!”

            His heart bled at the pain and terror in her voice but he kept his voice firm. “You aren’t going to die.”

            “But Solas said-“

            “It was a guess,” he interrupted. “He admitted that he knows nothing about the mark and is guessing as much as any of us are about what it is, what it will do to you.”

            “What if he’s right?”

            “What if he’s wrong?” he countered. “Are you going to blindly do something because you’re scared-“

            “I am scared!” she cut in. “I have a mark on my hand that can close tears in the sky! And it’s killing me!”

            He wanted to kill Solas for putting that into her head. Although, he’d probably say he hadn’t actually said that it would kill her. The elf could mince words like no other he had seen and Cullen didn’t like it. Speaking plainly was valued among the Avvar and those with a clever tongue were often met with aversion and suspicion. “We will figure it out. We will,” he repeated when she laughed sharply.

            “How?” she demanded. “You said it yourself. The only one who might know left, went north to Maker knows where! Because no one here knows what to make of me and my stupid glowing hand!”

            She tugged her chin out of his grip and moved away, her arms wrapping around herself as she trembled from fright and fury. He wanted to reach out again; he was Thane, it was his job to fix things for everyone in the hold and Lady help him, he wanted to fix this. “Elora.”

            She shook her head, moving away from both of them but he could breathing hard. She was trying not to cry. She didn’t want his help right now, which left him alone with the elf.

            “How exactly was that helping?” Cullen asked, turning to face him.

            “Should I have lied? What good would that have done? You were honest with her as was I.”

            “But telling her that the mark is consuming her?” he demanded. “How is that in any way a good idea?”

            Solas spread his hands. “It is the truth so far as I can see it.”

            Cullen inhaled slowly through his nose and let it out even slower. He wouldn’t get anything from attacking the elf and he hadn’t done anything wrong. Cullen hadn’t lied to her to cushion the blow so why would he expect Solas to? “You truly have no idea of what to do?” he asked lowly.

            “I never said that. The tear in the Fade is spreading, as surely as the mark on her hand. I believe, since she can close the smaller ones, she may be able to close the larger one.”

            “The larger one is in the sky,” Cullen said from between clenched teeth.

            “The Breach is but I would wager that the rift, the actual source, is not. If she was there when this began, when that first rift was created, it would stand to reason that it would be on the ground.”

            It made sense. It also made Cullen’s stomach heave. “There is no guarantee that she would be able to do something.”

            “There’s no guarantee that she wouldn’t be able to do something. The only way to find out is to try. Everything I have seen leads me to believe that she would be able to close it.”

            Cullen glanced over his shoulder but Elora was still standing apart from them. “And if it kills her?” he asked, looking back at Solas. “What then?”

            “What is one life if it saves us all? She isn’t of your clan is she?”

            “She is my guest,” Cullen said flatly, “and a guest of my gods. Sacrificing her is not an option.”

            “The spirits in your hold will want to save her if she’s their guest. Or would you rather watch them become demons and slaughter your entire clan? Is her life worth more than your clan? Is her life worth more than the lives of everyone in Thedas?”

            He stared hard at Solas, not liking the way the elf talked about anything. Not their gods nor the callous way he thought one life wasn’t meant anything. It didn’t matter if Elora hadn’t been born Avvar, he wasn’t sacrificing her. “We’re done here,” he growled, turning away. His steps slowed as he came up to Elora, not sure what he should say to her. He could see that she was shaking but he doubted that it had anything to do with the cold. “Do you want to go back?” he asked quietly.

            She was gazing out into the night, her mouth pressed into a flat line. “I’m scared, Cullen,” she whispered.

            “I know. What do you want to do?”

            “What can I do?” she said morosely. “Short of cutting off my hand, I’m stuck with this mark that’s going to eat away at my magic until it kills me.”

            He hated that he didn’t know what to tell her, that he didn’t have the answers she needed, that they both needed. He watched her shoulders slump on a long sigh and she turned to him.

            “We should go back. Before your brother sets the hunters on us.”

            He heard the forced lightness in her tone, the attempt to move on from what had happened her, so he gave her a smile for the effort. He offered her his hand and jolted slightly when she put hers in it automatically. She hadn’t put her mitten back on so her bare skin met his. But it wasn’t just that, it was the fact that it was her marked hand and yet it felt no different than any other hand he had held. A bit softer than the usual ones, smaller, but no different. With the mark he would have thought her skin would be hot to the touch, maybe he’d feel it moving against his own hand like it was a living thing as it crackled and writhed on her palm.

            But it was just her hand, a normal hand that happened to have a magic mark on it.

            “Come,” he said quietly, leading her away from the wolf den even though they had more questions than answers.

            They were both silent as they walked back, her fingers tightening on his every time she lost her footing. He didn’t let go of her, even as they got closer to the gate. It opened before they got there, Bran’s harried expression sliding off his face as he looked at them.

            Cullen shook his head when his brother opened his mouth. He would talk to Bran about this tomorrow. Right now, he wanted to get Elora back inside, wanted her back in a place that he hoped she felt safe in. He hurried her through the hold, a little worried by the fact that she didn’t say anything about it, that she wasn’t saying anything at all. Even when they were inside, she simply let go of his hand and walked toward the bed. “Elora?” he asked softly.

            “I just want to go to sleep,” she whispered.

            He watched her go, watched her pull the fur back to give her a bit of privacy to change before he joined her. He didn’t like this, didn’t know how to fix the heavy feel to the air. Shrugging out of his coat, he slung it over the back of one of the chairs at the table and sighed. What was he supposed to do? If he had an augur, he’d be able to ask her advice but because of that damn vision she’d gone north, searching for answers that she may not find. He should have pressed harder when she had told him about the vision, pushed for more because what she had told him was shaky at best and nowhere near enough for him to let her go. He was Thane and this was his hold. They needed Hawke here, not chasing visions of wolves in the north.

            He rubbed at his face, feeling tired, old, stretched too thin. The augur was meant to help balance the weight of ruling the clan, help guide them through troubled times. They weren’t more troubled than this and-

            “I’m done,” Elora called softly.

            Crossing the room, he joined her behind the fur, not surprised she was already tucked in and curled up under the blankets. He stripped quickly, hesitating when only his pants remained. Cullen sighed and left them on as he crawled under the bed. It was a small concession to make when she was upset like this. He didn’t need to push her further. He snuffed out the candle before stretching out on his back, staring at the roof in the darkness.

            What Solas had said was still rattling around his mind, about taking her to the source, to the hole in the Lady’s flesh. It was suicide to be sure. What if she couldn’t close it? What if they couldn’t even make it there? What if he was wrong? Should he tell her? Would it set her mind at ease to know that there was a possible way to help with the mark? Or would it worry her further?

            “Cullen?”

            He turned toward her voice at the soft whisper of his name. “Mm?”

            He could hear her breathing, the sound faster than it should have been before the bed shifted as she rolled to face him. “Can you…I mean, I-I…I really need a hug right now,” she said in a small voice. “It’s okay if you don’t want to, but I would…really appreciate it.”

            “Elora,” he sighed, reaching out to pull her closer to him and wrapping her up tightly.

            She sniffed loudly and he felt her arms wind around him. “Thank you,” she whispered.

            Cullen hummed quietly, resting his chin against the top of her head. He would tell her tomorrow. There was enough on her mind as it was. They would discuss it tomorrow and he would see what she thought on the matter. If she wanted to go, he would figure something out. But for now, he would let her get what rest she could.

            His body relaxed into the mattress, still holding her close and absently stroking her back. Sleep tugged at him and pulled him under faster than he had expected.

            _“I’m sorry.”_

            Struggling to push past the haze surrounding his mind, Cullen groaned. He needed to wake up. He didn’t know why he knew that, but he needed to wake up. “Elora?” he mumbled groggily.

            _I’m sorry._ The bed was empty beside him. More than that it was cold.

            That made him frown. She never left the bed before him, always waited for him to leave first even if she was awake before him. He thought it had something to do with the cold but he didn’t mind. He was used to it. But the bed was cool and that meant that she would have been up for a while. “Elora?” he called again, his voice a little stronger this time.

            No answer came.

            Pushing himself up on one arm, he blinked rapidly to clear his eyes of sleep and frowned. Her clothes were gone. She was most definitely up…and not in the house. Her coat was gone as well.

            _I’m sorry._

            Cullen stared at the chair she usually put her clothes on, a feeling of dread coiling in his stomach. Had she whispered those words to him before she snuck out of the house? Why hadn’t he woken up? Had she done something to ensure that he wouldn’t? Where had she gone? Why would she leave?

            He threw the covers off, stalking across the house to the door. Yarding it open, he barely felt the morning chill in the air as he stared up at the sky, up at the mark in the Lady. Had she overheard what Solas had said but pretended not to? Why? Why would she do that?!

            “Thane!”

            Cullen turned at the voice, seeing Raleigh hurrying toward him, his expression dark. “Which gate did she use?” he demanded. She had left the hold. She had left the hold on her own sometime in the night. _I’m sorry._

            His Master of the Hunt jerked his head over his shoulder. “North. Is the Lowlander done with us?” he asked.

            Looking back at the sky, Cullen’s lips pulled back in a silent snarl. No. She wasn’t done with them. She was scared and looking for a way to fix her problem because she thought he wasn’t going to. Even if she was done with them, which he highly doubted, he wasn’t done with her.

            “Thane?”

            “Gather the hunters,” Cullen said lowly. “We’re going after her.”


	10. Chapter 10

 

            Breathing hard, Elora tried to keep pace with the figure leading her through the mountains. She didn’t tell him to stop or slow down though. She agreed with him, they needed to put as much distance between them and Sky-bear Hold. Between her and the probably now irate Thane.

            Her head dropped for a moment, shame filling her. Cullen had done nothing but help her, be kind to her, since she had woken up, had done his absolute best to make her feel comfortable and what had she done? Snuck away before the sun had come up and used what was probably the last of her magic to coax him into a deeper sleep. She had completely betrayed the trust he had put in her, for something that might not even work.

            But it could and that was what she was holding on to. She had managed to close two of the tears- _rifts_ -and that was promising. When she had heard Cullen and Solas speaking of it, her heart had leapt into her throat. She didn’t like the thought of travelling to wherever this had happened, but if it would save her? Not only her, she couldn’t be sure what the mark on her hand was going to do to the clan if it kept spreading. They had done enough for her, it was time that she did something herself and help them however she could.

            _“You’re well on to earning your own Legend Mark if you keep saving the hold like that.”_

            Her lower lip wobbled. She didn’t want a Legend Mark, whatever that was. She didn’t want to think about Cullen right now. She didn’t want to think about the mess she had left behind. She really didn’t want to think about the poor guard that had been at the gate, the man she had hit over the head to get out of the hold. She had checked to make sure that he was okay, that she hadn’t hit him too hard amid the shrieks of the gods in her ears.

            They had been frantic from the moment she had left Cullen’s bed. She never got up before him so they knew something was wrong. They had whispered constantly to her, almost growing so loud that she couldn’t hear herself think. They had quieted for a moment as she had knelt on the bed, gently pushing Cullen’s hair back from his face.

            Her resolve had wavered as she had looked at him. Her fingers might have wandered a bit more than she had meant to, tucking stray curls behind his ear and ghosting over the braids along the side of his head. Her hand had shaken when he’d turned into her touch when she’d accidentally grazed his cheek bone. She’d hesitantly traced the scar along his cheek bone, wondering how he had gotten it and all the others. When he’d sighed deeply in his sleep, mumbling to himself, she’d realised that she needed to decide if she was staying or going.

            Cullen had more than helped her during her time at the hold. He had gone out of his way to ensure that she was well taken care of. Surely he had a reason why he hadn’t told her about what Solas had said. But he’d been distrustful of the elf from the beginning, not even wanting to take her until she’d been in so much pain she’d barely been able to move. Even then, he hadn’t been happy about it, sneaking out of the hold like they were doing something wicked when he was the Thane.

            The thing that had set her into motion had been that she didn’t want to rely on him for everything. He had done more than enough. She wasn’t going to get him into further trouble with his clan because of her. She was going to set this right. Perhaps doing this would even get rid of the mark on her hand.

            She had whispered that she was sorry and left his home with the last faint vestiges of night as her only cover. The gods had started up again, winds kicking up and blowing loose strands of hair into her face. Snow rose up in front of her, forcing her to take a longer way to the gate. They didn’t want her to go, wanted her to stay. She had felt bad about ignoring them but she didn’t know how to talk to them without using her voice and she hadn’t dared in case someone had heard her.

            The shrieks had started again as soon as she had whacked the guard but they hadn’t followed her once she had left through the gate. That had upset her more than she had realised. She had gotten used to hearing them, their whispers rising and falling in her ears as she went about her day as best she could. The sudden silence was deafening and she didn’t like it. It reminded her of the tower, of the oppressive silence that was broken only by the heavy steps of men and women in full armour.

            A shaking breath left her as she followed Solas to the top of a rise, glad he paused for a moment so she could catch her breath. She didn’t want to think about the tower. Nor the mess she had probably made for herself in the hold. They probably wouldn’t want her back, guest of the gods or no, after what she had done. Biting down on her lower lip as it wobbled, she wondered where she would go. If she went back to the Circle, they might make her Tranquil or kill her outright if they blamed her for what had happened to the caravan. She could become an apostate but she knew herself well enough that she didn’t think she would last long. What had they called her? Thin skinned? She wouldn’t last a night on her own.

            “There.”

            She looked where Solas was pointing and felt her stomach heave. “It was that close to the hold?” she asked, wondering if she should ask about what looked like a crater from here.

            “Is it that surprising? Considering how you got to the hold, any further and you wouldn’t have been alive.”

            There was also that. But she didn’t remember going this way, didn’t remember being in this part of the mountains. She wasn’t an expert and hated to admit that most of them looked the same to her, but she wasn’t sure it felt right.

            “Come.”

            Sighing, she followed him again, both of them falling silent. She wished he would say something more, pull her out of the thoughts she was having but he didn’t seem to be any more talkative than her right now. Granted what would she talk to him about? The doom she might be walking to? No. She didn’t want to talk to anyone about that, let alone a virtual stranger.

            She nearly tripped over her feet at that. What was she doing? She barely knew Solas and yet she had followed him away from the one safe place she had known since she had been shipped from Ostwick to the Circle. She had walked away from the one person that had vowed to keep her safe.

            _You fool._

            Pressing her lips together, she thought about other things, scrambled to find something pleasant to think about instead. She almost tripped again as she focused on Cullen’s hug last night. He hadn’t let her go, had kept her close to him all through the night. She’d woken up several times, pain from the mark and bad dreams plaguing her. His arms had been around her each time, his warm body pressed against the length of hers. She had woken him up a couple times and he had mumbled soothingly to her to coax her back to sleep. She couldn’t remember the last time anyone had comforted her like that. She-

            Elora stopped walking as the smell hit her. “What is that?” she gagged, covering her nose with her mitten.

            “There was a hold here before the Breach was created,” Solas said quietly. “It and the clan that lived here were destroyed when it was opened.”

            A hold? The Templars wouldn’t have gone near a hold unless it had been by accident. And if the entire clan and hold had been destroyed…how was she alive?

            Breathing shallowly through her mouth, she tried not to throw up as the moved through the corpses that were still upright despite the time that had passed since the Breach had opened. Tears stung her eyes from the ashes blowing in the wind and the thought that all of these people had died. “Why would anyone do this?” she whispered.

            “I’m surprised the Avvar don’t think that you did it,” Solas said, looking back at her.

            She stared at him. “Why would anyone do this to themselves?” she asked, flailing her left hand about before stopping when it throbbed.

            “An accident perhaps. A spell gone wrong.”

            Maker, she had gotten very lucky then. The gods liking her had apparently saved her life in more ways than she had realised. The hand on her mouth dropped to grip the other when the mark flared, pain ripping up her arm in a fiery explosion.

            “We need to hurry.”

            She thought they had been! But Solas had picked up his pace and she pushed herself to follow him. They were close. Perhaps she would soon be without pain. And completely without a home. “Stop it,” she growled, clutching her hand to her as she followed Solas.

            They passed through a large arch and she stopped abruptly as she saw the jagged spires rising from the ground. “What is that?” she demanded shrilly.

            “Lyrium. Do not touch it.”

            Lyrium? That wasn’t lyrium! Keeping her hands close to her chest, she followed at a slower pace. This was wrong. Everything was wrong. Maker, what had she done for her life to become this?

            “Watch your step,” Solas said before leaping off of a ledge.

            Elora stared, wondering if she could be half as graceful as him and knowing that she couldn’t. Even if she hadn’t been bundled up, this was going to be awkward. Grimacing, she jumped down and stumbled to her knees as she landed. More pain sung up both her arms this time and she grit her teeth as she pushed herself back onto her feet. She immediately wished she hadn’t.

            “What is that?!”

            “The first rift, the one tied to the Breach.” Solas paused, studying the rift. “It will need to be opened.”

            “What do you mean it will have to be opened?” Elora demanded, the sweat on her skin suddenly feeling like ice as dread swept through her.

            “The rift is closed but improperly,” he said without looking at her. “In order to seal it properly, you will need to open it.”

            She stared at him. He hadn’t mentioned anything like that before! She’d expected a bit of a fight like what the other two rifts had been and then sealing it. But this? “What’s to stop something from coming through?”

            “Nothing,” Solas said as if it were obvious. “Because of everything that happened here, something in the Fade is surely paying attention and will come through as soon as it’s opened.”

            “What are we supposed to do about that?” she asked, her voice almost shrill.

            He shrugged away her worries. “You will have to close the rift,” he said as if it was simple and he wasn’t telling her that they were going to have to fight a demon.

            Elora turned from him, anger and regret filling her. This wasn’t what she had thought would happen. The gods had whispered to her as she had left the hold, frantic, trying to convince her to stay, telling her to trust Cullen. And she had ignored them, shooing them away because surely she knew best. She was an idiot and probably going to die attempting this.

            The mark cracked sharply and she thought she heard the closed rift behind her echo it. Maker, what had she done? Her fingers curled into a fist while the others pressed against her eyes. What had she done? How was she supposed to do any of this when she didn’t have any magic? How was she supposed to fight when she had spent almost her entire life avoiding fights? Yes, she knew the spells but she wasn’t proficient in them.

            “We shouldn’t linger. If you are going to do this, you need to do it now.”

            She looked at Solas, the elf she had followed here, the apostate she had snuck out of the hold to meet with, the mage that had probably lead her to her own death. The thought had her emotions roiling, her skin heating as what was left of her fire magic responded to her fury. He had tricked her into coming here but for what purpose? What would he possibly gain from getting her here like this?

            _No_. She wasn’t angry at him, she was angry at herself for not getting more information, for panicking and rushing into a situation blind. She should have waited, she should have thought about this rationally and realised that there was no possibly way that a pair of mages could handle whatever would come out of a rift, open or closed. “We have to open it?” she repeated, hearing her voice wobble despite her attempts to stay calm.

            “It is the only logical conclusion to make.”

            Pressing her lips together, Elora blinked rapidly to clear the tears that had formed in her eyes. Now wasn’t the time. She had brought this on herself and she had to deal with the consequences. Taking a deep breath, she faced the rift, watching as it surged and roiled. The mass of black made her stomach heave but she knew that she had to at least try. Her hand started to lift, her fingers slowly uncurling. She saw Solas shift beside her, staff switching from resting against the ground to both hands curled around it. She wished she had a staff right now, the solid weight would be comforting but there was nothing to be done about it. She needed to-

_“Elora!”_

            Jerking around at the voice, she stared at the figure as it leapt down to the lower level. She had a moment of disbelief but she knew it was him. Cullen. He had followed them. Even from here, even with the skull covering most of his face, she could feel his anger. The mark was surging on her hand, pain lancing through her the longer she stood idle beside the rift. Her gaze lifted from the Avvar Thane stalking toward her, seeing warriors and hunters along the upper levels. Her lips parted on a soft noise. They could help…would they help?

            Her brows drew together as pain surged up her arm, nearly driving her to her knees. Gritting her teeth, she tore her gaze away from the gathered Avvar, away from the Thane that was surely going to kill her. “This will work?” she demanded of Solas one more time.

            “There is only one way to find out.”

 

* * *

 

            Cullen wasn’t sure what he was feeling as he watched the pair of mages. Anger to be sure. Frustration, bitterness, but also panic and terror. Something was wrong with that tear and the very land screamed at him that they shouldn’t be there. Yet there was the elf and his Lowlander, far too close to the tear and she had looked like she was reaching up to it. That had prompted him into action, leaving his brethren to approach her, shouting her name in a desperate attempt to stop her.

            It had worked or so he had thought. When she’d whipped around at his yell, he thought that he had stopped this foolishness before it could go too far. But she had stared at him for barely a second, her gaze flicking up and returning to Solas. What was she…? He choked as she turned back to the tear and didn’t hesitate to thrust her hand toward it. “No!” he shouted as light flared around her hand.

            A rough hand jerked him back when he tried to move forward to stop her. “Thane, wait!”

            “Raleigh, let go!”

            “You can’t do anything to stop it!” he hissed even as the light from Elora’s hand ignited the tear. “Doing something now might make it worse!”

            Cullen clenched his teeth, hating that he was right. His eyes narrowed as he watched Solas back away from where Elora was. The only thing that saved him was the fact that his staff was still up, that he didn’t look like he was completely abandoning her. “Get the hunters ready,” he said lowly, unsheathing his sword as the tear rippled in front of Elora and sharp spikes exploded from it.

            “We’re going to fight to save the Lowlander that doesn’t want anything to do with us? Think of the clan, Cullen!”

            He rounded on his Master of the Hunt. “Are you forgetting that she is the only one who can close the tears in the Lady?” he demanded harshly. “Or that she has saved our hold? Our hunters?”

            “I haven’t,” Raleigh growled. “Are you forgetting what the last Lowlander did to our clan?”

            His fist closed on the hunter’s shirt front and he hauled him forward until they were nose to nose. “You think I would ever forget that?” Cullen demanded, his voice deathly soft.

            The Master of the Hunt swallowed, his jaw flexing as he no doubt kept himself from saying anything more on the matter. But a sharp whistle had both of them turning back to the hunters gathered on the ledge above.

            “It’s opening!” Mia said shortly. “Put your cocks away and fight!”

            Cullen grit his teeth at the reprimand from his sister but she was right. “We can’t be divided now,” he said lowly. “If you don’t want to fight, leave.”

            Raleigh’s jaw flexed as he shook his head. “I don’t run,” he said flatly, unsheathing his sword. “Hunters! Stand ready!”

            Gripping his sword, Cullen threw one look at Mia, watching her find a vantage point as she drew back her bowstring. His gaze immediately returned to Elora when he heard her cry out, pain and anger singing through the sound, but it was quickly drowned out by the snapping coming from the odd tear. He watched as the spikes exploded outward before it ripped open, throwing Elora back.

            “Here it comes!” Solas yelled.

            Cullen could see the demon forming, wispy lines coming from the newly formed tear to where it was materializing. But he could also see Elora struggling to regain her footing from where she had been knocked down. She was too close to the demon!

            Surging forward, he covered her body with his, slinging his shield up to protect him from anything that formed faster.

            “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

            “Later,” he growled. “Be sorry later.”

            She peeked at him over her shoulder. “And now?”

            Horrible laughter rippled through the area. “Now, we fight,” he said lowly.

            “Cullen, my magic!”

            “Do what you can,” he growled, moving off of her to face whatever had been summoned. His blood ran cold as he saw the massive demon that was slowly pushing to its feet. “If you can’t do anything, then find somewhere to hide,” he told her shortly.

            He heard Elora make a noise but he didn’t look back at her, didn’t look away from the demon. As much as he wanted to keep her safe, he was going to have a hard enough time keeping himself alive. The hunters would help but he hadn’t expected to fight this kind of demon. None of them had seen that kind of demon come out of one of the tears yet. Was it because Solas had said that this was the first?

            It didn’t matter. If they wanted to live, they had to kill it. The archers released arrows without orders, the hunters moving into attack position even as the demon took stock of them. Taking a deep breath, Cullen didn’t wait, he charged forward. There wouldn’t be many blind spots and they’d have to use them to their advantage. But fighting demons like this went above what the hold was usually trained for.

            He was pleased to see that the rest of the clan that had come were treating this the same way they did hunting larger beasts. They were spread out to create smaller targets and the archers were working their way around to find the blind spots and cover to keep themselves safe.

            Cullen didn’t stop moving as he slashed at the back of the demon’s legs, listening to it roar and feeling the air move as it started to turn. He kept going, moving to the other side and using one of the sharp, jagged spikes rising from the earth. He made sure not to touch it, praying Elora had moved before the demon caught sight of her. His hair stood on end suddenly and he heard something crack through the air.

            Leaping back from the spike he was using to hide as the lightning curled around it and tore it to piece, Cullen swore under his breath but the others were distracting it. He saw magic arc through the air, the few mages that had come with using their skills to help as they could. He had a second so his gaze moved over the area, trying to find not only Elora but Solas as well. The elf had no reason to help them and for all Cullen knew he had lured them all here to their deaths.

            He shook his head sharply. He didn’t have time to think about that now. They needed to deal with the demon and the tear and then he would deal with the elf.

            “You must disrupt it!”

            Cullen’s mouth flattened at the shout but at least he knew where Solas was. What was he saying? Disrupt what? The demon? They were doing the best they could!

            He started to move, started to go back into the fight when he heard the tear snap again. His head swung around, staring at Elora as she had her hand thrust out toward the tear. What was she-

            “Cullen!”

            Reacting to Mia’s scream, Cullen threw himself forward but even still he felt the air above him shiver as lightning ripped through it. He hissed softly as he came out of it, his leg throbbing from where it had been injured only a few days past. A sharp jab through his side let him know the claw marks on his side did not appreciate the movement either. But he couldn’t care about that right now, not when the demon was looking right at him, advancing with murderous intent.

            Bracing his shield, he readied himself for what was going to happen. If he was lucky, he wouldn’t be too injured, would be able to slip between its legs while the others got in their own attacks. If he wasn’t…he would be seeing his parents well before he’d ever thought to.

            _“No!”_

            Elora’s shriek was followed by a resounding snap and Cullen stared in surprise when the demon staggered to a knee. He didn’t hesitate for long, rushing forward with the rest of the warriors to attack while they had the chance. He didn’t much care for being directly in front of it but he didn’t stop.

            The demon roared as blades and arrows sunk deep into its flesh and Cullen braced himself for it to attack them back. When it remained down, he circled it, sword flashing even as he sought a better vantage point. How in Korth’s fucking teeth were they supposed to kill this thing?!

            He felt a barrier shiver over his skin and he took it as a sign to move. Pulling back from the demon, he grabbed the back of another hunter’s jerkin and threw him back as the demon slashed out with a clawed hand. “Watch yourself!” he barked, surveying his brethren as they all moved to take cover from the demon again.

            “It is weakened!” Solas shouted. “Do not let up now!”

            Cullen growled under his breath. It was easy enough to say but getting close to the demon now that it was back on its feet wasn’t a simple task. “Mia!” he barked, lifting his shield and starting forward.

             There was no response, not a verbal one anyways. Before he reached the demon again, it reared back with another roar, white fletched arrows jutting from its face. Another joined the pair that were already there before he reached the demon. Gripping his sword tighter, he struck at its belly, slashing it open and clamping his mouth shut as something sprayed over him. It stung what parts of his skin it hit but he shook it off, rolling between the demon’s legs as it flailed at him. A quick glance and he yelled, “Raleigh!”

            The man was closest and he ran to join Cullen without question.

            Stabbing his blade into the base of the demon’s spine, Cullen hauled his blade to the left, ripping through its flesh. He heard the wet sound of Raleigh’s blade doing the same but in the opposite direction. As soon as his sword as free, he reversed the direction of his swing, slashing through the demon’s hamstring.

            It staggered back to the ground, making it shake as one large fist slammed into it. He had to clench his jaw to keep from telling Raleigh to be careful as the hunter dashed around the demon. There was an odd noise from the demon before Cullen saw the steam starting to rise from it, signalling that it was done.

            “Seal it!”

            Cullen looked away from the evaporating form of the demon, panting hard. Elora was still on her feet and he watched as she reached out to the tear for a third time. Her hand sparked, green light flaring from her palm and the mass above her. She staggered, her free hand gripping the wrist of the other and it made him move.

            She screamed, pain and frustration in the sound. Her knees gave out as he reached her. “Cullen,” she said through clenched teeth, “I can’t!”

            Banding one arm around her waist, he hauled her back up and kept her close. “You can,” he told her.

            He braced them both as she didn’t drop her arm but he had to shut his eyes as the light from her hand exploded. He heard her cry out again, a loud popping noise drowning it out before she sagged in his grip. “Elora!”

            Her head lolled back against his shoulder, her eyes closed and her face far too pale.

            Panic surged in him and he dropped his sword as he reached up to tug his glove off with his teeth. Letting the leather fall, he held his hand over her mouth and waited. His shoulders sagged in relief when he felt her breath hit his skin. She was still alive. Praise the Lady, she was still alive.

            “Let me-”

            “Thane!”

            The sound of rocks sliding as someone leapt to the lower level cut Solas off, drawing his gaze from Elora’s face to see who had caused it. He wasn’t surprised to see the youngest Hawke running toward him. Cullen kept Elora close to him as they both came to him but he turned to the Chasind healer. She had insisted on coming with them, refusing to be left behind, and he trusted her more than Solas. “She’s still breathing,” he told her as she reached him.

            She nodded, cupping Elora’s face. “She’s almost drained,” she whispered. “How is she almost drained?”

            “The mark was draining her magic. Now that the Breach is sealed, she should be able to recover appropriately.”

            Beth glanced at Solas, her dark brows drawing together before she looked back at Elora. “She’ll need lyrium,” she said firmly. “We need to get her back to the hold as fast as possible.”

            Cullen nodded, wanting as far away from here as he could possibly get. The land was sour, poisoned with the blood of the hold that had fallen here, and it was reminding him of a time when Sky-Bear Hold had hovered on the verge of feeling like this. “We need to leave before what’s left of the gods find us,” he muttered, shifting to lift Elora into his arms.

            Before he could Bethany leaned in closer and breathed, “Thane, who is that?”

            He froze, his gaze flicking from Elora’s face to hers. Her expression was calm but her eyes were steely, completely different than usual and reminding him too much of her sister. “What?” he said lowly.

            She didn’t say anything, looking over her shoulder briefly before back at him.

            She had looked at Solas. The elf that was supposed to be Hawke’s friend and that Bethany would surely have known. His breath left him slowly. “Take her,” he growled.

            Bethany held out her arms and he moved Elora into them. She took a step back, cradling Elora against her as she sank to the ground with her.

            Taking another breath, Cullen smoothly turned, stooping enough to scoop up his sword before facing Solas. “Who are you?” he demanded, leveling the blade at him.

            His head cocked. “I’ve told you who I am.”

            Cullen’s hand tightened around his sword and he was aware of the hunters shifting positions around them as well. They were taking cues from him and none of them liked the elf to begin with. If he was giving them the chance to attack, they were going to take it. “You’ve done nothing but deceive and twist since we’ve met you,” Cullen growled. “Are you or are you not a friend of the Hawke?”

            “I have never met this person.”

            “Then how would you know to help? How would you know where Elora was?” he demanded.

            “I followed the signs. She is loved by the spirits of your hold and they have spoken to others. It was easy to follow their words to your hold and her.”

            He slowly shook his head. He didn’t believe it. He couldn’t risk believing it now. “You need to go,” he said lowly.

            Solas didn’t look away from him but he was sure the elf was aware of what was happening around them. “I have not lied to you, Thane. If you have misunderstood my intentions, that was not through fault of my own.”

            “You twist words like no other I have ever met. If you wish to remain alive, you will leave.”

            The elf studied him for a long moment and Cullen wondered briefly if he would push the matter. He was exhausted from fighting the demon and wasn’t looking for a second fight but he would defend the pair behind him if it came to that. “The mark on her hand is stable,” he said quietly, “but not gone. As is the Breach. You will need to do more if you want it gone.”

            Cullen’s eyes narrowed at him. “We will see to it,” he said flatly. “Without you.”

            “She is not Avvar and yet you treat her like she was. Of the two of us, I have not betrayed you.”

            Cullen took a half step forward, sword steady in his hand. “You speak in half-truths and riddles, neither of which is welcome in my hold.”

            Solas’ head slowly dipped. “As you will,” he said quietly.

            He watched the elf go, glad that it hadn’t resulted in a second fight but Cullen had a bad feeling it wasn’t the last they were going to see of Solas. He seemed too interested in the mark, in what it could do to let this go so easily. He might not have wanted to force the fight now but if he had sought Elora out specifically, he would be back.

            “We can follow him,” Raleigh said lowly. “Make sure he doesn’t return.”

            “Leave him,” Cullen muttered. “He isn’t our concern right now.”

            “But the Lowlander is?”

            Cullen could hear the distaste in his voice. “Raleigh.”

            “She left of her own volition,” he growled. “She attacked one of the clan to get her freedom and you’d bring her back?”

            Taking a deep breath, Cullen turned to face his Master of the Hunt. He’d given the position to Raleigh after his father had disappeared, remembering what his father had said about keeping the peace in the clan. Those that had opposed the decision to bring the Chasind into their fold had quietly rallied around Raleigh’s father and Teodoir, Cullen’s father, had made him Master of the Hunt.

            _“Give them some semblance of a voice and you won’t be as caught off guard when they betray you.”_

            Not if; when. Teodoir had known it was coming, hadn’t lived long enough to see it happen, but he had told his sons that it would come. “You want to do this now?” Cullen asked lowly. “Here?”

            Raleigh’s eyes sparked, his nostrils flaring as he exhaled sharply. “The Lowlander is trouble,” he said harshly. “Bringing her back to our people when she’s served her purpose is only asking for something to happen.”

            “We don’t throw away our guests.”

            “She assaulted one of your clan!” he snapped.

            “I’ve seen you hit hunters harder than that during training,” Cullen growled back. “This isn’t up for discussion. She is coming back to the hold. If the gods are done with her, then so will we be. If they are not, she stays so long as she wants. If you cannot abide by their decision, walk away, Raleigh. Now.”

            The demon may well have still been alive for how charged the air was between them. The hunters had backed off a bit but none had moved so far away that they weren’t aware of what was happening. He was sure that if they’d been alone, Raleigh may have taken a swing at him. If he did that now, Cullen would be within his power as Thane to kill him. It wasn’t what he wanted but if Raleigh pushed, Cullen would push back.

            “This will bring our ruin,” Raleigh warned lowly. “Your fascination with the Lowlander will bring our downfall. Like the Thanes before you.” Without another word, the hunter stalked away.

            Cullen watched him leave, seething inwardly, but he knew Raleigh’s reaction was a good precursor for what the hold would be like. Elora’s actions would be judged by the clan and some would not forgive the damage she had done. Others would understand why she had done what she had. He just prayed that the latter was larger than the former. If it wasn’t, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep her safe anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Protip: Fight scenes suck to write. Avoid at all costs :D


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A small note since I forgot to mention it and a couple people have asked in the comments: Yes, Raleigh is Samson. I considered using Samson as his name since that's how he is referred to in game, but I thought that would be a little confusing given how some of the naming in the Avvar (that I found out about well after I'd developed the story and using the old style of Ar and An instead of the other method) uses the father's name and son. So I went with Raleigh as that's his given name. So yes. Forgot to post this on the last chapter so here it is here! And more of me being forgetful!

 

            “Keeping her here is not beneficial to the clan! You can’t honestly want to keep her!”

            “It’s not a matter of me wanting anything. The gods have decided.”

            “Without an augur, you can’t know that. None of us can know that!”

            “Can’t we? The gods are circling her, have been since I brought her back, healing her beyond what Bethany could do.”

            “She’s served her purpose. What more could they want with her?”

            “How am I supposed to know? They want her to stay, so she’s staying. If you bring this up again, I’m not going to tolerate it.”

            “…You’d challenge me over a Lowlander?”

            “I’d challenge you over your doubt in the gods. Get out of my house, Raleigh, and stop riling the others.”

            “They have every right to-”

            _“Out.”_

            Elora moaned softly as the voices echoed in her ears, pulling her out of sleep. Her limbs felt heavy with more than slumber. She couldn’t move. Why couldn’t she move?

            _Easy, easy. Rest now. You are safe._

            She heard the whispers, gentle and soothing, but she pushed against them. The actual voices had woken her and she didn’t want to go back to sleep. She wanted to know what they were arguing about.

            She thought she heard laughter dance through the air. _Stubborn child. As you will._

            “Elora?”

            Blinking her eyes open, Elora was worried when they wouldn’t focus right away. She kept blinking until she slowly recognized the roof over her. Cullen’s home. She was back in Cullen’s home. How had she gotten here?

            “Elora, can you hear me?”

            Her head turned, following the soft voice to the person sitting beside the bed. The face was fuzzy before she mumbled, “Mia?”

            A smile and nod. “Aye, good, you remember. You scared us,” she said softly. “You’ve been unconscious for a few days.”

            Again? Closing her eyes, Elora sighed. “Sorry,” she croaked.

            “No, no, it’s not your fault. What do you remember?”

            Her brows drew together. “The demon,” she whispered. “Closing the rift. Pain. Then nothing.”

            Cool fingers stroked her brow gently. “You passed out after closing the tear. Cullen brought you back to the hold.”

            Elora’s breath caught at that. She knew that he had because she was in his bed, but for how angry he had been she hadn’t thought that he would. Especially given all that she’d done. Maker, he couldn’t want her to stay. Forcing her arms to move, she planted her hands on the bed and pushed herself up.

            “Easy,” Mia cautioned, helping her move so she could lean back against the headboard. “You need to conserve your strength and rest so you’ll get better.”

            “Thank you for being kind to me,” Elora said, swallowing the lump in her throat. “I appreciate it and I won’t forget it.”

            She paused in pulling back, studying Elora. “You do remember that you saved my son’s life, do you not?” she asked. “That I owe you more than I’ll ever be able to repay?”

            Elora shook her head, picking at the blankets before she saw her hand. It was wrapped again and for once didn’t hurt. Had closing that rift actually helped? Had Solas been right about it?

            “How is your hand?” Mia asked, no doubt catching her stare. “Bethany and Cullen both said that the mark didn’t seem to be spreading anymore.”

            “That’s…good,” she whispered, turning her palm over. If it weren’t for the bandage, she wouldn’t think anything was wrong with her. Her fingers curled and she looked away. She didn’t want to think about it. She wasn’t going to think about it.

            Her stomach grumbled and she pressed her fist to it.

            “The gods were more active today,” Mia said, shifting so she could pick up something. “Bethany figured that you’d be waking up soon so I made sure that there was some stew for you.”

            “Thank you,” Elora whispered, taking the bowl from her. She was pleased that, unlike last time, she was strong enough to hold it on her own. Stirring her spoon through it, she stared for a long time even though she was hungry. “Mia, the guard…is he alright?”

            “Far better off than you,” she said, sitting back. “He had a headache and was far angrier that he got snuck up on than actually getting hit.”

            She pursed her lips and took a small spoonful of stew. Savouring it, she wondered if this was the last meal she would have before she was asked to leave. “I should apologize to him. I couldn’t think of another way to get past him.” Not when her magic hadn’t been working properly.

            Mia was silent so Elora continued eating. But the silence confirmed her suspicions that she had done wrong, that she wouldn’t be among the Avvar for much longer. All she could hope for was that they would allow her to take a few supplies with her so she could survive for…a day or two.

            Her lower lip wobbled at that and she blinked quickly to keep tears from filling her eyes. No. She had brought this on herself and she would accept the consequences. Even if it meant she had invited her own doom, she would accept it. Dying out in the wilds was still so much better than returning to a Tower.

            Her head snapped up when the fur covering was pulled back. “Cullen,” she whispered, feeling what food she had eaten turn to ash in her stomach.

            His face was expressionless as he looked at her for a long moment. “Leave us, Mia,” he said quietly.

            “Brother….”

            “Later, Mia.”

            Elora saw Mia bow her head out of the corner of her eye. Cool fingers rested against her arm for a second-trying to reassure her?-before they were gone as was Mia. Elora watched her leave, wishing suddenly that she wouldn’t go. She didn’t want to be alone with Cullen. She didn’t want him to tell her that she had to go. She didn’t want to leave.

            “Do you hurt?”

            “No,” she said in confusion.

            “You’re crying, Elora,” he said softly.

            She let go of the spoon to touch her face, surprised when she found her cheeks wet. “O-Oh,” she whispered. “Uhm….”

            Cullen crossed the room, sitting in the chair Mia had just left. She squirmed as he started watching her again, grabbing the spoon again to stir the stew. “You’re well then?”

            Why was he making small talk like this? It was making it worse when she knew how this was going to go. Squeezing her eyes shut, she whispered, “When do I have to leave?”

            “Whenever you tire of us.”

            Her eyes snapped open and she jerked around to look at him. “What?” she said in surprise. “I thought…after I….”

            Cullen reached out and gently took the bowl from her to set it aside. “I will be completely honest with you, Elora, the clan is divided. On many matters but the most recent would be you.”

            “I’m sorry.”

            “Tell me why you did it, Elora. Tell me why you betrayed my trust like that.”

            A shaking breath left her. “I’m sorry,” she whispered again.

            “I know,” he said quietly, “but I need to know why you did it.”

            “What Solas said made sense,” she said quickly. “If the mark was killing me, it would make sense that closing the first rift would put a stop to it. I was scared and needed to do something. I needed to do something! I didn’t want to die!”

            Cullen nodded slowly. “And using magic on me? Hitting the guard?”

            Her heart sank. “I didn’t want you to stop me. You didn’t like Solas, barely wanted to talk to him as it was and it wasn’t until I was in so much pain that you finally agreed to go. Even when we were there, you didn’t want to be there. You didn’t tell me about what he said. I couldn’t think, I didn’t think you were going to tell me. I tried not to hurt him too much, but the gods were screaming in my ears and I couldn’t think and I checked to make sure he was okay but….” She closed her eyes and sighed. “I wanted to save myself. You did so much for me already and…I threw that all away to save myself.”

            He hummed lowly. “I thought as much.”

            Her eyes snapped open and she swung around to stare at him. “W-What?”

            “It was fairly obvious why you left, Elora. You were terrified when we came back that night. You spent half the night shaking in my arms. Of course you’d want to do something when confronted with the fact that the mark was killing you.” He sighed. “I know I’m partly to blame for your actions, for not telling you what Solas had told me.”

            She shook her head. “No, you’re-”

            “Elora, stop. I can admit that I made a mistake. I should have told you when it was obvious how scared you were and I accept some of the blame for your actions.”

            Her brows drew together, more tears stinging her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

            She was startled when he reached over to squeeze her hand. “You don’t have to apologize, Elora. You are alive, as am I and the guard.”

            But really did. “You said the clan was divided, because of me?” she asked hesitantly.

            “I said they were divided on many things, that you were included in that but you’re not the only thing. Some think that your actions speak louder than your words, that you want nothing to do with us, that you are spurning our hospitality.”

            Elora stared at him, her heart pounding. “I’m not,” she whispered.

            “I know,” he said, squeezing her again. “The rest understand and remember all that you’ve done for us and that you want to be here. They understand but…there are things you need to know about the clan, about what’s happened here. About what Lowlanders have done to us.”

            She watched with wide eyes as he moved to sit on the bed, facing her. Her hand was still in his and he was looking down at it, his thumb slowly rubbing against the edge of the bandage. Keeping her lips pressed together, she didn’t rush him, didn’t try to hurry him at all.

            A deep sigh left him. “You’re not the first Lowlander that’s been a guest of the hold,” Cullen said slowly. “Ten years ago…there was another.”

            “Another?” she prompted gently when he fell silent.

            He looked away from her hand, his eyes unusually dark as they met hers. “The hunters found him near the end of winter, brought him back to the hold, and he became a guest of our Thane.”

            “Your father?”

            “No, my father was Master of the Hunt, a title my family had held for generations,” he corrected. “Diarmaid was our Thane, passed down through his family for as many generations as Master of the Hunt was with mine. We, the clan, don’t know why he made the man his guest but it wasn’t questioned. The man was mild mannered enough, curious, quiet. He didn’t seem like a threat.”

            But clearly he had been.

            Cullen’s thumb was still rubbing against her and he was holding her hand with both of his now. “He stayed with us for weeks, riding out the last of the winter storms, enjoying our Thane’s company and our food and everything that the clan could offer. We had no way to know that the entire time he had been there, the entire time he had been with our Thane, he had been whispering to him, telling him of the Lowlands…of your god and his Andraste.”

            A soft noise left her. He had mentioned that he knew of Andraste, that he knew of the Chant, but never how. “What happened?”

            “No one had ever accused our Thane of being strong minded,” Cullen muttered. “He was weak willed but because his family had ruled the hold for as long as they had no one said anything about it, but we knew. We should have known that what he was being told would stick but how could we have ever known that he would turn from his gods? Why would we ever think that he would do that?”

            Her fingers caught his, squeezing gently. “Cullen?”

            “Every spring we have a celebration, a festival that is more than tradition to our people. We honour our gods as they honour us and we were all too caught up in that to realise what had happened. Or at least that is what the clan says to try to soothe the guilt.” He paused, breathing slowly for a long moment. “But our augur knew. Diarmaid couldn’t hide his sickness from the gods, even if he had turned his back on them. They told the augur, told her everything that was going on in his house and she went to him. She begged him to remember who he was, that he was Avvar and not a Lowlander. He didn’t listen to her.”

            She scooted a little closer to him when his voice wavered. “Cullen, you don’t have to tell me this if it’s too hard,” she whispered.

            “No,” he said firmly. “You need to know. You need to understand what’s going to happen in the clan.” He took a deep breath and blew it out. “She warned him that if he didn’t retreat from the path he was on it would be his doom. He still didn’t listen to her. Our celebration…the dances are sacred, Elora. They are a time of celebration and renewal and violence is forbidden. Any form of it is immediate banishment from the clan and we mark you so that all know violated a law that spans the clans.”

            Elora stared at him, her heart pounding in her chest. “What did he do?” she said softly.

            “He denounced our gods before the fires, in front of the whole of the clan. He threw down our way of life, claimed it to be naught but lies, and told us that he had seen the light, that Andraste, beloved of the Maker and once one of our own, was the true path we should be walking upon.” Cullen stopped, the muscles in his jaw jumping as he clenched it. “Our augur was lead to the fires, bound, and as Andraste was burnt so too was she-“

            “No,” Elora interrupted, gasping. “Cullen, no!”

            “He burnt her alive,” he whispered. “We couldn’t help her, his supporters kept us back while she burned. Most…most of us can still hear her screams.”

            “Cullen,” Elora whispered, moving on the bed to cup his cheek and rubbing her thumb along his scar. “Oh, I’m so sorry.”

            “It warped our gods because they loved her, loved her more than any augur we had ever had before her. It twisted them into…they almost became demons. Hawke’s father saved them, brought them back before they could go too far. But that’s not…that’s a different story.”

            She didn’t drop her hand and didn’t let him pull his away from where she was holding them. “Later then,” she said softly. “What happened with your augur?”

            “She died before anyone could get her out and we were divided. Those that supported the ravings of our Thane and his suddenly beloved Lowlander who spat on everything we stood for and those that supported my father, those that knew that Diarmaid could no longer be allowed to rule us.” Cullen sighed and she was surprised when he leaned forward to let his forehead rest against hers. “The clan didn’t celebrate that night, we retreated into our homes but my father made ready the hunters and warriors that followed him and the next day…he killed the Thane and all who would not stand down. The Thane’s line was wiped from our clan and several others that day but it only opened the door for other problems.”

            Her hand moved to gently stroke over his hair, trying to comfort him as she heard his voice shake. “Tell me?” she gently encouraged.

            “The gods were going mad, half of what was left of the clan didn’t fully support my father and didn’t want him taking the title of Thane. He made Raleigh’s father Master of the Hunt even though the title should have gone to my sister Mia, but too many of one family having places among our elders is viewed unkindly. So he gave the title, our family’s title, to one who had stood with Diarmaid but had backed down in the end. Those that opposed my father rallied behind him and then Raleigh after him. They…Korth only knows what they truly want but one thing is certain, they do not want you here.”

            “Because I’m a Lowlander and your guest.”

            Golden eyes opened slowly and held hers. “Aye. They think that I’ll fall under your spell like Diarmuid did, that our clan will be torn apart again and that I should throw you to the wolves for the affront you did us.”

            She licked her lips. “What can I do?”

            His mouth twitched. “Don’t hit anymore guards on the head.”

            A startled laugh left Elora and she appreciated what he had just done. What he had told her wasn’t anything what she had expected and it hadn’t been easy for him. Coming back from what she had done wouldn’t be any easier. “I’ll try not to.”

            He smiled faintly before sighing. “Even those that support me will view you with a certain amount of distrust now. They know that you helped us but it will take time for them to accept that what you did, you did without malice against the clan. If you truly intend to stay with us, you must abide by our laws, our customs or they will never accept you and will look for any excuse to see you gone.”

            “I want to stay, Cullen. The Chantry…hasn’t exactly been kind to me.”

            “But you follow their beliefs.”

            “There’s nothing else to follow,” she protested weakly. “If I denounced the Maker and Andraste in the Tower, they’d kill me outright or, or make me Tranquil!”

            His head tipped to the side. “Tranquil?”

            Her mouth went dry and she looked away. “They have a rite,” she whispered. “It takes away a mage’s emotions, severs their connection to the Fade and strips them of all magic.”

            Cullen’s growl made her jump. “You don’t have to fear that here, Elora. Your magic is a tool to be used so long as you are trained properly with it. Our gods teach us, our augur guides the other mages with them so that they are an asset to our clan.”

            “C-Could, I mean, do you think they could teach me? Specifics for your clan, I mean, since I sort of know how to use magic already.”

            “Perhaps. It would be better if the augur did it, but Bethany might be able to show you certain things.”

            She wasn’t going to ask why a Chasind mage would teach her but one of the Avvar wouldn’t. After everything he had just told her, it would be a wonder if anyone would talk to her again. “Do I need to worship your gods now?”

            “No,” he said quietly, “no one would believe you if you did now. Maybe in time you might come to accept them, as the hold gods have accepted you, but no. Believe what you want, Elora, but understand that the clan will not be kind in some matters.”

            She sighed and nodded. “I am sorry, Cullen. I…I really made a mess of this, didn’t I?”

            One of his hands came up to stroke her cheek and he gave her a small smile. “It can be fixed, with time,” he said quietly. “And you won’t be alone. I’ll help you as I can, as will my family.”

            “Even after…?”

            “I knew why you did it before you told me, Elora, but I needed to hear you say it. Bran and my sisters all have spent more time with you than anyone else. They know that you don’t want to leave. They saw how much pain you were in and they will understand why you did what you did.”

            She swallowed and looked away from him, letting her hands fall back into her lap. “I’m not certain I deserve that understanding.”

            “You did what you thought you had to,” Cullen said, pushing off the bed, “and now you know what you need to do in order to repair what damage was done.”

            “No, I don’t. Abiding by your laws and customs doesn’t tell me what I actually need to do, Cullen,” she protested.

            He tipped his head to the side. “Aye, Elora, it does,” he said firmly. “You find your place among us.”


	12. Chapter 12

 

            “Leo, slow down!” Elora called, trying to keep up with the small boy running in front of her.

            He giggled back at her, clearly thinking this was more of a game than he originally had.

            She swore under her breath and lengthened her stride. Since the snow had started melting, there wasn’t a force in the hold that was able to keep that boy still. He wanted to run and see everything that was starting to grow. Despite the fact that it wasn’t any different from any other year. Mia seemed to think it was because of Elora, he wanted to show her everything and nothing was too small for her to know about.

            Which meant she was stuck chasing the small boy with endless amounts of energy to every corner of the hold. She had never been this active in her life and she was sure she had lost more weight in the past few days than she had in all those years in the Tower.

            “Leo!” she said sharply when she realised he was heading toward the river. “ _Stop!_ ”

            He froze and she flushed as she realised she’d put a touch of magic in her voice, making it more forceful. “Ella?” he said in a small voice.

            She was breathing hard as she reached him and barely kept from hunching over with her hands on her knees. “You can’t do that,” she panted, fighting the dizzy feeling that was creeping over her. “How am I supposed to keep an eye on you when you run away from me like that?”

            “Sorry, Ella,” Leo said, toeing the slush with the tip of his boot. “But fishes!”

            She looked where he was pointing and blinked. The sun was dancing off of the water, but more than that it was creating rainbows off of the scales of the fish just below the surface. “There are so many,” she said softly, crouching down to get closer.

            “Ella, careful,” Leo warned, tugging slightly on her sleeve.

            A faint smile curled her mouth. That was a turn of events but she supposed she should lead by example. If Leo wasn’t supposed to be close to the banks, she shouldn’t be either. He was in her care and it wouldn’t look good if she got into trouble while she was watching him. Plus she really didn’t need to take another dip in any mountain stream. “The fishes are very nice,” she said patiently. “But we should get back to the hold. Your mother and uncles should be back soon and we wouldn’t want to miss their return.”

            He giggled and took her hand when she held it out to him. Little fingers curled around hers as best he could and she tried not to walk too fast as they went back to the main hold. For his sake and for hers, she was still feeling out of breath. They’d barely made it halfway back before he was holding out his hands to her and she was settling him on her hip. It didn’t surprise her. For as much energy as he had, after he’d been still for a little while he usually started to crash.

            Sighing, Elora let her cheek rest against his curls as she kept walking. The past weeks had been interesting in the clan. Cullen had been right; there were definitely some that were keener on her than others. But even they had approached her with caution after what she’d done. She was positive the only reason they had was because Leo had been with her, constantly glued to her side to the point that Mia had appointed Elora as his primary watcher. She’d readily agreed, loving the time she spent with the boy, before realising what she had gotten herself into.

            “Ella?” Leo mumbled.

            “Mm?”

            “Love you,” he sighed, rubbing his cheek against her shoulder.

            Elora paused to look down at the little boy in her arms. He was going to sleep, she knew he was, but his admission still surprised her. “Go to sleep, Leo,” she said softly, starting off again.

            He went a little more lax in her arms and she knew she needed to get back to Cullen’s or Mia’s to get him tucked into bed before he became too much for her.

            “Why did you have to run so far?” she whispered, staring up at the stairs leading back to the hold.

            _Help? Help? Help?_

            “I’m fine, thank you,” Elora murmured, slowly starting up the steps.

            On top of an overly energetic boy, she’d had to deal with more attention from the gods in the hold. Bethany had said that her sister often dealt with new gods that came to the hold, attracted by the spells that the augur cast. The new gods were often flighty, usually focused on only one thing at a time and more often than not, it was the augur. Since the Hawke was gone, they’d attached to her instead and were constantly circling and whispering, ruffing her skirt and blowing her hair back from her face. It was sweet, the way they always wanted to be near her, but sometimes it was too much.

            “Leo, clan, gods,” she whispered, resting halfway up and telling herself that she wasn’t breathing heavily again. And she most certainly wasn’t dizzy. “Too many things to worry about.”

            Not to mention the training she was doing with her magic. Bethany was helping her with her healing skills, teaching her what the Chasind knew, but none of the Avvar mages had made any offers. She wasn’t overly insulted or at least she hadn’t been when Rosalie had explained that it was the augur and gods’ place to train mages. Any that did it without the augur’s permission were treading on shaky ground. So she had taken what lessons she could get with Bethany and strengthened her attachment to fire when the other mage wasn’t available.

            Her lips quirked as she remembered the look on Cullen’s face when he had come into his home to see fire dancing through the air as she had used the fire pit to practise with. He had stared for a long moment before simply asking her not to burn his home down.

            The smile faded as she thought about the Thane. She had made life far more difficult for him and she rarely saw him during the day. He seemed to be constantly moving through the clan, doing things he only half told her about. If he spoke about them at all. Most days he came back to the house for a meal or to sleep, nearly collapsing outright as soon as he got near the bed. To make matters worse, he’d been sleeping less as the weeks had gone on, waking her in the middle of the night with his nightmares. She’d offered to try to help him but he’d shut down every attempt and flat out told her no when she’d suggested she get a cot to sleep in instead.

            _“You…aren’t the problem and you can’t help, Elora. Thank you but no one can help.”_

            Her shoulders slumped before she hoisted Leo a little higher. She didn’t like not being able to help. He had told her to find her place in the clan and she had started to. Maybe even had. She could help Bethany with healings and she watched Leo so Mia could rejoin the hunters. Rosalie was free to do as she pleased as was Branson since their nephew spent most of his time with Elora. But being flat out told that she couldn’t help while he threw back the covers and spent the next hour broodily staring into the fire was far more discouraging than she let on.

            “You see the fishes?”

            Looking at the speaker as she reached the top of the stairs, Elora nodded wryly. “He was quite excited about it. So excited he decided to pass out.”

            Moira laughed, reaching out to gently stroke Leo’s cheek. “He is a treasure,” she murmured. “We’re lucky to have one so full of life after all the darkness we’ve seen.”

            “Did you want to walk with me?” Elora asked. “I should be getting back and-”

            “Of course,” Moira said quickly. “The hunters should be returning soon and I’m sure you’d like to greet them.”

            “Oh, well,” Elora said faintly, blushing. “I more wanted to put Leo down, not that he’s a bother.”

            The Skald nodded but Elora could see the smile on her face. That did not help matters with her blush but she kept walking. Moira was one of the few that had never seemed to hesitate to be kind to her after the incident. Cullen had said it was because she was curious about what stories the Lowlander could tell her, but she had figured out that Moira was just generally nice and wanted to be her friend.

            She had also been a great help in understanding the clan more. She was full of stories about the hold and about the Avvar in general and Elora usually found herself listening for hours to her voice as she weaved the tales. Elora had told stories of her own when asked, fables from her childhood that she still remembered, but she was far more interested in what Moira was telling.

            Cullen’s family had also been of a great help and slowly those loyal to their Thane had warmed up to her again. But she wasn’t taking it for granted. She still had guest status but she refused to be idle, not after what he had told her about the last Lowlander that had been a guest of the hold.

            A shiver wound through her and she pulled Leo closer.

            “Are you well?”

            “I’m fine,” Elora assured her, returning the smile of someone that they passed. “Just an unpleasant thought.”

            “Are you sure? You’re still quite flushed.”

            Elora wanted to sigh. The past few weeks hadn’t been easy on her either, having bouts of illness that seemed to come out of nowhere. Bethany and Mia both agreed that it was from her time in the river, compounded with her not being used to the winter cold. She hadn’t really cared about the why of it, she just wanted it to stop because she was tired of the aches and waking up feeling like her head was stuffed with wool. The cuddles with Leo weren’t so bad but she still didn’t like feeling useless and a burden. “I was chasing Leo all over the hold,” she dismissed. “I’m sure I’m fine.”

            “Mm, would you like me to take Leo?”

            She stubbornly shook her head. “You were telling me about the dances last time we talked,” she said.

            Moira nodded slowly. “They’ll start tonight,” she said quietly. “The first two nights leading up to the new moon will be full of fun and revelry for the whole clan. It’s a time of feast and celebration of the new life that will be coming to the hold. While we thrive in winter, spring is a time of renewal and we honour Rilla with a dance solely for her on the night of the new moon.”

            “Mia and Rosie mentioned something about that but they wouldn’t tell me much.”

            The laugh that left the other woman was low and far more decadent than Elora would have expected. “Aye, the Fire Dance is something that someone should experience for themselves and it isn’t the easiest to explain to someone who hasn’t grown up knowing about it.”

            Elora frowned at that. Shouldn’t she know about it? If she was staying with the clan shouldn’t she know about-

            A horn sounded through the hold and both of them stopped walking to look in the direction it had come from.

            “The hunters are back early,” Moira mused. “That’s either a good thing or a bad sign.”

            Biting her lip, Elora glanced between the gate and the direction she needed to go in to get Leo home. She knew it didn’t matter if she met them when they got back since Cullen and his siblings would be coming to his home soon enough but they had left before she had even woken up this morning. She had barely stirred as Cullen had slipped out of the bed before dawn beyond a slight protest as her pillow had been taken away. But Mia must have been there because when Elora had woken up, Leo had been cuddled up with her.

            “Here,” Moira said, gently taking Leo from her and shushing him when he mumbled. “You go greet them.”

            “Oh, no, I don’t need to go.”

            The smile on the other woman’s face was knowing. “No, you don’t need to but you want to. Go, greet the Thane and his hunters. He’ll be pleased to see you. Besides, they’ll probably be waiting for you.”

            Elora nervously toyed with the fastenings on her coat, wondering what that meant, but Moira was already starting off, gently singing to Leo as she went. Well, she didn’t seem to have much a choice now. Turning on her heel, she went up through the hold toward the gate. Her steps were slower than she would have liked and she could feel sweat clinging to her skin. She really needed to not run when she was dressed fully like this. The clothes would have to be washed again because she didn’t like wearing them when they were drenched in sweat.

            Another shiver wound through her and she braced her hand against a home she was passing as her vision swam for a moment. Oh, please, don’t let her be getting sick again! She wanted to see the dances!

            Blinking rapidly to clear her eyes, she took a breath and started forward again. She could hear the noise coming from the gate well before she got close and her steps slowed further as she saw the crowd gathered.

            Staying back from the crowd, she stayed near one of the houses and just listened to the happy conversations among the people. There were exclamations over whatever the hunters had brought back, teasing between the hunters about who had gotten more than the other, and just general happiness. It made her smile to hear but she suddenly knew she didn’t really have a reason to be there after a few minutes of listening. As much as she had started to fit in with the hold, this wasn’t something she knew anything about. And she had no real desire to listen to or think about the skinning and preparation of those animals.

            She saw a couple flashes of golden hair through the crowd but even that wasn’t enough to keep her as she started to turn away.

            “There she is!”

            A gasp left her when someone caught her arm and turned her back to the crowd. She blinked as she saw Branson grinning at her, blue eyes dancing as he pulled her through the group. “Branson,” she protested weakly, shaking her head before clamping her lips shut as she thought she felt her stomach rebel.

            “We were wondering where you were,” he said, pulling her until they were standing in front of the hunters and the game they had brought in. “She was hiding and trying to run away!”

            Elora blushed as she heard chuckles running through the crowd, wanting to step closer to Branson so she wasn’t the focus of attention right now. “Why would you wonder where I was?” she asked in a small voice.

            He blinked down at her before rounding on Cullen and punching his shoulder. “For shame, Thane! You didn’t tell our honoured guest about the tradition?”

            Cullen threw him a sour look. “We left before the sun rose,” he said dryly. “When was there time for me to tell her?”

            “Tell me what?” she said, confused and glancing between the brothers.

            “It is tradition,” Cullen sighed, giving Branson a shove when he punched him again, “that if there is a guest in the hold, they get first pick of the game for them to feast on at the dances. It is considered a great honour to have your game chosen and it allows the hunter to join Thane and their guest for the dinner.”

            She blinked at him before looking at what had been brought in. “How am I supposed to choose?” she whispered, noticing that it had been laid out or strung up already.

            “You choose what you want. It’s supposed to be unbiased as much as possible so every hunter has the same chance as the others.”

            That didn’t help her at all. Everyone was quiet now, watching and waiting to see what and who she would wind up picking. “I don’t have to eat all of it do I?” she muttered, the mere thought of actually eating making her want to vomit. Which could not be good.

            Several chuckles ran through the crowd and she knew Cullen was one of them as he stepped closer to her. “No, Elora, but you’ll get the best cuts to share with whoever you see fit to share them with. All you have to do is pick something.”

            She glanced up at him, hoping he would give her some kind of guidance but he was simply watching her. Just like everyone else here. Chewing on her lip, she looked back at the fare she was supposed to pick from. A part of her just wanted to point at something but she got the feeling that wouldn’t be a good thing to do. So she took a breath, trying not to react to the smell of blood on the air, and actually looked at what had been brought in.

            She wasn’t a fan of the fowl so she avoided it without looking like she was avoiding it. Maker, the scent of blood usually didn’t throw her off like this so why did she feel like she truly was going to throw up? There were a few bucks, a couple rams, smaller animals, and…she blinked, her head tipping to the side. Was that a boar? Her lip disappeared between her teeth as she tried to move on but her gaze kept swinging back to the pig. Most of the meat they’d been eating had been venison and she was getting tired of it. But ham?

            Well, at this point it was the only thing she could think about eating that didn’t make her immediately want to vomit.

            “Elora?” Cullen asked when her shoulders slumped.

            She looked at him and pointed at the boar. “That one,” she said firmly, glad her voice wasn’t shaking as much as she felt like she was.

            His lips twitched faintly. “That one?” he echoed.

            She nodded, wondering if she shouldn’t be picking it given that there was only the single boar. But she didn’t think she was going to be able to eat anything else. “Yes.”

            His smile grew but he coughed and looked away to hide it. “Asger,” he called when he seemed to have himself under control. “You had the killing arrow on the boar, aye?”

            “Aye, Thane,” a voice called back.

            “Our guest has chosen you to join us, Asger,” Cullen said and Elora was startled to hear pleased cries ring out.

            She turned to see the hunter getting slaps on the back before he was being hauled off by the others. She felt bad because she wasn’t sure she had actually met or talked to him before but she supposed it didn’t matter. She would be talking to him tonight. Her gaze turned back to Cullen when he touched her elbow and she blinked at him when he tipped his head. “Welcome back,” she said quietly after she realised he wanted to walk with her.

            “Thank you. How has the day been?”

            “I saw the fish,” Elora murmured, trying to remember what else she had done beyond chase Leo around the hold. Was she still sweating? No she couldn’t be because she was shivering.

            His chuckle was warm. “Leo’s been waiting for them to come back. He doesn’t catch anything, but he likes trying to fish anyways. He’ll probably ask you to do it soon.”

            She nodded slowly, gripping her fingers a little tighter than she should have. They were definitely shaking. “Is there anything else I need to know about tonight?” she asked. “That you haven’t had a chance to tell me about?”

            “Not overly,” he said absently. “Just know that if someone invites you to dance you’re not obligated to say yes.”

            “I don’t know your dances anyways. Unless there’s time to teach me?”

            Cullen stumbled next to her but quickly righted himself before she could even reach out to him. “Ah, the circle dances aren’t that hard to pick up,” he said and she thought she saw colour on his cheeks. “There are specific dances that people train for but for the most part it’s just spinning and having fun.”

            Well, she might be able to do that. “Moira said something about a Fire Dance?” she asked slowly, wondering if that was the right name for it. “Will I need to know how to do that?”

            Elora stopped walking a step after he did and wasn’t sure what to think when she saw that he was staring at her. He was definitely flushing but his eyes were dark as they looked at her. She had caught him a few times looking at her like that. He usually looked away before she could ask him about it, if she could find the words, but he wasn’t looking away from her this time. He seemed to be considering something but she didn’t understand why he would be. She had only asked him about a dance unless she was missing more information about it? “The Fire Dance isn’t something that’s taught,” he finally said. “You just listen to the drums and…know.”

            They weren’t talking about dancing, they couldn’t be talking about dancing when he sounded like that. She didn’t know anymore. There was too much pressure behind her eyes. “You know?” she asked softly.

            “It changes with whoever is dancing but when you hear the drums and have your partner in your arms, you simply know the steps to your dance.”

            Elora wanted to ask him more, wanted to know why his voice got husky when he was talking about the dance, wanted to know why the dance changed. But the mood was broken when she sneezed suddenly. “Damn it,” she whispered, shaking her head to clear it. It didn’t work. She sneezed twice more in rapid succession.

            Cullen chuckled but it sounded strained. “You’re flushed again,” he said, laying the back of his hand against her forehead before his expression fell slightly. “Elora, you’re warmer than you should be.”

            She waved a hand at him, trying to get away from him but he followed her, moving his hand to touch her cheek. “I’m alright,” she insisted. “Being a fire mage makes me warmer to the touch.”

            “Having shared a bed with you for the past months, I know,” he said, frowning at her. “But you usually only get this warm before you fell ill.”

            Elora huffed softly at him. “I’m fine.”

            “I don’t believe you,” he growled, his hand moving back to her forehead. “You’ve hidden it before when you got ill and it made it worse. You should be inside. Did you eat? You’re shivering and sweating. You need to be inside.”

            “Cullen, you worry more than an old woman,” Elora muttered as he grabbed her hand to lead her through the hold.

            “You clearly don’t worry enough. Elora, there’s no shame in being sick. Yet you act like there is.”

            “Because I can’t do anything!” Shit, she had said that too loud, her head was throbbing more now.

            “You aren’t supposed to do anything when you’re ill. You’re supposed to rest and take care of yourself, but you keep pushing yourself beyond what you should or hiding it from us. Is this what they would expect from you at the Tower?”

            Her face scrunched at that. Moira had wanted stories of the Lowlands, Cullen had wanted to know more about how the mages were treated, even though it had only seemed to anger him whenever she mentioned it. “They expected us to work through minor illnesses yes,” she said, hurrying after him as he walked quickly toward his home. “Cullen, can you slow down? Please?”

            He did almost immediately and it resulted in her tripping. She felt him tense as she bumped into him but it passed quickly. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

            She took a breath before smiling at him. “It’s okay. And I am trying,” she reminded him weakly.

            “I know,” he agreed. “I know you are.”

            And she knew he was trying to be accepting of the fact that she couldn’t forget some things. “Maybe you’re right,” she said after a moment. “Maybe chasing Leo all morning wasn’t the best idea.”

            “He only does it because you let him,” Cullen chided gently, starting off slower for her.

            “That’s funny coming from you. I seem to remember Mia telling you not to let him sit in your lap at dinner. Or to get down when you let him climb all over you. Or bounce on the bed. Or-“

            “Aye, aye, I know,” he growled. “Saying no to the boy is hard.”

            Elora smiled and let the matter drop. There wasn’t much point in saying more when they both knew it was next to impossible not to give Leo what he wanted. A sigh left her when she saw his home come into view but she frowned up at him. “Don’t you have things to do? To get ready for tonight?”

            “Aye, but I can take care of you for a few minutes to make sure that you’re well before I do that.”

            She was suddenly glad that he was. Her hand tightened around his and she leaned into him a little. “I think I need a nap,” she mumbled, her voice slurring slightly.

            “Elora?”

            “Sorry,” she whispered.

            He muttered something under his breath before he let go of her hand to scoop her up. “Are you sure nothing happened while I was gone?” he asked, walking faster toward his home.

            “Nothing happened,” she insisted. “We ate, we played, we went to see the fishes.”

            “You didn’t fall in the river again?”

            She shook her head and moaned as her vision went blurry but he was swearing under his breath.

            “It’s the water chill,” he muttered harshly. “I thought that you’d managed to escape it, maybe your magic kept it at bay, but you’ve got the water chill.”

            “What?”

            “The damned water chill and we don’t have our augur,” Cullen snapped, booting open his door.

            “Thane?” Moira said in surprise.

            “Moira? Good. Go get Bethany. Now.”

            “She is ill? Korth’s beard, I knew she was!”

            Elora blinked as she was put on the bed gently, staring up at Cullen. He was watching her in concern, his brows pinched. “Sorry?” she mumbled.

            He smoothed the hair back from her face, shaking his head. “It’s not your fault,” he assured her. “We knew this might come.”

            “But the feast,” she protested.

            He cupped her cheek. “The feast comes every new moon of the spring,” he told her, rubbing his thumb against her. “If we’re lucky, it won’t last long. It took a while to surface so it might not last long. But it came on fast. You were fine before I left this morning.”

            “How long does it last?” Elora whispered.

            “A week.” Cullen stopped his features drawn.

            “What?” she asked. “Cullen, please tell me.”

            He sighed harshly. “If it’s severe, it can last a week,” he said lowly. “If it lasts longer, it could kill you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the sake of not making this story the slowest burn in the universe, there was a time jump between the last chapter and this one (if it wasn't clearly obvious already). They've gone from about our February to April now so you know :)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a small nsfw scene in the chapter!

 

            Drinking deeply from his tankard, Cullen told himself that glaring out at the fires was not an acceptable behaviour from a thane. Not at the first new moon of spring. Well, not at any of the new moons but this one was supposed to be different. He had wanted it to be different and it wasn’t. He was still sitting on the dais, with his brother and a different sister, not dancing and simply watching the events play out in front of him. Exactly like every other dance in the past ten years.

            “Cullen, you’re growling,” Rosalie said softly from beside him.

            He pressed his lips together and stemmed the noise he hadn’t realised he was making. Why was he making such a big deal out of this? It wasn’t any different than any other Fire Dance that had taken place since he had become Thane. He hadn’t danced at a single one, had never wanted to, so why was it such a big deal now. Was it because Elora had asked about it and he had had the foolish notion that he would actually dance for her? When she knew nothing of their ways and had only innocently asked about the dance.

            Dragging a hand down his face, he groaned and slumped lower in his chair.

            “Cully?”

            “I’m fine, Rosie,” he muttered. It was a lie but he didn’t want her to worry. Peeking through his fingers, he looked at her. “Why aren’t you dancing?”

            She shrugged a bare shoulder almost delicately. “I don’t have to dance every time,” she said primly.

            “Rosalie, you haven’t missed a single dance since you turned sixteen,” he said mildly. “What did Mia tell you to do? Keep an eye on me?”

            Colour stained her cheeks and she toyed with the ends of the shawl in her lap. “Well, aye,” she admitted, “since she’s not here.”

            “I don’t need to be watched, Rosie. If you want to dance, you should.”

            His little sister shook her head slowly. “No, I don’t want to dance tonight.”

            “Rosie,” Cullen sighed. “Don’t let my mood spoil your night.”

            “It’s not that, Cully. I just…I thought Elora would be here,” she admitted. “I told her about the dances a little bit and she seemed like she was interested. I wanted to teach her the circle dances, I wanted to show her our dances. I thought maybe she could dance a little and maybe feel a bit more at home with us.”

            So had he but it seemed the gods had other plans. “Aye, I know,” he agreed, “but we couldn’t have known she would get sick.”

            Rosie sighed herself. “It’s not fair,” she muttered. “Elora would have loved to see this.”

            He wasn’t so sure she would have ‘loved’ to see the Fire Dance. From what he knew of the Lowlands, they were far more reserved about anything regarding sex and the dances were about celebrating themselves. Elora was always making sure she was completely covered and he was sure it wasn’t solely due to her being cold. She never looked at him when he got in or out of bed, or at least not that he had seen, although he had caught her staring more than once. But it always made her blush and she had never done anything about the looks she gave him.

            Gods take him, he shouldn’t have left the looks alone. He should have done something, let her know that they weren’t unwanted. He hadn’t because she was from the Lowlands. Or that was what he told himself. In the dark, when she was slumbering beside him and blissfully unaware of what she was doing to him, he could admit that he was scared. He was well aware of what the Lowlanders thought of his people, even before Elora had come to them.

            They were savages, barbarians, in need of guidance back to the supposed light. Elora hadn’t said any of that, had only had the few fumbling remarks in the beginning, but the thoughts lingered. If she knew what the Fire Dance was, if she knew what he wanted if he danced for her…would she take his hand? Would she share her body with him, someone that her people viewed as a barbarian? Would she do that, would she dance with him through the night, away from the fires?

            He pinched his nose and pushed out a breath. He was getting a headache thinking about it and it was for naught anyways. The night was swiftly passing and he knew that she wasn’t going to come to the fires. It would take a miracle at his point and he was positive he did not possess enough luck for that to happen.

            He wasn’t even lucky enough to sleep in his own bed the last two nights.

            _“Get out!”_

_“Mia,” Cullen growled. “You can’t kick me out of my own home!”_

_Dark eyes were flashing as she pointed a finger at him. “I can and I will,” she snarled. “You can’t be in here!”_

_“It’s my home!”_

_“Cullen Ar Sorcha, I don’t give two shits if you’re Korth reborn! You will get out of this house now! If she has the water chills, you cannot be here!”_

_Cullen clenched his teeth, wanting to argue more. “It might not be,” he said tightly._

_“I’m not taking that chance!” she snapped. “Our mother fought tooth and nail to keep you alive when you caught it the first time and need I remind you that you still get the chills?! If Elora has them, you can’t be here!”_

_He let out a slow breath, staring hard at his sister. But right now he felt like he was facing down his mother more than anything. He knew that Sorcha had dug in and kept him alive when he had caught the illness as a child, that if she hadn’t been as strong as a mage as she was, he would have died. He knew that he still suffered from bouts of the illness if he wasn’t careful during the turn of seasons from winter to spring. He knew all of that but he wanted to stay._

_“Cullen, I am not going to tell you again,” Mia said lowly. “Bethany is here. We know how to deal with this if it is the water chill, but you can’t stay. The dances start tonight and you must attend.”_

_“You want me to think about the dances now?” he demanded. “When she could be dying?”_

_“We do not put the wellbeing of one above the clan. Yes, she is our guest but the dances honour the gods! You must see to them!”_

_He started to protest again, but she grabbed his arm and hauled him toward the door. “Mia!”_

_“Go, be Thane, stay occupied and out of our hair.”_

_“Mia,” he growled again._

_“Cullen, Elora clearly hasn’t been taking care of herself if it took this long for the chills to set in. You can’t do the same. Think of yourself for once, Brother.”_

_He stared at her, hating that she was right and they both knew it. “If it isn’t the chills, I want to know,” he said lowly._

_“You’re still not staying here,” she told him. “Use my home as you will but until she is well you are not staying here.”_

_Shoving his foot in the door when she went to close it, he bore her irritated look and lowly said, “Keep me informed, Mia. I don’t care if it’s the chills or not, she is my guest and I will be informed of what’s happening.”_

_Her lips flattened but she nodded. “Find Rosie and send her to me.”_

            His hand fell to clench around the arm of his seat. She hadn’t let him back inside his house even when her and Bethany had figured out that it wasn’t the water chills, merely a combination of overexertion and the colds that had been plaguing her the last few weeks. But she still kept him out because he was susceptible at this time of year or so she said. He didn’t care if she was right, he wanted to see Elora.

            Cullen shook his head sharply. No, he’d wanted back in his home. Staying in Mia’s house was stirring too many memories. He loved Rosalie and Leo, who had spent both nights curled up in bed next to him, but he’d wanted back in his own bed. With his soft Lowlander in his arms.

            He nearly growled again. She wasn’t his, no matter how often he had slipped up and claimed her as his own since they had sealed the tear. She hadn’t said anything, had even claimed him back that first game of Skák they had played and he knew she caught it when he said it. He’d gotten looks from his family when it had come out around them but beyond Mia’s eyes narrowing, they hadn’t said anything about it. But it had forced him to think of an excuse for why he was saying it and the only thing he had been able to come up with was the fact that she _was_ his, his guest, so calling her that wasn’t such a farfetched idea.

            It sounded weak even thinking about it now. But to admit anything else would be publicly declaring just how much hold she had on him. He could blame it on ten years of celibacy then suddenly sleeping beside a warm, soft woman for weeks on end. But that was shaming to both himself and Elora.  He’d been attracted from the first and he knew it but that first night months ago had told him in a hundred ways that his attentions weren’t wanted. So he had backed off to learn more about her and simply made his situation worse.

            Flicking a look at the fires, he nearly sighed in relief when he saw that the majority of couples had taken their dances beyond the flames. A little while longer and it would be acceptable for him to leave. But he turned a frown on his brother. “Why aren’t you dancing? Did Mia tell you to watch me as well?”

            Bran huffed out a laugh. “Aye, she did but that isn’t why I’m not dancing.”

            “Don’t you remember last year,” Rosalie teased, suddenly sounding more like herself. “Branson drank himself into a state on Fire Brew and was sick like a dog the day after. He’s never told us _who_ put him into that state in the first place.”

            He glared across the dais at their younger sister. “Aye and I’m not going to tell you, Brat. If I did, the entire hold would know before the morrow and probably the farms and the Chasind below.”

            Rosie huffed but Cullen smiled slightly. “You can’t argue with him, Rosalie,” Cullen told her. “You have the bad habit of being too excited about some things that you just can’t keep them to yourself.”

            “If it’s good news, why should I?” she demanded. “We need more good news.”

            That they did but they didn’t need more gossip than they already had. But listening to his younger siblings squabble was oddly soothing. It was familiar and he needed that right now. More than anything he needed something that wasn’t involved in the mess that was the Lowlander and Sky-Bear Hold.

            His mouth twisted as his gaze moved over the clan that were still at the fires. Most of them were deep in their cups, some even slumped over benches and tables already passed out. A few were still dancing, drawing out their pleasure for as long as possible. He wouldn’t be required to remain for much longer but it wasn’t his warm bed he would be returning to and as much as he wanted away from the fires, he wasn’t looking forward to another night in Mia’s home.

            It was more than memories it stirred, it didn’t feel right having clan members coming to him in that place. His parents had built it with laughter and love and for some of them to be coming to him, demanding to know what was going on with the Lowlander, if she was going to be gracing them with her presence at their dances, spat in the face of what Teo and Sorcha had done. The weeks that had passed since she had closed the tear had seen the divide in the clan grow ever wider. Those that accepted her before had been more willing to allow her back into their good graces and were even helping her figure out more of what living with them would mean. But those that hadn’t….

            His gaze darted around the gathering and his mouth pursed when he didn’t find who he was looking for. His Master of the Hunt had been a particular thorn in his side, a silent reminder of everything that had happened the last time they had let a Lowlander walk among them the way Elora was. He refused to see that she wasn’t preaching her Chant; she was a Lowlander and therefore wasn’t to be trusted as far as he was concerned. The fact that Cullen had made her his guest on top of the gods’ only seemed to irritate him further.

_“If she loses the gods’ favour, will you make her leave? Or are you too attached to the warm body in your bed, too tempted by what’s between her Lowland thighs to see that she can destroy us?”_

            Cullen’s teeth clenched as the words from the last elder’s council rolled through his head. Raleigh’s words hadn’t been surprising, Cullen knew what he thought, but it had surprised him that he’d come out and said it before the council. As much as he disliked that it had happened, it had given Cullen the chance to see who of the elders was of the same mind as the hunt master. It was less than he had thought but more than he wanted to deal with.

            He also wasn’t keen on the assumption that some in the clan seemed to have, that Elora was warming his bed in more than one way. He knew it wasn’t the traditional way to allow a guest to share his bed the way he was and at one point he had considered a second bed but had quickly dismissed it. There weren’t enough furs in the hold to keep that woman warm on winter nights and he’d never sleep if he was stuck listening to her shiver the entire night through. So he had kept her in his and now the whispers ran the length of the hold of what kind of grip she had on their Thane.

            _Perhaps the title is cursed,_ he thought sourly. Diarmaid completely lost his mind at the end of his rule, his father barely held the title for a year before he was killed, and now the clan thought he was following in Diarmaid’s footsteps.

            Had he made a mistake accepting the title from the gods ten years ago? Would the clan have been better off if someone else had been leading them?

            _No._ He knew they wouldn’t have. Anyone else would have driven the Chasind off, Hawke with them and they would have been without an augur again. Everyone seemed to forget that the gods had refused all mages within the hold after the last had been killed. That it wasn’t until Malcolm had brought his people to Sky-Bear Hold that the gods had finally accepted someone to help them heal. Or perhaps they had been hoping that after the gods were themselves again that they would be more open to one of the Avvar being augur again.

            He didn’t think they realised how loved the previous augur had been, how much the gods had adored her, or that the gods didn’t forget that it was an Avvar that had killed her. He wasn’t sure if their gods would ever trust the clan to fill that role again but so long as his line stayed in control, the Chasind were staying. As was Elora.

            But it made him wonder, if she had the gods’ favour, if not outright love from the way she always seemed to be surrounded by them, why had they kept her from the dances? Was it because he had wanted to dance for her? Were they trying to tell him something, that she should be his guest and his guest alone?

            “Brother, your mood is horrible,” Rosalie whispered from beside him. “Go.”

            “It’s not time yet,” he muttered.

            “Cully, please. You’re going to give yourself a headache or make yourself sick if you stay here. Go back to the house and rest.”

            He looked at her, wanting to protest but it crumbled on his lips at the concerned look on her face. “Alright,” he conceded. “Bran, if you’re staying, make sure Rosie gets home.”

            “Aye. See you on the morrow, Brother.”

            Cullen nodded, pushing out of his chair. He ignored the looks some of the clan gave him, the hopeful stares of the women burning into him nearly as much as the flames. He kept walking, leaving the fires and the quiet sounds of the drums behind him. But the noises through the hold were anything but quiet.

            Desire stirred in his belly as he made his way up from the flat area they used for the dances. Nearly every home he passed was full of soft sighs and grunts of pleasure. Even without drinking the Fire Brew, he reacted to them. How could he not when they were all around him? Any other year and he would have simply returned home, taking care of any residual pleasure in his veins on his own, but he didn’t have that option this time.

            He tried to tune them out, tried not to think about them, but it grew harder the longer he walked among them. None in the clan were ever quiet about their passions and on this night, on the night of the Fire Dance, none of them were ever expected to be. They were celebrating each other and Rilla and the louder you were the better.

            Rubbing one hand against his mouth, Cullen paused near a low wall, bracing the other against it. He tried to steady his breathing, hating that his heart was already pounding in his chest. Was it just the noises around him or was it the fact that his mind kept wandering to what noises she would make? She was shy but fiery. Where would her passions lie? Would she be quiet, making him work for every noise that he made fall from her lips? Would she be joyous, shouting her pleasure for all of the clan to hear? Would she be as eager for him as he was steadily becoming for her?

            His hand fell from his mouth and under the leather loincloth he was wearing. His gut tightened as he curled fingers around hard flesh, stroking roughly and moaning softly at the spear of pleasure that lanced through him. He was no stranger to lusts but with sharing a bed with Elora he hadn’t had the time or place to take care of himself the way he once had. He had to grit his teeth when he woke up, wrapped around her with his already hardening cock pressing against soft flesh. There wasn’t any way that he could stay in bed like that, not after the way she had reacted that first time. But slipping outside, in the tail end of winter, to pull his cock out wasn’t the soundest idea either.

            Cullen’s head fell forward with a guttural moan as he kept stroking himself. Korth’s fucking teeth, it was worse when she was the one curled up against him, pressing against the length of his back. He didn’t know why she always said she was cold because she was always very warm when she cuddled up to him. Her breasts would be tight to his back and only the layer of her sleep shirt keeping skin from touching skin. He’d had to start wearing breeches to bed because the feel of her legs tucked along his had driven him mad. But it had been the little fingers that had absently stroked him in her sleep that were the worst, sometimes tangled in the hair on his chest, other times absently pressed low on his stomach from where her arm curled around him.

            How many mornings had he woken to her fingers so close to the head of his cock as it had strained against the ties of his breeches? Too many to count.

            His chest was heaving as he worked his hand over his cock. He’d waited too long to do this, the few scant times he had over the past months clearly not enough. Or was it the Fire Dance that had pushed him over, watching lovers, old and new, writhe and declare their intentions before the whole of the clan and Rilla? Was it the desire that had taken root three days ago when Elora had asked him about the Fire Dance and then was swiftly denied when she had fallen ill?

            But what would it have been like, to dance for her and have her take his hand and dance with him? To feel those soft curves moving against him, before the fire at the celebration and the one in his home? To be able to put his mouth and hands on her and make her cry out with the pleasure he could give her? To spend the entire night wrapped up in her without anything between them?

            His hand twisted as it reached the crown before he slid it down, brushing the heavy sac at the base. He was trembling now, his thoughts tumbling one after another of what it would be like to break his self-imposed celibacy, to actually dance and celebrate someone that he wanted, that he hoped wanted him in return. What would it be like to lose himself in the warmth of her body, to have her below him, above him, for her to be in his arms while desire took them both?

            “Elora,” he rasped weakly, wishing it was her hand, her body that was making his knees shake and his head spin instead of his own. “Elora…my Lowlander.”

            A deep grunt left him before he was shuddering on his feet as he came. His hand tightened around his cock, squeezing harder to get all of it out. He was shaking as he braced himself further on the wall, staggering into it as pleasure rippled through him, leaving him weak and breathless. His hand fell away and he had to put it on the stone as well to keep himself up.

            Lady, have mercy on him, had he truly just done that? He wasn’t ashamed of it but the level of pleasure he felt at the act startled him. Yet he knew he had crossed a line he wasn’t going to be able to come back from.

            He braced himself against the wall until he felt steady enough to walk again but he changed course. He quickly reached one of the hold’s wells, cleaning himself as best he could. He didn’t need Mia asking after anything because nothing ever seemed to get past his sister. And he didn’t want to even attempt to explain what he had just done.

            Dumping the rest of the water, Cullen took a deep breath and looked up at the sky. The stars were in rare form with the larger of the moons gone dark. But they did little to help calm him. Not when he knew that what he had just felt, what he had just done, was not going to be forgotten anytime soon.

            “Fool,” he muttered to himself and started back toward his home. What had he thought was going to happen? That he would find release and somehow the things he felt for Elora would just vanish? If anything, they were worse now since he still wasn’t allowed to see her.

            By the time he made it to his door, he was still wound as tightly as before but he forced himself to knock. He didn’t have high hopes of Mia letting him inside, but he was still going to ask.

            It didn’t take long for it to swing open and his sister slipped outside, her son in her arms. “They’re over?” she murmured.

            “Almost,” Cullen said quietly.

            “Branson and Rosalie?”

            “They didn’t dance. They did what you told them all night.” It came out harsher than he had intended.

            Mia sighed and gave him a look. “Cullen, I didn’t do it to be mean. You know as well as I do that sometimes being alone on these nights is not a good thing.”

            “Will you let me in then?”

            Her look didn’t go away. “No.”

            “Mia,” he said lowly, “it’s my home.”

            “I am well aware of that, Cullen. Are you honestly telling me that you can’t wait another day to see her? That you would risk your own health to see her?”

            He wanted to growl as she put it that way. “If I’m allowed to see her tomorrow, what difference does it make if I see her tonight?”

            “She’s sleeping, Brother. Let her rest.”

            Cullen closed his eyes, grudgingly accepting the fact that she wasn’t going to budge on her stance.

            “You will see her tomorrow,” Mia said curiously. “Why is it so important that you see her this eve?”

            He shook his head, taking Leo when she held him out. “It doesn’t matter now,” he muttered as the little boy cuddled into her. “Does it?”

            “If it sets your mind at ease, she did ask for you.”

            His gaze snapped up to her. “She did?”

            “Aye, full of comments that one,” Mia said slowly, studying him in the torchlight. “Did you truly tell her you’d teach her to Fire Dance?”

            He choked on his tongue. Had he? He’d been caught off guard when she had mentioned it, visions of her dancing with him filling his mind, wearing nothing but a skirt around her hips and the sweat on her skin. Had he offered to teach her? “No,” he said after a moment. “I merely told her the basic facts about it, about it not being something you can teach someone, that you simply know.”

            “Well, Brother, it very much sounds like she wanted you to try to teach her anyways.”

            Cullen stared at her, wanting nothing more than for that to be true. But his brows drew together, his thoughts from the fires returning, as he shook his head. “If I were meant to dance for her,” he said quietly, “the gods would have brought her to the fires.

            Her fingers reached out to touch him, resting against the tattoos over his heart. “I think you’re forgetting about these,” she said softly. “The gods marked you with their plan, Cullen, and these speak of great acts for the clan. And the others tell of what your line will accomplish. Not our family, but yours.”

            “Then why wouldn’t they let her dance with me?” he breathed.

            She spread her hands sadly. “Perhaps they tried. Elora has been fighting this cold for a while now, perhaps they were helping her but there was only so much they could do. Your Lowlander will take some time before she is fully recovered and adapted to life in the mountains.”

            Cullen sighed, looking over her shoulder at the door. “I can see her tomorrow?” he confirmed.

            “Aye, little bear. Tomorrow.”

            He huffed at her. “I am not your ‘little bear’, Mia,” he growled.

            “You’re certainly acting like one. All snapping and snarling like a cub that’s had something taken away from him.”

            “I’m not a little bear!” He hadn’t been in a long time, not since long before their mother had joined the Lady.

            Mia smiled faintly at him. “Well, take my little bear to bed,” she said quietly, “and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

            He nodded slowly, still sour over her comment. “Sleep well, Sister.”

            “You as well, Brother. And, Cullen? Come well after sunrise. Give your Elora a chance to make herself presentable before you swarm her.”

            He nearly protested that before he realised what she had said, more than once. “She isn’t mine,” he said softly.

            Mia lifted her brows at him. “No?” she said, pretending to be shocked. “I don’t believe you, Brother, and you haven’t done a single thing to convince me she isn’t.”

            Making a sharp noise, he walked away from her so as not to give her more to use against him and ignoring her soft laughter. She wasn’t his! If she was, he would have been allowed in his own home to see her. And presentable? He had spent the past three months sharing a bed and a home with her. He had seen her in most states so why would this be any different? Because she’d been sick? Because they hadn’t seen each other in a few days? What difference did any of that make? If it were him that had been ill, he would have wanted her to come right away.

            “It doesn’t make any sense,” he muttered, rubbing Leo’s back absently. “Make herself presentable? It’s only me.”

            His nephew mumbled something and Cullen stopped talking, not wanting to wake him. But her words rolled around in his head. Why would she want to do that? Unless…unless she wanted to do it in an attempt to please him? That was needless, he only wanted to see her well.

            Pausing as he reached the door of Mia’s home, he sighed deeply. Ten years he had gone without worrying over a woman. Apparently the gods thought it would be amusing for him to make up that decade in the span of only a few months. He supposed that if he managed to survive it, it would be more than worth it, but he still needed to survive this utter mess he was creating for himself.


	14. Chapter 14

 

            Keeping her hands cradled around the warm tonic Bethany made for her, Elora frowned as she thought about what Mia had just said. “I missed the dances?” she whispered, her voice hoarse.

            “You missed the first dance,” Mia corrected. “There are still three more new moons to be celebrated.”

            She kept frowning. “Three?”

            Mia laughed. “Aye. Maybe, long ago, we only had one but we have four now. Winter is  our time and we are strongest when the snow falls, but we know that we cannot survive in winter alone. There must be balance and renewal. Spring is the time when all life flourishes and we honour and respect that with our dances and celebrations.”

            Elora tried to keep up but her thoughts were still fuzzy. “So…I didn’t miss them?” she said slowly.

            Both Mia and Bethany laughed this time. “There will be more, Elora. Rest easy on that.”

            Nodding, she huddled deeper into the blankets around her and sipped the brew. She still wasn’t used to healing tonics tasting so good. The ones given in the Circles had always been foul; a deterrent from getting sick or that was what the healers told them. When she had mentioned it to Bethany on one of the numerous occasions she had been sick, the other mage had given her a funny look.

            _“Who would drink them if they didn’t taste good, Elora? We want people to get better and they can’t do that if they won’t drink the brews.”_

            Such a simple statement and yet it had almost perfectly shown the divide between what was taught inside and out of the circle.

            Swallowing again, Elora sighed as it soothed her raw throat. Having spent the last days attempting to cough up her lungs in between all of the shaking and the occasional bouts of throwing up, it felt amazing. Actually, everything felt amazing now that she wasn’t confined to a bed, except for the general grossness that went with being sick. But she wasn’t allowed to have a bath until she finished her brew and Mia and Bethany both declared her fit to not drown in the tub.

            She watched Mia as she went back to the bed, stripping the furs and linens from it. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled. Why was it every time she turned around someone seemed to be taking care of her?

            “Don’t fret over it, Elora. If it wasn’t you, it would have been Cullen.” She paused and sighed. “It may still be Cullen if the fool keeps on the way he has. I swear, the two of you are completely meant-”

            “Mia,” Bethany interrupted gently.

            Elora was sure that whatever Mia was going to say was important but the other woman simply sighed. “Aye, I know. Finish your brew, Elora, so we can get you into the bath and get you back to feeling normal.”

            “Normal,” she huffed weakly. “I haven’t been ‘normal’ since I fell into the river.”

            Both of them laughed again and she even smiled faintly but she was a little surprised that the statement didn’t bother her. How many years had she struggled to be normal in Val Royeaux, to fit in when she never would? But what her normal used to be was not what it was now and she was fine with that.

            Why wouldn’t she be? She wasn’t living in constant fear of Tranquility. She was mostly free to do as she saw fit. She was learning spells that the Circle would have never thought to teach her. She spent every night sleeping beside one of the most attractive men she had ever seen.

            The fire flared up and her gaze jerked to it.

            _Happy? Happy!_

_Cullen? Get Cullen!_

_Happy with Cullen!_

            Elora’s cheeks heated at the whispers in her ears and prayed Bethany couldn’t hear them as well.

            “Oh, leave her be, little ones,” Bethany said, shooing the little wisps away from her.

            They whined, circling above her head now.

            “You’ll never get any peace with them if you’re not firm with them while they’re still new and young. My sister says the baby ones, as she calls them, are always hard to handle if you let them have their way like that.”

            “They’re cute,” Elora mumbled, lifting one hand and smiling as snow danced around her fingers.

            “Aye, but spoil them and they’re bound to become beasts. It isn’t going to hurt them to tell them no.”

            “You sound like Mia about Leo.”

            “As she should,” Mia said, shaking new linens out across the bed. “Some gods are always moving within the hold but the ones a mage pulls to them rarely leave that mage. They essentially are your children.”

            Elora’s hand fell. “What?”

            “How did Mama explain it,” Mia said faintly, pausing what she was doing and staring at the wall while she gathered her thoughts. “There are two types of gods that live within a hold, those that are tied to the hold itself and the clan and those that flock to a mage. The hold gods are the ones that we seek guidance from, that are summoned for battle, that are for the benefit of the entire hold. But after our augur died and Malcolm brought them back to what they had once been, they became more reclusive, less willing to move through the hold at random. They speak with Hawke when they’re summoned and they stayed close to you when you were first brought to the hold, but they usually observe for the most part now.”

            “And the others?” Elora asked quietly, swirling what was left of the brew around in her cup.

            Mia laughed quietly. “Mama would call them house gods,” she said fondly. “Mostly because they were a pain and never left the house. They come as mages use their magic or are drawn to our world for a particular reason by a mage. The latter are a little more focused on their specific tasks and are more battle oriented, but the others? They’re created from a mage’s own magic so a piece of themselves is a part of the god and therefore they are like your child. They’re entire focus is on their mage and can transfer to their family, if they have one. They will follow a mage into battle, protecting them at the cost of their own life if need be, or they will stay in their home, helping it grow to be a warm and loving place.”

            “Am I just going to make more every time I use magic?” Elora asked, slightly panicked at the thought of how many gods she could be surrounded by.

            “No,” Bethany said with a faint smile. “Your magic sustains them while they’re young like this and protects them from corruption. But it can only support so many. I think…I think you might already have as many as you’re going to get.”

            “I’ve barely used magic since I’ve been here,” she protested.

            “Aye, but I think they were initially drawn because of the mark and stayed because of you.”

            Elora flicked a look up above her, where the little wisps were circling again. She knew that the Avvar’s gods were spirits, but they behaved like nothing she had ever heard of in the Circle. She had been a little frightened when she had first realised it, wondering what was keeping them from turning to demons without a single thought. There was enough tension in the hold to certainly warrant it and it had taken her a long time to ask because she hadn’t wanted to offend. But more than that she hadn’t known whom to ask. The few mages that lived in the hold she didn’t know well and Bethany wasn’t of the Avvar. Cullen had surprisingly been the one with the answer when she had finally worked up the courage to ask.

            _“Unbalances in the hold will push them over the edge to be sure but it usually takes something drastic.”_

_Looking up from the board, Elora frowned at him. “Like the death of the augur?”_

_“Aye, like that,” he murmured, leaning back in his chair. “That was an extreme case and no one was expecting it so they were twisted by it. We all were.”_

_She bit her lip, her fingers resting on the little bear figure of her hold beast. “But minor changes don’t affect them?”_

_“Not overly. Most of them have been with the hold for longer than any of us have been alive.” He paused, watching her as she made a move. “Some are susceptible to strong emotions in the hold but for the most part, they tend to stay away from us after what happened. None of us really know why they made this choice but few beyond Hawke actually seek them out.”_

_Resting her chin in her hands, she lazily swung her feet through the air and waited for him to make his move as she thought about that. She supposed it made sense that if the gods-or spirits-stayed away they wouldn’t be influenced by human emotions. And if they were old enough then perhaps it was easier for them to resist the change to demon. It went completely against what she had been taught and she was still a little afraid of what it might mean, spirits moving so freely among people._

_But none of the Avvar were scared of their gods, even with some of them becoming corrupted._

_“Sk_ _ák.”_

_“What?” Elora said in surprise, looking at the board. “No!”_

_Cullen chuckled softly. “You’re getting better,” he said encouragingly._

_“Clearly not if you keep beating me this quickly,” she grumped._

_“I’ve had more experience with the game, Elora. You’ve only been playing for a few weeks and should give yourself more credit.”_

_Her nose scrunched. She knew he was right but it didn’t make losing to him any easier. It also didn’t help that she knew he was waiting for her to either tip her hold beast over or try to save it when they both knew she couldn’t. Inhaling sharply, she snatched the piece up. “No, it’s mine and you can’t have it!”_

_Cullen blinked at her before he launched himself from his seat when she ran from the table. “That’s against the rules!”_

_“No, it’s mine!” she repeated. She knew she didn’t really have anywhere to run to as the sun had set so she wasn’t going outside but she wasn’t giving up without a fight. He’d have to take the hold beast from her._

_She shrieked as his arm banded around her waist-when had he gotten so close?!-and lifted her off her feet. “No!” she wailed, kicking her feet uselessly._

_“You have something you owe me.”_

_She pouted, closing both hands around the little black piece._

_Cullen chuckled lowly and it made her toes curl in her slippers. “I’ll get that piece from you, Elora. Leo tells me you’re ticklish.”_

_Her eyes widened. “No!” she shouted before it became another shriek as she felt his hands move against her sides._

            Elora bit her lip and stared down into her cup. Events like that had become more commonplace as time had gone on, playing Skak and getting to know one another better. She still didn’t win the game, seemingly not having the patience for it. But they played and they talked before bed whenever time allowed. It had almost become a regular part of their day and she wondered if Cullen was starting to make sure that he could play it. Not that she minded because she enjoyed spending time with him and him frowning and thinking over the board gave her ample time to watch him without him catching her.

            “Are you finished?”

            Bethany’s voice made her jump and she looked up with a guilty flush before realising that the other woman couldn’t possibly know what she’d been thinking about. “Oh, yes, thank you,” she said, putting the cup on the table.

            “You get the bath going for her, Beth. I’m going to hang the furs behind the house to air them out. We’re going to need fresh ones to use on the bed.”

            “I can find some if you’d like.”

            “Mm, we might have some at the house but if you could get them I’d appreciate that. Here, you fill the bath and then I’ll help Elora in while you get the furs.”

            “I don’t need help,” Elora said stubbornly.

            “I more meant make sure you don’t crack your head on anything. Your legs were still pretty weak when we got you to the table.”

            Elora sighed harshly and mumbled, “I’m never going to be able to do things for myself for long periods of time.”

            “Perhaps you shouldn’t hide the fact that you aren’t feeling well,” Mia threw back at her. “If you would take care of yourself, you wouldn’t get this sick and then we wouldn’t have to take care of you.”

            “Yes, Mother,” Elora muttered, sinking lower in her chair.

            Beth snorted from near the tub and colour filled Elora’s cheeks as she felt the weight of Mia’s stare. “Would you like me to call you ‘little bear’ as well,” she asked sweetly. “Because you keep grumbling like that and I will.”

            Elora stayed hunkered down in her blankets, not wanting to answer that. But she could see the grin on Bethany’s face that she was doing a bad job of hiding. “Can I have my bath now?” she asked in a small voice.

            “Are you going to snarl at me?”

            “No.”

            Mia was shaking her head as she came over to Elora, but she had a smile on her face as she helped her shed the blankets she was wrapped in and stand up. “It’s only because I care, Elora,” she said quietly as they slowly made their way to the tub. “Why I push so much, I mean.”

            “I know.” But it was hard to accept sometimes. She’d had to be independent in the Circle for so long asking for help wasn’t something that came easily to her.

            Mia sighed deeply. “Between you and Cullen and whatever in the Lady’s name has been bugging Bran lately, I’m stretched thin. I don’t know how Mama managed to keep track of the four of us and Father as well as she did.”

            “You do a good job,” Elora assured her, dipping her fingers into the water to see if it was the temperature she liked.

            “I feel ready to collapse most nights,” she muttered. “That’s even without having to run after Leo.”

            Elora didn’t protest when Mia helped her with the ties of the simple dress she had on. She kept quiet as she peeled it over Elora’s head and left her in her slippers. It wasn’t like Mia hadn’t seen her already what with how extensively she’d been taking care of her…again. “I think I can manage this one,” she said, getting a laugh out of Mia as she gingerly kicked off her slippers.

            But she was glad when Mia didn’t move away as she needed help balancing before both her and Bethany were helping her sink into the tub.

            “Oh,” she moaned, immersing herself up to her chin. “I feel better already.”

            Soft chuckles came from them. “You’re more likely to cook in there for how hot you like the water,” Mia teased gently, scooping up her discarded clothes. “But you soak and wash up. Beth, if you could get the furs, I’ll just wash these outside and hang them.”

            Elora barely heard them, happily humming at how warm the water was. She dunked her head under it, soaking her hair before stretching out fully. Her toes peeked out of the water even though she couldn’t reach the other side of it and it made her giggle. She had asked Mia about the tub weeks ago, when she’d started using it, and been told that Cullen preferred not to use the communal area to bathe. So he’d had the tub made and broken many hearts. Or at least that last bit was according to Rosie.

            Catching her lower lip between her teeth, she told herself thinking about the Thane while she was currently naked and wet was not a good idea. It was bad enough she’d started having dreams about him, she didn’t need to make matters worse thinking about him like that when she was awake. It was surely a foolish fancy on her part because despite the playful banter between them, the borderline flirting, and his outright claiming her as his Lowlander he hadn’t done anything more. But it had been a long time, if ever, that anyone had made her feel like this.

            Her fingers drew absent patterns against the side of the tub as she stared up at the roof. But…what if? What if it wasn’t a foolish fancy, what if there was the actual possibility for more than shy flirting and perhaps claiming in a much more physical sense?

            _Cullen? Get Cullen?_

            “No,” Elora said quickly, jerking in the water. “Do not.”

            _But happy?_

            She exhaled noisily. “No, do not get him,” she said firmly. “Thank you, but leave him be.”

            If spirits could sulk, these ones certainly were. They apparently didn’t like being told no anymore than Leo did.

            Closing her eyes, she leaned back in the tub and tried to steer her thoughts away from Cullen. It worked for all of a few seconds before she came right back to where she had been. What if she could have something more? It wasn’t like she hadn’t had sex before and she highly doubted that he’d never had it. Although he didn’t seem the type to outright demand it from someone, he was attractive and fit and more than desirable. Surely he must have but it wasn’t like she could just come right out and ask him.

            Biting her lip again, her fingers moved from the tub to skim along her torso. She truly shouldn’t, Mia or Beth could come back at any moment and she didn’t want to be caught in a compromising situation if they did. Besides, she was still recovering from being sick. Pleasuring herself should be the last thing on her mind!

            But the more she thought about Cullen, the more her skin being hot had nothing to do with the water.

            Her hands moved inward a little more, stroking under her breasts before she gave in, cupping herself for a moment. Her thumbs moved over her nipples, teasing them before she splashed noisily as she jerked her hands away. “Stop that,” she whispered, blushing at what she had been about to do. “Have a bath. Don’t do anything but have a bath.”

            She scooped up the cloth Bethany had left her and leaned out of the tub to grab the soap. She would focus and get this done so that maybe she could actually feel like a person and maybe even see someone beyond Mia and Bethany. Or even eat a meal without feeling like she was going to be sick again. She didn’t have time for whimsical thoughts about toned muscles, thick blonde curls and swirling blue tattoos.

            A small moan left her as the wash cloth shifted to rub against her sex instead of her thighs. The material was rough, like his hands were, but it made her toes curl and her eyes squeeze shut. She dropped the cloth after she had moved it over herself a couple times, opting for quick circles around her clit with her fingertips instead. How would he touch her? Her last lover hadn’t been very interested in her pleasure so much as his own, but Cullen…surely he wouldn’t be like that. He was always taking care of her in other ways, he couldn’t be that different during sex.

            She arched in the water as her fingers slid down, teasing her entrance for a moment and wondering how different it would be if it was him touching her. How different would it be if it was his thick fingers slipping into her to ready her for his cock? A whimper fell from her lips and she twisted in the tub before the sound of her splashing brought her back to reality.

            “Maker’s breath, Elora Trevelyan,” she hissed, jerking her hands away from herself. “You’re hopeless!”

            Grabbing the cloth, she quickly finished washing herself. Clearly she wasn’t enough of an adult to take a bath without giving in to temptation so she needed to get out of it. No matter how pleasant it was or how pleasant what she had been doing was. She just needed to wash her hair and then get out of the water before this got out of hand. Again.

            She pulled the mass of wet hair over her shoulder, scooping up the other soap that had been left and working it into the curls. What was wrong with her? Well, no, nothing was wrong with her for wanting pleasure but now? Of all times now? And to be thinking about Cullen while doing it? The man who had been nothing but kind to her since she had gotten here and how did she repay that kindness? By using the thought of him to try to bring herself pleasure?

            As soon as the soap was washed from her hair, she gripped the sides of the tub and pushed herself out of it. She wobbled slightly when she didn’t have anything to hold on to but she managed to keep her balance. But where had Beth put the towel?

            She thought she heard delighted giggles, excited whispers coming from her wisps, but they faded when the door opened. “Beth?” she asked. “I don’t know where you-“

            “Lady have mercy.”

            Her head jerked to the door at the choked whisper and her eyes widened as she saw Cullen standing there, his hand still on the latch as he filled the doorway. He was staring at her as surely as she was staring at him but she was frozen to the spot, unable to move. She knew she needed to, either back into the water or behind the towel if she could find it, but she couldn’t move.

            His gaze was hot even across the room and she felt herself flushing as it started to dip down before coming back up. His eyes stayed on her face for a long moment but it didn’t last as they started to fall again.

            No, no, no! She didn’t want him looking at her! Not now! Not when there was light! The smallest sound left her-panicked even to her ears-and she was startled when his eyes snapped up to hers immediately. His brows drew together, concern starting to overshadow whatever else was coating his expression. She thought she saw him shift, to back out of the door and realised her hands had lifted to start covering herself. But…he wasn’t leering at her, still looking at her face and respecting the fact that she was embarrassed.

            She held his gaze for a moment longer before she straightened as much as she could, flicking her hair over her shoulders and slowly dropping her hands. She was equal parts terrified and thrilled when he made a low noise, his eyes leaving her face.

            Elora was breathing harder despite her supposed bravado, her breasts almost heaving as he looked down her body. She thought she saw him lick his lips, gaze lingering on her chest, before he seemed to force himself to move on, to look at more. A small noise left her as she realised he was looking at all of her, that he was seeing her completely naked. He still wasn’t leering, was actually looking at her and taking her in.

            He definitely licked his lips as he looked lower but his eyes slowly, almost lovingly, came back up to her face. There was colour splashed across his cheeks-desire or embarrassment?-and he took a small step into the house. “Elora-”

            “What are you doing?!”

            They both jerked at the shriek, Elora slipping back into the tub with a splash while Cullen looked at Mia. She didn’t see what happened, covering her face with her hands while she blushed heavily.

            “Cullen ar Sorcha, what in Korth’s fucking name do you think you’re doing?” Mia demanded and she thought she heard a smack.

            “It’s my home!” he protested. “You said I could see her today! It isn’t early! I waited!”

            “I didn’t say you could see _all_ of her, you fool!” Mia shouted. “Out!”

            “Mia, wait, I didn’t-”

            “Out!” she yelled.

            Elora heard the door slam and Mia’s angry shouts at it and the man on the other side of it, but all she could really hear was her heart pounding in her ears. Cullen had seen her naked, completely and fully. He had looked at her, all of her, without hesitation and maybe even with a hint of desire? Had he? She didn’t know, wasn’t sure what true desire looked like if she was honest, but she was almost sure it was?

            “Elora, I’m so sorry. How long was he there? Did he do anything?”

            She shook her head, keeping her face covered. He had looked at her…and not dismissed her. Her breath caught at the thought. Perhaps her fantasy wasn’t as whimsical as she had imagined? But her hands came down quickly and with a loud splash when she realised something.

            Glaring at the ceiling, she snapped, “You knew he was there! You could have warned me!”

            Childish giggles of glee filled her ears and it made her blush all the more.

            “You little brats! You’re supposed to help me! Not…not throw me to the wolves!”

            All she got were more giggles and the feeling that they were very proud of themselves which she did not appreciate. Mostly because she had the very bad feeling that this wasn’t going to be a one-time thing and she was going to suffer like this again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know some of you expressed some concern about the Fire Dance and Elora being sick/how it plays into/if the fire dance still happens. Hopefully this chapter cleared it up, but if you still have more questions feel free to leave it in a comment or over on tumblr!


	15. Chapter 15

 

            Leaning against the fence, Cullen stared at the garden in front of him without really seeing it. He’d come down to check the farms like he had promised last week and hadn’t managed to make it down. Mia had reminded him today that he needed to go down the mountain and see the Chasind as well since Hawke had been gone for so long. He’d appreciated the reminder, not liking that he had forgotten about it. But he hadn’t been surprised, not with how much he’d had on his mind.

            He rubbed his hand over his mouth, glancing at the man leaning on the other side of the fence. “What do you need from the hold?” he asked quietly.

            “Not much. Few extra hands that can be spared just to make sure the ground is turned and the crops go in.”

            “How many is a few, Andor?”

            “Half-dozen should be enough.”

            Cullen nodded absently. “I’ll talk to Mia and Rosie and see who’ll be able to come down.”

            “The little ones missed Rosie over the winter. They’ll be happy to see her again.”

            He smiled faintly. His younger sister enjoyed helping with the farms, enjoyed playing with the children that lived here. It helped the parents as well because she kept them out from under foot so that they could work for longer without being interrupted. He didn’t know what they did but the few times he had come down to help as well there had been nothing but high pitched shrieks and giggles coming from them.

            “Been hearing a lot of rumbling coming down the mountain, Cullen.”

            “Anything specific?”

            “They’re not happy.”

            His mouth twisted. “I know,” he said flatly, “but there is very little I can do about that.”

            “How much of it is true?”

            “Depends on what part you’re talking about.”

            Andor sucked on his cheek, pushing away from the fence. “That you’re not doing anything Diarmaid didn’t,” he said bluntly.

            The noise that left Cullen was harsh. They were comparing him to the Mad Thane? “I am following the decree of our gods,” he said lowly. “Diarmaid went against them, completely losing his mind, and nearly destroyed our hold. They think that I’m doing the same?”

            “Only telling you what we’ve heard but it has to be bad if _we’re_ hearing it.”

            That was the truth. Those that stood against him wanted nothing to do with the Avvar that tended their farms through the summer. Didn’t even see them as Avvar anymore since they had married and were far too close to the Chasind that made their home in the forest. Thanks to that, these people were some of the staunchest allies Cullen had.

            Except he shouldn’t have to have allies within his hold. Enemies were to be expected but to know that a portion of the clan wanted him dead meant that he had to know who was on his side.

            “Is it that bad up there?”

            Cullen made a dismissive gesture. “No one is going to say anything to me,” he muttered. “They know better for the most part but the whispers…there’s not much we can do to stop them.”

            “And the Lowlander?”

            His mind blanked as images flooded him at the mere mention of Elora, wet skin, wet _naked_ skin. So many curves, nothing but curves. Tangled curls teasing full breasts, tipped with nipples made for sucking. He’d stared at her; he knew he had but he couldn’t do anything else. How could he have ever known that that would be waiting for him when he returned home? He’d wanted to see her but he hadn’t expected to…see so much of her.

            “Thane?”

            Cullen shook himself out of the memory. “What about her?”

            “We haven’t met her,” Andor said mildly. “The only things we’ve heard has been gossip and what Beth tells us.”

            “What’s there to tell? She’s a mage and she wants to stay. The gods allowed it.”

            “And the others?”

            Cullen’s mouth twisted. “They’re less than impressed.”

            Andor snorted, muttering, “Bit rich given that they supported Diarmaid the last time there was a Lowlander here. Funny that they don’t seem to remember that.”

            He didn’t think it was funny. “They want her gone, Andor,” he said lowly, “but they can’t do anything because she holds the gods’ favour.”

            The man was silent for a long time, his gaze moving over his farm and the others in the nearby area. “Must burn their goat,” he finally said. “Silence from the gods for damn near ten years, since they chose the Hawke to be augur, and when they finally return it’s to give their blessing to a Lowlander. Not one of theirs, but a bloody Lowlander.”

            “It burns even more that she’s trying to find her place in the clan. That she wants to stay and is making an effort to repair the damage she did.”

            “Damage? She hit a lad over the head with a bucket to close the hole in the Lady. Any who don’t see that the good she did clearly out weighs the bad has got their head shoved too far up their ass.”

            Cullen snorted this time. “You’ve been spending too much time with the Chasind.”

            “Aye, well, that’s what happens when you marry one of them,” Andor sighed. “But I’ll tell you, if that’s what you’re dealing with up at the hold over a Lowland woman, I’d rather be with the Chasind.”

            Some days so would he. “We’re planning on going to the traders after the third dance. Will you have goods ready by then?”

            “Aye, should be enough to trade. The stone-men prefer the earlier crops so it works in our favour.”

            “I should-”

            “Cullen!”

            They both turned at the shout of his name and Cullen felt his stomach drop. Rosalie was waving at him, her smile evident even from the distance between them. But it wasn’t his sister that had him freezing up. Elora was with Rosie, bundled up because Mia had told her she still needed to wear the heavier clothes and looking around with wide eyes.

            Andor whistled lowly beside him. “That’s her?”

            “Aye, that’s Elora.” Cullen watched as Rosie pointed at things, Elora following her fingers before there was a high shriek and a swarm of children were rushing the pair. “Shit.”

            “Leave them be, Cullen. They’re just curious and missed Rosie.”

            He pursed his lips and leaned back against the fence. Andor was right. There really weren’t that many children and they were mostly focused on Rosalie for the moment. Which allowed Elora to look around again and he didn’t miss the way her gaze jerked away when it found him.

            It had been like this since last week when he had walked in on her getting out of the bath. He had known as soon as he’d walked in that things were going to change but he hadn’t expected it to be this, this awkwardness that was worse than when she had realised that they were going to be sharing a bed. If he had known that this was what would happen, he would have done something different. Instead he was left with this situation he didn’t know how to fix.

            He stayed where he was as Rosie started toward them, Elora and children following her. “Rosie,” he said quietly, “what are you doing here?”

            “I wanted to come with you,” she reminded him, tossing long hair over her shoulders. “But you left before I could see you and then I realised that Elora hadn’t seen the farms, hasn’t seen anything beyond the hold.”

            “It was winter and she was sick,” Cullen said dryly.

            Rosie waved her hand. “She’s better now and you didn’t offer to bring her.”

            Because they weren’t really talking. He looked at Elora but she was looking away from him, her lower lip caught between her teeth. Her cheeks were red but he wasn’t sure if it was embarrassment or the cool air. “I’ll try to remember next time,” he said mildly.

            Rosie gave him a look before rolling her eyes. “If Elora’s staying, she should know our people and meet the Chasind.”

            “If you want to overwhelm her.”

            “I’m alright,” Elora said quietly, pulling her braid over her shoulder to toy with the end of it.

            Rosie’s look became smug but it smoothed when Cullen simply stared at her. He wasn’t in the mood for whatever game she was trying to play. He had enough to worry about without her adding to it.

            “Did you want to go see the Chasind camp?” she asked, looking at Elora.

            “Don’t go yet, Rosie!” one of the children cried.

            “Tell us a story!”

            “Can she tell stories?”

            “Story!”

            Cullen didn’t say anything as the children kept saying things rapidly. Rosie should have known better and-

            “Would you like to play a game?” Elora asked softly, silencing all of the little ones as they looked at her. “Do you like running?”

            They were all staring, unsure what to make of her.

            She was definitely blushing but she cupped her hands as she brought them to her mouth to blow into them.

            Cullen watched as light flared between her palms and heard the children gasp as they realised she had magic. “Wait,” he said sharply when he saw some of them start to move forward.

            They all froze before gasping again as Elora lowered her hands and there was a glowing ball hovering over her palms.

            “Do you think you can catch it?” she asked, giving the ball a small toss.

            The kids were immobile for a moment before someone started forward. As soon as they did the ball took off and after a second the children shrieked and ran off after it.

            Cullen lifted a brow as he watched them tear across the ground to try to catch it. “Why do you know how to do that?”

            Elora laughed lightly. “Clearly you’ve never been in charge of a large group of children you needed to entertain. Plus it’s easier to get them to sleep if they’re exhausted.”

            Andor chuckled. “You’ll have to teach Lavena how to do that. She’d appreciate cubs that would be easier to put to bed.”

            “Oh…are they all yours?” Elora asked.

            Ander threw his head back and laughed richly. Cullen couldn’t contain his smile, turning away when he saw Elora’s face had gone completely red. Even Rosie was covering her mouth to hide her grin.

            Cullen recovered first. “No, Lavena is his wife but she also watches the little ones and teaches them their lessons when the weather is bad. Only three of them are theirs.”

            “How am I supposed to know that?” she muttered.

            He gave her a rueful smile but she wasn’t mollified, moving past them to look at the farmland on the other side of the fence.

            “If you’re done laughing at the ignorant Lowlander, will you tell me what you’re growing?”

            “You’re not ignorant and I’m not laughing at you,” Andor said, wiping his eyes.

            “Could have fooled me,” Cullen heard Elora mutter.

            “I’m merely honoured that you think me so strong to sire that many children.”

            Cullen bit the inside of his cheek as her face went red again and she sputtered. “We grow what we can in the shadow of the mountain,” he explained to try to cover her embarrassment. “Some years are better than others but all of it helps when winter comes again.”

            “And he’s growing?”

            Andor gestured for Elora to join him on the other side of the fence and Cullen absently paid attention as he explained the different sections and what they were planning on planting. But he tried to not to make it look like he was focused on her.

            “I need to talk to Lavena, Cullen,” Rosie said softly. “Can you bring Elora back to the hold when you go?”

            He stared hard at her. Both her and Mia seemed to be on some personal quest to ensure that he and Elora were alone and neither of them understood that it wasn’t what Elora wanted. He was giving her the space she clearly needed but it was nearly impossible to do when his sisters continually vanished and didn’t have anything for her to do so she was left with him. Not that he was there much with all the meetings with the elders and work around the hold that needed to be done.

            “Cully?” she asked.

            “Do as you will,” he said shortly, turning so he was looking at the pair in the garden.

            In the short time he had looked away, Elora had knelt down while Andor crouched beside her, pointing out little things while she dug at the dirt. Was she…planting? The ground hadn’t been worked since the frost broke, that couldn’t be easy on her hands. “Andor.”

            The man waved him off and Cullen growled before slipping through the fence to join them.

            “See? Makes it easier on the hands.”

            “I didn’t realise magic could do that,” Elora said softly. “You have so many practical uses for it.”

            “Growing season is short here so we do what we can to speed it along. Warming the ground is something we’ve always done but it got easier when the Chasind joined us. They’re experts at getting things to grow where they shouldn’t.”

            Cullen watched Elora dig in the ground a bit more, seeing the magic glow around her hands now. He thought about it for a moment before crouching down beside her. “Andor and the others are going to need people to help them after they’ve finished breaking the ground,” he said quietly. “Did you want to be one?”

            She looked up in surprise before back down at the ground. “Oh, I don’t know if I’d be good at it,” she muttered, pulling her hands out of the dirt.

            “Don’t need to be good to dig holes and plant things in them,” Andor told her. “And your magic puts you ahead of those of us that have to use shovels. But if you don’t want to dig and plant you can help the ones that keep the children occupied.”

            Elora chewed on her lip, looking around at the area. “I think I would like that,” she said softly. “If Mia doesn’t mind that I’m not watching Leo, that is.”

            “You can bring the cub with you if you want. Haven’t seen him all winter and the others would love to play with him again.”

            She smiled faintly at Andor. “I would like to help.”

            Andor smiled and nodded, but Cullen knew what had just happened. Elora would only have friends down here on the farms and she would be safe. Everyone down the mountain was loyal to him and they would keep her away from those that didn’t want her in the hold. Plus she would be helping them do something for the hold that wasn’t merely watching Leo so she would feel more useful. It was a double victory situation and he slightly hated Andor for thinking of it before him.

He saw Elora shiver suddenly and knew that she needed to go back to the hold. Mia would skin him if he let her get sick again so soon. “We should get back,” he told her gently.

            She peeked at him, still looking somewhere on him that wasn’t quite his face. “Alright.”

            He held out a hand to help her up and was pleasantly surprised when she actually took it. His fingers curled around hers as she used him for balance, not wanting to let go even when she was off the ground. But she gently tugged her hand away from him, still not looking at him.

            Cullen sighed, nodding at Andor before he started away from the farm, a chorus of good-byes coming from the children when they saw them leaving. He could hear Elora’s quiet steps trailing behind him and he felt the weight of their situation pressing down on him. He hated that this was where they were at now, after how far they had come over the months. If he had known that this would be the result, he would have…what? Not looked at her? He was human and attracted to her. There was no way in Korth’s name that he wouldn’t have looked at her. The image of her was seared into his mind and he wasn’t ever going to forget the way she had lifted her chin as her hands had dropped, almost daring him to look at her. So he had but it seemed that that moment of bravado had been just that, only a moment.

            How was he supposed to fix this? How was he supposed to make this better when she wouldn’t look at him, would barely speak to him? He knew she was embarrassed but she didn’t have any reason to be. The fault was his for entering without announcing himself, granted it was his own home so he hadn’t thought to do that. Especially when he had seen Bethany moving through the hold. He had thought that it was alright to return. Then he had lost the ability to think at all as soon as the door was open.

            But he knew he needed to fix it. If he wanted anything to come from it, he needed to fix it.

            They were nearly at the hold and he still didn’t know what to say. The walk was just as awkward as any of the other times they had been alone together since it had happened. He needed to say something now before they got to the hold and he lost the chance. But, Lady guide him, what did he say to her?

            “It seems unfair.”

            Cullen stumbled slightly at her sudden comment. Heat filled his cheeks but when he looked at Elora she wasn’t looking at him; she was staring down the mountain. He wanted to take the moment to look at her, to soak in her profile with the clear spring sky behind her. But what had she said? “What does?” he asked, not taking his eyes off of her.

            “I didn’t know a lot about your people before I came here. I still don’t,” she admitted quietly, “but everything that I learn is so at odds with what little I had been taught.”

            His mouth flattened. He knew what the Lowlanders thought of the Avvar and he had no interest in changing their mind.

            “But…you have farms,” she continued. “You plant crops, raise animals, build families and a community. You live and celebrate and protect your own. Exactly like everyone in the Lowlands. But you’re labelled barbarians, savages from a time that no one seems to want to remember.”

            Cullen shrugged even though she wasn’t looking at him. “We have no interest in their faith. To them we will always be savages because we don’t stand in the light of their Maker. But if Andraste was supposed to be some Bride of the Maker, what kind of god do you follow that let’s his beloved die at the hands of her enemies? What kind of god allows his chosen to be betrayed by the man who was her husband and partner? Why would we ever want to follow a god who turns away from his children because of the actions of the few?”

            “You really do know a lot about the Chantry,” Elora murmured, finally looking at him.

            “A good Thane knows his enemies,” Cullen said lowly.

            Her eyes darted over his face. “That makes sense and given what happened…Yes, that makes sense.”

            And this wasn’t what he wanted to talk about. “Elora, about what happened-” He stopped when colour flooded her face and she looked away sharply. Cullen sighed, rubbing his neck. “Never mind. Come, we should get you back to the hold.”

            “No, Cullen, wait.”

            He stopped to look at her. She was staring at his feet, twisting her fingers together. “Elora?”

            “About…before,” she said slowly. “I’m sorry.”

            He blinked, unsure he had just heard that before irritation filled him. “You have nothing to be sorry about.”

            Elora was shifting on her feet, clearly embarrassed and still not looking at him. “I do though,” she whispered. “I shouldn’t have let it happen and I wouldn’t have let it if _they_ had just told me it was you and not Bethany.”

            Why was she apologizing? This wasn’t her fault in the slightest. “They?”

            She gestured sharply at the air around her. “Them,” she muttered. “They thought it was funny, shoving us into that situation without our input, and now they’re pouting and whining because I refuse to talk to them.”

            He stared at her. “Elora, it wasn’t the gods that let that happen.”

            “But it was,” she insisted, finally looking at him. “They kept babbling about going to get you, thinking it would make me happy, and that’s exactly what they did! Even though I told them no!”

            There was so much in what she had just said. Both his mother and Hawke had told him that the personal gods a mage had responded to the desires and thoughts of their mage. Which meant Elora had to be thinking about him in order for the gods to want to get him in the first place. They thought that he would make her happy? That him being with her would make her happy but she had told them not to get him? Why? Because she was embarrassed? Because she didn’t want to admit that there was anything actually growing between them?

            She tugged on the end of her braid, looking away from him. “It was a cruel joke,” she whispered, “and I have had my fair share of cruel jokes being played on me. I thought…I thought it wouldn’t happen here, that I was finally in a place where I didn’t have to constantly watch myself. I guess I was wrong.”

            Cullen actually felt the shift in the gods around her, their sulking turning to surprise and sorrow at her words. “Elora, that’s not what they do,” he said softly. “They’re still young and just want you to be happy. They’ll do everything that they can to keep you that way.”

            Her hand rubbed across her eyes and his heart lurched as he realised there were tears in them. “They can do it some other way than embarrassing me like that. Stop,” she said firmly when the few loose curls around her face ruffled in a sudden breeze. “I’m mad at you!”

            “Elora, it isn’t their fault,” Cullen insisted. “If you want to blame someone, blame me. I saw you before you noticed me and I could have left but I didn’t. I stayed and this situation is my fault.”

            “They’re supposed to help me,” she whispered. “How is letting me make a fool of myself helping me?”

            “A fool?” he asked softly, stepping a little closer. “How did you do that?”

            Her expression was exasperated as she looked back at him. “How did I not?” she demanded. “I should have covered myself as soon as I realised it was you. Instead what did I do? Simply stand there like an idiot and-”

            “Stop,” he said shortly, making her jerk back. “You are not an idiot for being startled by my presence. You are not an idiot because you were caught off guard and didn’t know how to react.”

            She stared at him before her gaze dropped. “I just stood there and let you look at me,” she said in a small voice.

            “Do you regret it?” Cullen asked. “Do you regret stopping me from leaving and letting me see you?”

            She tugged on her braid again. “I regret a lot of things,” she whispered.

            Cullen’s shoulders sagged at her quiet words. He was the idiot for thinking that perhaps there could be more between them.

            “But I don’t regret that.”

            His gaze snapped to her face, feeling as surprised as her gods had. “What?”

            Her cheeks were a brilliant red now and she was chewing on her lip. Another peek at him from the corner of her eye. “I…don’t regret letting you see me.”

            Cullen stepped closer to her again, following her as she slowly backed away from him. A soft noise left her when she gently bumped into a tree and he hesitated, not wanting to cage her in. When she flicked him another shy look, he moved forward. Resting one arm over her head on the tree, he gently tipped her chin up so she was looking at him. “Elora,” he said softly, “you are all I’ve been able to think about.”

            She nervously licked her lips, her gaze dropping to his mouth for a moment. “You don’t regret it?”

            “No,” he breathed. “Far from it. What I regret is that we’ve let this sit between us for the past week.”

            Her hands lifted, hesitating before her palms were flat against his chest. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

            Cullen shook his head, his thumb gently rubbing against her chin. “You’ve nothing to be sorry for,” he repeated. “We’ve spoken of it and here were are now.”

            Elora smiled shyly at him. “But what do we do now?”

            He leaned a little closer. “If you’ll allow it,” he breathed, tilting his head slightly.

            Her breath caught and her fingers curled against his skin.

            He was pleased when she leaned into him, lips parted and lashes fluttering shut. He couldn’t stop the soft sound that left him as he felt her breath on him and closed the distance between them.

            “Thane!”

            Elora jerked back from him and her head smacked into his arm even as a growl left him. She was staring at him with wide eyes, her expression nothing short of surprised but he only saw it for a moment before he twisted to look at the hunter that had called to him. “What?” he hissed.

            The man seemed oblivious to what he had just interrupted, something in his hand that he was holding out to Cullen. “Messenger birds brought word from Thane Flame-Tongue.”

            Cullen knew he’d been waiting for that message but for it to come now of all times? “Take it to my home,” he said tightly.

            “You asked for it right away,” he protested.

            Elora made a tiny noise and he saw the hunter’s eyes move from him to her before they widened.

            “O-Oh, aye, Thane. I’ll-”

            “No,” Elora interrupted softly, ducking under his arm and stepping away from him to his displeasure. “You’ve been waiting for that. Don’t let me keep you from your duties.”

            “Elora,” he said lowly, wanting nothing more than to pull her back into his arms.

            She gave him another shy smile, tucking a loose curl behind her ear. “I’ll…see you at dinner?” she asked quietly.

            The hopeful note in her voice and the way she was looking at him made his heart jump. “Aye, Elora,” he agreed.

            Her smile grew a little and he saw her eyes dance over him before she was turning to go up to the hold.

            He watched her go, saw her lift her hand as if she was stroking one of the gods and her laughter drifted back to him when he saw a burst of snow explode around her hand.

            “I didn’t mean to.”

            Cullen’s expression fell and he looked at the hunter. “Give me that,” he muttered, taking the leather case.

            “I really didn’t!”

            He gave the man a light shove toward the hold. “Go,” he said, “but keep it to yourself, Jakub.”

            Jakub nodded quickly, hurrying away.

            Blowing out a breath, Cullen glanced up the path again to see Elora still walking toward the hold. The moment was lost, even if he had thought that he could recover it if Jakub had just realised what was going on. But he had hope, as dangerous as that was. She had wanted him to kiss her, had been willing to accept it. If she’d wanted it now, surely she’d want it later. Perhaps he could sneak a kiss in between dinner and Skák if she wanted to play again. Perhaps he could sneak in more than one.

            Twisting the lid off the message tube, he shook out the missive from the other clan and quickly unrolled it. His brows dropped low over his eyes with every word he read and a low growl left him as he reached the end.

            He looked back up at the hold and wanted to swear. He needed to summon the elders. Asha’s message was nothing good and they would need to discuss it. With the way their discussions had been going lately, he was unlikely to join Elora for dinner.


	16. Chapter 16

 

            “Oh, it’s so nice to be home,” Rosie sighed.

            Elora glanced at her as they walked through the gate of the hold. “Didn’t you volunteer to go down to the farms?” she asked, unable to keep the laughter out of her voice as she saw the other pushing on her lower back.

            “Of course, but it doesn’t mean that I didn’t miss my own home and my bed and having a room that isn’t filled with several children.”

            Oh that Elora could agree with. She’d been surprised when after the first day, Cullen had come down to tell them that it would be better if those that had chosen to work the farms remain down the mountain for the planting. Especially since they’d barely gotten to spend any time together after that near kiss on the mountain side. She’d waited for him, through dinner and fairly late into the night but he hadn’t come so she’d gone to bed. She had barely woken up when he’d finally joined her, cuddling into him when he wrapped his arms around her but he’d been gone before she had woken up. Mia had told her the next day that news from one of their allied clans had come in and it wasn’t good. The day after she’d gone down the mountain with Rosie and Leo to plant and help the farmers.

            Mia had joined them for a few days here and there over the last weeks, visiting Leo and sometimes taking him back up to the hold. She always brought him back after a couple days and that worried Elora. What was happening in the hold that Cullen thought it better for the weaker links in his family to be away from the hold? For her to be away from it? But she hadn’t asked the few times she had seen him, far more interested in trying to kiss him again and being pouty about it never happening.

            Her face suddenly felt hot as she realised that while she hadn’t kissed him, she had certainly seen more of him than she’d expected when she and Rosie had caught her brothers trying to catch fish with their bare hands. She told herself that she hadn’t meant to look but she had and the image of him was seared into her mind. All of the scars tracking over his torso, the sharp swirls along his left side, the trail of hair leading down his abdomen below the water. She wasn’t going to forget any of him any time soon and she had suddenly been grateful that she saw him infrequently.

            But Cullen had sent word that when they were done with the planting they were to return to the hold. So after two and a half weeks they’d finally be going back. She had enjoyed her time with the Avvar farmers though. She had actually made friends and had fun playing with the children. She had met some of the Chasind when Bethany had invited her to dinner with them one night, listening to their stories and tales of their trek from the Korcari Wilds where their clan had lost nearly everything until little Liv had seen a vision of a great golden bear to the east. She’d fallen asleep listening to their songs and stories, tucked into a bedroll beside the fire with the entire clan around her.

            “You do know what us being here means, right, Elora?”

            “No?” she asked, feeling eyes on them as they walked toward Cullen’s home.

            “The dances are in a few days,” Rosie whispered excitedly, “and so long as you don’t get sick you’ll get to join us!”

            Elora smiled in agreement but her stomach was twisting. She was excited about it, wanting to see what these dances actual were but she was incredibly nervous about it as well. There was something more to them that she knew she didn’t know about but she’d been too distracted with working the farms and playing with the children to even think about asking. “Rosie-”

            “You’re alright getting back to Cullen’s right?” Rosie asked. “I want to go check on a few things.”

            “Oh, of course.”

            “And you should plant those seeds Lavena gave you before you get caught up in everything and forget about them. They’ve soaked already so they should be planted right away.”

            Elora stared at her as she hurried off, wondering where she was supposed to plant the seeds. Would Cullen mind if she planted them behind his house? Was that a good idea? What if she didn’t remain with him the entire time she was here? Did she want to stay with him for long enough to see the plants grow?

            She sighed. She didn’t have much choice in the matter. There wasn’t really anywhere else that she could plant anything since she didn’t have a space of her own.

            Moving through the hold, she was surprised when several of the clan stopped to ask her how her time with the farmers had been. What shocked her further was that they actually seemed interested and were listening to what she had to say. She got tips on what the do to help the seeds she had been given, where best to plant them, when to water them, and she felt bad that she forgot so many of them because people kept telling her things.

            By the time she finally made it to Cullen’s home, she sagged back against the door. She hadn’t thought that she’d be thankful to be alone but it had seemed like everyone in the clan had wanted to talk to her, had wanted to give her some form of advice. A frown tugged at her lips as she realised not all of it had been about the seeds. Some of the older women had told her that she needed to rest well before the new moon, to make sure she got as much sleep as she could.

            Did that mean that the dances lasted all night? How did you dance all night?

            Sighing, she pushed away from the door to rid herself of most of the items she’d carried up the mountain. The pack with the seeds was relatively light but her clothes were most definitely not and she was glad to be free of the weight. Her nose wrinkled as she looked at them for a moment, knowing she should wash them but she wanted to plant her seeds.

            _Help?_

            “I think I’m alright,” Elora said quietly. “Unless you think you can do laundry?”

            She heard quiet titters above her head but no answer came. Apparently even the gods didn’t want to do laundry.

            “Chores first, Elora,” she told herself, scooping the bundle back up. “Then you can plant your seeds.”

            Washing turned into an adventure because the wisps were in a playful mood, splashing the water in the large tub in every direction expect where it was supposed to be. They especially enjoyed splashing it toward her and she was completely soaked by the end of it all.

            “Do I smell?” she asked as she hung up the clothes she had managed to wash. “Do you think I need a bath?”

            Nothing but giggles filled her ears.

            Elora smiled despite herself. “If you want to help, could you gently dry these? No fire,” she added quickly when she felt their mood perk up even more. “Warm air will be enough. I still need those.”

            A tiny bit of sulking before she felt a warm breeze wash over her.

            “Not me,” she laughed, pointing at the clothes. “Those! I’m going to change!”

            Giggles of her name as she went back into the house shaking her head.

            Tiny children indeed. She quickly glanced through the home and stripped off her shirt when she was sure that she was alone. Not that it mattered since Cullen had already seen her but she didn’t much fancy anyone else seeing her without her permission right now. Slipping behind the fur, she frowned as she wondered if she had anything she could replace the soaking shirt for.

            Nibbling on her lip, she glanced at the chest Cullen kept his clothes in. Surely he wouldn’t mind if she borrowed one while she waited for hers to dry? She wouldn’t go beyond the small garden and she would wash it before returning it to him. He couldn’t mind that.

            She hurried around the bed to open the chest and pull on the first shirt that she found. A laugh left her at how huge it was on her but she pulled her hair out of it and went outside fast. She didn’t trust the wisps not to get carried away with their task. Sure enough, several of her clothes were hanging at odd angles.

            “What am I going to do with you lot,” she sighed, fixing the clothing.

            _Help, help, help._

            “We really need to work on full sentences,” she muttered, reaching out to gently flick at one of the wisps.

            It bobbed through the air before coming back to rub against her hand.

            They flitted around her as she finished with the clothes before looking around the area. The small patch of earth was clearly meant to be used to grow plants but she couldn’t tell when the last time it had even was. Rummaging through a pile of tools, she found a shovel quickly enough even though it had definitely seen better days.

            Before she even put spade to soil, questions and concern began rolling in.

            “Yes, yes,” Elora murmured, “I’m being careful. See? I even have tools to dig in the dirt. I’m not just using my magic.”

            More whispers and even more playing with her hair. But she merely smiled in response and started turning the dirt over. Andor had said to talk with the men and women who tended the goats about adding to the soil but she didn’t really want to do that just yet. She knew she probably should but she just wanted to turn the soil. She had a few days to plant the seeds so tomorrow she would talk to the shepards and see what they could do for fertilizer before she planted them. If she kept them in water, they should hold up well enough.

            “I’d heard you were back.”

            Elora looked up sharply from where she’d been digging with her hands. She hadn’t heard anyone come around the house and was a little startled that the wisps hadn’t alerted her to their presence either. She would have to talk to them about that. She knew they got distracted but this was the second time. If they were going to be with her for the next however long, she would like them to give her some warning when people were sneaking up on her. “Yes, only a little while ago. I don’t think we’ve met before.”

            “No, we haven’t.”

            Elora waited for the other woman to supply her name and a cold feeling settled in her stomach when she didn’t. All she was doing was looking at what Elora was doing, kneeling in the dirt with a flat expression. “Ah, did you need me for something?” she asked, very aware of how still the wisps had suddenly become.

            “No, I wanted to see for myself that you’d come back.”

            The wisps suddenly weren’t quiet anymore, whispering and flying around her so that it was hard to hear what the other woman said. “Ah, well-”

            “Our dances are not for you.”

            _Bad, bad, bad. Go away._

            Elora gently waved at the wisps around her head, trying to shoo them away. “I’m sorry,” she said. “What did you say?”

            The woman’s head tipped to the side, dark eyes narrowed at her. “Our dances are just that, ours,” she repeated. “They’re for the Avvar to honour our gods.”

            Blinking, Elora stared at her. “I was invited to them,” she said slowly.

            “The last time a Lowlander was at our dances, our augur was killed on the flames. You bring your god to the fires and it shames our own. You were invited because you are the Thane’s guest but you are not Avvar. If you danced at the flames when you still honour your god, it would be against everything that the dances stood for. You don’t even know what their purpose is and yet you would still join?”

            “No one would tell me about them,” Elora protested weakly.

            “With good reason. You are not Avvar.”

            Elora stared at her again, not sure what to say to that. Because it was the truth, she was not an Avvar and she had been raised Andrastian. She was only learning their customs now and perhaps…perhaps she was right. Perhaps she shouldn’t go to the dances if she didn’t know more about them. “Oh,” she whispered.

            _No!_

            The shout rang in her ears before her eyes widened when the woman was blasted back from her, staggering at the force of the wind that had slammed into her. “Stop! What are you doing?!” she cried.

            _Bad! Away! Keep safe!_

            The woman pushed herself upright, her expression tight. “That only proves my point,” she muttered. “No Avvar god would strike out at one of the clan like that.”

            Elora watched her go, unsure of what more she could say. It wasn’t like she had told the wisps to do that but she didn’t think the other woman was interested in an apology. Her gaze dropped to her hands and she felt her lower lip wobble before she bit down on it. She wasn’t Avvar and wouldn’t ever be one because she was a Lowlander. In the Lowlands, she was a mage and not even considered one of them.

            It would seem that she would never truly have a place of her own.

 

* * *

 

            Rubbing his hands over his face, Cullen wandered through the hold toward where the fires were already burning. He could hear the drums, the steady beat meant to lure those of the hold who hadn’t already joined the dances. He’d held out for as long as he could, avoiding his home the entire time, but he was Thane and he had to be at the fires. He had taken the long way around, not wanting to see his home and know that Elora was inside, missing the dances. Again.

            By the Lady, he wanted to know why she wasn’t joining them. Mia had told him how upset she had been when she’d learned that she’d missed the first dances so he had fully expected her to be at the fires two nights ago. But she’d remained in his house and only given him a faint smile when he had asked why she hadn’t joined. The shrug that had followed wasn’t an answer but he didn’t know what to say to get one from her. Had he done wrong sending her down the mountain to keep her safe? Had something happened that he wasn’t aware of? No, he knew something had happened but he didn’t know what or when.

            Rosie had said that Elora had enjoyed herself, had learned more than he could have hoped as she had used magic to both work the ground and entertain the children. Andor had said that she was welcome at the farms anytime she wanted off the mountain and that his children were sad to see her go. She had even made contact with the Chasind, spending the night listening to their stories and sleeping among them. She had seemed happy every time he had seen her and Rosie had said that nothing had happened on their walk up the mountain.

            Which meant whatever had happened was between the time they had parted and when Cullen had found her in the small garden behind his home. The clan he had spoken to had said the same as Rosie, that she was happy and eager to plant her seeds. That narrowed it down to when she had gotten to his home but she wouldn’t speak of it, only gave him those small smiles and seemed to pull away from him again.

            That was the last thing Cullen had wanted, especially when he had found her sitting inside his home in one of his shirts. He’d hoped for a second before she had shied away from him.

            He paused just outside of the area the fires were blazing in. Korth’s teeth, was he ever going to get to share this with her? He’d hoped to ease her into the dances, letting her see the two before the new moon before they thrust her into the Fire Dance. Although with the way his luck was going, she wouldn’t be here tonight either and he would have to wait another month to show her.

            Rubbing the back of his neck, he wondered if he truly had to wait. Could he not start something with her before the next dance and then share it with her? No, that wouldn’t work. There weren’t enough dances left in the year if he wanted to do more than simply share his body with her.

            He shook his head and dropped his hand. What was he thinking about? Dancing with Elora wouldn’t solve any of his problems and only create more. The clan was already sour over everything, the news from Asha Flame-Tongue only working the council up even more. Those opposed to Elora being there wanted to send her to Griffon-Wing to help seal the rifts that were plaguing that end of the mountains but he knew that they didn’t want Elora to come back. They would have been perfectly content sending her to all of the holds, using the mark on her hand to serve all of the Avvar. Except the way it had been said had been anything but pleasant.

            _“She isn’t a guest of all of the Avvar,” he said lowly. “She is a guest of the gods of Sky-Bear Hold, your gods, and you’re talking about her like she was a whore.”_

_“She is not one of us, Thane,” the elder stressed. “She is a guest but our people are in danger.”_

_Cullen laughed shortly. “Our people? Our people live in this hold. Griffon-Wing is our ally and I am willing to work with Asha but the others? They would as soon raid us as any Lowland holding. And she has no protection in the other holds, they would have no reason to treat her like anything but a Lowland slave.”_

_The silence that met his words told him exactly what certain elders thought about that._

_“If Elora leaves the hold to seal a rift,” he growled, “it will be with a full guard and she will be returning here as soon as they are sealed. If any of you have issue with that, feel free to meet me in the arena. Speak of her again like a whore to be used and thrown away and you can meet me in the arena. Am I clear?”_

They hadn’t liked it and he had fully expected Raleigh to challenge him over it but he’d remained silent. The matter had been dropped for the most part at the meetings and Cullen doubted it was the last he would hear of it. But the dances were here and were more important for the time being. He’d hoped to have some peace but now he was left wondering why Elora wasn’t joining them.

            Moving forward, he saw some people were already dancing. They were simple circle dances for now but it wouldn’t take long before they changed. It never took long as the Fire Brew and ale started flowing. Blood would burn and the desire for the dance would be overwhelming.

            He tried not to think about the heat from the fires on his skin as he walked past them to where the dais was set up. What would it have been like to dance with her, with all of those curves nearly bare and rubbing against him as they moved? It had been ten years since he had danced before the fires, the last one shortly before he became Thane, and he hadn’t missed it, hadn’t wanted to dance until now.

            “Brother,” Mia said softly as he slumped into his chair.

            “That good already?” Bran muttered.

            Cullen sighed. “Leave it be, the both of you.”

            “Will you at least try to enjoy the dances?” Mia asked. “The clan takes its cues from you and this is supposed to be in honour of Rilla.”

            “I know, Mia. I’ve only just arrived. Are you truly going to badger me about this now?”

            “Yes. Sit up straight. Everyone can see up your skirts.”

            Branson chuckled even as Cullen shifted to sit properly. “Do you have to say that?” he muttered.

            “Well, it’s true,” she said, adjusting her shawl.

            Didn’t matter, it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He was silently grateful when Bran passed him a tankard and it was full to the brim. He didn’t waste time draining half of it. He had a feeling he was going to need more before the night was over.

            Looking over the clan, he found Rosie with her friends but he saw that she wasn’t paying attention to them. She was scanning the gathering as well, no doubt looking for someone that wasn’t going to be there.

            A hush fell over the area when all but one drum fell silent. The first slow drum beat rolled over them and even without the brew, Cullen felt it throb through him. It was always like this at the dances. The drums fired the blood and passions nearly as much as the dance. His eyes closed as he listened to the song play, more drums joining every refrain. A shaky breath left him as the stones beneath his feet vibrated with the song, moving up through him and making his heart pound.

Fists and feet joined the song and he opened his eyes to see the newly adult members of the clan joining them at the fires. There weren’t many of them, not like there were at the first Fire Dance of the year, but they were still treated to the same love and respect as the others. He watched as they joined friends and family, but the drums didn’t stop.

            Cullen tried to steady his breathing but as he listened to the drums it only made his situation worse. It made him think about all of the things he had wanted for the night. He’d wanted Elora to hear the drums and be as aroused as he was growing. He wanted to take her back to his home, make her heart pound to the beat of the drums, to their arousal, to-

            “Cullen, breathe.”

            He forced the air out and leaned back in his chair. People were already standing to dance, shawls and vests left on benches as some wasted no time in starting their dance. He watched as they twisted and spun, happiness and desire blending on their faces. How many dances had he let slip by him because he hadn’t had a partner that made him that happy?

            Losing track of time was easy to do as the clan danced and the drums echoed through the hold. They played without cease, new drummers taking the place of old as breaks and rests were needed so that the music never ended. It was a torment sitting on his throne without being able to do anything while this desire and aching filled him. He needed to do something but what? He couldn’t dance, not when the one he wanted wasn’t at the fires. “How did you do this, Mia?” he asked lowly.

            She made a quiet noise and he flinched. Of all the things to ask about, that couldn’t be what she wanted to talk about on the new moon. “You be strong, Brother,” she whispered. “You remember the good and hold to it.”

            Holding out his free hand, he squeezed hers in apology when she placed it in his. But her words lingered. The good? What did he have that was good?

            _Unbridled laughter as she ran away with the hold beast clasped in her hand, refusing to concede the win to him._

            When was the last time they’d played a game? When was the last time they’d simply sat and talked to one another?

            _Cold water all around him, Bran laughing, flushed pale skin while green eyes dipped down when he was distracted._

            Neither of them had done anything about that, but if they’d been alone? Would she have stared if he’d levered out of the water? Would she have done something more than stare?

            _Warm breath on his skin, so close, so very close and he would kiss her, he would finally kiss her and stop this beating around the bush._

            But he hadn’t and he hadn’t found the time to even attempt it again. There wasn’t time. There was never time. He was Thane and-

            _“Elora!”_

            His head snapped up at Rosie’s joyous shout, jerking him from his thoughts, and he stared as his younger sister darted into the shadows. His breath left him in a sound of pure disbelief as he saw her tug Elora into the light of the fires. She was here. She was here!

            But would she dance?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As should be fairly obvious, the Fire Dance takes place immediately after this. The story has been updated to fit the Lowlander plot line and can be considered an extra chapter now or a large bonus! There still will be smut in the next chapter of Lowlander next week however.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nsfw scene below

 

            Breathing heavily, Elora weakly pushed herself up on her arms to look at Cullen. He’d gone back to the fire after essentially dumping her on the bed only moments ago and she saw him putting more wood onto it. She watched as he held his hands out to the flames and if she hadn’t known better she would have thought that he was trying to touch them. Her gaze wandered down him, her lower lip catching between her teeth as she traced the lines of his body. Her fingers curled into the furs at the thought of running her hands over him again, of being able to touch him without anything between them. They had already made love once more since returning to his home, after that first time, and it had started with laughter as they had both realised in his effort to move them closer to the bed, Cullen had actually moved them further away. Yet, looking at him now, she wanted him again and again despite being completely satisfied only a few moments ago.

            What was it about him that drew her like this? Was it simply the night, the dances they were sharing that were skewing her thoughts? Or was it more than that?

            “Still like what you see?”

            Her eyes jerked up at the amused question and she flushed when she saw he was looking at her with an almost smug smile. She wailed faintly and fell back on the mattress to cover her face. She could hear him laughing softly and wasn’t surprised when the bed shifted as he joined her quickly. Peeking through her fingers, she saw him stretched out beside her, head in one hand while he smiled down at her.

            “Well?” Cullen murmured.

            “Of course,” she whispered, shivering as his fingers stroked over her stomach. She hesitated for a moment before adding, “Do _you_ still like what you see?”

            “Aye,” he growled, his fingers curling around her hip and tugging her the small distance to him. “Oh, aye, Elora. I’ve spent so long wanting to touch you, wanting to have this with you, wanting you to want this.”

            “I know you’ve been busy, but why didn’t you…do anything?” she asked slowly.

            Cullen sighed, his hand wandering along her side now. “You deserved more than a roll in the furs, Elora, and I didn’t want you thinking that that’s all that I wanted from you.”

            She lowered her hands, frowning at him. “Then what do you want?”

            He hesitated, his brows drawing together. “Whatever you’ll give me,” he finally said.

            A surprisingly large part of her wanted to say everything. But when she opened her mouth he laid a finger over her lips.

            “It’s easy to make decisions you can come to regret on these nights,” Cullen said quietly, gently tracing her upper lip. “Simply…think about it, Elora. That’s all I can ask of you right now.”

            “Cullen,” she murmured.

            His hand moved to cup her cheek, his thumb rubbing along her skin. “That you are here, that you took my hand, that is enough for me now.”

            Elora turned into the touch, revelling in it far more than she had ever thought she would. “I can’t believe I’m here,” she whispered.

            “What do you mean?”

            Rolling to face him, Elora reached out to run her fingers over the marks on his skin. There were scars through the blue lines on his flesh, telling her that he’d been wounded after they’d been put on him. “Sex isn’t exactly promoted in the Tower,” she said quietly, her fingers following the sharp swirls. “Mages generally have mage children and the Templars don’t want that. They try to stop the mages from having sex and those that get caught afterwards…it isn’t always pleasant.”

            A noise left Cullen but he stayed silent beyond that.

            “I wasn’t ever caught but what sex I had was…lacking,” she admitted.

            “Why?”

            “You have to be fast, you have to be quiet, you have to be in control of your magic. If you’re not, the Templars will find you.”

            He made the noise again and his hand moved to stroke along her back. “Is that why you were so quiet? Why you stopped yourself when you started to get too loud?”

            Her cheeks heated as she nodded. “Yes,” she said slowly.

            “No one is going to punish you here for being loud. No one is going to punish you for having sex,” he added. “If anything, they’re going to doubt me for the lack of noise.”

            “What? Why?”

            “Why do you think?” Cullen sighed when she blinked at him. “The louder you are, the clearer it is that I’ve pleased you.”

            “I don’t need to shout about it to know that you’ve pleased me.”

            “Aye, I know that,” he rumbled. “I saw it clear on your face when you were reaching your peak.”

            Elora stared before burying her face in his chest. His low laugh didn’t help matters at all.

            He rubbed his cheek against her hair, still chuckling. “Is it that bad that I could see your pleasure?”

            “No?”

            Cullen was still laughing. “You don’t sound convinced.”

            How to say this properly. “Most of the men I was with didn’t care too much about my pleasure,” she said softly. “I was more…a means to an end.”

            The hand stroking along her back paused for a moment. “What do you mean?”

            “I could probably count the amount of times a partner made me climax on one hand without using all my fingers. I’m not…I mean I wasn’t.” Elora sighed. “I wasn’t exactly what men desired or wanted. I was just…a quick fuck in a dark corner.”

            Cullen’s hand pressed to her, his nails scratching against her as his fingers curled. She could actually feel his anger at her words. But he exhaled shortly and his hand started up again. “How about we don’t talk about before?” he suggested. “Before has no place in this night. It is ours alone. You were saying that you couldn’t believe you were here?”

            Elora took a deep breath and kissed his chest. “I thought you didn’t want to talk about before,” she murmured.

            She felt his grumble move through his chest and into her. “Elora….”

            She gave him a light push and was pleased when he rolled onto his back without a second thought. She slipped on top of him, pushing herself up so she could see his face. He was watching her hungrily, one brow lifted while he waited to see what she would do. “I can’t believe I’m here with you like this,” she said softly. “I don’t mean here in the hold, well not really. I mean this lingering, the cuddling, the talking. It wasn’t possible in the Tower or you risked getting caught. But here? Here I can do this.”

            Cullen groaned, his head tipping back as she pressed kisses along his neck. His hands slipped around her, pressing flat to her back but not holding her to him. She could feel his fingers shifting against her, kneading slowly as she kept kissing him.

            Her lips hovered over the scar tissue on his shoulder, the shiny patches overlapping his tattoo. “This is a burn scar,” she murmured, kissing around the edge of it. “How did you get it?”

            “Drake,” he muttered, squirming under her.

            She lifted to look at him again. “Drake?” she repeated. “What were you doing near a drake?”

            He shifted again, like he was impatient for her to put her lips back on him. “Fighting it,” he said as if it were obvious.

            She stared at him, not really believing him but why would he lie about it? Shifting her weight, she gently brushed her fingers over the ridges of scar tissue on his other shoulder. “And these?”

            “Red Lion,” he muttered.

            The scars went deep, curving over his shoulder and down onto his chest. “Red Lion?” she echoed.

            He made noises as she kissed down the claw marks. “Big cat.”

            Elora rolled her eyes. She had figured that much out. “I suppose you were fighting that one too,” she said dryly.

            “Had to…Bran was only a boy.”

            She stopped to look at him again. “You got it defending your brother?”

            His eyes closed on a sigh. “Aye, but I’d rather not speak of it. Not tonight.”

            Because there were other things that he wanted tonight. She pressed more kisses to the scars, wondering how bad they must have been when he got them for them to mark him like this. “Poor Thane,” she breathed, “covered in scars.”

            “Not that bad,” he muttered, almost seeming self conscious about them.

            “I never said it was bad, Cullen,” Elora murmured, scooching down so she could kiss his chest. “I happen to like them.”

            “You…do?”

            “Yes,” she whispered. He was a warrior and his body showed that. The scars and callouses that came with wielding a weapon were testament to what he had fought and survived. He was so very different from her and she would be lying if she said she didn’t want to explore every inch of him.

            His back arched as her teeth scraped over one of his nipples, a rumble leaving him as her tongue soothed the now red skin. She was almost positive it became a whimper when she moved across his chest to treat the other to the same pleasure.

            Flicking her tongue along his tattoo, she paused. “What does this mean?” she asked curiously.

            “What?” he rasped.

            Her fingers brushed over some of the lines on him, her mouth following her touch. “Your tattoos,” she clarified.

            Cullen shifted under her and her breath caught as she felt him brush against her, hard yet again. “All thanes have them.”

            Elora laughed softly, feathering more kisses over them. “Truly, Cullen? You can’t talk to me a little more? You can’t tell me if they mean something or not?”

            “The woman I’ve been aching for is naked in my arms,” he muttered. “Forgive me for not wanting to talk.”

            She laughed again but butterflies filled her stomach at his admission. “How long?” she whispered.

            He grunted. “How long what?”

            “How long have you been aching for me?” she breathed, blushing despite herself.

            Cullen lifted his head to look at her and Elora stilled at the expression on his face. He looked like he was torn between pleasure and an intense longing…because of her? “I don’t think I should say.”

            “Since you tried to kiss me?” she prompted gently, suddenly very curious about his answer.

            He shook his head.

            “Since you saw me just out of the bath?”

            His eyes closed even as he shook his head again. “No,” he whispered.

            Elora hummed. “When I asked you about the Fire Dance?”

            “No,” he pushed out.

            She pouted. “Skák?”

            Cullen shook his head weakly.

            “When?” she asked. “Surely not when I got here?”

            His brows drew together but he still shook his head.

            Elora sighed deeply. “Fine,” she said, defeated. “I suppose I’ll use my mouth some other way. If you’d prefer tha-Cullen!” She clung to him as he rolled them, pinning her beneath him.

            Cullen slid one arm under her head when he was settled on top of her and used it to push himself up.

            She didn’t say anything as he stared down at her, his eyes moving over her face. He was suddenly serious and she wasn’t sure what she had done or said to warrant the change. She stayed still, unsure of what was going to happen next

            “It isn’t what I’d prefer,” he muttered. “Well, it is,” he corrected when she lifted her brows. “That isn’t what I…Korth’s teeth, Elora, you twist me up like nothing else. I…am not good at this. I haven’t wanted anyone in my life…in a very long time.”

            Elora hesitantly reached up and stopped when he caught her hand. She tried to pull it back but he put it on his shoulder, where the tattoo started.

            “A thane is marked with the length of his or her rule,” he said quietly. “The gods determine our rule, whispering it to the augur who puts it into our skin.”

            She gently rubbed against the tattoos when he let her go.

            “A strong fighter able to defend his people,” Cullen whispered as she trailed her hand down his arm.

            Elora paused when she got to the end of the marks around his elbow before she went back up. Turning her hand, she let it wander down and pressed them over his heart. “And these?”

            “Something major will happen to the clan during my rule, because of me, for good or for ill.”

            She rubbed them again, her thumb making circles around his nipple. “There’s so many of them,” she whispered.

            “The more you have, the longer you lead.”

            But he’d already been thane for ten years. Was that a long time for a thane? Her hand wandered over his chest, following the dips of his muscles and the blue lines as well as she could. She felt him shudder as he pushed himself up enough so her fingers could continue down to his hips. “And these?”   

            Cullen took a deep breath as she stroked along the marks over his abdomen, raking her fingers through the hair leading further down. His voice caught when he tried to speak as she let her touch move over his erection, whatever he had been meaning to say coming out solely as a moan.

            “Should I stop?” Elora whispered.

            His hair flew as he shook his head sharply, breathing hard. He squeezed his eyes shut and she watched as he tried to calm himself while she kept teasing him. “A fruitful line,” he said from between clenched teeth. “That will last. Korth’s teeth, Elora, touch me!”

            Her hand had stilled and she was staring at him, she knew she was. “Fruitful line?” she repeated. “Is that why you want me?”

            “Elora,” he groaned, his hips moving restlessly to try to get her to touch him again. “No. Yes. Lady grant me strength, the thought of you….”

            “Of me what?” she whispered.

            Cullen forced out a slow breath. “That isn’t why I want you,” he said lowly. “I want you because I have never felt like this with anyone else. I have waited for you since the words slipped out of Hawke’s Korth damned mouth that I wouldn’t be alone. I have waited and longed for ten years for this, for you.”

            Her hand shook against him. “Cullen,” she breathed.

            He brushed the hair away from her face, letting his fingers trail down her cheek. “It’s not for now, Elora,” he told her softly. “Tomorrow we can speak of it. Tonight is for your pleasure, our dance. Tomorrow can be for…the rest of it.”

            Gaze darting over his face, Elora wondered if they should really be talking about the rest of it now. “Cullen, I….”

            He stilled completely above her at the hesitation in her voice. “Elora?”

            Biting her lip, Elora shook her head. “Tomorrow,” she whispered.

            “Are you sure?” he asked. “We can stop if you would rather.”

            “I wouldn’t rather. I want you, Cullen. Tonight. Now.”

            His head bowed over hers until their foreheads were pressed together. “Elora,” he breathed. “My Elora, my Lowlander, my-” He trailed off on a moan as her fingers closed around him, stroking him slowly.

            She saw his eyes squeeze shut, his brow furrowing as his breathing grew ragged again. She revelled in the little noises that slipped from his open mouth as her hand moved over him. It quickly became apparent that he liked when she would rub the head of him with her thumb, his groans growing louder and more frequent when she did it. Elora bit her lip again as she watched his pleasure play out, soaking it in as his head tipped back and he pushed into her hand. She could see the tension in his face, the tendons in his neck straining, and she felt a heady rush of pleasure herself. To think she could do this to him.

            When he groaned her name, she slid her hand down to the base of him and rolled her hips against him. “Cullen,” she breathed.

            His chin came down, his eyes opening to meet hers. “Aye, my Lowlander, take me,” he agreed.

            She nearly whimpered at how low his voice was and her hand was shaking as she moved them into position. It left her as he started pushing into her, her hand moving to clutch at his hip. Her thighs squeezed his and she knew her nails were digging into him. It didn’t stop him from filling her, if anything it encouraged him.

            He dropped his head to lean against her again, his breath hot on her face. He was whispering to her, but she couldn’t focus on the words, not now.

            “Cullen, move,” she whispered.

            His breathing was too even to be anything but forced and he didn’t move.

            Kneading at his hip, Elora shifted under him, urging him on with little noises. When that didn’t work, she moved to nip at his lower lip. He jerked in response, staring down at her as she didn’t let him go.

            She held his gaze as he watched her, flicking her tongue over his lip before she let him go. “Move,” she breathed. “Please.”

            He didn’t for a long moment before he rolled his hips slowly, much slower than what she wanted. But he didn’t stop, moving inside her steadily. His eyes closed tightly when her heels dug into the furs and she met his next thrust, driving him inside her harder than before. His next breath was even slower than the others and she could almost feel the tether on his control stretching thinner.

            Winding arms and legs around him, she held him as close as she could and revelled in the feel of him moving against her. Scars and the hair on his chest rubbed against her nipples, making her ache for something gentler but never wanting it to stop.

            Cullen moved, pressing absent kisses to her face, lingering on her mouth. But it didn’t last, his lips moving so he could nip at her jaw and down her neck. They were sharp and made her arch under him, her head tipping back to expose more to him. His low rumble had her arms and legs tightening on him, holding him closer. A soft whine left her as he turned to sucking and she knew it was sharp enough to leave red blooms on her skin from collar clear up to her ear.

            But, Maker take her, she wanted more.

            Biting down on her lip, Elora slipped her hands down to hook them behind her knees. Cullen’s groan echoed in her ears as she pulled her legs toward her chest. His teeth closed on her neck but it didn’t last as he turned to sucking quickly, his mouth moving against her as he didn’t stay in one place. She was going to be covered in marks at the rate he was going…but it didn’t matter. There were no Templars here to punish her for fraternizing. He could leave as many as he wanted.

            “Elora, damn, again,” he moaned, his lips brushing her jaw.

            She didn’t know what he was talking about. She hadn’t done anything! But he was whispering softly to her, his thrusts growing harder as he pleaded with her for whatever she had done. “I don’t….” She trailed off with a whimper as he pressed against her, slowly grinding to shift himself inside her and rub against her clit.

            “That!” Cullen gasped. “Elora, _that!_ ”

            Oh. She had tightened around him, squeezing him without meaning to. She didn’t have the breath to tell him she hadn’t done it on purpose but it didn’t seem to matter as it happened with every rub over her clit.

            Elora moaned as he pushed himself up, missing the feel of his weight on her. She blinked up at him but her eyes quickly closed as he moved hard on her. The gentle rolls were gone, replaced by sharp thrusts that pushed her up the bed. Letting go of her knees, she reached above her head to brace her hands on the headboard. It barely helped as her arms were shaking too much to give her any real purchase.

            Cullen didn’t help any by moving so he could hook her knees over his arms, lifting her hips off the mattress and barely pausing in taking her. His moans drowned out her broken mewls but the sound of them had her toes curling.

            A loud gasp left her as she felt the first ripple of release wash through her. She gave up trying to brace herself and twisted on the furs. Her thighs pushed against his arms as he fucked her harder, as if he could tell that she was close. She weakly grasped at the blankets, palms moving to his chest to try to move him, nails scratching down his chest when he didn’t budge. They finally fell, one wrapping around his forearm while the other pressed to her stomach for a moment before moving down to the spot they were joined.

            A sobbing gasp left her as her fingers brushed against her clit, twisting on the sheets again in a futile effort to get away from the pleasure filling her. Steeling herself and wanting more, she moved her hand back, slipping through the curls at the apex of her thighs before pressing to that small bundle of nerves and rubbing.

            The sound that left Cullen might have been her name but it was choked and cut off and she could barely hear it over the pounding of her heart. She pushed harder on his arms, felt them waver as her fingers kept circling, but he held out longer than she did.

            Her breath caught in her throat, trembles winding through her, before she cried out. Her nails dug into his arm as she twisted again, finally moving him as he crashed down on her. But even that didn’t stop her from crying his name as pleasure flowed through her. Pushing her hips against him as much as she could, she arched her back as she realised her hand was caught between their bodies. Each one of his thrusts moved her fingers against her and made another rush of pleasure fill her.

            His mouth was on her neck again, whispers falling from his lips as they moved against her. She felt his teeth rake over all of the marks he had put on her before he settled on the tender flesh at the crook of her neck as he ground into her. Muffling his grunts of pleasure against her, he snapped his hips forward and moved her on the bed once more before he slid out of her.

            She wanted to protest but she couldn’t find her voice as he thrust against her as much as he could. She’d only just managed to wrap her fingers around him when he cut off his gasping moan by biting down on her again and she felt his cock jerk in her hand as he came on her stomach and palm. But soon he was slumping heavily on her, ragged breaths joining hers.

            Elora’s thighs squeezed his sides, her legs shaking and barely able to hold him there. It wasn’t long before they were weakly sliding to the furs. Her breathing was laboured as she gasped for air, loving his solid weight on top of her but unable to truly catch her breath because of it. She still tried to hold him to her, without success, when he groaned and rolled away from her. Although slumped might have been a better word for it because when she peeked at him he was face down on the blankets, one arm still splayed over her waist.

            It made her giggle.

            Cullen shifted enough to look at her, an eyebrow raised in question.

            She merely smiled in response and it grew when he sighed deeply, giving himself a push so he could flop onto his back.

            Rolling half onto him, Elora pushed herself up weakly and was pleased to see hazy eyes looking back at her from under heavy lidded eyes. She smiled at him once more, a deep sigh leaving her as she dropped down to rest on his chest. Her lashes fluttered shut as one of his hands lazily stroked along her back. “Are all Fire Dances like this?” she whispered.

            His chuckle rumbled through her and her thighs squeezed together at the rush of pleasure it caused in her. Maker’s breath, she had just climaxed! What was it about him that had her blood heating the way it did? “I can’t speak for everyone,” he admitted, his hand coming up to toy with her hair, “or even of my own experience with it, but, aye, usually. You don’t dance on this night unless you want this. Pleasure will vary from person to person but there’s a reason why the first Fire Dance is much coveted in the clans.”

            She could certainly see why. “And…there’s two more?”

            Cullen laughed outright this time. “Listen to you! First Fire Dance not even finished and you’re already planning for the next? Have you already picked your partner then?”

            She could hear the teasing note in his voice and it made her smile. But when she pushed herself up again so that she could kiss him, she was anything but teasing when she whispered, “I only want one partner at the dances, Thane. If that’s alright?”

            His hand tightened in her hair and he breathed, “Aye, my Elora, it’s more than alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a small note, November is a huge stress month for me for school work and it's really impacting my writing. As in writing more than two lines is painful. So I'm going to be taking a bit of a break to refresh myself, focus on school, and plot out some story a bit more. I'm not sure if it'll be for the whole month or just a couple weeks but please don't think I'm stopping the story here. This is just the tip of the iceberg as far as problems and challenges Elora and Cullen have to face and I want to tell all of them properly. Right now I'm not sure if I can do that and that's not fair to me or you guys. So minor break and then back at them with more fun time with Thane and Lowlander!


	18. Chapter 18

          Trailing his fingers along Elora’s back, Cullen couldn’t stop the smile curving his mouth. She was still completely passed out beside him, satisfied and exhausted. He wasn’t much better but he’d only been able to sleep for a few hours before he’d woken again. Which he’d been completely fine with. Waking up to Elora curled around him, absolutely nothing between them anymore, made it worth it.

           What they had had through the night was more than worth the lack of sleep.

           He brushed a kiss across the top of her head, gently rubbing his lips against her hair. He could feel her breaths against his chest, the rhythm steady and deep. He was oddly content right now, more so than he had been in a very long time. He couldn’t remember when he had ever felt like this.

           Even the contentment he had felt when both of his parents had been with them had been different. Of course he’d been a child, had been without the pressures and worries he had now, but he still felt more carefree than he had twenty years ago. It made him wonder if this was what his parents had felt…perhaps before they had four children.

           Cullen smiled faintly at the thought of that. How his parents had ever had had time to do anything with the four of them always under foot he would never know. Perhaps that was why there had been a longer age gap between him and Branson. He wasn’t sure any of them would have survived without that break.

           It also turned his thoughts to somewhere he shouldn’t go yet. Not when Elora was asleep and he hadn’t told her about what he wanted. What he hoped that she would want as well, with him.

           A shaking breath left him and he closed his eyes for a moment to gather his thoughts. He kissed her again but he wanted to kiss her properly. In the quiet moments between making love they had lain tangled together, absently talking and pressing even more absent kisses to each other. She had enjoyed kissing as much of his face as she could and he had savoured the feel of her lips on him. Even if he had only wanted her to kiss him properly, but that was what he had done when it was ‘his’ turn. Perhaps it should be his turn again. Knowing her better now, she wouldn’t mind being woken up like that.

           His hand came up to gently comb through her hair. Or he tried to. Her curls were a mess, tangled from him running his fingers through them, from gripping them in his fist as he took her, from everything that had happened during their dance. He carefully pulled his fingers from her hair and cupped the back of her head.

           She mumbled in her sleep, protesting as he tipped her back until he could kiss her. Another noise left her and she sleepily responded to him. His breath caught when she moved against him but his hand moved down her back until he could cup her, filling his hand with the soft curve of her ass. She moaned when he squeezed her, her thigh sliding over his and brushing his stirring length.

           Cullen broke the kiss but didn’t pull away from her as he tried to steady his breathing. This was a bad idea. He pulled back further from her, letting his head fall back on the pillow and screwing his eyes shut. When she moved again, her hand slipping over his chest before raking down through the hair trailing along his torso, he knew he had made a mistake.

           “Good morning,” she murmured.

           His hand tightened on her again. Her voice was husky and sleepy and made him harden further. “Good morning,” he rasped back.

           Elora stretched, rubbing against him as she arched her spine, nails scratching over him. “Do we have to get up?” she sighed, flopping back against his chest and pressing slow kisses to him.

           “Not yet but soon.” Korth, he didn’t know what time it was. How high was the sun? How much time did he have before he would be expected to leave? Would it be enough to tell her everything that she needed to know? Where did he even start? “Elora, about last night.”

           She sighed again, pleasure coating the sound. “Last night,” she purred, arching against him again.

           That wasn’t helping either. “The dance, ah, at the fire,” he said, fumbling his words and cursing himself for it. They were both adults, why did he feel like a blushing boy after the first dance that declared him a man? Was it because he hadn’t danced in so long? Or was it because it was her? “I said we needed to talk.”

           “Mm, you did,” she agreed, her fingers trailing along his abdomen and tracing over muscles absently. “About what?”

           Her touch was wandering south, flirting for a few moments at the lowest point on his torso before she came back up. She’d stroke and tease the skin all along his left flank, scraping over tattoo and scars both. And completely driving his thoughts from him.

           Catching her hand, he brought it to his mouth and kissed the tips of her fingers. He prayed she didn’t notice the way his hand was shaking. “The dance,” he said softly, opening his eyes to look at her.

           She was lounging beside him, half draped on him and her head resting on his shoulder and bicep. She was watching him with a faint smile on her lips that was telling him she was definitely thinking about their dance, but not the part he wanted her to. “Oh? Which part? Where you nearly made me come before the fires? Or where you did against the door? Or all the times during the night?”

           He was breathing harder with every word she said and the memories it pulled up. The way they had moved together…he’d never had a Fire Dance like it before. “Aye,” he croaked. “All of it but mostly the start of it. What I did, I mean, before you took my hand….” His voice trailed off as she tugged her hand away to plant it on his chest to push herself up.

           “What you did?” she echoed. “You mean set me on fire using your body to dance like that and not letting me touch you for so long?”

           “It wasn’t that long,” he protested weakly.

           “It was an eternity,” Elora breathed. “Watching you…waiting for you to reach out… _wanting_  you.”

           He shuddered at the desire he heard in every word. “Elora,” Cullen groaned, hands grasping at her hips as she slid on top of him. She had done this at another point in the night and he hadn’t been expecting the slow ride she had treated him to after all of the faster paced sex they had had.

           She smiled at him as she pushed herself up, already rocking her hips over his length. She seemed delighted at the state he was in, hardening fully as she rubbed her already slick folds against him.

           “What were you dreaming about?” he rumbled, easily distracted and pushing against her.

           “What do you think?” she laughed. “Maybe the tall, handsome, wonderful man I spent all night making love to?”

           His fingers dug into her soft flesh, holding her to him. “You dreamt of us?”

           She hummed quietly, her hands trailing down his chest before moving up her body to cup her breasts. “It isn’t the first time,” she whispered.

           How many times had she dreamt of them? As many as he had? Did that mean that she had dealt with her desire the same way he had? He thrust against her at the thought of her fingers between her legs, bringing her to release to thoughts of him.

            “You like that,” she murmured.

           “What isn’t there to like about my lover dreaming about us?” he groaned.

           Elora paused above him and he saw her lips part on a small gasp. “We are, aren’t we?” she breathed.

           “What?”

           “Lovers.”

           The way she said the word made it sound like the most precious thing she had ever said. And given what she had told him about her life in that tower, maybe it was, or at least the fact that she could call someone that. “Aye, Elora, we are,” he agreed.

           A delighted laugh left her and she leaned over him, her hands landing on either side of his head. “I’ve never had a lover before,” she murmured. “Not in this sense.”

           “Neither have I,” Cullen admitted.

           She blinked at him. “No?”

           He couldn’t help laughing. “How many partners do you think I’ve had?” he asked.

           “Uhm, well…you are an attractive man,” she said, blushing as he laughed again.

           “I’m also Thane and sleeping with women randomly would not be smart. I have enough problems in the clan without adding  _that_  to it.”

           Concern crossed her face which was definitely not what he wanted. “Oh. Oh, Cullen, our dance. Is it going to-” She mumbled against him as he lifted his head to kiss her.

           “Don’t let it concern you, Elora,” Cullen said softly, letting his head fall back onto the pillow.

           “But it is going to be a problem.”

           Letting go of her hips, he slid his hands up until he could cup her face. “No, it won’t be, Elora.”

           “You’re lying,” she breathed, “but thank you for trying to make me feel better.”

           He pulled her down to kiss her again, wishing he hadn’t been lying. But laying down his vest, dancing for her like that, it was going to cause problems in the clan. He wouldn’t change that he had done that because he knew it was the only thing he could have done, the only thing he had wanted to do for her. “Elora, there are things you need to know.”

           She nuzzled against one of his palms. “The more you keep hinting at and not saying anything about?”

           “Aye.” Lady, where did he even start? Her pressing gentle kisses to his palm wasn’t helping him focus. “Stop that.”

           She froze on top of him and he realised it had come out harsher than he had intended. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly.

           No, that wasn’t what he wanted. “Elora, don’t think that I don’t want you again because I do,” he murmured.

           She chewed on her lower lip as her eyes darted over his face. “Alright. You wanted to talk? About the Fire Dance?”

           He had. He still did but there was something on her face that he didn’t like seeing. “Elora, you haven’t done anything wrong,” Cullen assured her.

           Her lips pursed and she looked away from him for a moment. It became more than a moment and he turned her face back to him. The resignation in her eyes wasn’t hidden fast enough because he saw it.

           “Don’t do that,” he said softly, cupping her cheeks again. “You haven’t done anything wrong.”

           “Haven’t I?” she muttered. “I push. I know I do. I get ahead of myself and you wanted to talk and here I am thinking with my….”

           Lifting his head, Cullen kissed her when she trailed off. “We spent all night together, Elora. It’s understandable that you want more, but the Fire Dance has rules that have to be followed.”

           Her mouth was still flat and he briefly considered kissing her again to smooth it out. But she sighed and nodded. “Rules. I’m used to rules. Are they what you wanted to talk about?”

           They were but it wasn’t supposed to be like this. “Aye, but kiss me first.”

           Elora blinked at him. “But you just kissed me.”

           “Aye, I kissed you. I want you to kiss me.”

           “But you want to talk. You said we need to talk.”

           “We do and we will but kiss me first.”

           He saw her lick her lips, felt her shift above him to close what little distance there was between them. He knew it was going to happen but he still didn’t like the hesitant way her mouth met his. Waiting was torture but he didn’t rush her, holding out as she slowly settled into the kiss. When she sighed against him, he slid one of his hands into her hair, holding her to him as he kissed her back. He thought he felt something wet strike his cheeks as she made a small noise in the back of her throat and he started to pull away from her.

           Elora gasped as the door slammed open and Cullen reacted.

           Rolling them so she was beneath him, he took a second to make sure she was alright before he hauled the blankets up over them both. He pressed down on her, covering as much of her as he could and looked over his shoulder to see who had come. His eyes narrowed when he couldn’t see anyone and he looked down at Elora to see her staring at him with large eyes. “Shh,” he said softly.

           She nodded, pressing her lips together.

           He started to move, started to reach for the blade he kept beside the bed when he stopped. His head dropped with a groan as he heard the faint giggle that was poorly smothered. “Leo,” he growled, “I can hear you.”

           He didn’t even try to smother the giggle this time and Cullen easily heard him running through the home. “Unca!” he squealed.

           They both looked as he crashed into the side of the bed, grinning at the both of them. “Greetings, Leo,” Cullen said quietly. “You’re up early.”

           “Mama said I could wake up Unca and Ella,” Leo said happily.

           Cullen nodded patiently and saw Elora turn her head away out of the corner of his eye. He felt her shaking under him but a quick look showed that she was trying not to laugh. “I see.”

           “Unca, up? Mama said bath time.” That last bit wasn’t said as happily as the other line.

           Sighing, Cullen dropped his head. Elora trembled again but he knew it was because his mouth was brushing her neck, his breath washing over her. He still hadn’t talked to her but Leo was right. The men always used the baths first before getting the day started and it allowed the women to…do whatever they did during the day.

           “Unca?” Leo asked, grabbing his arm and trying to shake him. “Unca, up?”

           Kissing Elora, he moved so his mouth was near her ear. “I still want to talk to you,” he murmured, feeling her fingers curl against his chest. “I still need to talk to you.”

           “Later?” she breathed and he heard the rueful note in her voice.

           “Later,” he agreed, pushing up and looking at Leo. “I’m not getting up with you right there, Leo.”

           He giggled and took a few steps back.

           Reaching out, Cullen dropped his palm on the boy’s head and turned him so he was facing the wall. Leo was giggling the entire way and Cullen knew he wouldn’t stay there for long. He kissed Elora quickly before slipping out of the bed and scooping up a pair of breeches. He’d barely gotten them on and she’d only just settled the blanket on herself when Leo spun around.

           “Unca!”

           Hefting Leo up onto his hip, he looked down at Elora. “Mia will come when it’s time for you to get up.”

           Her brows rose. “I’m staying in bed?” she asked in surprise.

           “Aye. The morning is for the woman to rest, given the nature of her night.”

           She fought a smile, her eyes dancing and he was glad to see the happiness back on her face. “Oh. What about the nature of your night?”

           “I’ll be fine,” he assured her, although he was likely to pass out by the time the evening rolled around.

           “Ella, kiss bye!”

           Holding onto his nephew, he leaned over so Leo could kiss her.

           “Unca’s turn!”

           Cullen glanced at Leo. “I already did,” he pointed out.

           “Again!” he cried.

           “Yes, Thane,” Elora murmured. “Again.”

           His gaze shifted to her and he planted his knee on the bed. “Again?” he repeated.

           “Yes, please,” she breathed.

           “Come here,” he commanded softly.

           One of her hands gripped the furs as she pushed herself up on the other. Her mouth was warm and soft under his, her lips parted for him as he slicked his tongue over the lower one. He felt her sigh, heard her hum while Leo clapped excitedly. The last made him pull away from her, much to her displeasure.

           He watched as she struggled to open her eyes, her gaze already hazy. “Cullen,” she whispered.

           “Go back to sleep, Elora,” he murmured. “I will see you later.”

           She slumped back onto the bed, a sigh leaving her. “Later. For real this time.”

           Cullen laughed softly, nodding. “Aye,” he said, catching her hand to kiss her palm this time.

           She stroked his cheek and everything in him turned to thoughts of staying with her. He could send Leo to Branson and buy himself a few more minutes with her. He could but Leo would surely tell Mia and then he would have to explain what he had been about, explain that he had pushed the rules further than he already had.

           Letting go of her hand, he moved away from the bed and gave her a smile that felt weak even to him. He didn’t wait to see her settle in the bed, turning from it and carrying Leo out of the house. The boy didn’t help matters, waving and saying bye to Elora with every step he took. It was sweet but it only made him want to stay even more. He didn’t want to say goodbye to her, even if he was going to see her later. One night wasn’t enough, would never be enough.

           He paused before he left, needing to know. Glancing over his shoulder at the bed, he asked, “You are alright?”

           She didn’t answer immediately. “I’m alright, Cullen. I promise.”

           He wasn’t sure that he believed her but he couldn’t call her on the possible lie when he knew he had to leave. All he could do was trust that she was telling him the truth. He closed the door behind him before leaning back against it with a ragged breath.

           “Unca?”

           “I’m well, Leo,” he murmured. “I need a moment.” For more than one reason.

           Leo cuddled into him, tucking his head against Cullen’s neck. “Unca?” he said after a second.

           “Mm, aye, Leo?”

           “Love Ella?”

           Cullen froze at the question. “Aye, Leo, I know you do,” he said thickly.

           “No, Unca love Ella?”

           Did he? Laying down his vest, offering himself like that meant that he wanted her as more than just a lover, wanted her as his partner for life. Because he loved her? Was that why he was doing it? Could he love her after so short of a time? He hadn’t been truly thinking when he had approached her last night, had wanted to keep the other men away from her, had wanted her for himself, and put them on this path that she didn’t know anything about.

           He thumped his head back against the door with a groan. Why had he let things get that far when he knew that they needed to speak? He knew how important it was that she go into this informed, but he had let her distract him with her body and wickedly soft mouth. Then that horrible blend of fear and sadness that had been on her face when she had stopped, that wasn’t ever supposed to be on her face and he knew that he couldn’t have left that unaddressed. But they hadn’t spoken. He had no one to blame but himself for this mess and because of that she might refuse his offer.

           “Unca?”

           Cullen rubbed a hand over his face. “I don’t know, Leo,” he said softly. “Maybe.”

           Leo’s little face scrunched up. “Maybe?”

           “It’s hard to explain.” Korth, no it wasn’t. He either loved her or he didn’t. Pushing away from the door, he had to stop when his legs felt weak for a moment. He either loved her or he didn’t. He’d told her he’d been waiting for her since he’d gotten the marks on his skin and he had, but he’d never expected for it to be like this. He’d never dreamt that the woman the gods had spoken of would affect him this much. But a part of him had hoped, had hoped that maybe in the chaos that had become his life, he would have something for himself. For that something to possibly be the woman he had left in his bed?

           Walking away from his home, Cullen let out a slow breath. Starting his day had become harder over the weeks and this morning was no different. No, it was worse because now he knew exactly what kind of sweet temptation the Lowlander was. He didn’t have to wonder what kind of pleasure he could find with her anymore. All he had now was wondering when he would be able to be with her again.

           “Unca loves Ella.”

           Cullen glanced down at Leo. He’d said it firmly and Cullen had caught the tail end of his nod. “Leo?”

           “Unca?”

           “Let’s keep that our secret for now, aye?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay update! That being said, to give myself a little more room I’m not going to be updating every week because I’m still having problems focusing on writing. Right now I’m going to aim for every two weeks and hope that that works out.


	19. Chapter 19

 

            Warm laughter pulled her out of sleep. “Look at you! It’s already midday and you’re still abed!”

            Tired giggles rang in her ears. “Can you blame her? After the dance Cully gave her at the fires, I’m surprised she’s still alive!”

            “Mm, g’way,” Elora mumbled, rolling over and dragging the blankets over her head. She snuggled into them, sighing softly. She could smell Cullen on the furs and she could almost pretend he was still there with her. Maybe she’d even be able to fall back into the dream she had been having. He’d been nuzzling against her neck, lips warm against her skin while he had rolled on top of her. If she was lucky maybe she would dream about him-

            She mumbled irritably when the bed shifted, lifting her head enough to see what had happened. She saw a wealth of pale golden curls and sleepy brown eyes looking back at her. “Rosie?”

            “Mm, I think Elora has the right idea, Mia,” Rosie said, cuddling into the pillow. “Just stay in bed all day.”

            A harsh sigh left Mia and both Elora and Rosie yelped when she hauled the blankets off the bed, Rosie nearly falling off of the mattress. “You both need to get up. We’re already going to be late as it is.”

            Elora shivered and tried to reach for the blankets before freezing when Rosalie gasped.

            “Elora! You’re red from head to toe! What did Cullen do to you?”

            A shaky breath left Elora as she remembered that she was naked and she scrambled off the bed to reach for her clothes. She was wide awake now. How could she forget everything that they’d done? All the red marks he’d left on her? The evidence of his arousal that was all over her skin? She’d barely gotten a loose dress on when a hand on her shoulder made her stop.

            “Elora, she wasn’t trying to be mean,” Mia said softly. “You were well loved, as you were supposed to be last night. She was merely commenting on it.”

            That didn’t really make her feel anymore comfortable. What had happened with her and Cullen had been between them and for someone else to see her covered in the marks he had made was upsetting.

            “Elora?”

            She toyed with the neckline of her dress. “If this had happened in the Tower, I would have been punished,” she said softly, staring at the wall.

            “You aren’t in the Tower anymore,” Mia said gently. “Here, the clan will tease perhaps but if anything they’re going to be proud.”

            Elora frowned, twisting enough to look at the other woman. “Proud?”

            “Every mark on your skin is a sign that our Thane is virile and passionate. After ten years of him keeping to himself, of never dancing for anyone, for him to finally take a lover would have been important enough as it was. But for him to mark you like he has, to show just how much he wanted you? We’ve been waiting a very long time for this, for you.”

            “But they don’t like me,” Elora whispered.

            “Some don’t,” Mia conceded, “but not all. You have more friends in the clan than you think, Elora. You might not see what you’re doing for the clan but we do.”

            “I’m taking care of Leo and planting vegetables.”

            “You’re healing our Thane,” she corrected.

            “Cullen isn’t hurt.”

            “The wounds on our clan aren’t always so easy to see and my brother bleeds quietly, Elora. His pain is his own and he doesn’t share it with anyone. He’s held it in since before our father died. Dancing for you…well, it’s given some of us hope that we can finally move on.”

            “Because of a dance?” Elora said in confusion. “Because we had sex?”

            Mia blinked at her, her brows drawing together. “Because he offered to court you and make you his wife,” she corrected slowly.

            “No, he didn’t!” Elora squeaked, whipping around to face her. “We danced, we had sex, a lot of sex, but there was no talking of making me anything! Especially not his wife!”

            Both Mia and Rosalie were staring at her and Elora felt a thread of panic slip through her. What had he said? That he had something important to talk to her about? He had kept trying to talk to her and she had kept saying later, had kept distracting him with sex. Was that what he had wanted to talk to her about? That in dancing for her he was asking her to marry him?

            “No, no, that’s not what happened,” she said quickly.

            “He didn’t tell you?” Mia asked slowly. “About anything?”

            “We were a little busy!” Because she had been too hungry for the pleasure he had given her.

            Mia stared at her for a moment longer before she spun away, talking quickly and rapidly to herself. She walked away from Elora, gesturing harshly as her words got sharper. Elora couldn’t understand any of it, but she didn’t need to. She knew an angry tone when she heard one.

            “She’s not mad at you, Ella,” Rosie said softly. “She’s mad at Cully.”

            “Why?”

            Rosalie scooted off the bed. “He was supposed to tell you about the dances,” she explained. “Especially the Fire Dance. No one would have danced for you if you didn’t know what they were.”

            “No one would tell me about them!”

            A sad smile crossed her face. “And that’s our fault. Sharing our culture isn’t easy when Lowlanders would rather take it from us and make us part of their own. But Cullen…Well, we all thought that he would have at least told you a little about the dances and what they can mean.”

            “I thought it was just sex,” she said weakly.

            “It can be,” Rosie murmured, giving her a smile. “For me it was just sex and for a lot of others it was. But for you and Cullen….”

            “Is it because he’s Thane?” she whispered, her stomach roiling inside her. Marriage? They’d only had sex once! They didn’t even truly have a relationship!

            “No. The Thane can dance with whoever he or she wishes and it can be just sex. But in taking off his vest, in laying it at your feet and baring himself to you before he danced, he told the entire clan his intentions.”

            “He didn’t tell me!”

            “That’s why Mia is mad. It’s unfair to you to have this thrust on you, by us when it was his responsibility to tell you about the courtship and what all it entails.”

            Elora wrapped her arms around herself, feeling faint. Courtship? Marriage? “I don’t feel well,” she whispered.

            Rosie’s eyes widened and she immediately came to her. “Come, sit at the table. We’ll talk and you won’t have to think about it for a while.”

            A while? Meaning that she was going to need to think about it later. But she wasn’t going to kid herself, she was going to be thinking about it now. Her legs were shaking as Rosie guided her to the table and settled her. She stared at Mia as she tossed herbs into a pot, wondering when she’d put the kettle over the fire to boil water. “Mia….”

            “The Fire Dance serves two purposes,” she said, not looking at Elora. “One is a celebration of the fertility of our people and Rilla. We dance for joy, for passion, for the sex it can lead to. Many look forward to it and it can be a way of determining if you want to be with someone for more than just the sex they can give you. Some people simply use it to have multiple partners for nothing more than sex.”

            Rosie was rolling her eyes as she came back to Elora with a blanket in her arms. “She thinks I should settle down,” she muttered to Elora, rolling her eyes as she wrapped the fur around Elora’s shoulders. “But I don’t want to yet.”

            Elora tugged the blanket closer as Rosalie settled beside her at the table. “But…because he took off his vest, Cullen didn’t simply want sex?” she asked, trying to puzzle her way through this.

            Mia’s shoulders dropped. “Nothing lasts, especially in the mountains,” she said softly. “We Avvar hold true to that because we see it every day. The land changes, our people change, the seasons grow harsher or they grant us mercy. Everything is subject to change and even one day the mountains will be gone. We know this more than anyone else and we hold true to it in our lives. Marriage in the Avvar can also be non-permanent. We have rituals that dictate how long our marriages last and the second purpose of the Fire Dance is one.”

            “I don’t understand,” Elora whispered.

            “Marriages outside of the Fire Dance last for a certain amount of years. Marriages within the Fire Dance are eternal.”

            A whimpering noise left Elora and she wobbled on her seat. Rosie’s arm immediately snapped around her, steadying her. “Eternal?”

            “He was supposed to talk to you!” Mia snapped, slamming her hands down. “This isn’t my responsibility!”

            “Mia,” Rosalie said gently. “I know it’s painful for you but please. Elora isn’t one of us and she needs to know before Cully does anything more.”

            Elora actually heard the shuddering breath Mia took before she brought the teapot to the table. “I’m sorry, Elora. This is unfair to you.”

            She watched as Mia walked to the fire and pulled the kettle off. But she waited until the hot water was in the pot and Mia was sitting across from her before she said anything. “I don’t understand,” she said softly. “Cullen and I barely know each other. We only truly started something last night! How could he want me for that long?”

            “Let me explain,” Mia said softly. “Because the Fire Dance is dedicated to Rilla, marriages before her are not like before the other gods. With Rilla, she demands stability for the children she blesses us with and therefore marriage before her cannot be broken. Because of that, they are rarely performed and only between those who are fully committed to each other. The marriage is only complete after three Fire Dances where the couple dances together. At any point between the first and the third dance, either party can still end the courtship if they choose. You aren’t not committed to him simply because you took his hand.”

            Elora’s hands were shaking as she took the cup Mia held out to her. She was so confused. “So…he’s offered to court me?” she asked slowly.

            “Aye with the end result being your eternal marriage.”

            Her sigh trembled as much as her hands. “Could you not say it like that?” she pleaded.

            Mia’s head tipped forward slightly. “Drink your tea, Elora. It’ll help calm you.”

            “Then why is Rosie drinking it too?”

            Her mouth flattened. “There are rules to the Fire Dance,” she said quietly. “Making children without the commitment to raise them is frowned upon, but sometimes there are accidents. We take steps to help prevent them on these nights in case of those accidents because many of us do understand that in times of passion, thinking is not always the first priority.”

            She nearly dropped her cup as she realised what Mia was talking about. Was _that_ why Cullen refused to release inside her? “O-Oh,” she said weakly.

            “There were herbs in the stew I made last night that would have helped keep you from catching in case whoever you danced with made that mistake. If you didn’t have any of the stew, the tea will do the same job.”

            Elora blinked slowly. This was nothing new. Herbs and tonics like this were commonplace in the Circle, made discretely away from the eyes of the Templars and senior mages. She had taken them before when partners hadn’t taken her into consideration when they had finished. She didn’t say anything as she lifted the cup and sipped at it.

            “Children will eventually come from the dances as is the case with most marriages. But not the first dance.”

            Closing her eyes, she tried to focus on her breathing. Courtship? Marriage? Children? Those were things she had given up on long ago and the thought of possibly having them now? She wasn’t sure what it was making her feel.uh

            “As it was with the dance, the choice to continue is yours, Elora. Everyone in the clan, Cullen included, will respect your decision if you don’t wish to continue the courtship with him. We aren’t your people, our customs are new to you, and you’re only learning about this after you danced with him.”

            “Mia, I live with him,” she protested. “I sleep in the same bed as him!”

            “If it comes to it, you can live with Rosalie and me. But you’ve been living with him since you arrived here.”

            “I hadn’t slept with him!” Elora cried. “It isn’t the same anymore! It can’t be the same anymore!”

            Her mouth flattened again and Mia stared down at the table. “I know, Elora, and for that I am sorry. You’re having all of this thrust upon you at once when we grow up learning about the dances and all that comes with it. Everything will be different now, you are right.”

            Setting her empty cup down, Elora covered her face with her hands and breathed as steadily as she could. If she said no to this, things would never be the same between her and Cullen. Ten years of not dancing, of waiting, of waiting for _her_ , and she said no to his offer of courtship? Cullen might respect her decision but she would damage what had been growing between them. Perhaps beyond repair, even if he understood that everything was being thrown at her so quickly. If she said no, there was no way that they would dance again like they had talked about. It would be awkward in the clan for her no matter what Mia said.

            Maker, did she even truly have a choice in the matter? And how had she gone from being so happy to so torn in a matter of hours?

            Tears pricked at her eyes and she rubbed fiercely at them but she couldn’t hide her sniff. Rosie’s arm tightened around her in response.

            “Elora?” she murmured. “Don’t cry. I’m sorry.”

            She shook her head. It wasn’t Rosie’s fault. It wasn’t Cullen’s fault either. He had tried to talk to her, several times, but she had been too greedy and desperate for the pleasure he had been giving her to let him talk. A weak laugh left her but it was watery and broken.

            “Oh, Elora, no,” she heard Mia say. “No, please, I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

            She tried to shake her head again but the tears were falling now and she couldn’t stop them. Warm arms wrapped around her and pulled her into a warmer body. She sobbed softly when Mia gently rocked her.

            “Shh, Elora. All will be well.”

            Elora clung to her, fingers digging into her clothes. This wasn’t anything that she had been expecting. But she didn’t want to think right now and she simply let herself cry. She wasn’t sure why she was even crying but she knew she wasn’t going to be able to think straight until she did.

            Mia rocked her the entire time and she thought she felt Rosie’s hand on her back. She could faintly hear Mia humming to her over her sobs and once they quieted she realised that the other was actually singing softly. But the words were foreign to her. She’d heard snippets of the Avvar’s language over the months but most spoke the common tongue when she was around and she was grateful for it. She hadn’t thought to ask someone to teach her the language but she was wondering if she needed to ask. Especially how melodic the song sounded.

            “What is that?” she asked thickly when she felt ready to talk again.

            “A lullaby,” Mia murmured. “Our mother would sing it for us when we were troubled or ill.”

            Maker, if Cullen wanted to marry her did that mean he wanted children as well? Her lower lip wobbled and she quickly bit down on it to stop that. One problem at a time. Children were not the issue right now.

            “Elora, if you do not want Cullen for your husband there is no shame in admitting it. The dances are not something you have ever been to before and you thought it was merely about sex. No one will fault you that.”

            “Mia, he’s been waiting for me,” she whispered. “I can’t say no.”

            Mia pushed her back until she could see her face. “You can always say no, Elora,” she said firmly. “Yes, this is what Cullen wants and has wanted for a long time, but he’s not the only one in this relationship. You are as well and your voice matters as much as his. If it is not what you want, my brother cannot do anything but respect your wishes. If he cares for you as much as I think he does, he will honour it. He wants you to want this because you want _him_ , Elora. Not because you think you have to because of some silly words our augur spoke ten years ago.”

            “You know about that?”

            “Aye, he told me after the tattoos had healed and he refused to bed a woman. Told me that he had to wait, that he didn’t want any in the clan. Aye, he’s chosen you, but he’ll stand down if it isn’t what you want.”

            But was that what she wanted? She didn’t know. She still wanted to be with Cullen but for the rest of her life? He barely knew her, what if he got tired of her? What if he realised he was making a mistake and he couldn’t get out of it? What would it do to her to see that look in his eyes shift from the desire and softness that was there now to resentment and possibly hate? “He barely knows me,” she whispered.

            “He knows enough to make that decision and he did make it, Elora. He could have simply danced for you but he offered himself fully to you instead.”

            Her throat got tight and she looked away. “What if he changes his mind? They always change their mind,” she said weakly.

            Mia drew her gaze back, fingers firm on her chin. “My brother hasn’t waited ten years to change his mind now that you’re finally here. He didn’t wait to honour you at the dances to change his mind later.”

            “They always change their minds,” Elora repeated.

            Mia rubbed the tears off her cheeks. “Cullen won’t,” she assured Elora. “He is too much like our father in matters like this. He doesn’t play games with his life and especially not his heart. There is only one woman that he wants and she is you. It can be…unsettling to know that a man wants you that way, with all of his being and enough to bind himself to you like that. But there is a heady power in it as well. You will be treasured for all of your years and you will never doubt his commitment to you.”

            Elora stared at her, all the words she had heard whispered in the tower running through her mind. She wasn’t good for relationships, quick fucks, easy get offs, dark corners…not life long commitments. But Cullen…he had spent all night worshiping every inch of her, bringing her to climax after climax with his seemingly an afterthought. Was that what she had to look forward to? Days spent tending the small garden in the back of the house and watching Leo and her nights wrapped in the arms of the man she loved?

            She jerked back from Mia with a harsh gasp and smacked into Rosie. “I’m sorry!” she cried, flushing at both her actions and thoughts. Love?! Why had she thought that?!

            Mia gave her a funny look. “We’re expected at the bath house, Elora,” she said, pushing away from the table. “It’s still chilly out so you should wear your coat.”

            “The bath house?”

            “Aye, everyone gathers there the morning after a Fire Dance.” Mia rolled her eyes. “It’s mostly to show off how attentive your lover was the night before and a chance to gossip.”

            “E-Everyone?” Elora asked.

            “The women,” Rosie confirmed, standing from the table. “The men have already been and gone and it will have been long enough for the waters to be refreshed for our turn.”

            “But everyone?”

            “Yes, the same everyone that saw you dancing half-naked with Cullen last night anyways.”

            Elora flushed and squeaked softly. Maker, she’d forgotten about that!

            “They aren’t going to comment on more than the marks Cullen left on you, Elora,” Mia assured her. “They’ll be pleased to see it. Ah…along with his seed.”

            “No,” Elora said quickly. “I can bathe here. There’s a tub.”

            “It is customary,” Mia said gently.

            “But….” She’d already been overwhelmed by one custom and now there was more? “Can I go back to bed?” she whispered.

            Mia smiled sympathetically at her. “Come on, Elora. It won’t be so bad and we’ll try to keep the attention off of you as much as we can.”

            She doubted it would work. There were too many factors working against her for it to work. She sighed and moved into the bedroom to grab her coat. Maker, what even had happened with her life? A strange mark on her palm, living with a clan of Avvar in the Frostback Mountains, making love to their Thane, and now having to show the evidence of that lovemaking to his clan? Never in any dream she had ever had where she hadn’t been in the Tower had this situation ever crossed her mind.

            Following the other two out of the house, she listened as Mia quietly told her about what else would happen with the courtship. The only thing that seemed to stick was the word ‘gifts’. Cullen would give her gifts between dances and her acceptance of them would show that she was still willing to be courted by him. If at any point she didn’t want to accept a gift, she could refuse it and he would stop. There were certain phrases and actions that she would have to do to properly accept or refuse the gifts and she had to do it properly. Cullen’s enemies would look for any opportunity to find fault in the courtship if she allowed it to progress.

            Her head was spinning by the time they made it to the bath house, the excited chatter of the wisps not helping. She didn’t know where they had gotten themselves off to over the night and morning but apparently they had grown tired of it and come back to her. When she didn’t want them to because she had to focus.

            Elora hesitated just inside the door of the bath house. The air was heavy with steam and the laughing voices of the women within. Rosie and Mia were already stripping and setting clothing aside while she stood there. “I don’t know if I can do this,” Elora whispered.

            Both sisters looked at her. Mia waved Rosalie forward and waited until she was gone before she started speaking. “What’s bothering you, Elora?”

            Was she supposed to put all of her issues with her body into one sentence? Or the fact that she was covered in red marks and Cullen’s seed? Normally she wouldn’t have let the first happen and would have rushed to wash the second from her. But they were both there and she was supposed to what…wear them proudly? “I don’t know _how_ to do this,” she rephrased.

            “Cullen is my brother so I have no desire to know what happened specifically between the two of you last night, but he pleased you?”

            “Yes,” Elora said honestly, confused.

            “You are glad you took his hand?”

            “Yes?”

            “You hold onto that, Elora. You hold onto the night that he gave you, the pleasure and the laughter, the smiles and the cries. You hold onto all of that and remind yourself that out of all of the women that are in this bath house, Cullen Lionsbane chose _you_ to give that night to.”

            Elora stared at her but she didn’t get to say anything as Mia stripped the last of her clothing and looked at her expectantly. Her hands were shaking as she started on the ties of her coat and she was slow to remove her clothes because of it. But she stripped down, her clothes not in an anywhere near neat pile near Mia’s. She kept her gaze down as she followed Mia towards the baths, her arms loosely wrapped around herself. Maker, there was too much to hide! She had too much…that Cullen had seemed to be thrilled to touch last night, filling his hands with her breasts, her bottom, touching everywhere that he could.

            She didn’t drop her arms but she did lift her head and immediately wished she hadn’t when she realised that everyone was looking at them.

            “There she is!” a voice called. “The Lowlander who finally got our Thane off his ass!”

            Laughter rang out and welcomes filled her ears, startling her. It got her to move though, stepping toward the edge of the baths. But she had barely dipped her toes in the steaming water before a low whistle came.

            “Did he ever get off his ass! Look at the poor thing! She’s covered from head to toe! Did he even let you sleep?”

            She blushed at the cries and calls that came up at those comments. Sitting on the edge of the pool, Elora wondered if she was supposed to answer that. Had they slept? “When the sun was almost up,” she finally admitted when she realised that yes, they were waiting.

            More laughter. “Good lad! Marked you right and proper, he did!”

            Elora frowned slightly. “He wasn’t the only one marking,” she said quietly.

            A beat of silence before cheers. “Aye, girl! You claim that man as your own! I remember when my-”

            “Oh, not again! If I have to hear that story one more time, I’ll die from the sheer fact that you seem to think we all want to know the details!”

            Elora smiled faintly as Mia threw her an amused look. Well. That hadn’t been that bad.

            Conversations rose and fell around her as she soaked in the water, lazily bathing while she listened and vaguely answered when people asked her questions about her night. But the questions drew her mind back to Cullen and the problem in front of her. More importantly that thought that had caught her off guard earlier. Did she love him already? Or was it just the how he treated her that was swaying her thoughts? Or the night of passion? She hadn’t had either before so surely they were influencing what she was feeling.

            But if it wasn’t that…if she truly did love him…wasn’t her answer easy to the question she knew was coming?

            _Careful._

            The soft whisper had her tensing and her gaze swept over the pool. What was the wisp talking about? Why would she have to be careful? The thought disappeared as she saw an angry gaze watching her from far closer than she would have liked. She started to move away before she stopped. If she was honestly thinking about accepting Cullen’s offer of courtship, running away from this would only cause more problems.

            _No, no, no! Away!_

            The wisps were actually pushing at her, trying to move her in the water as she stood from her seat in it. She saw the other woman narrow her eyes at her but she didn’t move for a moment. But when Elora refused to run, she pushed herself up and slowly came toward her.

            “You think you’re special because he fucked you?” she said lowly. “You think you’re something to us because you had his cock inside you? You’re wrong. The dance meant nothing because you aren’t one of us.”

            Dropping the cloth she had been washing herself with, Elora stared at the woman. She recognized her, the one that had told her she wasn’t welcome at the dances, that they weren’t for her. Now she was standing there trying to tell her that what she’d had with Cullen didn’t mean anything? She heard the wisps mutter as they angrily flitted around her and as much as she wanted to let them respond as they had last time. “Shh,” she said softly.

            They quieted to mumbles but she knew they weren’t pleased.

            Elora waited a second to try to gather her thoughts. “He doesn’t want you,” she said quietly.

            “What?”

            The other woman’s voice was louder than hers and Elora knew that she had just drawn more attention than Elora would have liked. She wanted to make this public? Fine. “He doesn’t want you,” Elora repeated. “If he did, he would have danced for you at some time in the last ten years.”

            Her face twisted slightly but she shook her hair over her shoulders and gestured at Elora. “You’re nothing but a place holder. Something for him to use because he’s been without for so long.”

            The words hurt for a moment, made her remember all the times she had been used, but she pushed it away. Cullen had _never_ made her feel like that. “A man doesn’t cover his lover in love bites like this if she’s a place holder,” she said firmly. “A man doesn’t wear himself out over the course of the night making sure his lover is pleased if she’s a place holder. A man doesn’t bare himself before dancing for a woman if she’s a place holder.”

            She seemed caught off guard that Elora knew what the dance meant, but Elora didn’t let her recover.

            “Cullen doesn’t want a place holder,” she said, taking a step toward her. “If he did, he would have taken you at some point.”

            She heard quiet snickers behind her and saw the anger on the woman’s face. “Watch yourself, Lowlander,” she growled.

            “Or what?” Elora demanded. “You’ll hit me? You’ll attack me? The last time we spoke you couldn’t even handle my gods. What makes you think you can stand against me?”

            “They aren’t-”

            “They are mine,” Elora growled at her. “They are _mine_ and nothing you can do will ever change that. I may not be Avvar according to you, but those are my gods and your Thane picked me. You cannot change that.”

            “You-”

            “Svana!” a sharp voice said from behind Elora. “You forget yourself! Elora is a welcomed guest!”

            “She’s not my guest,” Svana snapped, glaring at her.

            “Then you disown your gods and your right to stay within the hold,” the voice-Vera, Elora realised-continued. “As Elora is their guest and so all of ours. If you say she is not your guest, then you will leave Sky-Bear Hold immediately.”

            The fury on Svana’s face grew but Elora refused to back down. If she was going to live here, she refused to be pushed around because someone was upset that Cullen had chosen her. If he had wanted someone else, he would have danced for them. But he hadn’t. He had waited and danced for her.

            When Svana took another step toward her, Elora didn’t even think about it. Svana’s eyes widened and she stumbled back as flames exploded around Elora’s hand, licking up her arm. “Did you forget that I’m a mage?” she asked lowly. “Because I haven’t and I’ll tell you this, Svana. If you speak to me like that again, I’m going to do more than simply conjure fire to scare you. I don’t know what you’d fight with beyond your words, but know that I will not tolerate this again and I do _not_ need the gods to protect me.”

            Svana stared at her, fear and fury battling in her eyes. But she backed away from Elora after a tense moment.

            Elora watched her go, extinguishing the flames only when the other woman was gone from the bath house. A sharp sigh left her. She didn’t like doing that but she was tired of being bullied. She was tired of being pushed around. “I’m alright,” she said softly as the wisps rubbed against her. “I’m fine.”

            They hummed and rubbed against her for a moment longer before they seemed to still again.

            She realised it was quiet behind her and her face heated as she realised that the entire female half of the clan had just witnessed what had happened. “Oh, shit,” she whispered. What was she going to say? She didn’t know who that woman was, didn’t know if she was someone important or-

            “Well done, child,” Vera said. “The Thane needs a wife who won’t be pushed around and it’s good to show your teeth now. It’ll save you from having to use them later.”

            Elora looked over her shoulder and nearly fell into the bath water as she saw so many gazes on her. “Ah, well, I mean I didn’t-”

            “Don’t apologize, Elora,” Mia said, patting the spot beside her. “You were well within your rights and you should speak to Cullen of this. He needs to know what threats there are in the clan. Especially given that this was directed to the one he’s chosen to dance for.”

            Cullen had enough on his plate. She didn’t really want to add to it with something as minor as a jealous hissy fit. But she joined Mia and wished she would disappear as she listened to the women talk about the jealousy they had seen in their days. It wasn’t helping and she just wanted to leave but it seemed like all of the women were waiting for something and biding their time.

            She was completely pruny when the door to the bath house burst open and the sound of running feet was easily heard over the mild shrieks that went up. “Mama!” a happy voice cried.

            “Leo, don’t you dare!”

            Mia’s shout was too late as the little boy leapt off of the side of the pool and splashed into the water. For such a small body, he made an impressive wave.

            Elora shook the water and hair out of her face, coughing slightly as Mia strode to where her son had surfaced, sunny grin front and centre under wet curls. She covered her mouth to hide her own grin as Mia heaved a very put upon sigh and lifted him out of the water.

            “You’re soaked, little bear,” she muttered. “If they sent you in to get us, the least they could have done was take your clothing off first.”

            Leo giggled and kissed her happily. “Unca said now, Mama!”

            Elora’s amusement fled as Mia glanced at her over her shoulder. “Now then,” she murmured, striding toward the side of the pool with him still in her arms.

            “Up with you, child,” Vera said softly, tugging on Elora’s arm.

            “Oh, no, I can wait and-” She stopped when a weathered hand touched her cheek.

            “You’re afraid but you don’t need to be,” Vera told her gently. “That boy will be good for you and you will be so good for him, child. We can all see it already, before he danced for you, this is only the natural step of it. This is why the gods brought you to us.”

            “To marry Cullen?” she asked in confusion.

            “To heal our clan,” she corrected. “This is only the first step but it is the most important one.”

            “That’s not helping,” Elora whispered.

            “You already know your answer, child. Your heart knows what it wants.”

            Elora watched her leave before pushing herself up. She couldn’t stay in here forever and she needed to face Cullen. She simply wished that she had time to talk to him before anything major happened. By the time she joined Mia, she had Leo out of his clothes and wrapped in a thick towel.

            “Ella!” he chirped at her, grin still in place.

            “Hello, Leo,” she said softly, wrapping herself in a towel to dry herself off. Her motions were slow as her thoughts whirled out of control. She knew what her heart wanted but her mind wouldn’t let her simply say it. There were so many questions, so many things she didn’t know, she couldn’t just leap blindly.

            Her dress was barely settled on her when it was being tugged on. Looking down, she saw Leo standing next to her, towel still wrapped around him but smile fainter now. “Ella, scared?”

            “I’m nervous, Leo,” she whispered.

            “Why?”

            “Because I’m not sure about Cullen, about your uncle.”

            “Why?”

            She stared helplessly at him. “I’ve never done this before, Leo, and it’s very important,” she tried to explain.

            His small face scrunched up. “Ella, love you!”

            Elora gently ran her fingers through his hair. “I love you too, Leo.”

            “No, Ella, Unca-”

            “Leo, come here. We need to go out.”

            He darted over to where Mia was, laughing as she scooped him up, towel and all. But Elora’s stomach bottomed out when the woman looked at her.

            “Come on, Elora,” she said softly. “We need to go out.”

            “I’m not ready,” she whispered.

            “You are,” she murmured back.

            She really didn’t feel like it as she followed Mia out, shivering at the chill in the air. “Oh, I forgot my coat.”

            “You won’t need it,” Mia told her, catching her arm to keep her from going back in.

            “Mia?” Elora asked.

            “Trust me, Elora. You won’t need it.”

            Nerves wracked her as she stood with Mia and her son, trying not to think about what was surely coming. She was running out of time and she didn’t know what to do. What was she even supposed to do? Mia had explained what was expected of her, what to say dependant on her answer for Cullen, but her palms were clammy and she felt faint. What if she couldn’t do this? What if she passed out? What if-

            The hush that fell made the hair on her arms stand on end at how sudden it came. Looking away from Mia and Leo, she saw what had made everyone stop. Cullen was striding through the hold, stripped to the waist and tattoos bare for all to see. More than that, the love bites she had left on him were plainly visible against his skin. “Oh,” Elora said softly, realising that Mia had been right; he wasn’t going to wait and he was going to do this as publicly as possible.

            Her heart started to pound as the small cluster of women that had been around her moved so she was alone. She couldn’t look away from him, wasn’t supposed to look away from him. Her fingers curled into her dress, trying to hide the way they were shaking.

            He slowed as he got closer to her, his gaze moving over her quickly before settling on her face. She was sure he saw the panic she was feeling because he gave her a small smile. But it didn’t help as he stopped an arms length from her. “Elora of the Lowlands,” he said quietly.

            She let out a shaking breath. “Cullen Lionsbane of Sky-Bear Hold,” she whispered, her voice weaker than she wanted it to be.

            Concern flooded his face and he seemed like he was going to step back.

            Her heart leapt into her throat as she realised she had already made a mistake. Forcing her hands to relax, she smoothed them down the front of her dress and straightened as much as she could, meeting his gaze with all the calm she could muster.

            His head tipped to the side slightly as he studied her before he seemed to relax. “Elora of the Lowlands,” he repeated, louder this time, “you took my hand before Rilla’s fires and took pleasure with me through her night. I ask of you now, before the whole of my clan and family, if you will allow me to dance for you again. If you will allow me to dance for you in the light of Rilla’s fires to bind us together before her for the rest of our lives.”

            Elora didn’t say anything, knew she wasn’t supposed to say anything, but her hands were trembling badly now. She didn’t move even though she wanted to shift nervously on her feet. He was asking her to bind them together for their entire lives and there was no breaking it. If she said yes, if she accepted him, there was no going back. Because she knew she wouldn’t be able to say no to him later. She wouldn’t be able to end this later. If it was never going to go further, it would have to be now.

            The smallest sound slipped past her lips as he twisted at the waist as Branson came up to him, a bundle of rich fur in his hands. He passed it to Cullen, his face as serious as his Thane’s. But he gave her a wink as he turned from Cullen.

            Cullen ran his hand over the fur and she realised that it matched the fur mantle he had worn when the rift had opened in the hold. Why did he have two? “The augur told me to make this with the second red lion I killed. I didn’t understand her words then, but I understand them now with you in my life.”

            She could barely hear him over the pounding of her heart. This was happening. This was actually happening and she didn’t have anymore time to think about it.

            He risked a glanced at her face before he sank down onto one knee in front of her, the fur balanced on his palms. He held it out to her, his head bowed slightly. “Will you do me the honour of allowing me to court you before both my clan and Rilla?” he asked. “Will you do me the honour of letting me please you for the rest of our lives?”

            Elora stared at Cullen, feeling very alone because she knew the entire clan was staring at them as those words hung in the air. No, they were looking at her and waiting for her to do something. He had done it, dropped to one knee before her with his gift in his hands exactly like Mia had said. But it was more than that. It was his heart he was offering her, a home, a family, everything she had told herself to stop wanting. If she took that fur cloak, she was agreeing to let him court her. She would be confirming that she truly didn’t want to go anywhere else, that she wanted to stay in Sky-Bear Hold…that she wanted no other.

            Her breath caught in her throat as Cullen lifted his head slowly, his gaze hopeful but still cautious. He knew what he was doing, he knew what he was inviting into his life by doing this for her. Even if he’d lied to her about it, she knew this was going to cause problems. A Thane taking a Lowlander as his Rilla blessed wife? In a clan where a Lowlander had already done severe damage? Those that stood against him would not approve. It would fracture the clan even further.

            But looking at him, seeing that hope, made her want to be selfish, to stop thinking and simply do what her heart wanted. She wanted to take the cloak, to take him for her own. She wanted the way he made her feel for the rest of her life. To the Void with his clan and what they thought. This was for her and him. It wasn’t any of their business.

            She saw his brows draw together, saw the same tension from the dance come back, and she moved without anymore hesitation.

            He didn’t look away from her, his eyes widening slightly as he realised what she was doing. Placing her hands gently under the fur cloak like Mia had told her to do, she felt her skin brush his and boldly stroked his hands with her thumbs. She saw the caution flee his gaze, the hope and something more filling his eyes as she lifted the cloak to press it to her chest. Licking her lips, she softly whispered, “Yes, I accept you, Cullen Lionsbane.”

* * *

There is also a a fanart by the lovely raexmell on tumblr that I will link to as soon as it's posted!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now poor Elora gets to learn a whole new set of rules that she may or may not wind up breaking >.>


	20. Chapter 20

 

            “Your sister is looking for you, Lionsbane.”

            Cullen sighed and nodded, resisting the urge to rub his neck. That was the fifth person to stop him as he’d moved through the hold and say that. He had hoped to avoid it but he should have known better. No matter how happy she was for him, Mia was not happy _with_ him. He wanted to go home, wanted to shut the clan and world out, wanted to just enjoy the rest of his day. He wanted to see Elora again.

            Pausing on the path, he stared for a moment in the direction he’d been going. That led to his home, where he knew Elora would be. She had wandered the hold with him for a while, her cloak hanging from her shoulders as she had walked beside him. He’d been caught off guard when her fingers had slipped into his as they’d walked. But he’d tightened his hand on hers when she’d gone to pull away from him, tugging her a step closer to him and keeping her there until they’d had to separate. Even then he hadn’t wanted to let go. It had been strange in the best of ways. He had seen his parents lace their fingers together when he’d been a child and hadn’t overly understood it.

            But having Elora’s hand in his, he completely understood why his father would grasp his mother’s fingers for no apparent reason.

            Sighing again, he turned to go the other way through the hold. The sooner he spoke with Mia the better. He needed to get it out of the way so he could actually enjoy the rest of his evening. If he was lucky, Leo would be there so Mia would curb her tongue a little. Although he certainly deserved the lecture she was going to give him. He’d let himself be distracted, had let himself focus on the pleasure and not the rest of what he had wanted to ask her for. Rosie had found him earlier and mentioned that Mia hadn’t been impressed with him.

            He took a moment as he saw her house come into view. It was going to be bad, he knew it was going to be but he had made his bed and he needed to sleep in it. That didn’t mean he wanted to do it. Of all of her children, Mia was the most like their mother and she didn’t need to yell at him to make him feel like a child again. It didn’t matter that he was an adult or Thane when it came to getting lectures from his older sister. They always threw him back.

            Moving to the door, he knocked gently before opening it. He wasn’t surprised to find Mia inside, seemingly waiting for him. “Mia,” he said slowly, closing the door behind him.

            “You know what I’m going to say?” she asked, her voice mild and utterly deceptive.

            “I have an idea.”

            “Good. Sit down, Cullen.”

            He didn’t slink to the chair but it felt like it. He was barely settled before she came to the other side of the table and slammed her hands down onto the top of it.

            “Are you out of your Korth damned mind?” she demanded. “How could you do that to her? How could you let her walk into that blind?”

            Cullen didn’t say anything, knowing it would only make it worse.

            Mia shook her head sharply, blowing out a harsh breath. “It wasn’t my responsibility to tell her what you started for her. You were supposed to tell her before you even danced for her what they were. You were the one that truly wanted her at the dances, that was so upset about her not being at the first dance of the year. You should have told her about them if you wanted her at them. She didn’t know anything, Cullen!”

            He pursed his lips but she barely paused for a breath.

            “You offered to court her! Without telling her that that was a possibility! What if she had taken someone else’s hand? She wouldn’t have known what to expect or what was allowed! By the Lady, Cullen, do you know how badly that could have gone?”

            His heart lodged in his throat. She had taken his hand so he hadn’t thought about that at all. There were rules for the dances but Elora didn’t know them and if someone else had taken her last night, someone in the clan that didn’t actually want her, someone that might not have followed the rules….

            “You don’t know how lucky you are that she took your hand, but even still,” Mia continued. “Letting her take your hand, taking her over the night, Cullen, that was wrong of you.”

            “I know,” he said quietly, his stomach roiling.

            She stared at him before sighing deeply and sitting across from him. “You have the luck of the gods, Brother,” she said. “For all of this to work out the way it has.”

            Sitting there, his gut twisting and sweat on his skin at the thought of what might have been, he didn’t feel lucky at all. “Mia….”

            “You need to speak with Elora, Cullen. You need to tell her all of the things she can expect in the next two months.”

            “I will,” he promised. “I’m sorry that I put this on you, Mia. I know the dances are not an easy time for you.”

            He saw her hand go to a bone pendant around her neck and he felt worse at the expression that crossed her face. Reaching across the table, he took her free hand in his and wasn’t surprised when she squeezed him tightly. They sat in silence for a long moment, both lost in thought but Cullen knew Mia’s mind had gone back while his was looking forward.

            He had known he was lucky that Elora had taken his hand but he hadn’t realised how lucky he truly was. Or rather not so much that she had taken his hand because the atmosphere at the fires was so sexually charged that it was easy to get caught up in it. He was lucky that she had taken the cloak from him when she knew so little because Mia could have only told her so much. What if she broke the courtship off later because it was too much that she didn’t understand?

            A wheeze left him and it was his turn to squeeze Mia’s hand. Korth, no. He didn’t want to think about that but it was a possibility and he would have to accept her decision. “Mia, am I setting myself up for disaster with this?” he asked lowly.

            “What do you mean?”

            “Elora wasn’t born Avvar, our ways aren’t what she’s used to and this…this is forever.”

            Her mouth flattened. “I’ll be honest with you, Brother. She cried when she learned what this courtship means.”

            His heart sank and he closed his eyes.

            “Cullen, listen to me. I don’t think it’s the thought of being eternally bound that made her cry. I think she was merely overwhelmed at the thought of it all. She has been shut away for so long the very thought of all of this isn’t something she allowed herself. To suddenly have it all put in front of her without her even knowing it was happening?”

            “Should I rescind my offer?” he asked lowly.

            “Don’t you dare!” Mia flared, smacking his arm. “Elora wants you, Brother, and you want her. This is what the gods have set before the two of you and you will see it through!”

            “It may be too soon.”

            “No. Neither of you are going to have it in you to go through this again if you stop it now, Cullen. This isn’t the way that it was supposed to happen.” Mia stopped and stared hard at the table. “Or perhaps it is. I’m no augur but surely this wouldn’t have happened if the gods hadn’t wanted it to be this way. Hawke would know.”

            But she wasn’t here. “I doubt this is what Hawke saw when she said that Elora was a guest of our gods.”

            “You don’t know that, Cullen. The gods speak to her in ways we will never understand. She could have very well known exactly what she was setting you on the path of. And she has spoken of Elora before.”

            He knew that. He was still blown away by the fact that ten years ago, the gods had told him of Elora’s coming. It hadn’t mattered that Hawke hadn’t remembered what she’d said or if she had she’d never told him more. The gods had let him wait, only giving him that tiny sliver of information and the even smaller hope of what was to come.

            Mia gave his hand a gentle pat. “Go talk to her, Brother, and sort this all out. You’ll feel better when you do and I think you need to see Elora now.”

            His heart lurched again. “Why? Is something wrong?”

            She laughed and shook her head. “No, seeing her will ease your mind. Being near her is good for you, Brother.”

            “Oh,” he muttered, feeling foolish but he didn’t stand immediately. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

            The smile on her face turned sad. “I’ll never be truly alright, Cullen, but at least I have Leo. At least the gods let me have him.”

            Cullen didn’t feel right leaving her like this but he knew she would want to be alone and she was right. He did need to see Elora. He gave her one more squeeze before he stood and started toward the door.

            “Oh, Cullen, remember to keep an eye on Svana.”

            He stopped and twisted to look at Mia. “What do you mean?” he asked warily.

            “Elora didn’t tell you?”

            “No,” he said slowly.

            Mia rolled her eyes, throwing her hands up. “You two need to learn to talk to one another. You can’t spend the whole of your marriage wrapped up in the furs of your bed!”

            His cheeks heated and he coughed. “We won’t.”

            The look she gave him had him flushing all the more. “I think you’re lying to me. I saw the marks you left on her skin,” she muttered. “But ask Elora about what happened in the baths because this isn’t my job. She did well but still ask her.”

            “Aye, I will,” he promised. “May I leave now?”

            This time her look was all their mother and he darted out the door before she could say anything else. Her thought he heard her make an irritated noise from the other side of the door but he didn’t stick around to confirm it. His strides were long to get away from the house before he slowed once he had rounded enough corners to be out of sight. As he did, his thoughts began to weigh on him.

            His feet grew heavy as he walked toward his home, Mia’s words ringing in his ears. He didn’t want to retract his offer of courtship, didn’t want to give her up in even the slightest way. But he would have to if that was what Elora wanted because he had done this wrong. He had waited for so long for this and when it had finally happened, he had ruined it before it had even begun.

            No. No, he hadn’t ruined it. He would speak with Elora, would clear any questions she had and set them back on the proper path. He would salvage this. He would. There was time to fix his errors and ensure that Elora knew all that she needed, that this was what they both wanted and were committed to.

            His pace quickened, everything in him wanting to be home. Mia was right. He needed to see her again, to speak with her, to touch her. They would surely work through this and nothing would change. She would still want him, she would still want to be with him. It took every ounce of control he possessed not to run at his door when he rounded the corner and his house came into view.

            Stepping into his home, he immediately looked for Elora and a chuckle of relief left him when he found her at the table. Still bundled up in her cloak. “You’re still wearing it?” he asked even though he was pleased. A slight bit of tension eased from him at the sight, taking it as a good sign.

            “I’m never taking it off,” she corrected, cuddling into the fur around her neck.

            That pleased him even more. “I’m glad you like it,” he said quietly, crossing the room to crouch in front of where she was sitting. “I’m glad you took it.”

            Her hands fell from where they’d been holding the cloak around herself to gently stroke his face. “Did you really think that I wouldn’t?”

            “I hadn’t prepared you for what was coming. I hadn’t prepared you for anything that happened, last night or today,” Cullen sighed. “The fact that you accepted me is a miracle.”

            “I don’t know if I’d go that far,” Elora said, rubbing his cheek with her thumb. “You had to know I was attracted to you so why wouldn’t I take your hand and dance with you?”

            “Aye, well, you still might not have.”

            She hummed for a moment, shaking her head. “Cullen, there was no way I wasn’t going to take your hand. Watching the others dance, being at the fire, seeing _you_ dance.” She stopped talking to lean forward and let her forehead bump against his. “I wanted you so badly,” she whispered. “I felt like I was on fire, like I was burning from the ache. I didn’t want anyone else. I don’t want anyone else.”

            A shaking breath left him. He knew what the Fire Dance felt like for him, had been told in a vague sense what to expect when the brew was in his belly and he was dancing for a partner before he had become a man in the eyes of the hold. He’d danced for others, taken them to his bed and danced the night through. But hearing those words from Elora made him realise he really hadn’t known anything about the dances. The ones he’d done before hadn’t been anything compared to what they’d had last night.

            Exactly as his father had told him would happen when he found the one he was supposed to dance for.

            Dark lashes lifted and those pale eyes stared at him. “I’ve never felt like this before,” she quietly admitted. “I don’t want to ever feel like this with anyone else. I don’t think I’d honestly be able to.”

            “Elora,” he breathed, his hands sliding into her hair and tilting her just enough for his mouth to fit to hers. She didn’t resist him, lips parting under his even as he traced them with his tongue and gently nipped at the plump lower one. She moved with him, taking his breath and the desire he felt and returning it with her own and the passion he could almost feel under her skin.

            The kiss left him nearly as winded as the dance had last night and he was breathing hard when he finally pulled away from her. He was glad to see that she looked as dazed as he felt.

            “Is it always going to be like this?” she whispered, licking her lips.

            He didn’t know. He hadn’t felt anything like this before, felt like he had been emotionally dead for so long and her arrival was opening his eyes to so many things. “Would it be bad if it was?”

            “No,” Elora said, drawing out the word, “but I don’t think we’re going to get much done outside of bed if it is.”

            Throwing his head back, he laughed richly. Apparently Mia was right again. That may well be a problem for them in the coming months, years. She was smiling gently when he looked back at her and he gave in, kissing her quickly again. “You are a treasure,” he murmured.

            “If you say so.” She bit her lip as he pulled away. “Now what?” she asked.

            He sighed deeply, pulled back to the reality of the situation. “Did Rosie or Mia tell you anything more about the dances now that you’ve accepted my courtship?” Korth, he had never thought that he would be able to say something like that and actually mean it. Even with Leo, he had felt the pressure to take a wife and everything in him had screamed at the wrongness of taking a wife simply to appease the clan, to simply marry to further his line.

            “Mia told me about the gifts and Rosie might have mentioned something about the other dances.”

            Cullen eyed her for a moment, taking in the blush on her cheeks. “What did she say?” he asked warily.

            “Uhm, she might have mentioned something about sex and…not having it?”

            Rubbing his neck, Cullen muttered, “That was all?”

            “She said a few other things but they were all rather quick and I wasn’t really paying attention,” she admitted, flushing further.

            “What were you thinking about?”

            Her eyes screwed shut and she shook her head but she didn’t need to say anything. If Rosalie had brought up the dances and sex, he was almost certain his Lowlander had been thinking about their dance away from the fires. Lady knew he’d been thinking about it every time he had a moment to himself and he would be thinking about it for a long time to come.

            “Well, she spoke the truth,” he said, catching her hands and ignoring her lack of answer for both of their sakes. They didn’t need to be getting distracted now. “At least between the first and second dances. It’s a little laxer between the last two but, aye, for the next month we’re expected to not have sex.”

            She cocked her head at him, looking confused. “Isn’t that going to be hard since we’re sleeping in the same bed?”

            “Aye, it will be,” he agreed. “But if we can both agree that this is what we want, that we’re both committed to this, we can surely last a month.”

            “Says the man who gave me the best night of sex of my life,” Elora muttered, looking away from him with a sigh.

            “The best?” he echoed, trying not to sound proud.

            “Yes,” she said quietly, “but, I suppose, with the promise of that kind of night for the rest of my life a month isn’t really that long.”

            He lifted her hands to kiss them gently. “Mia told me that the thought of it upset you,” he said quietly.

            “About the whole this is for the rest of our lives and can never be broken?”

            Cullen frowned up at her. He heard the waver in her voice and remembered the hesitation he had seen on her face before she had quickly hidden it outside of the bathhouse. Mia’s assurance didn’t feel so comforting now when he was in front of Elora and could see the turmoil in her eyes. “Elora,” he said firmly, “listen to me. If this isn’t what you want, if you have any reservations about this, tell me now. You aren’t obligated to agree to the courtship because we shared a dance, because you’re my guest, because of whatever reason you’re thinking of. I want you to accept me because this is what you want and not because you think it’s what you have to do. If we preform all of the dances, we will be joined for the rest of our lives, for the rest of eternity. This isn’t something I want you to have doubts about.”

            She wouldn’t quite look at him, her eyes darting to him then away. Her lower lip was between her teeth as she nibbled at it and he felt a cold finger of dread touch him.

            “I know I did this wrong, Elora,” he continued when she didn’t speak. “I know you went into this blind and I will bear whatever consequence that brings. You should have been told well before the dances what they were about, what you could expect, everything about them, just as all of our people are taught growing up.”

            “I’m not one of your people,” she said softly.

            The cold feeling spread. “Why would you say that?” he asked. “You are accepted by our gods, enough so that you have even gathered your own. I know that some of the clan haven’t been welcoming to you, but you want to be here, you want to live in the hold. You are making the effort to find a place for yourself here without changing who we are and you are accepted for that. You might not think you’re one of the clan now, but you are well on your way to being one. Even before we shared the dance, Elora, you were making this your home.”

            Her eyes closed again and he told himself not to panic. Had she only accepted the cloak to spare him the shame of her refusal? No. No that wasn’t right. She had been excited and happy when they had walked after he had put it on her shoulders. She had been excited and happy to see him just now, to kiss him with all the want he had tasted in her over the night. So why this change now?

            Getting a little closer so his chest was pressed to her knees, he breathed, “Talk to me, Elora? Please? Tell me what you think? Be honest. I will accept it.”

            He thought he was ready for anything, for any reason she could give him as why she didn’t actually want him for eternity. But the tears in her eyes unnerved him and he felt more scared than he had in a very long time. “We barely know each other,” she said in a small voice. “How can you be sure about this?”

            “You doubt me?” he said in surprise. “Elora, I have had over ten years of dances that I could have offered myself to another. I’ve had over ten years when I could have undone knots for a woman to continue my line and do nothing more. But I’ve waited because I wanted more. I wanted what my parents had even though I was so sure that I would never have it.”

            “But why me?” she stressed. “Is it because of this?”

            He barely looked at the hand she tugged away from him, her marked palm waving through the air, and even then it was only to catch it again. “No. This brought you to me but it was _you_ that made up my mind. It was spending time with you, learning of you, that made me choose you.” His eyes darted over her face, trying to figure out what he needed to say to make her believe him. “May I tell you what my father told me of the dances?”

            Her shoulders lifted in a small shrug even as she nodded.

            “He told me that there are two types of dances that are done when the large moon is dark and Rilla’s flames are the only light we have to guide us. The one that most perform is the one about desire and passion, about a release of the fire that burns within us. You choose a partner usually before you even get to the fires and you dance for them, but it is brief and lasts only so long as the bonfires do. It isn’t without its own meaning but it is only a night and nothing more.”

            “And the other?” Elora asked softly.

            “The other you have no control over,” he breathed. “You look across the fires and its like you’ve never seen your partner before. In the light of the flames they’re different, perfect, new, everything you’ve ever wanted and there is nothing but them. Rilla guides you to them, guides your actions. You dance for them and you bare your soul. You give them everything because that’s what they are, your everything. There isn’t anything you wouldn’t do for them because they complete you and you dance for them the way the gods intended. You join with them at the fires because there isn’t anything else you can do.”

            She was staring at him, eyes huge and he saw a tear track down her cheek.

            Reaching up, he gently brushed it away, his hand lingering against her. “That is what my parents had. My father knew my mother before they danced at the fires and he knew that he wanted to dance for her. But until he saw her at the flames he didn’t know _how_ he was going to dance. I never truly believed him even though I wanted what they had. I’d been at so many dances and never felt that, never looked at a woman and known that this was where the dance was going. Until you walked into the firelight.”

            “Before or after I took off my shirt?”

            “Before,” he growled but he could see the tiny smile curling her mouth. “Rosalie brought you into the light and everything changed.”

            “But you waited so long to dance for me. It wasn’t until the others-”

            “I was scared. I was so scared you wouldn’t take my hand because you didn’t know about the dances, you didn’t know how I felt, and that was my fault. Elora,” he groaned, “I have wanted you for what feels like a lifetime but I have _never_ felt like this before and I was scared. I still am. This is as new to me as it is to you. I know in theory how this works but to have it, you, before me terrifies me.”

            “But you still want it. You still want…me?” The guarded hope in her voice hurt him almost as much as the fragile look in her eyes. Why hadn’t the gods brought her to him sooner? Why hadn’t she been born to the Avvar so he could have kept her from ever having to ask that?

            “Aye,” Cullen said fiercely, moving as close to her as he could. “Aye, Elora, because as scared as I am, I know that what lies before us, the happiness we can have together will outweigh my fears.”

            “What if you regret it later?”

            “I won’t. I won’t,” he repeated when she didn’t look sure. “I didn’t make a mistake dancing for you the way I did. You deserve no less than everything I have to offer you, Elora, if you want it. I know you aren’t Avvar and that this is new to you, but-” He stopped when she shook her head.

            “I keep doing this,” she whispered, her voice harsh. “I keep putting what I know against what happens here and I shouldn’t. The hold is nothing like the tower, but this is what I’ve always wanted.”

            “This?” Cullen asked gently.

            “A home,” she said tearfully. “A family.”

            He let go of her hands to cup her face. “We can have that,” he promised her. “We will have that. If that’s what you want with me.”

            She exhaled shakily and nodded. “I do. I want that. With you.” She sniffed before laughing weakly. “Look at me,” she muttered. “This was a happy day until I ruined it.”

            “You haven’t ruined anything, my Elora,” he soothed, pulling her down to gently bump their foreheads together. Rubbing his nose against hers, he smiled when she did. “You’re scared because this is new but we’ll get through it. Together.”

            “Together,” she agreed.

            Cullen held her there for a moment longer before he gently pulled away. “We were talking about our next month,” he said softly.

            She nodded. “A month isn’t that long.”

            He fought a smile. She didn’t sound convinced.

            “Why aren’t we supposed to have sex?”

            It was hard not to laugh at the put out note he heard in her voice. “Because sex leads to children, no matter how you try to prevent them, and courtship is easy to break in the first month. Some become too scared of the commitment and break it off. Some don’t take it seriously and break it off. But if you last to the second dance, then you are more likely to preform the third and you are, ah, rewarded.”

            She gave him an arch look. “Rewarded?” she repeated. “Going a month without sex deserves a reward.”

            “Given the night you had would you agree that we’re a lusty people?”

            He heard her teeth click together as her lips clamped shut even as her eyes widened. He waited while she stared, blinking quickly at him. “I haven’t seen the rest of your lusty people,” she finally said, “but _you_ certainly are.”

            He grinned at her. “The rest of the Avvar are no different.”

            “So are you saying that you’re not going to last the month?”

            It was going to be hard, especially with her lying beside him every night and knowing what pleasure he could have with her. “I’m going to try my best to,” Cullen said honestly.

            “What happens if we don’t?”

            “It’s frowned upon and if enough in the clan are offended, the courtship could be broken by the elders. It is rarely done though.”

            “Because people don’t break the rule or because not enough people are offended?” Elora asked in concern. “Because there might be enough people to be offended in this clan with those that don’t like me.”

            That didn’t like the both of them. “Well, they’d have to know that it was happening and even then, Elora, not all on the council are opposed to you. Many of the elders have already told me of their approval of our courtship.”

            “Really?”

            Picking up her marked hand, he kissed her palm. “Aye. From a basic view, you bring new blood into the clan to refresh our lines and they always approve of that. From a more personal view….” He sighed. “I have not been the best of Thanes the past years. I’ve done what I could but it wasn’t enough. Many of them hope that with our courtship and eventual marriage that it will bridge the last of the gap and we can move forward again.”

            Her fingers curled around his, squeezing gently. “I’m not sure how much I can help with that, but I can try,” she offered shyly.

            Korth’s teeth. Leo was right. He well and truly loved this woman.

            “Is there anything else I really need to know?”

            “Nothing so major that it can’t wait for a new day. Mia told you of the gifts and beyond that there isn’t much else between now and the next dance.”

            “Gifts. Cullen, I have nothing to give to you.”

            “You don’t have to give me anything.”

            Elora didn’t look pleased with that answer but she didn’t push the issue. “You had two,” she said suddenly. “Where did you get them?”

            He stared at her before looking over his shoulder at where his pelt hung from the wall. “Ah, you noticed.”

            “It was hard not to.”

            “I killed the both of them and earned the name Lionsbane after the second lay dead at my feet.”

            “Oh, that can’t be it,” she protested when he didn’t continue. “You said the augur told you to have the second made into this cloak. There has to be more to the entire story.”

            Of course there was. “So you want to know more of me, my Lowlander?” he teased.

            “Well, if I’m going to be stuck with you for the rest of eternity I should, shouldn’t I?”

            “Stuck?” Cullen sputtered. “Stuck?!”

            Elora laughed delightedly. “No, come back!” she wailed when he let go of her and stood up.

            “Stuck,” he muttered, shaking his head and walking away from her. “Bare my heart to a woman and offer myself in a way I never have to another and she says she’s _stuck_ with me.”

            He heard the soft sounds of her following him before her arms wound around him from behind. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

            He huffed, not relenting yet.

            Her fingers were tracing small patterns on his stomach through his shirt and he thought he felt her kiss his back. “I really didn’t,” she said softly. “This is what I want, Cullen. To be here with you and to know that you want me for the rest of your life? I’m not sure if I still believe that it’s happening.”

            Turning in her arms, he tipped her face up to him, his fingers threading into her hair. “You should believe it,” he murmured, leaning over her. “Because you’re stuck with me now.”

            She snorted but it was muffled as he kissed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to say this chapter shocked me. Mostly because I sat down at 9 pm on New Year's Eve and wrote the bulk of it in the next four hours. An odd time to be inspired but it worked out well enough! And is even kind of sticking so I'm hoping I can get back on the every two week schedule. If I can write enough, I might do every week again but I'll need a fairly large buffer before I can do that again.


	21. Chapter 21

 

            Gently running her fingers over Cullen’s chest, Elora watched the patterns she was tracing with a sleepy smile. She knew it had only been a week since their dance but it still seemed to surreal to wake up in his arms and know that it was different now. That everything was different now.

            She’d been approached by so many of the clan, several of them helping her finish up with the planting behind the house. They’d gossiped with her and told her little things that would help her with life in the hold. More than that, they’d told her stories about life in the hold, stories about Cullen when he’d been younger. She’d been invited for meals, for gathering foodstuffs from the nearby areas, for things she hadn’t even realised had happened in the hold. But by far the most memorable thing that had happened had been fishing.

            It had ended in shrieks, being completely soaked, and a confused Cullen that had found her beside a half full basket of fish she wasn’t sure what to do with. He’d told her something about how it was usually the one that caught them that did the cleaning but he’d do it for her. This time. She got the feeling it wasn’t going to be that way forever, although she wasn’t sure if she was going to be invited to fish again anytime soon.

            Cullen shifted beside her, a deep sigh leaving him.

            Glancing up at his face from where she was lying against his shoulder, she saw his eyes were open but still sleepy. “Good morning,” she murmured.

            He stretched as he inhaled, rubbing against her before he collapsed onto the bed. “Morning,” he said lazily.

            She felt his fingers curl around her hip and his arm tightened around her to pull her closer. A laugh left her as she wound up half sprawled on his chest. “Cullen!”

            He was smiling as she pushed herself up enough to see him. “What?” he asked, yawning again. “You weren’t close enough.”

            If she got any closer, they’d be breaking the rules. “Mm. Did you sleep well?”

            “Well enough,” he admitted.

            That bothered her but she knew there wasn’t anything she could really do. Since their dance, he hadn’t been sleeping well at all. He’d been waking constantly and waking her when he left the bed. She’d gotten up with him the first night, concerned, but he’d kissed her and shooed her back to bed.

            _“They’re just bad dreams, Elora. They’ll pass soon enough.”_

            “Don’t worry about it, Elora,” Cullen said softly.

            “It’s hard not to.”

            He rubbed her back slowly. “They happen. They’ll pass soon enough.”

            She gave him a look, not sure she believed him. She’d seen the sweat on his skin that first night and felt it when he’d come back to bed with her. She might not have gotten up with him each time, but she didn’t fall back asleep until he got back into bed.

            “They will,” he insisted.

            “Mm,” she said softly. There really wasn’t much she could do about it but that didn’t make her feel better.

            His smile grew a little and his hand slid up to bury in her hair. “Look at you,” he murmured. “So fierce to protect me from a few bad dreams.”

            Elora huffed softly. “I don’t like that you’re hurting,” she said honestly. “I want to help and I can’t.”

            “It’s enough that you want to,” he assured her. “It’s enough to know that you care.”

            She leaned down to kiss him. “Of course I care,” she breathed. “How could you think that I don’t care?”

            “I haven’t had anyone in my life that I’ve wanted like this,” Cullen said softly. “Let me revel in the wonder of it for now, Elora.”

            She kissed him again. “Sweet talker.”

            He snorted. “I am not. I’ve had enough relations with other clans come to near fights because I am anything but.”

            “But you do have allies?”

            “Oh, aye. There are some clans that we will always stand beside and they with us.” Cullen paused, his mouth flattening. “Actually, I’m glad you brought that up.”

            “Why?” she asked in confusion.

            “I’d hoped to wait to tell you about this,” he sighed. “You have so much to think of already, but there’s no point in keeping you in the dark about it. Even though you closed the major tear in the flesh of the Lady, there are still minor ones across the mountains. Despite our best efforts, word has spread of what you can do and other holds are…demanding our, _your_ , help.”

            Elora blinked. “They are?”

            “Aye, they have been for some time,” he admitted. “But I…I didn’t approve of the messages so I refused them.”

            “But people could be dying!” she protested, staring at him in shock.

            “Aye, aye, I know,” Cullen groaned, covering his face with his free hand. “I know but your place here was so unstable and there were some that just wanted to send you to the other clans like a….”

            She stared at him. Even though she couldn’t see his eyes, she had a good idea what he was going to say. “Have you changed your mind then?” she asked gently.

            His fingers spread and he peeked at her. “I’m considering it. As much as I want to keep you here, I have to admit that you’re as safe here as you would be in another hold.”

            “I won’t be going alone will I?”

            “Korth, no!” he said sharply, moving his hand. “Never!”

            Well, that was good. “Would you be coming with me?”

            “If not me than Branson,” he murmured, “but I would prefer it to be me because I don’t want you out of my sight. I trust Bran but…I would feel better if I was at your side.”

            So would she. “The clan isn’t going to agree with letting you go though, are they?”

            “There are some that will fight it but not as much as I would expect and that’s what worries me. If I go with you, will I return to find my hold completely torn apart because those against me tried to seize it while I was gone? Will I find my family killed while I was gone? But if I send Branson with you, I’m inviting them to try to attack you once you’re out of my protection.”

            Maker, this wasn’t an easy decision. “What are we going to do?”

            “If you could go to some of the holds, would you? This is as much your choice as it is mine. You’re not a thing, Elora. You are the only one that can close the tears and it is your choice whether you’ll help the others. Don’t think about what will happen here,” he said when she looked away. “Don’t think about that.”

            “How can I not, Cullen? Your family is going to be mine. Your people are mine. How can I not think about their wellbeing too?”

            He couldn’t hide the pride and happiness on his face at that. “Aye, they are,” he agreed, “but for now, try not to. What would you want to do?”

            “I want to help,” she said honestly, “but not at the cost of this clan. What’s the point in saving other clans if we can’t even save the hold that we live in?”

            “If I can figure out a plan to keep everyone safe, you would agree to it?”

            “Yes.”

            Cullen smiled. “Good. That is good,” he sighed. “I’ll speak with some of the elders when I have the chance. We’ll figure out a way to do this.”

            She certainly hoped so. She didn’t want to lose her home after just finding it. She didn’t want to lose any of the people she cared about and that went beyond Cullen’s family. “Alright.”

            “I didn’t mean to spoil your morning,” he apologized.

            “You haven’t. It’s just…more to think about.”

            A short laugh left him. “Aye, I know that feeling.”

            “Speaking of, don’t you have Thane things to do?”

            “Trying to get rid of me already?” he teased.

            “Hardly,” she murmured, rolling fully onto him. “I’d much rather keep you here all day, Thane.”

            “Aye, I’d like to be kept.” The words were low and came out in a steady rumble that sent heat rushing through her.

            “Can I keep you for a bit?” she whispered, shifting onto her knees and catching his arms.

            He didn’t resist her as she pinned his hands above his head, his scarred eyebrow lifting. “You can keep me for longer than a bit, Lowlander. I have no plans for my morning that take me further than the fire.”

            Delight filled her. “Really?”

            “Truly,” he agreed.

            “Well, we shouldn’t let the morning go to waste, should we?” Elora breathed, leaning over him.

            He sighed against her mouth as she kissed him, lifting his head to meet her. It didn’t matter that she was on top of him, he was in control of the kiss as lips and tongue moved against hers. She pressed down on his stomach, trying to quell the ache that was starting to grow inside her. It didn’t work as he shifted, digging his heels into the bedding to push up.

            “Cullen,” she whispered, “we should stop.”

            “Mm, only if you want,” he murmured.

            If they didn’t stop, they were likely to go further and not be able to stop. Elora chewed on her lip as something occurred to you. “Cullen?”

            “Mm?”

            “You said that we’re not supposed to have sex because it makes babies and courtships can be broken.”

            “Aye?”

            Swallowing, she glanced away from him for a moment. Was she really going to suggest this? “Is it just the actual sex proper that isn’t supposed to happen or is it…all of it?” The last came out in a rush and she knew she was blushing. Which didn’t make sense to her. He had spent an entire night making love to her, had stripped her bare and made her feel more wanted than she had in her life. Why was this so embarrassing to talk about?

            “All of…Elora,” he groaned. “Are you suggesting that we bend the rules?”

            “No!” she said quickly, looking back at him. “I want to know if they cover all of it.”

            He stared up at her, eyes darting over her face before she heard him swallow. “I’ve never courted anyone so I couldn’t say,” he said slowly. “I think most avoid all of it because one thing…generally leads to another.”

            “Right,” she said, nodding and letting him go. “Right.”

            “Elora?” he asked when she climbed off of him and kept going to the edge of the bed.

            “Forget I asked,” she said as she stood up. Why had she even asked? Did she really think that she would have the kind of control that would require her to _stop_ if they started anything? Given the kind of sex and pleasure they had shared, was she really sure that she could keep herself from wanting more?

            Maker, she hadn’t even had the control to keep herself in check when he had told her that he had something important to talk to her about.

            A startled scream left her when she was suddenly hauled back onto the bed. The world spun around her before she landed with her back on the bedding and Cullen propped up beside her. “Uhm, Cullen?” she asked warily as he covered her with the blankets again.

            He gently brushed her hair away from her face and leaned over to kiss her brow. “You don’t have to run away like that,” he murmured. “I said I didn’t want to move far this morning and you were going to go further than I wanted.”

            “Should we really stay in bed?”

            His head tipped to the side. “I would like to.”

            She squirmed nervously. Where had this suddenly come from? She had been good the past few days so why did she suddenly want this now?

            His low chuckle brought her out of her thoughts and she stared up at him. “Look at you,” he breathed, “so worried about this.”

            “I don’t want to mess up,” she whispered. “I don’t want to ruin this.”

            “You won’t,” Cullen soothed, lowering himself enough to press his forehead to hers. “We won’t.”

            “How are you holding up so well, we’re a lusty people?” she asked tartly.

            He coughed suddenly and looked away from her, but she could see the flush on his cheeks. “Ah.”

            “Cullen?”

            He said a few sharp words in his language before blowing out a breath. “The same way I held up when you didn’t make the first dance,” he muttered.

            She blinked up at him. “Meaning…?”

            Golden eyes darted to hers and then away again. “Meaning I handle it,” he mumbled.

            Elora stared for a moment longer before she gasped. “Oh! Wait!” she said as the full meaning of what he had said dawned on her. “You mean you, before we danced, really?” The last word came out as a squeak.

            “Aye,” he groaned. “Elora, I wanted you. I still want you. A single night isn’t going to sate me.”

            She kept staring at him, unsure what to say to that. “I….”

            A silence fell over them that she wasn’t quite sure how to break. She wasn’t sure if he was embarrassed about admitting that or if perhaps he was suggesting something more. It didn’t help her at all that now that he had said it, she was thinking about it.

            Biting her lip, she wondered just where he was even doing that. Did he come back here? Did he find a quiet spot in the hold? What did he do? Did he take his time or did he do it quick? Did he think about her? How did he think about her?

            She felt flush as the questions kept piling up in her mind and shifted slightly, rubbing her thighs together a little. Maker, why had she even asked about that? Weren’t they supposed to be not thinking about sex and all of that to keep from breaking the rules? Because now that was all she was thinking about.

            “Elora,” Cullen said softly.

            Peeking shyly at him, she mumbled, “Yes?”

            He stared at her for a long moment but she could feel his chest expanding as he breathed steadily. He ran a hand along her cheek, continuing down her neck. His fingers traced along the opening of her sleep shirt, dipping into her collarbone. “Do you…want to?” he asked lowly.

            Blinking up at him, she was confused. “Do what?”

            “Whatever you want that isn’t sex.”

            “And what about you? Are you going to handle it again?”

            A long groan left him and his hips flexed, rubbing against her thigh. “I can,” he rasped. “I will if you don’t want to.”

            “I want to,” she whispered, “but I’m not really good at stopping.”

            “Alright,” he agreed, leaning over to kiss her gently.

            Elora stared up at him for a moment, wondering if he’d leave now to handle himself. Because he was most definitely hard against her thigh. She shifted a little away from him and was startled when he pulled back from her further. “Cullen?”

            “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I didn’t mean to-” He drew the word out in a long moan as she wrapped her hand around him.

            “You don’t have to apologize,” she breathed.

            He groaned again as she ran her hand along him. “Elora, you don’t…have…Korth!” he said sharply.

            “You don’t have to handle it on your own,” she murmured, kissing him quickly.

            A strained laugh left him. “I’m going to regret saying that,” he said lowly.

            She didn’t think so. “Do you want me to stop?”

            “Don’t you dare,” he growled.

            It was her turn to laugh and she gently pushed on his chest. “On your back, Thane.”

            He didn’t resist her, flopping over and watching her as she rolled onto her side beside him. His eyes closed as she kept stroking him and he shoved the blankets down off of them both. “Don’t stop,” he mumbled.

            She hadn’t been planning on it. Her strokes were lazy and slow and she didn’t miss the way he was squirming beside her. He wasn’t even being subtle about it. His heels were digging into the bed as he pushed into her hand, trying to get more from her. “You’re so impatient,” Elora said softly. “Do you always go fast?”  
            His head rolled slightly and his eyes slit open to look at her.

            “Don’t you want to savour it?” she asked, leaning down to kiss his chest.

            “No time,” he growled.

            “Mm, but didn’t you say that you don’t have plans for this morning?” Elora breathed.

            He whimpered. Her big, strong Thane actually whimpered. “I don’t think,” he started before swallowing.

            “Good because you’re not supposed to.”

            He shuddered beside her. “Elora,” he moaned, shaking his head.

            Her hand slowed. “What is it, Cullen?”

            He swallowed again, the flush on his skin not wholly from arousal now. “Don’t judge me,” he said slowly, “but I’m not…I won’t last if you tease me like that.”

            She kissed him again to try to hide her smile. “Do you think that bothers me?” she asked, rubbing her thumb against the crown of him. “Do you think that I don’t like the idea of you being desperate for me?”

            Cullen was licking his lips as she lifted her head again. “Do you?”

            “Yes,” she whispered, sliding her hand down him. “And, Cullen, I know exactly how long you can last.”

            He groaned, his head pushing into the pillows as he arched his back. “Took the brew,” he muttered.

            He’d told her about that. The drink that the men had on the night of the Fire Dance that let them have sex so frequently through the night. “I doubt it was all the brew,” she murmured.

            “No!” he said sharply when her hand left him. “Elora!”

            “Shh,” she soothed.

            His brows drew together before a soft hiss left him as she licked her hand before returning it to him. “Lady have mercy on me,” he gasped as her slick palm slid along him.

            She smiled, pleased at the desperate note in his voice. “It won’t be that bad,” she murmured. “Surely it won’t be that bad.”

            He was panting softly, sweat already on his skin.

            “Have you been thinking about this?” she asked, twisting her hand around the head.

            “Uh, aye,” he groaned.

            She chewed on her lip, really pleased at that. “How much?”

            “Skít, you can’t…Mm, that, Elora,” he breathed. “ _That._ ”

            She’d never had anyone be this responsive to her before, not when she’d only used her hand. They’d usually urged her on to use her mouth but Cullen seemed like he was content with what she was doing. Hooking one leg over his, she shifted a little closer to him, trying not to rub against him. It was hard as he kept moving, his leg shifting between hers.

            Her gaze wandered down his body. Her eyes lingered on the sharp swirls on his skin and she bit down on her lip. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea because she wanted to run her tongue along the marks then climb on top of him to ride him. She was so weak and she hadn’t even looked at where her hand was moving.

            Her hand slowed slightly as she looked at him but she quickly picked it back up when he whined softly. Watching her stroke him was not helping her own arousal because she didn’t want him in her hand, she wanted him inside her.

            “Damn it,” she muttered.

            “Elora?” he asked softly.

            She tried to shove her own desire down. She needed to focus. She’d been denied her own pleasure before but this time she was doing it because she wanted to, not because she had to. She could do this for Cullen.

            She wasn’t ready for him to turn slightly toward her, burying his face in her neck. A shiver wound through her as he started kissing her, mumbling into her skin. The words were broken but even then she barely understood him. He’d slipped into his language, only a few words of Common leaving him now.

            A shaking sigh left her as they rumbled over and through her. Some were soft and pleading, their meaning clear. Others were rapid, the sounds falling over one another as they tumbled from him. They became muffled when his mouth closed on her neck and she yelped as he bit her. He groaned as her hand tightened on him.

            “Cullen,” she whispered as he turned to sucking. “Don’t. You’ll leave a mark!” Another one on top of the ones he had already given her.

            He didn’t stop immediately and even when he did, his breath was near scalding on her skin. He muttered a long word that ended in a groan.

            “What?” she whispered.

            “Please,” he groaned, twisting against her.

            The shiver that wound through her this time was heady and a wicked part of her wanted to hold off, to tease him for longer. But this wasn’t the time for it.

            A low grunt left Cullen, his mouth pressing to her again as he stiffened against her. Another string of words that were sharper than all the others, his hips leaving the mattress.

            Elora didn’t stop as he climaxed, moving her hand to stroke along him. The arm she’d been laying on shifted and his hand landed heavily on her ass, making her jump slightly. He squeezed her while his teeth raked against her neck, a long moan rumbling out of him.

            His other hand moved to latch onto her forearm, stilling her. He was gasping against her, his fingers flexing on her slowly. She gently rubbed her cheek against him and felt him tremble on the bed.

            “Elora,” he murmured, his voice strained. “My Elora. Oh, my Elora.”

            She smiled softly as he slumped back onto the bed. “Sated, my Thane?” she breathed.

            A low laugh slipped out of him. “For the moment, perhaps,” he sighed.

            His hand was still on her ass, slowly kneading at him. “Would you like me to get a cloth?” she asked.

            “I’d like you to stay where you are,” he corrected. “We can share a bath later if you want.”

            “That wouldn’t be a good idea,” Elora laughed. “We’re having problems enough just being in bed and I’m not even naked!”

            “You’re nearly naked,” Cullen murmured. “It wouldn’t be that hard to get you fully there.”

            “It wouldn’t be that hard to get _you_ fully there,” she threw back at him.

            His laugh was richer this time. “Aye, it isn’t. Come here.”

            She gasped softly as he pulled her closer to him, pulling her up on the bed. “Brute,” she whispered.

            A wicked spark lit up his eyes. “Brute?” he repeated.

            Her startled shriek rang out as he hauled her onto him and pulled her further up. “Cullen!” she protested.

            “Sit up, my Lowlander,” he murmured. “Sit up for me and come here.”

            She flushed as she realised what he wanted. “Oh, no, I don’t think-”

            “Good because you’re not supposed to.”

            She stared at him as he threw her words back at him. She was currently straddling his chest but she knew that wasn’t enough for him. “Are you sure?” she squeaked.

            “More than sure,” he breathed, sliding his arms under her knees to pull her forward further.

            Scooting further up, she blushed furiously as she straddled his head.

            “Move the pillow, my Lowlander.”

            She was trembling as she did, tossing it aside. “Cullen….”

            “I know I said that we’re a lusty people,” he rumbled, “but you’re putting me to shame.”

            “Don’t say that!”

            “You are though and that’s nothing to be ashamed of.” He seemed to pause. “Were you shamed for it?”

            “Yes,” she whispered and she didn’t like thinking about it. After her first few sexual experiences, she’d realised that she had liked sex, even if that had been a dangerous thing to like in the Tower.

            Cullen kissed her thigh, his lips lingering. “Say the word and I’ll stop.”

            She braced her hands on the wall behind the bed and looked down at him. She could just see his eyes above the hem of her sleep shirt. He was looking up at her, his hands gentle on her thighs. She shook her head. “No, don’t stop,” she whispered. “I just haven’t…like this, I mean.”

            “There’s a first time for everything,” he rumbled.

            She started to say something but it came out garbled as he lifted his head to press his mouth to her sex. Her head fell back as he didn’t waste his time, his tongue slipping through wet folds. A pleased moan left her as he lapped at her and she gently rubbed herself against his face. “Oh,” she said slowly, dragging out the word as he made a noise against her.

            His hands were still on her thighs, rubbing small circles on her skin. She wanted them everywhere on her. She never wanted to leave this bed.

            Squirming on top of him, she suddenly didn’t like the way the rough fabric felt on her skin. She bit her lip as she reached down to grip the hem of her shirt. She promptly forgot what she was doing as Cullen sucked on her, his lips gently tugging on wet flesh. Her back arched as he hummed again, pushing herself against him with a soft grunt. “Cullen,” she breathed.

            She jerked above him when he seemed to answer her and she knew he chuckled as she did. “You’re dripping,” he said lowly, his breath brushing over her.

            Elora bit her lip. She’d heard similar before but she’d only felt ashamed when they’d been said, feeling like she hadn’t been able to control herself. But hearing him say it…hearing the pleasure and pride in his voice as he said them…? “For you,” she whispered, shaking from a little more than passion.

            “Aye,” Cullen growled lowly, his hands pulling her slightly even though she didn’t think she could get any closer to him. “This is for me.”

            She couldn’t smother her cry as he closed the scant distance between them. He was sucking on her without abandon, the wet sounds of it filling her ears. Her hands jerked at her shirt before she quickly tossed it off of her. She didn’t care where it landed as her hands moved to cup her breasts. They felt heavy in her hands, aching for someone’s touch. She would have preferred his but as she brushed against her nipples she realised she didn’t care.

            Rocking slowly over him, Elora started humming herself. She felt so good. How could she have waited so long to feel this pleasure again? A week was too long to not have this. Whispering his name repeatedly, she was only vaguely aware of him moving under her as his tongue drew circles around her clit. She pouted faintly when one of his hands left her and she looked down at him.

            His eyes were closed, his brows drawn tight. A random thought had her glancing behind her and her mouth fell open. His hand was fisted around his cock and he was stroking it quickly. He’d gotten aroused…because of what he was doing for her? Even after he’d already…?

            Her head fell back on a long moan and she shivered above him. Maker, if this was what her life was going to be like she would never complain about it.

            Cullen growled against her when she cried out again and shook above him. His hand shot back to her thigh when she tried to lift away from him, holding her right there while she climaxed. Her hands fell to grip his hair, nails scratching and surely pulling but he didn’t stop. Tongue and lips pulled every ounce of pleasure he could from her and he didn’t seem to care that she was pushing on him.

            “Oh, stop,” she gasped. “Oh, Cullen, please!”

            His tongue flicked over her clit as if in parting before his grip loosened on her enough that she could lift away from him. He chuckled softly when her hands smacked into the wall as she sagged forward into it. “Elora, that can’t be comfortable,” he murmured.

            “Mm,” she mumbled, feeling everything in her go limp.

            She barely moved as he slid out from under her, his chuckles still rumbling over her skin.

            “Come, my Lowlander,” Cullen breathed, his hands gentle on her as he shifted her away from the wall.

            “Already did,” she sighed.

            His laugh was sharper this time and he kissed her temple. “Aye, you did.”

            She lazily looked at him as he moved her to stretch out on the bed. “You…? You going to _handle_ it again?” she mumbled, not sure she really wanted to talk right now.

            He stretched out beside her, propping himself up on one arm beside her. She thought she felt him brushing her thigh again but he didn’t seem concerned about it. “I prefer when you handle me,” he said lowly.

            She couldn’t even muster the will to blush. Elora simply smiled at him, panting softly. Her head was swimming and she thought she was making noises. No, she was definitely making them and they sounded so happy to her. Cullen looked pleased with himself as he stayed beside her. She was certainly pleased with him.

            “What’s that for?” he asked when a burbling laugh left her.

            The words hovered on her tongue suddenly, begging her to say them. She knew they weren’t a flight of fancy or something passing. “I-”

            The door to his home banged open, making her jump and nearly bite her tongue. “Brother? Elora?”

            “Mia,” Cullen growled, swivelling slightly to look into the rest of the house. Or he tried to. He’d drawn the fur across last night so at least they had some privacy.

            “Are you still abed? The sun is already in the Lady’s skies! What are you two doing?”

            “Don’t you ever knock?” Cullen demanded sharply.

            “I’ve never had to before,” Mia said mildly.

            “And things have changed,” he growled. “You should start knocking.”

            It didn’t matter that he was irritated with his sister, the low gravel in his voice made Elora’s toes curl into the furs. She would tell him later. There would be time for it later. She lifted her head off the pillow as he leaned over her, his body still so warm against her. “Cullen?” she mumbled.

            “Let me see what she wants,” he said, kissing her cheek. “Stay here.”

            “What if she wants you to leave?”

            “This morning is ours, Elora. She can wait.”

            “What happened to not spending all of our time in bed?” Mia called.

            “One morning,” Cullen muttered. “I can’t even have one morning?”

            Her hand moved sluggishly, but Elora cupped the side of his face, her thumb rubbing against the scar along his cheekbone. She watched as some of the frustration melted from his expression and she murmured, “See what she wants and then send her off. This is ours.”


	22. Chapter 22

 

            Rubbing his hands over his face, Cullen felt far more tired than he should have. Life in the hold hadn’t become any more complicated than it normally was come spring but this year felt different. He made a face. Of course it was different. There wasn’t anything this year that had ever happened before. The rifts in the sky, the pleas from the other holds, the Lowlander.

            His hand fell to his mouth, slowly rubbing as he tried not to smile. His Lowlander. Lady, he had never expected to be so lucky to have someone like Elora in his life. It had been two weeks since they had danced and he’d never been happier. They’d managed to continually steal time for themselves as the days had passed and they had started a horrible game with one another. She had started it with that ‘all of it’ comment and now they were seeing how far they could go without giving in to actually having sex.

            He clenched his teeth as a flash of desire rocked through him. His Lowlander had woken him wickedly this morning, just as she had for the past week when she woke first. He’d come awake to the feeling of her mouth moving along his cock, already so close to release. Which he had done shortly after. She’d looked incredibly smug as she had crawled up to lay on top of him, her chin in her hand as she had watched him.

            _“I don’t think I’m ever going to get tired of that, my Thane.”_

            “Thane?”

            Cullen jerked and looked at the elder that was speaking to him. “What?”

            The older woman frowned in concern. “You groaned,” she said quietly, her voice low to keep the conversation between them. “Elora has mentioned that you haven’t been sleeping well. I know you didn’t come down with the chills this season so what troubles you?”

            He coughed. He was not going to tell her why he’d apparently moaned. He had already caught the sly looks that had been thrown at him and Elora as they’d gone through the hold but he wasn’t surprised by it. Elora seemed to practically float through the hold with her happiness and he didn’t think he was any better.

            “Cullen,” she murmured, a weathered hand resting on his arm. “I have known you since you were a wee cub at your mother’s breast. Something is bothering you.”

            His gaze flicked out to the rest of the council and he saw that they were still squabbling over the earlier discussion. “Nightmares,” he admitted. “They started after the dance.”

            Her dark eyes grew further concerned. “You still have them from that night?”

            “Katla, I will never forget that night for the rest of my life.”

            “And no one expects you to, Cullen,” she said softly. “It was a horrible night.”

            Cullen sighed deeply. “They’ll pass soon enough. They always do.”

            “Aye, I have no doubt and it makes sense that you’d have them now. No matter how happy you are with your Lowlander, your past will always be there.” She sighed harshly. “If Hawke was here, you could speak with her about them, find some meaning in them.”

            “I know. She needs to come home,” Cullen growled. “She’s been gone for too long.”

            “If we’re lucky, she’ll return soon. I don’t think our people can survive for much longer without her,” she muttered.

            “I can’t do anything about it,” he complained. “I don’t know where she even is. We haven’t had contact with any of the people in the North for generations. Why she would think that they would have any knowledge of what’s happening here is beyond me.”

            Katla hummed softly. “The gods speak to her in a way that we don’t understand. While I don’t approve of an augur leaving, I know that I can’t understand everything that she knows or does.”

            “We still need her to come back. Not go wandering into the Wilds because of a vision she barely understood.”

            “Thane,” Katla said quietly.

            He waved it off. He didn’t need anyone else knowing what he did about Hawke’s vision. He knew that she’d been uneasy about it and unsure what it actually meant. To him, it was simply wolves in the fog. It didn’t matter what direction they were going. They were just wolves and had no value to this hold. Why Olivia thought it was more than that he didn’t know and he didn’t really want to. He wanted his damn augur to come back.

            Sighing again, Cullen looked at the arguing elders. “If you’re done with the carrots,” he said shortly, “perhaps we can return to the requests from the other holds.”

            It earned him slightly dirty looks but they quickly faded as he didn’t look away from them.

            “What is there to discuss? They want our help and you said no.”

            “If you’d been paying attention, you’d know that with recent events I’ve since changed my mind. Elora is open to the idea of going to the holds to help the other clans.”

            “I’ll bet she’s open,” a voice muttered.

            Cullen’s eyes narrowed in the direction it had come from. “If you’ve a problem with the woman I’ve chosen to court, speak now,” he said flatly, “or meet me in the arena.”

            The only sound that filled the room was the nervous shifting of a few.

            “Who our thane courts is of no matter right now,” Katla said. “What you all seem to be forgetting is that Elora is still a guest of our gods. Cullen courting her or not, that fact has not changed. You court their wrath when you speak ill of her and, unless you all have forgotten, shall I remind you of how we suffered the last time our gods were mad at us?”

            “We didn’t do anything!” someone protested.

            “Didn’t we, Petra? Our augur was murdered on a night where no violence was supposed to take place and we didn’t stop it. If you think that they’ve forgotten our ineptitude to save her, you’re wrong. If you think that they’ve forgiven us for her death, you are wrong. If you want to continue to provoke them, do it outside of the hold.”

            “You’re telling us to leave if we don’t support the Lowlander?” Petra demanded.  
            “I’m telling you that you take your life into your own hands when you go against the gods. Even without our augur here, they will still act on their own.” Katla paused for a moment. “They may even be more prone to act without the Hawke here to restrain them.”

            “It isn’t _our_ fault she left.”

            “Enough!” Cullen said sharply, pushing out of his chair to level looks at everyone in the room. “Our allies are in danger and are demanding our help. I refuse to send Elora alone without a full escort of hunters and warriors and I will not be budged on this. I’ve planned to send word to those closely allied to us and others that are nearby. If any of you have suggestions for a safe route to take through the holds, it would be appreciated if you spoke now before we offer our help.”

            He wasn’t surprised when no one volunteered anything. The council was as split as the hold and no one seemed willing to come right out to say who they actually supported.

            “Do you have a time that you wanted to send the Lowlander?”

            Cullen swiveled slightly to see the speaker. “As the third new moon is only two weeks away, Salka, I am suggesting sending her after the next dance to travel between as many of the holds as she can before she returns for the final new moon.”

            “I think the safety of the other holds outweighs your need to dance,” someone muttered just loud enough to be heard.

            Lady give him the patience to deal with these stubborn mules. If it had been anyone else, they wouldn’t have even mentioned anything like that. Courting through the dances was serious and to suggest that he put it off was insulting beyond anything he could think of. “You can think whatever the fuck you want,” he growled, “but I’m still Thane and the choice is hers.”

            “So our people are suddenly at the mercy of the whims of a Lowlander who’s been seduced by your cock?”

            Cullen was looking at the speaker as the words left him and he refused to move his gaze. “Our people?” he said lowly. “Is that a change of tune from the man who never wanted the alliance with Griffon-Wing Hold in the first place? Or who said that we don’t need the help from any hold to support ourselves? That we need no allies?”

            An angry flush settled on the elder’s cheeks. “I didn’t mean-”

            “We don’t speak in riddles here,” he said flatly. “Our people live within the walls of Sky-Bear Hold and Elora helped us when there was little to nothing in it for her. If she is willing to help the others, you should count yourself lucky as it reduces the risk of us being attacked in the night and you finding yourself with your throat slit because you think a clever tongue will save you.”

            A tense silence fell over them as Cullen refused to back down from the elder.

            “If you’ve already decided this, why are we even here?” Petra asked.

            Because he had hoped that they would have suggestions for the safekeeping of the hold while Elora was gone. Because he had thought to tell them that he was thinking of joining her. Because he had hoped that the elders wouldn’t be so childish as to start petty fights in the council hall. “Wasting our time it would seem,” he growled.

            That got him looks but he was almost beyond caring. This constantly chasing their tails when they were supposed to be above this, when they were supposed to have been beyond this was grating. He was starting to think his father should have gutted the council when he had become Thane to give them a fresher start because there was too much bad blood here.

            He wasn’t sure if he meant that literally or not.

            He didn’t sit down as he watched the elders start to filter out, taking note of those who hurried to get away and the looks they threw him as they left. He also noticed how many didn’t move from their seats. “I’m not keeping you here,” he said quietly, sitting back down.

            “You need to do something about them, Cullen,” Moira said lowly. “They’re pushing too much. They see you taking Elora as your courted wife as a taint on the hold, no matter her blessing from the gods. We have only started growing as a hold again. We can’t have them stop us now.”

            “Short of throwing them off the mountain, I don’t know if there’s anything I can do about them, Skald,” he muttered. “Not without tearing this clan apart again.”

            “Perhaps that’s what we need,” Katla said quietly. “I am no augur but one doesn’t need the guidance of the gods to see that the wounds of ten years ago still fester in this clan. Your father taking the title Thane and bringing the Hawkes into our hold was a good start, but it was not the clean cut we needed to separate us from what we once were.”

            “Is that what we’re doing? Stepping away from everything that we’ve ever been?”  
            “No, Lionsbane,” Salka said. “We can still be what we were but more. Our hold has changed and those that can’t accept it are holding us back. We honour our traditions as we ever have, but there must be room to grow otherwise we will repeat old mistakes and kill ourselves in the process.”

            “Would you tell them that?” Cullen demanded, waving at the door.

            “I’m not sure there are enough hammers in the world to beat it into their heads.”

            Cullen chuckled and was glad to hear other laughter. But he knew that short of banishing the naysayers, there wasn’t anything he could do. For now. “Moira, you have a better way with words,” he said, looking at her. “Send word to our allies that we will be coming to aid them.”

            “Aye, I can do that,” she said with a nod. “Shouldn’t be hard since they’ve near turned to begging for help.”

He winced slightly. He had put this off for too long. Aye, he had wanted Elora to be settled and comfortable with the hold but his allies had asked for help and he had refused. He wasn’t being much of an ally. A sound at the door drew his attention and he saw a hunter waiting in the shadows of the doorway. Looking at him. “Is there anything else?” he asked quietly.

            Most shook their heads.

            “Go about your days then.”

            Cullen kept watching the hunter hanging near the entrance and stayed in his seat as the others began to leave. He waved Katla on when she started to stay, not surprised that she had seen the man. It would seem that age had done nothing to dim the old hunter’s senses. It didn’t take long for the hall to empty and he waited for him to approach. Whatever it was had to be important for him to come here while the council was meeting.

            “Thane,” Delrin said quietly, slowly crossing the room and looking around.

            His stomach soured at the action. He was clearly looking to make sure that the hall was actually empty. “What is it?”

            “I’m not one for idle chatter,” he said slowly, “but I still hear it and with what’s been going through the hold I thought you should know.”

            Cullen rubbed at his face. “I’m well aware of what they say about Elora and myself,” he sighed. “They’re allowed to think what they want but the Lowlander and I are-”

            “It isn’t about you and Elora.”

            Dropping his hand, he stared at Delrin again. “Who is it about then?”

            “Your brother and the Chasind mage, Bethany.”

            Cullen was well aware of his brother’s infatuation with the Chasind and he hadn’t discouraged it. Even if he had known that it might not be well received by some, he’d turned a blind eye to it. His father had once planned a union between Avvar and Chasind that hadn’t worked out; however, this could have been a way to fix that. He’d seen the way Bran had practically mooned after her, not being subtle about it at all but he hadn’t had the heart to tell him to rein it in. How could he when he hadn’t felt that kind of emotion before so he didn’t know what was going on with his brother? Not to mention the good he had thought it might do. “What about them?” he asked flatly.

            Delrin looked away for a moment before his shoulders slumped. “I’m not assuming anything, but I saw the pair of them the night after the dances, leaving the hold together before the sun rose.”

            “What?” Cullen demanded. “Did they dance after I left?” He knew they hadn’t. Bran wouldn’t have shut up about it if they had but he still had to ask.

            The hunter shook his head slowly. “No, Thane. Your brother left shortly after you did.”

            Staring at him, he tried to keep calm. They might not have done anything. There was no guarantee that they had done anything that would break Rilla’s laws. “I see.”

            “I don’t mean disrespect, Thane, and I don’t know if others saw them as they left, but considering what the others are saying about you I thought that you should know. In case any tried to use it against you.”

            This wasn’t what he needed now but he would deal with it. He had to talk to Bran. He had to sort through whatever had happened.

            “I know it isn’t news you want, Thane.”

            Cullen waved it off. “No, it isn’t but I still need to know. Who else have you told?”

            “Only you.”

            That was better news. “Thank you, Delrin.”

            He shook his head, muttering, “I don’t want thanks for this.”

            “Was there anything else?”

            Delrin shook his head again.

            “You can go.”

            The hunter’s head dipped slightly as he turned to leave.

            Cullen watched him before groaning and slumping in his seat. He stared at the roof of the hall for a long moment. The whorls in the wood offered no comfort or help for his problem, not that he expected them to. Korth’s teeth, he had never wanted to be Thane, hadn’t even wanted to be Master of the Hunt and he’d been so happy when Mia had been so adept at hunting that most had assumed she would follow in their father’s footsteps. And then that night, that damnable night that had ruined everything.

He didn’t linger long before heaving out of the chair. As much as he wanted to seek Bran out now and ask him what he had been thinking, he knew his brother was probably training or with others and he would just generate more gossip in hauling Bran away. But if he stayed anywhere else, someone was bound to notice his mood and he wasn’t keen to talk about it.

            Heading toward his home, he kept his head as much as he could while he walked. He returned greetings but he didn’t stop to join or start any conversations. He needed to be away from his own clan and figure out what he was going to do. He waited until he was inside his home, slumping back against the door, before he swore sharply.

            “Cullen?”

            His head lifted at Elora’s voice and he saw her coming out of their bedroom. “Elora, I didn’t realise you were here.”

            She gave him a smile. “I needed to change,” she said, waving a hand at the outfit she was wearing. “It’s a little easier to move around in pants even if I’m still not used to wearing them.”

            His gaze moved down to see leather trousers and a loose shirt. “That’s mine,” he chuckled, pushing away from the door to walk toward her.

            “I was pretty sure you weren’t going to protest,” she laughed.

            He wasn’t. Reaching up, he cupped her cheeks with his hands and told himself to forget about his anger for now. It didn’t have a place here with her and she would help him calm like nothing else.

            Elora laughed as he peppered her face with kisses, her fingers loosely wrapped around his wrists. “What is that for?” she murmured.

            “Because I wasn’t expecting you to be here,” he said softly, pressing his lips to the tip of her nose.

            “Meaning you missed me,” she teased lightly.

            He grumbled but they both knew she was right. Rubbing her cheeks with his thumbs, he leaned down a little further to rub his nose against hers.

            “I missed you too,” she murmured.

            Cullen smiled and titled his head just enough to press his mouth to hers. He’d meant to keep it light but she hummed softly and parted her lips for him. Remembering the wicked things she had done this morning with the mouth he was kissing, he let go of her face to trail his hands along her sides. She gasped against him when he wrapped his arms around her and lifted her off her feet. But he didn’t stop kissing her.

            Carrying her across the room, he set her on the edge of the table and growled his approval when her legs parted to let him get closer. He pulled away slightly from her, smiling when she tried to follow him. “You are amazing,” he breathed.

            Hooded eyes stared up at him. “Me? I think you need to look in a mirror, Thane.”

            “I’d rather look at you.”

            Elora laughed richly. “And you say you don’t have a silver tongue? I don’t believe you at all.”

            Her fingers were tracing lazy circles on his arms and she had hooked her heels behind his legs to keep him from moving away. “I simply speak the truth.”

            “Well, if you keep talking like that, I think we’re going to have to bend some rules again.”

            “Is that what you want now?” he asked, kneading at her hips. “How many rules were you looking to bend?”  
            “Maybe I just want to bend.”

            Cullen groaned, letting his forehead press to hers. “Don’t say that,” he breathed.

            “I thought you liked it.”

            He had more than liked taking her like that but…. “Now isn’t the time,” he said sadly. “You said that you’d invited the others for a meal?”

            “Yes and I’m regretting it now,” Elora muttered. “Is it the new moon yet?”

            Cullen laughed. “Not yet, my Lowlander, but soon. Two weeks isn’t that long.”

            She kissed him quickly, huffing. “Two weeks for another night of the best sex of my life?” she grumbled. “It can’t come soon enough, Cullen.”

            “That’s the second time you’ve said that. While I’m proud that that’s how you feel, I’m not sure how I feel about whoever you chose to share your bed with before.”

            Elora scoffed. “Bed. I never shared my bed with anyone. Sex in the tower is quick and honestly passionless. It’s about finishing fast and hoping that you don’t get caught. It’s about trying not to scream when some ass doesn’t know how to do anything more than shove a cock in you and roughly hump against you to get himself off.”

            “Elora,” he said lowly.

            She sighed deeply and leaned forward to let her cheek rest against his shoulder. “It’s being scared that someone is going to tell the Templars and you’ll be punished for it.”

            “Were you?” he asked, rubbing her hips as soothingly as he could.

            “No. I was one of the lucky few that the Templars mostly ignored.” She fell silent for a moment. “Mostly because the Orlesians figured no one would want to fuck someone like me.”

            He kissed her forehead, thinking about what she had said. They’d spent several mornings and some evenings speaking about their pasts. She’d slowly told him bits and pieces about her life before the Tower and some of what had happened while she’d been at it. He had known that she was coating it, leaving out most of the bad parts. He couldn’t say that he wasn’t doing the same in regards to his history but what he was learning made him angry. How the Lowlanders viewed their mages infuriated him and he wished she hadn’t been through that.

            He was pulled out of his thoughts when Elora pressed her lips to his neck. “Thankfully, I’ve found someone who likes to fuck me and he does it just roughly enough.”

            Cullen snorted. “I’d like to think I do more than just fuck you,” he said dryly.

            “Mm, but you did it so well,” she purred.

            “Stop,” he laughed.

            “No, I’ve got two weeks to go before I can get fucked like that again,” Elora complained. “All I’ve got is my memories right now.”

            “I more meant what you’re doing with your hips,” he growled.

            A giggle left her and she pushed against him one more time. “But you liked it,” she breathed.

            Of course he did but that didn’t mean that he wanted to have an erection when his family started showing up. Dropping his head, he pressed his mouth to her bared neck and nipped at her. He didn’t pull away when she jumped, instead latching onto her to suck on her. Her fingers tightened on his arms and she tried to lean back from him.

            A squeak left her when he followed her as she toppled backwards, but his hand moved to her back to help slow her as she stretched out flat on the table. “Cullen,” she moaned, her hips arching against him again.

            He groaned, pushing back. There were so few layers between them, only a bit of leather that would be easy enough to remove. Or it would have been if she hadn’t wrapped her legs around his waist.

            Slipping his arm out from under her, he braced himself with it while the other moved to cup her breast through her shirt. He heard her breath catch as he kneaded at her for a moment before he growled softly against her. Gripping her shirt, he pulled it from the waist of her pants and slipped his hand under it. A couple quick tugs dealt with her breast band and he was cupping smooth skin.

            Elora moaned as he rubbed his thumb over her nipple, teasing it into a firm peak. “Damn it,” she whispered. “I want you.”

            He squeezed his eyes shut as she kept rocking against him. There would be no hiding his arousal now but he couldn’t pull away from her yet. He wanted his mouth on her, wanted nothing but skin bare before him. He wanted-

            “Lady of the Skies! What are you two doing?!”

            They both stiffened and Cullen slowly turned his head to look at the now open door. Rosie and Bran were both standing there, his sister with a gleeful look on her face and his brother shaking his head. Growling lowly, he said, “You’re supposed to knock.”  
            “We did!” Rosie protested.

            Bran gave her look. “No, you didn’t,” he corrected. “You said ‘wouldn’t it be fun to catch them if they’re in there’ and then you opened the door.”

            “Tattler!” she muttered, whacking his chest.

            Cullen blew out a breath and looked at Elora. She was flushing and giving him a rueful smile, but he could see the frustration in her eyes. Dropping his head for a moment, he pressed his lips to her ear and murmured, “I promise I’ll get a lock for the door. Soon.”

            “Good,” she muttered. “I’m tired of being walked in on.”

            He pulled his hand from her shirt and straightened. Rosie giggled as Elora didn’t let her legs fall from him immediately.

            “They’re so cute,” she said.

            Elora sighed and let him go. She took his hands to help her off the table. “I’ll be right back,” she said quietly. “I want to fix myself.”

            He nodded and bent over her when she gestured to him. He smiled when she kissed him before she went toward their room. Feeling the weight of his siblings’ gaze, he rubbed the back of his neck. “Are you simply going to stand there or come in and make yourself useful?” he asked shortly.

            “No need to be snippy, Brother.”

            Cullen looked at her for a long moment. “Rosalie,” he said lowly, making her freeze in her tracks. “You are my blood and I will love you always, but Elora is to be my wife and this is _our_ home. It isn’t solely mine anymore and you can’t treat it as such. The next time you come here, you will knock and wait for an answer.”

            She blinked at him before nodding slowly. “Yes, Thane,” she said in a small voice.

            He felt bad but he knew he had to put his foot down about this. His little sister was granted a lot of leniency in the hold but things were different now. They all had to remember that.

            Bran came over to her, slinging an arm over her shoulder to give her a hug. “Don’t say it like that, Rosie. You knew this was coming eventually and you had to know Cully wasn’t going to approve of us interrupting him. Even if you were keeping them from breaking Rilla’s laws.”

            Cullen’s eyes narrowed at his choice of words. “I wouldn’t talk about breaking Rilla’s laws, Branson.”

            Blue eyes flicked to him, confusion in them before they widened, and Cullen’s stomach sank as he realised that Delrin had been speaking true.

            A low growl left Cullen and he stalked toward his brother. He ignored Rosie’s squeak as she darted away from them. All he could see was Bran backing away from him, the look on his face torn between guilt and panic. “It is true then?” he demanded.

            “I don’t-”

            “Do not lie to me about this, Branson!” Cullen snarled. “Not now! Not about this!”

            His brother’s brows drew together, his gaze flicking to Rosie before back to him. “Aye,” he whispered.

            Staring at him, Cullen clenched his teeth before his fist slammed into the wall. “What were you thinking?!” he snapped.

            “What are you arguing about?” Rosie cried.

            “I wasn’t! It wasn’t supposed to happen like that!” Bran protested. “She was supposed to be there but Carver wouldn’t…Cullen, how did you find out?”

            Stalking away from Bran, Cullen barely noticed as Elora came back into the room. “That doesn’t matter! You should have taken her back to her clan!”

            “I know! But I can’t change what happened!”

            Whirling back to face him, Cullen yelled, “It never should have happened!”

            “What are you two arguing about?” Rosie demanded shrilly.

            Bran ignored her, staring at him in frustration. “I’m not the only one that’s been breaking the rules!” he snapped. “The whole clan’s been tittering about how you’re still taking Elora even though you’re not supposed to!”

            “I haven’t,” he said flatly.

            “Don’t lie, Brother. We’ve seen you, we’ve seen her. Neither of you can hide it.”

            “We haven’t.”

            Cullen twisted slightly, looking at Elora now at the anger in her voice. She was staring hard at Bran, her hands clenched at her sides.

            “We haven’t had sex. The last time we did was before the sun rose after the new moon,” she continued. “Rilla’s rite states that there isn’t to be sex between the first and second dances and we’ve abided by that. But it says nothing about anything else. We aren’t breaking any of the rules with our playing and I’m hurt that you think so little of me that I wouldn’t respect your customs.”

            “Think so little of you? Elora, I’ve been your friend since you woke up! I’m the one that brought you to the hold in the first place,” Bran said hotly. “I have the utmost of respect for you!”

            “Then why would you think that I’d break the rules when I want to stay here more than anything else?”

            “I think we all need to calm down,” Rosie said quickly. “Shouting at each other isn’t going to solve anything. Especially when half of us don’t even know what the problem is!”

            “Perhaps you aren’t having sex, but you’re not supposed to be doing _anything_ with each other between dances!” Bran stopped himself, taking a deep breath and shaking his head. “I made a mistake,” he said lowly, “and I’ll own up to it, but you can’t deny that what you’re doing isn’t wrong as well, Cullen. Or because you’re the high and mighty Thane you don’t have to abide by the rules.”

            “Bran!” Rosie cried. “What are you saying?”

            Cullen swung back to his brother. “Do you know how lucky you are that it was Delrin that saw the two of you sneaking out in the early morning?” he asked lowly. “Do you know how lucky you are that others didn’t see you?”

            Branson stared at him, his expression a mix of emotions. But he kept his mouth shut this time. Neither of them let it slip often but they had both inherited Sorcha’s temper and it wasn’t an easy thing to control when they lost it.

            Cullen took a step toward him. “You know how on edge the clan is because of everything but to break Rilla’s rules for the dance? Do you remember the last time that happened?”

            “Of course I do! Our mother _died_ on the fires!” Bran shouted.

            Elora inhaled swiftly behind him but Cullen didn’t look away from his brother. “Then why would you break those rules?!” he demanded. Hakkon, he needed to listen to himself because he was courting a more dangerous line than Branson. Even if they hadn’t outright broken any rules, he should have known better, should have known how the clan would see it. The mere fact that the clan thought that they were breaking the rules would sow doubt where he couldn’t afford to have it and make him seem like a man he never wanted to be compared to.

            “Because I love her!”

            “What are you two doing?!” a new voice snapped.

            Both he and Bran looked to where Mia was standing in the doorway, glaring at the pair of them. “Did you hear?”

            “Half the clan heard the ruckus the two of you were making!” she hissed. “Whatever it is, take it out of the hold!”

            “This is _my_ hold, Mia,” Cullen growled.

            She stared at him for a long moment. “Aye, it is, Thane Lionsbane, but you’re still my brother and I’m still allowed to tell you when you’re being an ass! Shouting at each other isn’t going to solve anything!”

            “Neither is keeping secrets from each other! Secrets are what got our mother killed! If we can’t trust each other, who am I supposed to turn to in this hold when so many are waiting to tear my throat out?” he demanded.

            “Are you saying you don’t trust us, your own family?”

            He pressed his mouth together. No. That wasn’t what he meant. He was upset and angry with his brother. He was upset and angry with himself because he was as guilty as Bran. He was upset and angry that this situation had even happened.

            “May I leave?” Bran asked lowly.

            “Go,” Cullen said without looking at him.

            “Bran-”

            “Don’t, Mia,” Bran said shortly before he was gone.

            There was a tense silence in the house after the door shut behind him.

            “Rosie, Elora, come with me,” Mia said quietly.

            Cullen looked at Mia, his eyes narrowing again. “What are you doing?”

            “You need to calm down,” she said, jabbing a finger at him. “I’m not bringing Leo in here with you raging like a beast. Calm down and then join us at the house.”

            His head swung around to look at Elora as she stepped up to him. He could see the questions in her eyes as they darted over his face. He knew she was going to ask him and in his current mood he didn’t think that he’d answer them kindly. “Go with her,” he said lowly.

            She made a quiet noise and slowly followed Mia out the door.

            Squeezing his eyes shut once they were gone, Cullen inhaled deeply and tried to let it out slowly. He had to calm down. He wasn’t going to do anyone any favours if he remained like this but all he could think about was that Fire Dance over ten years ago that had taken their mother from them. All he could remember were the whispers and tension that had run through the hold the day of the new moon. The quiet drawing of lines and taking sides that had been done without him knowing about it. The betrayal and heartbreak that had come as the screams had rung through the hold. The prick of the blade that had pressed to his chest above his heart when he had tried to go forward to help. The bellows of his father as those loyal to the Mad had pinned him to the dirt to keep him from saving Sorcha.

            His fists pressed into his eyes as all of the nightmares surged to life in him, reminding him of how he had failed that night. Of how the gods had failed their augur and let the flames take his mother from them. Secrets and lies had seen Sorcha dead on a night when no violence was ever supposed to occur.

            Now there were more secrets and lies and he didn’t have his father to guide him through it this time.

            Growling, he paced through the house, trying to get the anger out. He didn’t want to feel this rage because it brought him back to the darker times of the clan. The mistrust and the hatred that had filled the hold had poisoned not only the clan but their gods as well. They’d been brought to the brink, their hold nearly falling after the deaths of their augur and thane. They’d been so close to losing themselves.

            He froze when he heard his door open, pivoting to face it. Did _no one_ knock anymore? “You’d better have a good reason for being here, Reyr,” he said lowly as a hunter walked in. “Because I’m not in the mood.”

            Reyr gave him a look that had his hackles raising and his hand itching for a blade. “Good,” he spat, “because we were starting to think the Lowlander bitch had made you soft. But you still have some balls left.”

            Cullen stared hard at him. “Say what you want or get out of my sight,” he growled.

            “You’re unfit to be thane, Lionsbane. Your rule ends today.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a note, there is talk about a violent death in this chapter.

            Elora watched Mia stalk around the table in her home, her hands gesturing wildly as she talked to herself. She had shoved Rosie at Leo as soon as they’d gotten there but Elora had refused to be budged from the room. She hadn’t asked about anything on the way over to the house even as her thoughts had reeled. It wasn’t just the argument or the accusations that consumed her thoughts; it was the truth she hadn’t been told of. “Mia.”

            The other woman didn’t stop, didn’t seem to hear her as she kept pacing.

            Pursing her lips, Elora moved, stepping into her path.

            Mia pulled back sharply as she nearly walked into her. “Elora, what are you doing?”

            “I’d like answers,” she said firmly.

            Mia took another step away, her expression growing wary. “About? You know more about what they were arguing about than me.”

            “I know what they were arguing about. I want to know about what happened to your mother.”

            Her mouth flattened and she took a step back. There was a deep sadness in her eyes that she couldn’t hide and Elora felt bad for pushing but she needed to know.

            “Mia,” she said, her voice gentling. “Please.”

            She inhaled deeply. “What were they fighting about?” she asked lowly.

            Elora tried not to be disappointed that she hadn’t answered her question. “The rules of the Fire Dance,” she admitted.

            Mia’s eyes narrowed. “Explain.”

            Rubbing her arm, Elora looked away from her, not sure she wanted to talk about this. “They were fighting about both of them breaking the rules,” she whispered.

            “I suspected with you and Cullen, but what do you mean with Bran?”

            “I don’t know,” she said quietly. “I think Bran slept with someone without dancing?”

            Mia inhaled sharply before swearing. “Why can’t _either_ of them go for longer than a few days without getting themselves into trouble?” she demanded. “I’m not their mother. They’re both adults. It isn’t my job to keep them in line.”

            Shifting on her feet, Elora muttered, “I’ll take the blame for me and Cullen. I’m the one that asked to bend the rules.”

            Mia waved her off but she wasn’t appeased.

            “No, Mia. Bran told Cullen that he thought that he could get away with it because he’s Thane but I was the one that suggested doing anything in the first place. I told Bran that we weren’t breaking the rules, but we were, weren’t we?”

            “What did Cullen tell you?”

            “That we weren’t supposed to have sex and people usually refrain from doing anything else because they can’t control themselves.”

            Mia pulled harshly on her braids before shaking her head. “Normally, during courtship the couple isn’t living with each other,” she said slowly. “It’s harder to bend rules when everyone is well aware of you living separately. But with you and Cullen it’s different. If I’m honest, as soon as he started courting you, you should have moved in with me but it was never brought up because you are still Cullen’s guest. Everything about this isn’t how it should be so the rules are a little more fluid.”

            “They shouldn’t be though and I shouldn’t have thought that we were above them.” How would it look if people knew that it was her idea to push the rules? Why didn’t she think of that to begin with? Was it because Cullen’s family was so accepting that she had forgotten that she wasn’t an actual part of the clan yet? Not that any of that mattered now.

            “I can’t say the clan would be understanding because so many are looking for a reason to get rid of Cullen and even if you weren’t having sex, I don’t think they’d care. Cullen should have known that too. Ten years of not having sex has clearly addled his mind,” she muttered.

            Elora flushed slightly but she didn’t feel better. Her anger at what Bran had accused earlier had passed and now she just had a sick feeling in her stomach. She’d reacted when she’d heard what he’d said, lashing out like she would have in the Tower if she’d been verbally attacked. She should have remembered that she wasn’t clean either when it had come to the Fire Dance but instead she had simply reacted. “I wasn’t helping,” she whispered.

            “You both share the blame for your actions,” Mia said after a moment. “But that’s between you two and Rilla. If she’s upset with your actions, she’ll demand satisfaction. Same with Branson. Nothing any of the clan says or does will have any effect on that.”

            A chill ran down her spine at that and she wrapped her arms around herself. She hadn’t thought about that, thinking that all of their gods were simply spirits but what if they weren’t? What if they were actually real?

            Mia sighed harshly. “I’m assuming Cullen hasn’t told you anything about our mother either,” she said lowly.

            Elora shook her head. “Bran said she died on the fires? What does that mean?” Her tongue felt thick as she asked, a part of her wondering if she even wanted confirmation of what it meant.

            “Exactly what it sounds like,” she said lowly. “Over ten years ago, Diarmaid the Mad and his followers threw my mother, our augur, on the new moon fires and let her burn to death while the whole of the hold stood witness.”

            Elora groped for a chair and collapsed into it. She could hear the gods whimpering around her but more than that she could almost feel a weight pressing down on her. Was this what the clan felt every day? This oppressive feeling that came with the knowledge of what had happened? “They what?” she croaked.

            Mia’s hands were shaking as she pressed them flat against the table. “Diarmaid was always mad but the arrival of the Lowlander only made it worse. His words inflamed our thane’s mind and he became obsessed with your Maker and Andraste. He wanted our hold to follow Her words, to abandon our gods and follow the Lowlander’s. None of us knew any of that however, he kept it hidden from us and no one thought he was any madder than usual. But someone forced his hand, forced him to reveal just how far his depravity had gone.”

            Elora stared at her, completely lost for words. It had been bad enough that she had known that whoever had come before her had left scars on Sky-Bear Hold but this…this was much worse.     “What do you mean?” she whispered.

            “When we were younger there was another who was part of our family. He had lost what family he had and our parents took him in and raised him with the four of us. He was like…is a brother to us,” Mia corrected softly. “But as much as we loved him, Alistair never could keep quiet when he disagreed with something and he never agreed with Diarmaid. As we got older, everything he did seemed to annoy our thane and after the Lowlander arrived there was nothing Alistair could do that was right. I don’t even remember what he said, I don’t know if any of us do, but it sent our Thane into a fury. Only the Lowlander could calm him or so we thought. But my parents….”

            Gripping the hem of her shirt, Elora tried to stop shaking herself. She didn’t want to hear anymore of this. But she had wanted to know and she couldn’t very well ask Mia to stop now.

            “My parents loved Alistair as if he were their own and they both knew that there was no coming back from what had happened. They didn’t want to send him away but my father snuck Alistair out of the hold before even an hour had passed. They kept us out of the house so that we would not know what was happening and wouldn’t be held responsible. Our father took Alistair to one who wandered between the clans and while he was gone…the Mad took our mother.”

            She bit her lip, a shaking breath slipping out of her.

            “He brought her back when the fires were lit, when the whole of the clan save our father was present. He denounced our gods, called our dances the work of heathens, said…said that our mother would burn like Andraste before her and bring us into a new world.” Mia stopped and Elora watched as she squeezed her eyes shut, tears slipping down her cheeks. “Then he threw Mama on the fires.”

            Elora whimpered, her stomach roiling at the mere thought.

            “Cullen and I were old enough to dance by that point so we were there. We saw it all and couldn’t do anything,” she continued in a choked voice. “Those loyal to the Mad kept us from her. Her screams filled the hold and brought not only our father but Bran as well. I tried to keep him from seeing what had become of our mother but I know he heard and Father…. It took six men to keep him down while she died, to keep him away from her while she screamed.

            “The entire hold watched as she burned,” Mia breathed. “But we weren’t the only ones watching. The gods the Mad had denounced watched as well, but even they couldn’t save her. The gods bound to her twisted on her death, becoming terrible echoes of themselves that circled our home like wraiths that night. There was nothing left of our mother to send to the Lady and their rage burned nearly as hot as those flames.”

            Elora wiped at her cheeks, trying to stem her tears. To watch as your own mother was killed in front of you and you couldn’t do a thing about it? “I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

            “It wasn’t your doing, Elora,” Mia said after a moment.

            “How can any of you even stand to have me here if the last Lowlander caused the death of your mother?” she asked, her heart heavy. “How can you stand being around me?”

            “Because it wasn’t your doing, Elora,” Mia repeated, her voice a little stronger. “We are stubborn and set in our ways to be sure and when you first came here there was doubt that you would be anything more than the one that came before. But your actions eased the minds of those that matter and we want you here, Elora. Don’t doubt that for a moment.”

            She wasn’t so sure but this certainly explained so much of the clan’s behaviour when she had first arrived. It was a miracle that she had been accepted at all if that was what had happened to fracture the clan like this.

            “Nothing was ever the same after that night,” Mia sighed. “Not that it ever could be. Our father gathered us at our home, kept us close all night, but we weren’t the only ones that came to the home. There were others, hunters, warriors, the skald, who came to us and swore they would support our father in whatever he chose to do.” She covered her face with her hands for a moment. “Rosie slept because she was young and didn’t know what had happened but we had to give Bran something so he would sleep. Cullen refused to and he had changed as much as our father had. For all of us, something died on those fires with our mother but it twisted him up and ate at him.”

            Maker, what was she supposed to do? Was this what they meant when she’d been told she was healing Cullen? Because she wasn’t sure anyone would ever heal from that kind of scarring.

            “Our father forbade us from joining him when he went to challenge the Mad. He commanded Cullen and me to take our siblings and run if anything went sour. We both wanted to fight, to avenge our mother but he wasn’t willing to risk our lives and he had the younger ones to think about.” Mia paused and a weak laugh left her. “I think he fully expected to die fighting Diarmaid but he didn’t. He had to keep living and he did but his heart was gone, our mother was gone. Rosie and I have mostly made our peace with it, as much as we can, but our brothers…Bran and Cullen both dealt with it in their own ways but neither of them have truly moved on. Then our father….”

            “What?” Elora whispered when she stopped.

            “Cullen blames himself for our father’s death, as surely as he does our mother’s, because he was there and he couldn’t do anything to stop it.”

            “Did someone kill him?” Elora asked in disbelief.

            She shook her head. “No but his death started my brother on the path to his Legend Mark. But I can’t…not about both of them.”

            “I’m sorry,” Elora said quickly. “I know this can’t be easy. I didn’t think about-”

            “Elora,” Mia interrupted, a sad but gentle smile on her face. “In less than two months you’ll be my sister and you should know before you join our family what you’re getting into. And since my brother seems incapable of telling you anything, it’s apparently my job.”

            She flinched this time. “Ah, that’s more my fault,” she muttered. “I wasn’t much in a listening mood.”

            Her smile brightened a little. “Aye, it was your first Fire Dance so it is understandable but he should have spoken to you sooner. He wanted to dance for you at the first new moon so he should have told you what to expect. But that’s passed with relatively minor problems.”

            Elora flushed. “We’re not very good at this are we?” she mumbled.

            “You’re happy,” Mia murmured. “You both are and it’s been so long since I’ve seen Cullen this happy. He was pleased when Leo was born, but you…you bring such joy to him. I gave up hope of seeing my brother from before years ago. You’ve given me that hope back, Elora. More than that, you’ve given hope to a lot of people that perhaps we could have peace and finally be able to move on.”

            She fiddled with her shirt, a sinking feeling in her stomach. “I’m really not that special,” she protested. “I’m not doing anything special.”

            “You’re being you and that’s enough.”

            “What if it isn’t? What if my being here isn’t a good thing?”

            Mia frowned at her. “Elora, why would you-”

            “Mia!”

            They both jerked around as the door was flung open, Mia half on her feet before the person even stumbled in. “Moira?” she asked in confusion. “What are you doing here?”

            The Skald was breathing hard, clearly having run here from somewhere. “The arena,” she panted. “You have to go!”

            “Mia? What’s going on?” Rosie asked.

            “I don’t know. Moira, what happened?”

            The woman’s hands were braced on her knees and she was bent over, but she looked up at Mia and Elora’s blood ran cold at the expression there. “Someone has challenged Cullen’s right to be Thane,” she said softly.

            “What?” Elora breathed but she was drowned out by the sisters shouting the word.

            “Who?” Mia demanded.

            “Reyr. They’re going to the arena now.”

            “Now?” she yelled. “Where’s Bran?”

            Moira shook her head, her mouth open as she still panted for air. “I don’t know. I came to gather you.”

            Elora turned to look at Mia and her expression didn’t help any. Challenging Cullen to be Thane? Was this because of her? Was it because of the fight the brothers had had? Why was this happening _now_? Her breath caught. What would she do if Cullen lost?

            “Reyr,” Mia spat. “Coward challenging him now. Someone put him up to it, he’s not smart enough to do this on his own.”

            “Either way, they’re going to fight.”

            Mia let loose a string of harsh words before she looked hard at Rosie. “Find Bran,” she said sharply. “Bring him back to the hold. I don’t care what you have to do but bring him back.”

            “Mia….”

            “Now, Rosie,” she snapped. “And bring Beth if he’s with the Chasind.”

            The younger woman bit her lip, hesitating for a second longer before she was darting out the door.

            “Moira, I need you to take Leo down to the farms after we leave and stay there until you hear from one of us,” Mia continued. “As much faith as I have in Cullen, I lack it in those that stand against him and I will see my son safe. Alert the farms to be wary of any coming from the hold that isn’t sent by one of us.”

            “What word?” she asked.

            Elora saw Mia’s brows draw together and pain crossed her face. “Sorcha’s blessing,” she said lowly.

            Moira nodded, rushing past Mia to the room Rosie had been in before.

            Elora heard her talking quietly to the boy that was inside but she didn’t look away from Mia. “What are we doing?” she whispered.

            “You’re coming with me to the arena. I wish it wasn’t so but as Cullen is courting you, you must stand witness to this battle.” She shook her head. “Even if he wasn’t, you’d be required to stand as his guest. Korth, damn them!”

            Her legs were weak but she stood as Mia headed toward the door, following at a slower pace. A hundred thoughts were flying through her mind, too fast for her to focus on any single one for longer than a moment, but they kept coming back to one thought; what if Cullen didn’t win? She couldn’t form the words yet, terrified by the mere idea, and she didn’t want to try talking when she had to hurry to keep pace with Mia.

            She could feel the buzz running through the hold as they nearly ran through the pathways and it was clear that everyone knew what was about to happen. It didn’t make her feel better in the slightest.

            Her heart was pounding in her chest when she saw the gathered crowd they were heading towards and she nearly leapt out of her skin when Mia’s hand latched onto her arm. She didn’t resist as she pulled Elora forward, pushing her way through the crowd. The snarl that left her when someone protested Mia’s actions made her blood freeze but she kept her lips clamped together.

            When they got through, she whimpered softly. Cullen had showed her the training arena, had told her about the challenges that they went through to prove their might and strength. She had been curious if she would see anything like that but he hadn’t told her that this could ever happen. But seeing the arena surrounded by so many of the clan, seeing the men that were standing on opposite sides of it, she didn’t ever want to see this.

            “There,” Mia said, pulling her toward one end of the open space.

            She’d already seen Cullen but she followed because there was nothing else she could do. Every step she felt like she was going to tumble to the ground as her knees shook but they made it to him. “Cullen,” she whispered, her voice shaking as much as her legs.

            He glanced at the pair of them and continued strapping something to his hands. Her eyes widened when she saw the claws embedded in his gauntlets. They were curved back toward his arms and rested above each of his knuckles. They looked absolutely vicious and she was glad she hadn’t seen them before now. “The others?” he asked lowly.

            “Rosie’s gone to find Bran and Beth,” Mia answered. “Moira took Leo to the farms.”

            He nodded, still focused on arming himself. “You gave her a word?”

            “Aye. Who’s your second?”

            “I don’t have one,” Cullen said flatly.

            “You-what?!” Mia hissed, grabbing his arm. “Cullen, you have to name a second!”

            “Who would I name?” he demanded. “Who in the clan could I trust to watch my back against this vulture and his lackeys? Who could I put my complete trust in to keep me alive?”

            “Me,” she growled.

            Cullen paused and looked up at his sister. He reached out to cup the back of her head, pulling her forward and bumping his forehead lightly against hers. “Aye, you would keep me safe like you always have,” he said quietly, “but I can’t. I need you to keep Elora safe.”

            “What?” Elora whispered.

            Warm eyes looked at her, lingering for a moment before turning back to Mia. “If I fall-”

            “You won’t,” Mia snapped.

            “Mia,” he said patiently, “listen to me. If I fall, you must promise me that you’ll get Elora out of here. Guest or not, she has a purpose beyond our hold and I won’t see the pettiness of our enemies keep her from it. If I fall, swear you will take her and our family to Griffon-Wing where Asha will grant you sanctuary.”

            Mia was shaking her head, angry tears in her eyes.

            “Mia, please,” Cullen stressed.

            She spat a word at him.

            “I love you as well,” he said dryly.

            Mia glared at him before looking away.

            Elora wrung her fingers together, her gaze darting between the pair of them. “I don’t understand,” she whispered.

            Cullen glanced at her again. “Reyr has challenged me, wanting me to step down as Thane for whatever reason.”

            “He didn’t say?” Mia growled.

            Cullen shrugged. “It doesn’t matter at this point. They’re getting restless and tired of waiting to strike.”

            “Cullen,” Elora said softly.

            He paused in picking up the rest of his armour and looked at her again. His expression softened slightly at whatever he saw on her face and he took a step closer to her. “Listen to me, my Elora,” he breathed. “I have no intention of falling today or any time soon. But the odds are not in my favour without a second to watch my back. Our laws forbid me from stepping down without a fight at this point so I have no choice but to fight.”

            She was breathing heavily, tears clouding her vision and making him waver in front of her. “But…what if….”

            “Shh,” he soothed, stepping closer again and winding his fingers into her hair. “Do not think about that. I refuse to believe that the gods would bring you into my life to only take it from me now.”

            She wasn’t so sure. Not after what she had learned earlier. “What if this is Rilla telling us we were wrong to break her rules? That I was wrong to push the way I did?”

            “Elora, no,” he breathed. “This isn’t your fault. This has been a long time coming. It has very little to do with you and everything to do with me. Their quarrel is with me, not you.”

            “If it weren’t for me-”

            “Then they may have waited to challenge me, but they still would have. Do not blame yourself, Elora. Please.”

            She blinked and sniffed loudly, hating the feeling that was settling in her chest.

            “I need you to believe in me,” he continued, holding her gaze. “Can you do that?”

            She squeezed her eyes shut and nodded quickly. “Yes.”

            “I will walk out of this fight, Elora. I’m not anywhere done with this life or with you. I will come back.”

            She nodded again, opening her eyes as he let go of her. Watching as he took the fur from Mia and strapped it across his shoulders, she tried not to whimper again. This couldn’t be happening. She couldn’t truly have to stand and watch as she possibly lost him. Maker, no!

            Both Mia and Cullen looked at her and she didn’t even realise she had done anything. But as her hair whipped in front of her face she realised her gods were reacting to her emotions. Mia stepped toward her, her hands held out in front of her. “Elora, calm down.”

            “Lionsbane, control the Lowlander or are you going to use her to cheat your way to victory?!”

            Cullen looked over his shoulder, baring his teeth. “Shut your mouth, Reyr!” he snapped back. “I don’t need to cheat to beat the likes of you!”

            Murmurs ran through the crowd but they didn’t do anything to soothe her nerves. “Mia,” she whispered, shaking harshly.

            “Shh,” she breathed. “It’ll be alright.”

            She was lying. Elora could hear it in her voice but she tried to calm down. Tried to tell her wisps to calm down. She wasn’t sure it was going to work but she tried.

            Mia caught her hands and gently rubbed at them. “It will be alright,” she repeated, her voice stronger. “Cullen has so much that he’s fighting for now, not just our clan. He has you and he _will_ come back to you. Don’t you have faith in him?”

            “I do,” she pushed out. “The others however?”

            “Aye, I know but you, and everyone else here must remember, the gods chose Cullen to rule after our father died. If they don’t think his time is over, it won’t be.”

            Elora wasn’t sure she believed that but she gulped in a few more breaths of air and tried not to squeeze Mia’s hands too hard. But her gaze jerked back to Cullen when he hefted sword and shield, her heart in her throat.

            He’d pulled that lion skull over his head and if she hadn’t known better, she would have thought him the stuff of nightmares. His eyes flicked to her and Mia for a moment, his mouth flattening before he spun on his heel to start toward the open area.

            Her breath caught as words got tangled on her tongue and she broke from Mia’s grasp. “Cullen!”

            He only looked over his shoulder at first before he quickly turned to catch her as she leapt at him. His shield arm banded around her waist but his brows drew together in confusion as she pushed the skull helm back. “Elora, what-” A low noise rumbled out of him as she kissed him.

            She felt his fingers tighten on her as he kissed her back as fiercely as she was. She didn’t want to stop, didn’t want to let him go, but she pulled away to the sounds of cheers and feet stomping. “Cullen, I-”

            “Later, Elora,” he cut in gently. “Tell me later.”

            Always later. “But….”

            “I would rather hear it after,” he said softly.

            Her heart jumped at the look on his face. He knew. He knew what she wanted to say. “Is it enough?” she whispered.

            He smiled faintly. “Aye, you are.”

            Her toes touched the ground and he gently urged her to go back to Mia. She did begrudgingly, backing up so that she didn’t have to take her eyes off of him. She watched as his smile wasn’t so faint now before it disappeared as he pulled the skull back down to face Reyr.

            “What? No more petty words?” he demanded of the other. “You were full of them earlier.”

            Elora didn’t know if she grabbed Mia’s hand or if it was the other way around but she clung to the other woman as Cullen advanced toward the man. Reyr was still silent and she did not find that comforting. She highly doubted that he’d had second thoughts about fighting Cullen. “Who is he?” she asked lowly.

            “A hunter,” Mia muttered. “His father was a firm supporter of the Mad and he died on the night my father became Thane. He was quiet to begin with but once things started to change and settle in the clan, he wasn’t above letting others know of his displeasure with my brother.”

            She jumped when steel clashed together, swords and shields singing. Mia gently squeezed her hands but Elora could feel the slight tremble to her fingers. Every blow against Cullen felt like it was striking her even if he seemed to shake it off. She hadn’t been privy to many fights in her life, not like this. The battles at the rifts were truly the only times she had seen warriors in combat. The only others she could think of were Templar against mage and that was nothing like this.

            A chill ran up her spine as she thought about that. Those battles had been anything but fair and had always ended in pain and fear. Elora gave her head a slight shake, trying to stem the horrible feeling churning in her gut. She had seen Cullen fight before, she knew he could hold his own. Why was she feeling like this?

            “Something’s wrong,” Mia whispered suddenly.

            “What? Beyond someone fighting Cullen like this?” Her voice sounded shrill even to her ears.

            “Reyr’s barely attacking,” she muttered. “For someone who challenged Cullen, who challenged his rule he’s being too defensive.”

            What did that mean? She understood enough to know that he wasn’t going to win if he only stuck to defence. What-

            “Delrin,” Mia said sharply, turning to a man near them, “who did he name second? Do you know?”

            Elora looked at the man, vaguely recognizing him and not liking the frown on his face. “Hervin,” he said shortly.

            She saw Mia’s head jerk around to look at the fighting ring. Her stomach completely sank when her eyes widened.

            Elora felt a ripple run through the crowd and time slowed around her as she turned to see what had caught her attention. She inhaled swiftly as she saw the man at the edge of the ring, a dagger unsheathed in his hand. Suddenly, Reyr made his move, attacking Cullen with a flurry of quick strikes that forced his attention to stay on him. More than that, it forced him to take a few steps back from the weight of the blows, toward that unsheathed dagger. “No,” she breathed.

            Noise erupted around her as the man in the crowd surged forward, disappearing from her sight behind Cullen. But she still saw Cullen stiffen, a pained shout leaving him and his shield arm sagging.

            “No,” she said again, louder this time as Reyr lunged forward. “ _No!”_


	24. Chapter 24

 

            _“No!”_

            He knew it was bad by the wicked gleam in Reyr’s eyes. He knew it was bad by the scorching pain flaring through his back. He knew it was bad by the cold sweat that immediately broke out on his skin.

            But it was the scream that filled the area that made a trickle of fear fill him.

            Elora’s cry rang in his ears, even as the pain from the blade in his back surged. Korth’s teeth! He knew Reyr had been up to something but this?! Gritting his teeth against the pain, Cullen lifted his shield and pushed Reyr back from him as he tried to strike at him. A gasping snarl left him when the traitor behind him pulled the blade out and he knew there would soon be a second blow.

            Moving as swiftly as he could, he bashed Reyr with his shield as he came forward again and then pivoted to slam it into the man behind him. Cullen saw him stagger back but knew he couldn’t strike out at the backstabber, not without leaving his back completely open to Reyr. His lips pulled back in another snarl as he moved away from them, keeping them both in his sight now.

            He wasn’t surprised by the fact that Reyr’s second, Hervin, had stabbed him in the back. Even when they had been young, Hervin had always used a cheat’s tactics to get what he wanted. He should have known from the start that something like this would happen as soon as he had seen who Reyr had named as his second. His fury, at both himself and the two traitors, was filling him, but over the sound of blood rushing through his ears, he could hear the angry shouts of the clan.

            “Do not!” he yelled, realising that several hunters and warriors had drawn their weapons and that the air was crackling with magic as well.

            “Thane, they’ve broken our laws!” someone shouted.

            “Bring the traitors down!”

            “No!” Cullen bellowed. “I have no second but I will abide by our gods’ laws! I will deal with them!”

            Somehow that made them angrier and a shudder went through him as he realised that it wasn’t only the clan that was watching the fight. He could feel the eyes of the gods on him, feel their rage pressing down on him. Without Hawke here there was no one to keep them in line and he wondered if anyone else could feel it or if it was solely focused on him.

            A stray thought made him wonder if he was the one they’d finally lost patience with.

            _Cullen Ar Sorcha._

            “No,” he muttered under his breath, stomping down the pain and facing the two that were coming toward him. He refused to give into that. He didn’t need it.

            “Are we going to fight or stand here?” Reyr demanded.

            “Shut your mouth, traitor!” someone roared from the crowd. “We should strike you down where you stand!”

            Taking deep breaths, Cullen told himself to trust in those who were loyal to him. They would abide by what he had commanded. But if he trusted them now, why hadn’t he earlier when he needed a second?

            Because he’d been foolish to hold out hope that Bran would come, that despite their fight he would come. But he’d driven his brother away with his words when he knew he was guilty as well. Elora might have thought that this was her fault for suggesting they bend the rules, but he knew where the fault lay. This was all on him and he had to accept the burden of it, had to accept that Bran wasn’t going to come. Not that it would matter now that the fight had started.

            He gave his head a small shake when his vision wavered. It was apparently what the pair had been waiting for because Reyr surged forward, Hervin darting to the side to try to flank him. Blocking Reyr, he side stepped as best he could the dagger that slashed at him again. What was wrong with him? He’d been stabbed before and he knew the dagger had bit deep, but it shouldn’t be affecting him like this.

            “You’re weak,” Reyr spat at him. “We need a true Avvar at the head of our clan again!”

            His lips pulled back from his teeth. “No true Avvar would ever abandon his gods,” he snarled.

            “Don’t you every time you stuff the Lowlander?”

            Rage bubbled closer to the surface and he tried to choke it down. He couldn’t lose his temper. Not now. Not when it was two against one and he was feeling weak. Staring hard at Reyr, he finally saw the feral glitter in his eyes. “Poison,” he growled.

            The smile on Reyr’s face was vicious. “You’re done for, Lionsbane,” he taunted.

            _Cullen ar Sorcha!_

            “No,” he spat but he wasn’t sure who he was saying it to.

            Reyr’s brows drew low over his eyes. “Kill him!” he snapped.

            _NO!_

            Cullen staggered as something slammed into him, driving the breath from him before he felt the sharp sting of blades. He reacted as much as he could, pulling away before both sword and dagger could get too deep but as the wounds screamed as much as the one on his back he knew both blades were coated in the poison. Was this how it was to end? Finally have his happiness within his grasp after ten years of nothing but bitter pain only to have it snatched away?

            _“Cullen!”_

            His head turned slightly, looking toward the voice and he saw her on the edge of the crowd. Elora. The gifted one. No. Her name was Elora. Mia and Delrin were holding her back as she screamed his name and even across the ring he could see the panic and terror on her face.

            _Cullen._

            His eyes closed for a brief moment. He didn’t want to do this. He _never_ wanted to do this. But he wasn’t done yet. He couldn’t be done. Elora needed him. His family needed him. The clan needed him. “Yes,” he breathed.

            A shiver ran through him that had nothing to do with the poison seeping into his veins. The pain dulled until he could barely feel it anymore. His body felt heavy for a moment before strength surged through him, giving life where only seconds before he’d started to feel it fade. While his strength had been waning, the god’s was still fresh and was now his to use.

            Inhaling slowly, he tasted the crisp air and the blood that hung heavy on it. He could feel the emotions of the clan, the anger, the fear, the contained emotions those against him were keeping bottled up, but under that he could feel love. It wasn’t only from his sister but the gods that were circling overhead. He might have spited them for years for what had happened to Sorcha but they had made him Thane, they had guided him even when he hadn’t wanted it. And….

            His head turned again, staring at the Lowlander, their guest, the woman he loved. Hakkon damn them. He wasn’t going to give them the pleasure of killing him. Not now. Not ever. The rage came back, slipping free and wanting a target.

            A haze settled over his mind and Cullen shrugged the shield off of his arm. It was only going to slow him down at this point. He could barely hear Elora’s screams as it seemed like wind was whipping in his ears, but a single voice came through clearly.

            _Kill._

            His hand tightened around his sword and the other clenched into a fist. He saw Reyr swing his sword and felt his arm lift, raising his sword to block the blow even as Hervin came at him from the other side. The poisoned blade slashed at his arm, adding a quick flash of pain and more spiralling anger.

            _Kill them!_

            Snarling, Cullen pushed Reyr back and a strange satisfaction filled him when he saw the man stumble, losing his footing from the force of the blow. It gave him time to face the fool who had stabbed him in the back.

            The sneer on the hunter’s face was front and centre as he no doubt thought that he was about to make the kill. But he saw Hervin’s eyes widen as Cullen turned to him, the sneer bleeding into a sudden look of fear as he must have realised what had happened in that brief second they hadn’t attacked. “You-”

            Cullen ignored him, his clenched fist starting to ache at how tightly he was holding it. He continued advancing even as Hervin backed away. “You think that we would let you get away with it?” he asked lowly, his voice twisted. “You think that we would let you stab him in the back, defy us, betray our clan, and let you walk away from it?”

            He shook his head slightly but it didn’t matter in the end.

            Lashing out with his closed fist, Cullen smashed the back of his fist through Hervin’s throat. He heard the man gurgle as the lion’s claws on his gauntlet ripped through his neck, tearing through flesh easily as not only his anger but the god’s rage fueled the strike.

            Blood sprayed across the front of him even as Hervin’s eyes widened further. Another gurgle left him as his hands came up to close over his throat but he fell to his knees. Cullen stared at him, a sick feeling creeping in under the rage. No. No matter what they had done against him, they didn’t deserve that kind of death. But his sword arm still swung.

            He watched emotionlessly as Hervin’s head tumbled from his body, striking the stone while the rest of him slowly toppled over. Only the rage filled him now and he knew he wasn’t done yet.

            Turning slowly, he saw Reyr was back on his feet, shield abandoned and sword clenched in both hands. Lifting his sword, he pointed it at the man that had challenged him, that had cheated to try to take his life from him, and a harsh snarl left him.

            To his credit, Reyr didn’t back away but Cullen still saw him flinch. He seemed to brace himself for the blows that were to come but the very sight of him infuriated Cullen further.

             _Kill him._

            Cullen snarled again and surged forward. Anger fueled his strikes and he lost what finesse he had left. Both of his hands wrapped around the hilt of his sword and he put all of his weight behind the blows. Even when Reyr staggered under them, he didn’t stop. He needed to see this traitorous waste of flesh broken before him.

            A harsh grunt left the other when Cullen’s blade bit into him, sinking into his shoulder briefly. Lifting the sword again, Cullen swung it down with all the force he could muster. Reyr’s scream filled the arena as the sword cut into him. He didn’t stop pushing, cleaving through the hunter’s torso and nearly bisecting him.

            He held onto his sword and watched as the light slowly faded from Reyr’s eyes as he died. Letting go of the blade, Cullen stared as Reyr toppled backwards, blood pooling quickly around him. He didn’t look away, his own blood pounding through his veins. The fight had been too short for him, far too short, and he wanted more.

            Cullen felt nothing but anger as he looked down at the body. Reyr and Hervin were dead but he was still mad. Lifting his head, he slowly spun in a circle to look at all of the clan. They were quiet now but that didn’t matter. “Who else?” he demanded. “Who else thinks Cullen ar Sorcha is unfit to rule?”

            No one answered him but he hadn’t expected one.

“No one? None of you agree with the dead?” Korth, what was he saying? Aye, he knew that there were still others that stood against him but antagonising them wasn’t what he needed to do right now. Not when he was bleeding out and poison was coursing through his veins.

~

            Cullen’s shout was still filling the area as Elora stared at him. She was shaking but for a completely different reason now. Before she had been terrified that he was going to die as he had fought the two men, her gods whipping around her as her panic had transferred to them. She’d been ready to step in herself when he’d been stabbed in the back, Mia and Delrin holding her back as she had screamed. Even when Cullen had ordered everyone to stand down, she had still wanted to help, had refused to believe that this was it.

            But then…then he had wavered and she had felt the change even from here.

            She had watched, horror filling her as he had cut down first the one that had stabbed him in the back and then the other that had challenged him. Now his bellows were cutting through the hold but his voice was wrong. It wasn’t the voice of the man that woke her with murmurs and kisses in the morning. It wasn’t the voice of the man that told her stories of the hold and of himself. It wasn’t the voice of the man she loved. “Mia,” she breathed.

            “He’s going to need tending,” she said softly. “He’s still on his feet but I don’t know how long that’s going to last.”

            Didn’t she know? Couldn’t she tell?

            Mia’s hands rubbed against her back. “Elora, you can relax now. He’s won.”

            She shook her head, horror stories running through her head. She knew that the Avvar viewed the spirits in a different fashion. Bethany had told her that young mages were actually possessed by a spirit and they taught the mages to control and use their gifts. Cullen had even mentioned that the augur could preform rituals to bind a spirit to a warrior before a battle to give him extra strength. They had told her and she had been surrounded by spirits since she had first woken in the hold but this…this didn’t feel right.

            “Elora, you’re shaking like a newborn lamb,” Mia breathed. “What’s wrong?”

            The word was thick on her tongue, her throat closed off as she choked on it. The word didn’t have meaning here, it was a Tower word, a Lowlander word, but it was the only thing that she could think of while she looked at Cullen. And it made her sick to even think it but it wouldn’t leave her.

            It didn’t surprise her when she took a small step back when Cullen spun to face them, coming toward them. She couldn’t go anywhere, Mia and Delrin still having a hold on her, but another shiver wound through her. She could feel the spirit inside of him, could feel it pulsing under his skin, and every lesson she had ever been taught told her this was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

            “Thane,” Mia said softly when he came up to her before she made a noise when he shook his head at her.

            “Gifted one,” he said quietly and stopped quickly, shaking his head again. It seemed like he was trying to clear his thoughts but it wasn’t working. “Elora.”

            A wheeze left her. The first hadn’t been him, but the second…the second had sounded more like him. “Cullen,” she whispered. “Can you hear me?”

            A tremble wound through him. “Aye,” he rasped, “but….”

            Elora hesitated when he reached for her and saw his expression shift when she didn’t take his hand immediately.

            “Gifted one,” he said lowly, dropping his arm. “He needs your help.”

            She heard Mia inhale swiftly and wondered if she finally understood what had happened. But she was still shaking, her mind twisting and rendering her immobile.

            “You are scared,” he breathed, sounding confused. “You have never been scared of him before.”

            “You’re not him,” she whispered. But Cullen was still in there. He had talked to her…before she had hesitated. Had that hesitation allowed the spirit to take full possession of him? Had she just lost him because of her fear?

            “He still needs you.”

            “Leave him,” she said in a strained voice.

            Cullen shook his head slowly. “I can not. Not until you help him. If I leave now, he will die.”

            Elora’s heart slammed into her throat at that before she nearly cursed herself for an idiot. He had been stabbed and cut and would need healing but what was she doing? Standing here being terrified and possibly losing him. She couldn’t speak as fear swelled in her again but she nodded, reaching for him this time.

            His gaze dropped to her shaking hands but he didn’t hesitate to take one of them. He looked at Mia and Delrin, who hadn’t moved away at his approach.

            “I’ll follow you,” the hunter said lowly. “You might not have had someone watching your back in the fight but you will now. I won’t let anyone strike you down now when they think you might be weak.”

            Cullen’s head dipped slightly. “He approves.”

            It wasn’t right, hearing Cullen refer to himself like that but she wasn’t sure she’d be able to handle hearing the spirit talk like he was actually Cullen. Her fingers tightened on his. “Come,” Elora whispered, pulling on him. “Come with me.”

            He looked back at her and took a step with her when she moved. He followed her as she led him away from the arena, his gaze never wavering from her.

            Her heart was pounding as she slowly turned away from him, keeping his hand in hers. She noticed the way the crowd parted for them, no one saying anything as they passed. But she saw some bow their heads slightly, some even making sure they made eye contact with her before they did so. None tried to stop them as they went but some followed, hunters and warriors who had unsheathed their weapons as they walked.

            By the time they were away from the arena, they had an armed escort. She recognized some of the faces but her mind refused to supply names.

            “You are still shaking,” he said quietly from behind her.

            She looked back at him. “I’m scared,” she admitted.

            He took a longer step, letting go of her hand to wrap an arm around her waist. “He doesn’t like that you’re scared. He wants to comfort you.”

            “Don’t,” she whispered when he shifted beside her as if to kiss her.

            He paused and pulled away. “As you wish.”

            The rest of their walk to his home passed in relative silence and she was glad for it. She didn’t like hearing him speak and hearing that strange overlay in his voice that told her it wasn’t really him talking. It was making too many bad things surge to life in her mind, too many horror stories that had been whispered in the dark of the dorms.

            As soon as they were inside, Cullen staggered.

            Mia and Elora both leapt forward, supporting him as much as they could.

            “His strength is fading,” the spirit said through gritted teeth.

            Elora made a noise that Mia quickly shushed. “Get him to the bed,” Mia told her. “We’ll get him settled and it’ll be easier to heal him.”

            Nodding, the three of them shuffled through the house, their pace painfully slow. It didn’t help that Elora jumped at nearly every noise she heard from outside.

            “Easy, Elora,” Mia murmured. “It’s only the hunters settling in.”

            “What do you mean?” she asked, her voice shrill.

            “Those loyal will defend,” the spirit muttered.

            Mia nodded. “Don’t worry about them, Elora. They’re here to make sure no one hurts Cullen’s family.”

            Elora wasn’t sure about that but she didn’t say anything as they helped Cullen to the bed.

            A deep groan left him as he sat on the edge of it, but there was no resistance in him as they stripped armour and shirt from him. Once he was stretched out on the bed, his eyes closed and his breathing ragged, they pulled his boots off and quickly covered him with extra furs.

            “I’m going to get the fire going,” Mia told her, leaving her alone with him. “You stay with him. Your presence will be a comfort for him.”

            Elora fidgeted at the side of the bed, wanting nothing more that to climb up beside Cullen and tuck herself close to him. But she hesitated again.

            “So much fear,” he said quietly.

            “I was taught that this is wrong,” she whispered. “I’ve seen people killed because of this.”

            “I mean him nor you any harm. I only wanted to help, to save our thane.”

            Her lower lip wobbled and she quickly bit down on it.

            “We chose him and his time is not done yet. Nor is yours.”

            She knew that was supposed to be encouraging however it was anything but. Her stomach was still twisted into knots and her tongue felt thick in her mouth.

            “But I cannot heal him,” the spirit said, watching her from under lidded eyes. “At best I can slow the poison but he still will need a healer.”

            Her heart leapt into her throat at that. Poison? He’d been poisoned? She started forward, one knee on the bed before she pulled herself back. “One is coming,” Elora murmured, praying that Rosie was already on her way with Bethany and Branson.

            “You are a healer.”

            She shook her head. She didn’t have great healing magics, wasn’t properly trained in it. If there was poison, she wouldn’t know how to deal with it. It had everything to do with skill and nothing to do with her fear.

            “Gifted one, he will still feel your touch and he needs that now.”

            Her lips pursed. Cullen was more important than anything else right now, including her fear. Surely she could overcome it for him, if he was still in there. She climbed onto the bed beside him and tentatively put her hand on his chest. She kept it there lightly before she flattened her palm completely against him. She could feel his heart beating but it wasn’t the strong, steady pace she was used to. It was faster than it should have been, the beats rapid and alarming. More than that, she could feel the sickness in his veins, the poison that was trying to eat away at him. And below that…the spirit that had entered him to save his life.

            Skill or not, she had to do something. Summoning what power she could, she carefully sent a tendril of healing magic through him. “Shh,” she soothed when he shifted. “Be easy, Cullen.”

            He calmed at her words but his heart was still racing.

            Elora swallowed hard and kept healing him. Gathering her wits as much as she could, she quietly hummed the first few bars of one of the lullabies she remembered. She didn’t get far before the front door slammed open, startling her into stopping.

            “Where is he?!”

            The frantic shout had her head snapping up, more tears filling her eyes at the panic in the voice. She wasn’t surprised when Branson stumbled into view, fear and horror on his face as his gaze immediately found Cullen. “He’s still alive,” she whispered. She didn’t know how long that was going to last but she wasn’t going to tell him that.

            Blue eyes found hers and the pain on Bran’s face made her own flare. “Elora, I….”

            He didn’t finish as Bethany pushed past him, not even pausing as she made for the other side of the bed. Elora started to look away, to see what she was doing, but Bran’s expression completely crumpled on a pained noise.

            “Bran, go see your sister,” Bethany said in a gentle but firm voice.

            “Beth, no. I can’t leave him. I-”

            “Will only be in the way, a ghrá,” she interrupted. “I will call for you if I need your help.”

            His brows drew together. “Beth….”

            “I have to focus, Branson ar Sorcha. Elora’s fear is going to be distracting enough. I don’t need yours as well.” Elora saw Branson flinch at the words and heard Bethany sigh. “I will call you if we need you,” she repeated. “Speak with Mia. Find out what happened and then you may see your brother.”

            He still hesitated but when Bethany didn’t speak to him again he left. His steps were slow and he threw several looks over his shoulder but he did leave.

            Looking at the Chasind mage, Elora wanted to ask questions of her own but the look of concentration on Bethany’s face made her hold her tongue. She had one hand pressed to Cullen’s bare chest and the other resting on his brow. Her own brows were screwed together as she no doubt felt the same things that Elora had.

            “What do you need?” Elora asked when Bethany looked up.

            “He needs to be healed and have the poison removed from him,” she said, frowning harshly. “Both are going to need single minded focus so I can only do one. I’d normally ask one of the healers in the hold to help but….”

            “I don’t want anyone that isn’t family in here,” Elora said tightly.

            Bethany nodded. “I don’t think his family wants anyone else here either,” she agreed. “But that means that you need to handle part of the healing.”

            It was Elora’s turn to nod even though her belly felt like it was fully of butterflies. She wasn’t sure when she had ever focused solely on healing, even if she’d been taught minor cantrips at the tower. “I can try,” she offered.

            “You’ve already started it,” she said, digging in one of the pouches on her hip. “I need to make plasters that will help draw the poison from his wounds and we’ll need to get him to drink something to slow its spread. Once we’ve managed that, I should be able to rid him of the rest of it.”

            Elora nodded again. She could do that. She could heal his wounds. No. She _would_ heal his wounds. She watched Bethany go back into the main part of the house, talking swiftly to Mia and Rosie. Her head turned back when she felt the bed shift and she saw Cullen’s eyes were slit open. “Cullen?” she whispered, hoping against hope.

            “Elora,” he rasped, his hand lifting.

            She inhaled sharply and took his hand quickly. Kissing his palm, she pressed it to her cheek and tried not to cry. “Yes, it’s me,” she breathed. “I’m here, Cullen.”

            His thumb rubbed slowly against her. “My Lowlander,” he mumbled. “My…love.”

            Elora’s breath caught as his eyes closed on the last word. “Cullen?” she said frantically. “Cullen, love, no. Wake up. Please? Please, I love you. Please don’t!”

            He didn’t stir again, his hand limp in hers and making her panic soar.

            “No, no, no,” she whispered. “Cullen? Cullen! _Bethany!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a note, I know Cullen as we know him would never allow anything to possess him and having to balance that knowledge against how the Avvar view spirits was hard to do while still keeping him in character. The way I see it is that the spirit was whispering to him right from the start when it became apparent he'd have no second but he didn't want it, has never really wanted to be possessed because he wants to use his own strength to win his battles. Without giving away too much what's going to happen in the next few chapters, I will say that that desire to win on his own, to not be possessed is going to play heavily into what happens next.


	25. Chapter 25

 

            Keeping her eyes closed, Elora concentrated on the beating she could feel under her palm. She’d been focused on it for hours and her hand hadn’t even moved when she had fallen asleep. She didn’t know if she’d been able to keep track of it in her sleep but it was comforting to still feel it when she had woken.

            Not that it truly mattered in the end because even though it was steady she knew he wasn’t awake.

            Elora pursed her lips. She had cried enough over the night, she wasn’t going to do it right now, not when she had just woken. But she certainly felt like she was going to and it was a struggle to keep herself from giving into her sadness again.

            Between Bethany’s poultices, magic, and Elora’s own magic, they had managed to stabilize Cullen to the point where they could recover their strength to finish healing him. So they had rested as much as they could before continuing with their spells. He hadn’t woken a single time. In fact, he had barely reacted to anything that they had done, even when they’d had to open some of the wounds further to help drain the poison from them.

            The family hadn’t left the house the entire time and Elora wasn’t sure if any of them had slept at all. The only reason she had was because she had been emotionally and magically spent so she had passed out. She wasn’t sure how long she had slept but it hadn’t been restful. She’d had horrible dreams of death and blood and twisted shapes but she hadn’t been able to wake from any of them. No matter how much her mind had wanted it, her body had been too exhausted to respond.

            But she was awake now and she didn’t know what to do with herself.

            Her fingers traced lightly over Cullen’s chest, never straying too far from his heart. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this still,” she said softly. “Not once since I’ve been at the hold. Even when you sleep it’s…different. And, yes, I have watched you sleep. It sounds horrible but you’re so at peace when you’re asleep and I’ve never…I’ve never really had the luxury to just lay beside someone and look at them. I don’t think I’ve ever really had the time to actually look at a person enough to memorize what they look like.”

            She paused. She knew he wasn’t likely to answer but she still stopped.

            “But now,” she continued, “I know that you have a little scar under your jaw even though I don’t know why it’s there. I know all the little swirls of your tattoo and how they mark so much of you.” Elora stopped talking, pressing her face into his shoulder and taking a deep breath. “I love you, Cullen. Please wake up.”

            He didn’t respond or move beside her.

            Elora sighed and kissed his shoulder. “Please,” she whispered.

            “Elora?”

            She lifted her head at the soft voice and saw Mia standing near the foot of the bed. “What is it?” she asked.

            “It’s morning. You should eat something.”

            Her heart slammed into her throat and she struggled to breathe. She’d barely left Cullen’s side since she had climbed onto the bed beside him. He’d woken so briefly before she didn’t want to miss it if he did again. “I….”

            “It isn’t healthy for you to stay here the entire time,” Mia said gently.

            Her temper flared. “How is it not healthy to stay by the side of the man I love when he’s hurt?” she demanded.

            “You need to move and keep yourself healthy as well, Elora. How do you think Cullen will feel when he wakes and you haven’t been taking care of yourself? He isn’t going to hold it against you if you leave him for a little while to eat and stretch your muscles. If anything, he’ll be mad if you don’t and probably upset because he was the reason that you hurt yourself like that.”

            She flinched, dropping her gaze to look at Cullen. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

            “You’re forgiven, Elora. You’re scared. We all are so we’re lashing out but I know you don’t mean it.” Mia paused. “Except for the loving him part.”

            Elora flushed and nearly buried her face back into Cullen’s chest. She had been whispering it repeatedly to him in the hopes that he would hear it and come back to her. Of course that had also meant that everyone who had helped with the healing had heard her. Meaning all of Cullen’s family expect him had heard her.

            It felt wrong that all of them knew and he didn’t.

            Her mouth clamped shut on a whimper and she squeezed her eyes closed. No. She would tell him. When he woke up, it was going to be the first thing she told him. She didn’t care about anything else. She was telling him no matter what. It didn’t matter if he wanted to talk about something else. It was later and she was saying the damn words to him.

            “Elora, please,” Mia begged. “A few minutes to get some warm food in you and walk around a bit so you don’t stiffen up. Some fresh air will do you some good.”

            Her eyes opened but Mia’s form was wavy. “You’ll stay with him?” she croaked.

            “Aye, I won’t leave him.”

            Elora was slow to push away from him, a combination of the stiffness in her body and her unwillingness to actually leave him. She paused before leaving the bed completely and leaned over him. Her lips lingered against his forehead but she finally pulled away with a sigh. Just one response. It was all she wanted from him.

            “Rosie and Leo are still asleep,” Mia warned her.

            “Bran and Beth?”

            “Beth went back to the Chasind to get more supplies to try to lure Cullen to waking. She said she was going to bring her brother back as well to help guard the home. Bran….” Mia sighed and her shoulders slumped. “He hasn’t slept.”

            Elora’s stomach cramped at that and she slowly moved into the main room as Mia sat on the chair beside the bed. All of Cullen’s family had been on edge but Bran was worse. The misery in him had been almost as painful as what had happened to Cullen and it had made it almost impossible for him to help in the healing. He’d wanted to but Bethany had kept shooing him back from the bed because the intense emotions rolling off of him were disruptive. Which had only made him worse.

            Shuffling to the fire, Elora held her hands out to it and watched as her fingers shook. Had she eaten yesterday? She knew she had had at least one meal before…everything but after it had happened everything was fuzzy. She must have eaten while they had rested from the healing but she didn’t remember what it was. She’d been too focused on Cullen. She still was but Mia was right. She needed to eat and take care of herself as well. What good would it be if Cullen woke up and she wasn’t there?

            That thought had her moving again, finding a clean bowl on the table and ladling some of the stew into it. As she sat at the table, she wondered if Mia had made it or if someone had brought it. It was more likely the former because right now she wasn’t sure any of them trusted many in the hold. It would be the perfect opportunity to try to eliminate the thane and his family when he was defenseless like this.

            Her gaze flicked up to the roof when she heard a noise. They had come and gone all through yesterday and the night; the sounds of people shifting on the roof, outside the house. She hadn’t gone outside but Rosie had described it to her when they’d had a small moment.

            The entire house was surrounded by several of the clan, weapons and magic at the ready to defend those that were inside. Those loyal to Cullen were showing what side they were on and they weren’t being subtle about it. Very few were allowed to approach the house and even then they were watched closely. They had dug in to protect their thane and they weren’t leaving until he was on his feet again. Reyr and Hervin’s actions at the fight had apparently been the final straw for a lot of the clan that hadn’t been as overt about their allegiances. People were clearly stating sides and taking note of who wasn’t on theirs.

            Elora wished it hadn’t taken Cullen’s near death to finally cause that to happen.

            She let her spoon plop down into the bowl and dug the palms of her hands into her eyes. She kept seeing it, the blades entering him, the vicious way he had torn the two men apart, the strange look in his eyes when he had come to her. It wouldn’t go away and she didn’t think it ever would. She had seen Cullen battle at the rift but this had been different, this had been savage and not anything she had thought him capable of. She knew he was a warrior and the Avvar believed in strength but to actually see him tear out the throat of one man and drive his sword so deep into the other that he-

            Her stomach heaved and she lurched to her feet, knocking over her chair. She ran through the house, slamming out the back door and into her garden. Shadows moved around her as those guarding took note of her leaving, but no one stopped her as she raced to the back corner of the small area. But she could feel their eyes on her as she collapsed to her knees and her stomach heaved again.

            Gagging at the bile that filled her throat, she clutched her arms around her middle as she vomited. The images kept playing over and over in her mind, the blood spraying and the gurgling cry. The blood that had been coating him, dripping down his armour and skin. The smell of it that had hung in the air and then filled the house before they’d washed it from him.

            She felt her hair move and a gentle hand pressed to her back for a moment before it soothingly stroked as she threw up again.

            Tears were clogging her eyes at the pain but she couldn’t stop, losing what little of the breakfast she’d been able to eat. A pathetic whimper left her between one bout and the next and someone shushed her gently.

            “Easy, Elora. Try to breathe. Don’t fight it. It’ll hurt more if you do. I know it hurts now but it will be worse. Shh, I’m right here. You’re not alone.”

            She didn’t know how much time passed but her stomach didn’t have much to offer and soon she was gagging on nothing. But the person with her didn’t leave, kept rubbing her back and holding her hair. They kept talking to her and it was their steady voice that helped her finally straighten. But she was trembling as her body ached from what had just happened. “Sorry,” she rasped.

            “Nothing to be sorry about. Here rinse your mouth out with this.”

            The hand left her back and something cool pressed to her lips. She tipped her head back as cold water filled her mouth and she had to fight not to swallow it immediately to soothe her throat. Swishing it around, she leaned over one more time to spit it out before a shaking hand took it to sip at a little more. “Thank you,” Elora whispered.

            “You’re welcome.”

            Looking over her shoulder she met exhausted blue eyes. “Bran.”

            He gave her a strained smile. “Come on, Elora. On your feet. Let’s go sit on the bench for a bit.”

            She wasn’t sure she could walk but he supported her as she staggered to her feet and lumbered toward the rough bench. She plopped gracelessly down, making a noise as her butt struck the wood far harder than she wanted, and stared up at Bran when he didn’t sit beside her immediately.

            He pulled something from a pouch on his hip, bright leaves, and held them out to her. “It’ll help with the taste.”

            Her nose wrinkled as she took the leaves and popped them in her mouth to start chewing them. She was thankful when she realised they were only mint and not anything else.

            “Wait here,” he said, grabbing the spade from where it was leaning against the wall of the house.

            Her eyes jerked away when she realised that he was going to cover dirt over what she had just thrown up and she felt shame eat at her. Her fingers tightened on the flask in them and more tears stung at her eyes as she spat out the leaves. She was so weak. How could she ever support a thane when she was weak? She wasn’t Avvar and that kind of brutality surely wasn’t something any of them would have gotten sick over. But she was just a weak Lowlander who shouldn’t have been there.

            She shut out the whispers around her as the wisps murmured to her. No. She didn’t want to hear them. They shouldn’t have been talking to her. This was her fault because she was weak. She hadn’t been strong enough to follow the rules of the Avvar for the Fire Dance and look at what had happened. Cullen had nearly died and was now possessed by a spirit. This was entirely her fault because she hadn’t stayed in her place.

            Elora jerked harshly when something wrapped around her and her head snapped up to stare at Bran as he settled her cloak over her. “I don’t….”

            “You were trembling,” he said quietly, sinking onto the bench beside her.

            “I’m not cold.”

            “That’s a change since I thought you always were.”

            The gentle tease only made her shake her head. She shouldn’t be wearing the courting gift. Not when it was that courting that had caused this mess.

            “I know what you’re thinking,” Branson said softly, “and you’re wrong.”

            She laughed shortly, harshly. “You can’t possibly know that. Unless you’re a mage and no one told me.”

            “No, Elora, I didn’t inherit my mother’s gift, but I don’t need it to know and tell you you’re wrong.”

            Elora looked at him, her angry retort dying on her lips when she saw him staring hard out at the garden. It didn’t take much to figure out what _he_ was thinking. “If I’m wrong, so are you,” she said slowly.

            Branson shook his head and pressed his hands harder against his thighs. “No, Elora, this is on me. You might have flirted with breaking the rules, pushed them further than you should have, but I broke them. I knew I was supposed to dance but I wanted too much and I ignored things that I shouldn’t have. I thought…Korth, I wasn’t thinking and that was the problem. I let my cock do my thinking for me and look where it landed me.”

            “Branson, no-”

            “Elora, don’t,” he said shortly. “This is my fault for breaking Rilla’s laws and thinking I was above them. Cullen wasn’t the one that thought he was better than our people. I lashed out at him and at you when I knew that I had done wrong and couldn’t admit it.”

            “We aren’t exactly innocent either, Bran,” she said softly. “We might not have broken the rules but we _were_ pushing them. You aren’t the only one to blame for what happened.”

            He was still shaking his head.

            “It’s true, Bran. We’re all adults and we all had our share in this,” Elora whispered. “I know I played my part so damn well because I’m so fucking weak. One night of sex where someone didn’t treat me like a thing to be used and I can’t get enough even though I know I’m not supposed to. You’re not the only one that was thinking with their cock.”

            Branson gave a choked snort. “I’m almost sure you don’t have one of those,” he muttered.

            She gave his leg a small shove. “You know what I mean.”

            He smiled faintly at her before sighing and leaning over his legs. “Doesn’t matter in the end,” he said finally. “What we did we can’t change. We can’t change what happened to Cullen.”

            Maker, she knew that. No matter how much she wished that she could change it she knew she couldn’t. As much as she blamed herself, she couldn’t change anything that she had done or what had happened because of it. But it wasn’t so easy to just accept it and move on. “Cullen would probably think it was his fault,” she murmured after a moment.

            “Aye, he would but he’s always taken more onto his shoulders than he should. Was always serious when we were growing up, about training, about hunting, about everything. Alistair used to drive him crazy because he was always laughing and making jokes and they’d usually wind up scrapping because of some dumb thing Alistair said.” Branson’s mouth twisted in an almost smiled. “But, Lady, as much as those two would gripe at each other, they stood together against anyone who said anything bad about them. It was alright for them to pick at each other but no one else was allowed. I don’t think Cullen has really had that close of a friend since Alistair…left.”

            “A lot happened,” Elora said quietly, rubbing his back this time.

            “Aye it did and look at where it landed us. Both parents killed within a year of each other and a clan trying to tear us apart.”

            “You also have a family that loves each other more than I have ever seen. You have a wonderful nephew who is the sweetest child I’ve ever met.” Elora paused for a moment before softly adding, “And you have a woman who loves you enough to risk the wrath of the gods.”

            She thought she saw tears fill his eyes before he closed them. “I’m not sure I deserve her anymore.”

            Leaning against him, Elora spread the cloak out to cover him as much as she could. “Of course you do.”

            He sagged further and a deep sigh left her. “Aye, well I don’t feel like it,” he muttered.

            “I don’t think any of us feel good right now,” she sighed.

            Branson nodded and they fell into silence.

            As much as she had told Bran this wasn’t his fault, it was hard to accept that it wasn’t hers either. Until Cullen woke up, she doubted either of them were going to believe anything but that. If he didn’t…. She shook her head. No. He would wake up. He had to wake up. He simply had to.

* * *

 

            “What do you mean he won’t wake up?” Elora demanded, staring at Bethany in horror.

            The mage sighed, her face haggard as she sat across from Elora. “The god that saved him, that gave him its strength, it was…. There are rituals that are supposed to be performed when fusing god and man to keep both safe but this was done fast and wrong.”

            Elora stared at her, her thoughts blank. She’d been a tangle of emotions for days, watching over Cullen, trying to eat and keep it down, but now there was…nothing.

            “Meaning what?” Mia asked softly.

            Bethany fiddled with the mug in front of her before sighing again. “Meaning that his soul and the god are tangled together. Maybe if he hadn’t been fighting for his life or already been hurt when he let the god in it would be easier to separate them. But he was and it twisted them both together in a way I can’t help or unravel.”

            Warm arms wrapped around her but she barely felt them. Tears were falling down her cheeks but she couldn’t stop them. No words would come and all she could do was sit there.

            “It’s beyond my skill or anything that I know,” Bethany continued. “At best, we can keep him alive until….”

            “Until your sister returns,” Mia muttered. “Which we don’t know when that will be. Beyond going north, none of us even know where she went. Cullen might have but that doesn’t help us.”

            “I’m sorry,” she said in a small voice.

            “No, Bethany, thank you for all you’ve done. Cullen would have surely died if not for you.”

            “He still might,” Elora whispered.

            Mia shot her a sharp look but Elora didn’t pay it any mind.

            “After all of this, the thing that saved his life in the ring is going to be the thing that kills him? How is that even remotely fair?” she demanded. “How was that ever supposed to help him? How-” She broke off when a hand connected with her cheek, slapping her sharply.

            The look was still on Mia’s face as Elora stared at her. “The gods work in ways that we will never understand, Elora,” she said tightly. “It did what it could to keep Cullen alive and I’m sure it couldn’t have known that this would be the result. But more than that, the gods react to our emotions. You accepting the fact that Cullen is as good as dead is inviting it to happen. You believing it may very well be the thing that kills him in the end.”

            A shaking hand pressed to her cheek where it was stinging but she wasn’t upset about the slap. She was upset about what Mia was saying. “I don’t….”

            “Elora, you love Cullen,” Mia growled. “Are you going to let him go or are you going to dig in and fight for him? Are you going to crumple or believe that he’s going to come back to you?”

            “I-I….”

            “My brother waited ten years for you, Elora. I don’t believe for one second that he won’t come back to you, that he isn’t fighting with everything that he is to come back to you.”

            More tears spilled down her cheeks. “Mia….”

            “It’s a different battle, but don’t you dare give up, Elora. Not when he needs you now more than ever.”

            “But I’m not strong,” she whispered.

            Mia’s face softened. “Elora, the woman that survived being in the river is strong. The woman who had the courage to accept my brother into her life is strong. The woman who has stayed by his side for so many months is so strong.”

            “I don’t feel strong.”

            “None of us do, Elora,” she breathed. “But we have to be. For Cullen. Can you be strong for him?”

            She wasn’t sure she could but she still nodded. “Is there nothing else we can do?” she pleaded.

            “I trained with other clans, but this is beyond me,” Bethany said sadly. “I was never meant to be an augur so I don’t know the spirits as well as Liv does. And they don’t know me as well as they know her. If I tried, I might make a bigger mess of it and I won’t do that.”

            Elora pulled her cloak a little tighter around herself but she knew the chill she was feeling wouldn’t go away if she was warmer.

            “They’re agitated enough as it is and if I asked them for help I doubt it would do anything,” Bethany said, glancing at Bran as he shifted beside her. “I wish I could give you more than that but….”

            “You’ve already given us so much, Beth,” Bran said thickly.

            “Aye, well he’s my thane too,” she growled.

            Elora looked away from them to stare at the top of the table. What was she supposed to do? What could she even possibly do if Bethany couldn’t do anything? She’d followed the other’s lead and now….

            Pushing away from the table, she stumbled toward the bedroom. She was glad when no one tried to stop her. Where was the hope that she had felt only a few days ago when she had spoken with Bran? Where was the certainty that he would wake and they would be able to move on from this? Where had all of that gone?

            Elora stopped as she got behind the fur, watching Cullen as he slept. Her lower lip trembled for a moment before she bit down on it. Never wake up? No. She couldn’t believe that. She just couldn’t. Even if this was because of what they had done, surely this couldn’t be considered fair payment.

            _Sad, sad, wake up?_

            Her gaze flicked away from Cullen to look up at where the voice had come from. She was sad but…. “He will,” she whispered, speaking to the spirit and herself. “He has to.”

            Something soft rubbed against her face. _Wake up. Wake up!_

            She smiled faintly at the happiness in their voices. What had Mia said? That believing he was dead was as good as it happening? It was hard to believe that he would die, not after everything that had happened. “No,” she whispered, moving to the bed.

            Kicking off her slippers, she pulled the covers back and slid in beside him. He was warmer than he usually was, a combination of the heat in the house and the after effects of drawing the poison from him Bethany had said. But she wondered now if it was also because of the spirit inside of him, his body fighting it instinctually as well.

            Elora ran her fingers over his brow, frowning at the sweat she felt there. “Shh, Cullen,” she murmured. “I’m right here, love, and I’m not going anywhere. Not until you wake up because we really need to talk. About so many things. We need to dance again. We need to have a life together. We can’t let this be our end.”

            She tried not to let it get to her when he didn’t respond, didn’t even turn toward her voice.

            Closing her eyes, she settled beside him on the pillow and moved her hand back to his chest under the blankets. She took greater comfort in the feel of his heartbeat now than she had before. Licking her lips, she cleared her throat quietly before taking a deep breath. “Oh hush thee my dove,” she sang softly. “Oh hush thee my rowan, Oh hush thee my lapwing, my little brown bird. Oh fold thy wing and seek thy nest now, oh shine the berry on the bright tree. The bird is home from the mountain and valley.”

            Her voice wavered as she heard noises from the rest of the house but she was sure that she was singing quietly enough that they couldn’t hear her. Not that it would matter since she was sure the whole of the house had heard her over the last few days, especially since the wisps enjoyed joining in and making the song echo through the entire house.

            “Oh hush thee my dove,” Elora continued, already hearing the quiet humming from the wisps. “My love, my pride, my treasure oh, my wonder new and pleasure oh, my one, my beauty ever you….”

            “You keep singing that song.”

            Elora’s eyes opened and her head turned to see Rosie standing just inside the room. “It’s the only one I truly remember my mother singing to me,” she admitted. “Maybe it isn’t appropriate since he’s not a child but…I don’t know what else to sing.”

            Rosie rubbed her arms slowly, watching her brother for a long moment before she looked at Elora. “When Cullen was little, he caught the water chills and nearly died,” she said quietly. “I was only a baby when it happened so I only know what I’ve been told. But our mother kept him alive when he should have died. He still gets sick if he’s not careful and the Lady knows my brothers are anything but careful sometimes. I’m honestly surprised he didn’t get sick with that foolishness of trying to catch fish with his bare hands.”

            She couldn’t help smiling at the memory. It had been so surprising, catching both Cullen and Branson naked in the stream near the farms and she hadn’t been able to not look at Cullen. The water had been crystal clear and she had been close enough to get more than an eyeful of him. She hadn’t forgotten that, might have even had dreams about it, but she didn’t understand why Rosie would bring that up now.

            “He’s gotten sick again over the years when winter melts into spring, usually when he hasn’t taken care of himself. But when he was young, Mama kept him inside to make sure that he didn’t get too sick. Even when he was older, she still kept him inside.”

            “Rosie, I don’t understand.”

            Her lips pursed. “I don’t remember much about it because I was so little,” she said softly, “and Pabbi kept me and Branson away from them to make sure that we didn’t get sick. But what I do remember is Mama singing to him. She would sing all day and into the night to soothe him. Her gods would join, like yours do you. It would fill the house and even though we were worried about Cullen, her voice helped calm all of us. We knew that when she stopped singing, Cullen would be awake and everything would be alright. No matter how ill he was, we knew that Mama would sing him better.”

            “I don’t have the kind of magic your mother had.”

            “Except you do, Elora,” she whispered. “You love Cully and maybe it’s a different kind of love, but it’s still love. That was what drove Mama to sing, to heal him, because she loved him. You’re doing the exact same thing. You want him to heal, you want him to hear you, so you sing and lure him back to the waking world. It’s no different than Mama.”

            Elora blinked slowly, looking at Cullen for a long moment. “I do love him,” she murmured, “and I do want him to hear me. But I don’t know if my songs are working.”

            “We can teach you the ones Mama used to sing,” Rosie offered. “You should know them anyways for when you have little ones of your own to sing to sleep.”

            A shaking breath left her and she blinked away the tears clinging to her lashes. Little ones of her own? Oh she could only hope. “I would like that,” Elora whispered.

* * *

 

            Jerking awake, Elora stared, disoriented, into the darkness around her. Why was it so dark? Had the fire died down? Was everyone asleep? The last she remembered was Rosie teaching her the words of simple lullabies as they had sat on either side of Cullen. She had stumbled over several of the foreign words but Rosie had been patient with her and gently corrected her when she hadn’t quite gotten them.

            But that was clearly hours ago and she must have fallen asleep at some point.

            She started to push off the bed when she froze. She wasn’t alone. There was a figure at the end of the bed, nearly hidden by the shadows.

            Her panic surged immediately and she reacted. A barrier snapped to life around the bed and she thought she saw tiny currents of lightning arching over it. “Who are you?” she said lowly.

            The figure shifted and Elora saw fingers brush against the barrier before jerking back as the lightning surged toward their hand. “Nice trick,” the person murmured.

            “Who are you?” she repeated, her voice a little louder.

            Silence for a long moment before a soft snap came and fire sprung to life in the hand that had been touching the barrier. The light was pale and not like any fire she had ever seen before, but it was enough to show her a lean face that looked stretched thin. Dark hair hung into pale eyes that glowed nearly as much as the flames. The bold slash of red across the woman’s nose marked her as part of the Hawke clan but Elora didn’t recognize her from her time with the Chasind. “You don’t remember me?” she asked before shaking her head. “No, you wouldn’t and we don’t have time for that now. Drop the barrier.”

            “Who are you?” Elora said loudly.

            She hissed, making a sharp gesture with her other hand. “Quiet!”

            “Elora?” a groggy voice asked from the other room.

            Elora stared at the woman as she shifted slightly to look toward the speaker. “Mia. She has a barrier up and won’t drop it. I need to get to Cullen.”

            “Hawke?” Mia gasped, her voice sounding startled. “Lady be merciful, you’re here!”

            “Mia!” Hawke growled. “The barrier!”

            “Elora, drop the barrier. Let her in. This is our augur, Hawke. She’ll help.”

            The words were said fast and it took Elora a long moment to understand them, while Hawke stared hard at her, waiting for it to drop. She did it reluctantly, not liking that this woman had snuck into the house in the dead of night to stand at the foot of Cullen’s bed to what? Watch them sleep?

            Her gaze didn’t leave Hawke as she came around the bed and immediately put her hands on Cullen. Elora’s eyes narrowed as the flame bobbed in the air, not going out even as Hawke let it go. “Nice trick,” she muttered.

            A sharp grin was thrown at her before she was looking at Cullen, her expression falling. “Made a mess of it, Lionsbane,” she mumbled under her breath. “Can’t you do anything without me? Poison? Stabbed in the back? You’re a right mess.”

            Elora didn’t like the way she was talking or the way she was touching Cullen with such familiarity. But the whole of the family was awake now and none of them were protesting this so she kept her tongue.

            “Was gone too long,” Hawke growled. “Didn’t mean to be gone so long but did you have to go and get mangled like this?”

            “Because he did it on purpose?” Elora demanded, ignoring the voices that shushed her.

            Those glowing blue eyes looked back up at her. “Fire and spirit,” she murmured, her head cocking to the side. “Good. He needs both to rekindle his. Get out.”

            Elora stared at her. “Excuse me?” she asked. “You just said-”

            “You’re in the way, as tangled up as he is. You’re a mess but yours will hurt his. Go.”

            “I will not!”

            The eyes narrowed at her. “Carver,” she said sharply, “get them out.”

            Hands grabbed her and Elora lashed out, hearing a grunt as her foot connected with someone. “No!” she yelled and heard the room rattle as the wisps responded to her.

            “Enough!” Hawke bellowed, levelling a severe look at her. “I can’t save him with you here. You’re too tangled. Let me work so I can save him!”

            Elora didn’t budge, glaring back at the other woman. She made a noise when hands touched her again.

            “Elora, listen to me,” Branson said softly. “She can save him. She is the only one that can save him. Come with me.”

            “No,” she said as firmly as she could.

            “You’re in the way,” Hawke muttered again.

            She shook her head, tears stinging her eyes.

            Hawke stared at her for a long moment before her voice whispered through the shadows. “You’re killing him.”

            Elora gasped, pain lancing through her. She couldn’t move as Branson bodily lifted her off the bed and carried her from the room. “No,” she protested, trying to get away from him and keep her gaze on Cullen. “No, please!”

            He didn’t stop and she heard Mia and Rosie scrambling to grab things before they followed. Bethany and her twin followed behind them but they stayed at the door of Cullen’s home while Branson kept walking.

            “Bran, please,” Elora pleaded, sobbing now as he carried her away from Cullen.

            “I’m sorry, Elora,” he whispered and she heard his own tears in his voice. “I can’t.”

            She wailed and crumpled into him as she kept sobbing.


	26. Chapter 26

 

            Staring into the dark, Elora wished she could sleep but it wasn’t coming. As soon as she realised that no one in the house was going to let her leave, she had collapsed on one of the beds. She had been exhausted not only from the emotional strain but also from trying to get around Bran as he was the one that had planted himself between her and the door. She hadn’t gone to sleep though, she had been too panicked and upset to even think about it. She’d still been awake when Rosie had come in to lay down on the other side of the bed but she hadn’t said anything. There wasn’t really anything to say about anything.

            She’d resented Rosalie slightly for how fast the other woman had fallen asleep but she’d forced herself to let it go. Everyone was tired and she couldn’t blame her for wanting to sleep to pass the rest of the time. If it weren’t for the fact that she knew she would have nightmares, Elora would have given anything to sleep until Hawke was done whatever she was doing.

            Her brows drew together before she pushed her face into the pillow in irritation. Too tangled? What did that even mean? She wasn’t the one that had a spirit slowly killing her!

            _Shh, easy._

            Pushing out a breath, Elora wanted to shake her head at herself. She knew exactly what it meant. Her emotions were unstable and her thoughts were all over the place. Mia had already told her that thinking that Cullen was going to die was akin to killing him herself and…apparently she hadn’t done a good enough job about clearing her thoughts. But being removed from Cullen’s home the way she had hadn’t done anything to help her settle down. If anything, it had made her worse.

            She knew that Hawke surely had the best intentions but that didn’t mean that she had liked it. At all. Nor had she cared for the blind faith Cullen’s family had put in the woman. It didn’t matter that she knew Hawke was the augur and was most likely the most qualified to help Cullen. Fear was eating at her that Hawke was too late, that there wasn’t anything that she could do to help Cullen, and that he would slip away from her while she wasn’t with him.

            A shaking breath left her and she heard gentle murmurs in her ear. And that kind of thinking was exactly why she’d been kicked out of the house.

            Elora slowly traced a pattern on the mattress. Perhaps she should simply get up so that she wouldn’t wake Rosie with restlessness. She’d tossed and turned across her part of the bed for what had to be hours. Although with her luck, it had probably only been an hour. But staying in bed wasn’t going to work anymore and it wouldn’t be fair to Rosie to wake her up simply because she couldn’t be still.

            She carefully crawled off of the bed and sat on the edge of it for a long moment. Maker, she felt old and she hadn’t even done anything in days. The only time she had ever felt this exhausted had been after her Harrowing. She was…drained but just like in the Tower she had to keep going. At least here she didn’t have to plaster a smile on her face and pretend that everything was alright, that she wasn’t terrified out of her mind at what had happened.

            It had been years since she had honestly thought about her Harrowing but with the spirit entering Cullen it kept teasing her memories. She knew she had passed but she couldn’t help thinking about what would have happened if she hadn’t. Although, she knew, she knew that the Templars would have cut her down but what if they hadn’t been able to tell? Most of the young mages in the village, while few, were blended so seamlessly that she hadn’t known they were possessed until she had been told. What if that had happened to her?

            A chill ran through her and she squashed the thought. That wasn’t something to think about now, or ever if she were honest.

            Pushing off the bed, she didn’t bother with her shoes as she padded quietly across the room. She paused as she heard a noise outside before shaking her head. It would seem that some of the men and women that had been defending the thane’s home had come with the family to protect them as well. There wasn’t anything to worry about over those noises.

            Gently opening the door, Elora paused again when she saw the form slumped over the table. She shook her head as she realised who it was. Going back into the room, she scooped up a blanket from the foot of the bed and brought it into the main room. She carefully spread it out over Bran’s shoulders and let her hand rest on his back for a moment after he was covered.

            She didn’t know if he had stayed out here to try to keep her inside or if he’d simply passed out at the table. She was almost sure it was the latter one. The poor man had barely slept since he had returned to the hold after the fight.

            Glancing at the windows, she saw that the shutters were drawn but early morning light was starting to filter through the slats. She still wasn’t sure what time it was and as much as she wanted to go back to Cullen’s, she knew there wasn’t much point. She doubted any of the warriors that had followed them to the house would allow her in when it was their augur that had kicked her out in the first place. Plus, she didn’t want to go anywhere in case Hawke came here looking for her…nor did she really want to see the rest of the clan. Not now when she was too upset to really think about who was friend or foe.

            Elora wrapped her arms around her middle and quietly moved over to the fire. Her wisps were thankfully quiet now but she could feel them nearby. They’d tried to comfort her when they’d first gotten to Mia’s home, whispering to her and warming the air around her. She had appreciated it, but her thoughts had been too scattered, her emotions all over the place that she hadn’t been able to focus on it. Now they were simply staying nearby, whispering the odd encouragement every now and then but mostly leaving her be.

            Adding another log to the fire, she summoned a little bit of magic to bring the embers back to life. The flames quickly licked at the wood, fuelled by her mana, until it was sustaining itself. She held her hands out to it, wishing the warmth would banish the icy feeling inside her. She wanted it gone but it wouldn’t until she knew Cullen was okay.

            She nearly jumped out of her skin, lost in thought and staring at the flames, when the door suddenly opened. Swallowing her fear, she pushed to her feet and started to gather her mana. She doubted their protectors would let just anyone through but there was always a chance.

            “I can feel you.”

            Her shoulders slumped at the quiet voice and she let go of her growing mana. Shifting so she could see the open door, she didn’t move further than that. Elora stared at the other woman as she stood in the doorway. She couldn’t see much with the dawn light behind her so she didn’t know what to expect from her. “Hawke,” she said softly.

            “Elora,” she responded. “Are you going to attack me?”

            She shook her head, her cheeks feeling hot. “I won’t apologise for reacting the way I did.”

            “I don’t want you to,” Hawke said. “You were protecting your thane and the man you love. I showed up without warning in your bedroom. If you’d done anything less, I would have doubted your dedication to him.”

            Hawke hadn’t been here for months. How did she know about that? Had someone told her? Had…Cullen told her? “Do you doubt me?”

            “No,” she said, shaking her head. “But that isn’t why I came to talk to you.”

            Elora’s heart pounded in her chest as the other woman closed the door and came further into the room. She watched as Hawke moved to the table and put her hand on Branson’s head when he stirred. “What did you do?” she asked when he stilled again.

            “I want to talk to you first and I can’t do that if his family is asking questions.”

            That wasn’t telling her what she had done but she was getting the feeling that Hawke was unlikely to answer a lot of her questions. But she did see the way she sat down, the way she was holding herself. “Are you alright?”

            Icy eyes flicked to her. “No, but that doesn’t matter right now. What matters is what happened to Cullen. The god said you were scared of what happened.”

            Of all the things to talk about first…. “Where I come from people are killed for possession,” she whispered. “They become abominations and are killed.”

            “Our mages merge with the gods as part of their training. That corruption your Templars and Chantry are so scared of comes only because of the fear they instill in your mages. There are gods that mean ill,” Hawke said after a moment, “but they are never approved by augurs to even be in a hold so our mages our safe. The gods protect us and we protect them. But you knew about our mages carrying a god within them so why did it scare you with Cullen?”

            “He’s not a mage.”

            “No, he isn’t but that isn’t all of it, is it?”

            “No,” Elora said softly, looking away. “I was afraid he would lose himself, would become twisted and the man I love would be gone because he wasn’t a mage.”

            “Love,” Hawke repeated slowly. “That might just be what was keeping him holding on. Anyone without magic isn’t well suited to having a god within them for an extended period of time. That is why there are special rites and rituals to merge them and to remove them. Without those…it can go poorly but you already knew that. Bethany told you.”

            Yes, she had and it had only served to terrify her even more. “You said they were tangled together.”

            “Aye,” she growled, scrubbing at her face. “Too many emotions and too much pain. I could only get half of the story from the god but I will have the whole of it so I know why the thane’s blood was spilt like that, why he was merged with a god.”

            Elora swallowed hard, bile rising in her throat. Hawke had said was. She wasn’t, _couldn’t_ , going to think about that right now.

            “He was so worried about you that he got even further tangled up with the god, wouldn’t listen to it-stubborn idiot-and they couldn’t separate. Not that Bethany would have been able to do it easily.”

            “Did you do it?” Elora breathed, her voice hoarse. She couldn’t stand not knowing anymore.

            Hawke’s fingers drummed against the top of the table. “Understand this, Elora of the Lowlands,” she said lowly, “when a god gets caught up in a mortal’s soul like that only one can live. In a situation like this, the betterment of the hold must be taken into account. Can we afford to lose a god that has seen so many years among the clan because of one mortal man who is, at the end of the day, replaceable?”

            “Cullen isn’t replaceable!” Elora said hotly, her hands clenching. “I don’t care what the clan thinks about him, he’s a good man and he doesn’t deserve to die because some ass decided to strike at him in a weak moment! He isn’t replaceable and I don’t care what your gods say!”

            Her head tipped to the side, her pale eyes seeming to glow again. “That fire and spirit,” she murmured. “I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s kept you alive for longer than you realise, long enough to come to us, to come home.”

            Her breath caught. There was an odd tone to Hawke’s voice that almost sounded like Cullen when the spirit had been talking through him. Was she talking to Hawke or one of the hold’s gods? And come home? What was that supposed to mean?

            “But on the other hand, could we afford to lose the only man that the gods chose unanimously to be our thane? All of them agreed that Sorcha’s eldest son would rule, would continue what his father had started, would lead us out of that dark time so could we lose him when the light was finally here?”

            A tremble wound through Elora. She didn’t feel much like a light and she didn’t like the thought that she was supposed to be leading a clan of people anywhere.

            “The choice was ultimately mine,” Hawke continued, her voice dropping. “They both put their lives in my hands, knowing that one of them wasn’t going to wake when I was done. They both understood that the hold comes first and would accept whatever I decided.”

            She couldn’t ask. She couldn’t ask and know that the god had lived while Cullen had slipped away from her. Did that mean that the spirit would still be inside Cullen or was his body dead now and the god free? Her lips clamped together while tears filled her eyes. No, he couldn’t be gone. He couldn’t have left her behind like that without so much as a single word.

            “But I’m biased,” Hawke breathed, “and the god knew it, knew it before they even gave me the right to decide.”

            Hawke was loved by the gods, was close to them like Cullen’s mother had been. How many times had she heard it from the family? How many times and now it would take away the-

            “Cullen’s awake and he’s asking for you,” Hawke said softly.

            Elora blinked at her, not sure she understood. “Cullen?” she repeated.

            “Aye,” Hawke murmured, nodding. “I chose the thane because his work isn’t done yet, not nearly done. We still need him and while the hold will mourn the god, I’m not sure if it would have been wise to have it around after being tangled with Cullen like that.”

            There wasn’t enough air, she couldn’t breathe. He was alive. He was alive and awake…and asking for her. “Oh,” she whispered, her voice shaking.

            Hawke’s head tipped to the side as she looked at her. “You really do love him,” she said quietly. “You can see it glowing from you. But before you go, know that he is as weak as you are right now. He will be susceptible to the chills and other things he should usually be able to resist. Keep the house and him warm, no matter how much he whines about it because trust me, Elora, he is going to whine about it.”

            Elora nodded, not knowing what else to honestly do at this moment.

            Her mouth curved up. “Go. He needs to hear your voice. He needs you right now, Elora.”

            She nodded again, turning to the door.

            “Don’t you want your shoes?”

            She stopped, muttering to herself as she realised that her feet were bare. She ignored the soft chuckles coming from behind her as she shuffled over to where there were boots near the door. None of them were hers but she didn’t care at the moment.

            “I’m glad you’re finally here, Elora,” Hawke murmured as she reached for the door. “Cullen’s waited long enough for you and you both deserve the happiness you can find together.”

            “Thank you,” she whispered, but Elora wasn’t sure if she was thanking her for what she had just said or saving Cullen.

            Slipping out the door, she stopped abruptly when she saw Delrin leaning against the wall near the doorway, waiting expectantly. “Oh, hello,” she said softly.

            He smiled at her. “Hawke asked me to escort you back to the thane’s home.”

            Elora nodded and looked out at the hold. She knew the path but her legs were shaking so it was slow going to get back to the house. She was glad that Delrin didn’t talk to her as they walked because she truly had nothing to say. But she was very aware of him and how focused he was on their path. The hold was mostly silent around her but she could hear some of the clan stirring to life in their homes as they passed.

            “Steady, Elora,” Delrin murmured as she made a noise when the house came into view.

            She wasn’t steady. She wanted to run straight at the door and inside. Slow and steady wasn’t really something that was crossing her mind. But her legs were still shaking too much to do anything but a careful walk.

            Pausing when she reached the door, she glanced at Delrin. “Thank you,” she said softly, “for everything.”

            “Cullen and his family have been nothing but good to me and mine,” he murmured. “Unlike some, we honour that.”

            Elora nodded faintly before slipping inside. She stopped immediately as the heat hit her, nearly stealing the breath from her at how thick it was, the scent of herbs hanging heavy on the air. What had Hawke done? Or was this a result of the god being….

            “Who’s there?”

            Her breath did catch at the voice, weak but still demanding and wholly his. Stumbling as she kicked off her shoes, Elora went straight to where the fur was still across the small room they made their bedroom in. Her hand was shaking as she pushed it aside enough for her to slip passed the barrier and she stopped as soon as she was through.

            Cullen was propped up on the bed, what pillows had been on it behind him now to keep him upright. There were candles lit on either side of the bed, casting a dull glow on him that seemed to leach the colour from him. His tattoos were stark against his skin but they looked faded compared to the violent red slashes of his wounds.

            But his eyes were open and immediately found her as she stared at him.

            “Elora,” he breathed, that weakness in his voice still but so much happiness in it as well.

            Her eyes filled with tears and she hurried to the bed. She hesitated when she reached it but she climbed up when his brows drew together at her pause. The tears started falling as she realised that she couldn’t throw herself into his arms without hurting him further. No matter how much she wanted to, she kept herself back. “Cullen,” she murmured. “You’re awake.”

            His hand lifted to touch her cheek. “Aye, Elora. I couldn’t leave you now.”

            Her lip wobbled. “I love you,” she whispered, having to say it, needing him to hear her. “Cullen, I love you so much!”

            His expression had been relaxed but it tightened as his eyes darted over her face. His hand slid behind her head to pull her closer to him. “Say it again,” he breathed.

            “I love you,” Elora repeated, smiling through her tears. “Cullen Lionsbane, I love you.”

            “Ástin mín,” he murmured, pressing kisses to her face, “hjarta mitt.”

            “I don’t know what that means,” she wailed softly.

            Cullen laughed lowly. “My love,” he whispered, “my heart.”

            Oh, Maker. “Cullen, we never say later again when it comes to talking,” Elora pleaded. “Never again.”

            “Aye, love,” he agreed, pressing his mouth to hers. “Never again.”

 


	27. Chapter 27

 

            Winding his fingers through Elora’s hair, Cullen sighed deeply. At any other time, he would have been more than happy with his current situation, in bed and his Lowlander by his side, but pain was still singing through him and he was completely exhausted. Hawke had had very little to tell him of what had happened since the fight and Elora hadn’t spoken much beyond repeatedly telling him she loved him before she’d passed out next to him.

            His lips curved up at that. Before he had fought, she had tried to tell him but he had stopped her. He hadn’t wanted the fight to taint those words because he had known what she had wanted to say. His heart had leapt into his throat when he had figured it out and everything in him had wanted to hear those words from her. But he had stopped her so that they could have a better moment to share that together.

            Of course it had gone completely wrong. It always seemed to go wrong. He should have known better than to wait. Too many things had gone awry in his life for him to even consider waiting when it came to something important. Elora was right. No more later. They couldn’t afford later anymore.

            Cullen looked down at her, stroking her hair back from her face now. His fingers traced over her face, smoothing away the strain he could still see there. His poor Lowlander was stretched thinner than he had seen her and it wasn’t a look he liked on her. He understood why it was there but he didn’t want to see it. Over the last months, she had practically glowed as she had settled into life here as best as she could and it had made him so glad to see her happy like that. If anything, it had made him love her more.

            Oh, the look on her face when he had told her what his words meant. He’d called her his heart but he’d seen hers in her eyes and he knew it was something he was going to be saying more often. The happiness and love and simple joy there was definitely what he wanted to see again.

            _“It’s a dangerous thing, boy, having your beating heart outside your chest, but you’re too much like me for it to be any different. When you find your heart, protect it, my boy, because it’s all the more liable to be hurt outside you.”_

            “Berja hjarta mitt,” he breathed, trailing his knuckle down the curve of her cheek. “You are my beating heart, Elora. I will do everything in my power to keep you safe.”

            She shifted on the pillow, mumbling his name.

            “Sleep, my love,” Cullen murmured. “Rest.”

            A deep sigh left her, his name again, but she settled down quickly.

            “I love you, my Elora,” he said softly. “Do not ever doubt that.”

            She continued to sleep beside him and a part of him knew that he should probably rest as well. Something was keeping him from it, however. Perhaps it was the knowledge that he’d already spent so many days unconscious that he didn’t want to go back to sleep. Even if he knew he would wake up this time, he wasn’t keen on doing it again so soon.

            Sighing deeply, Cullen closed his eyes and leaned back against the wall behind the bed. He ached. Korth, did he ever ache. Elora wasn’t the only one that had been stretched thin. He felt as weak and tired as he did after a bout of the chills. No, he felt worse. The poison might have been gone from his system but the effects still lingered, were enhanced by the wounds on his body and the ones on his soul.

            Hawke had warned him, her voice raspy from her spells, that separating him and the god had left him fragile in more than just his body. He would heal but it would take longer because of the melding and he needed to be careful. Thane or not, he had to take it easy so he could heal as much as possible. He had only managed to ask if he’d be healed by the next new moon and the look she had given him had been far too knowing for his liking.

            _“If you actually behave, Lionsbane, you’ll be able to dance for your Lowlander. But only if you behave.”_

            He pursed his lips and opened his eyes after only a few moments. There had been something in her voice that had made him feel like she thought she was talking to a child. He hadn’t cared for it but he’d only had the strength to ask for Elora and to ignore the faint smirk he’d seen on her mouth. He wasn’t a child that had to be told what to do and he understood that he needed to heal. But he was tired of being still. He needed to move. If he was careful, no one would have cause to stop him.

            A quick glance showed him that Elora was still deeply asleep and was tucked just far enough away from him that if he got up he wouldn’t disturb her. It would be simple enough.

            Or it should have been. By the time he got his legs slung over the side of the bed, his back was screaming in pain. The rest of him wasn’t doing much better but he stubbornly didn’t move to lay back down. He was going to get up and move for a little while, to get out of this bloody bed.

            It was slow going getting upright but he managed it. Shaking legs still held him up and his stomach only heaved a few times at the change in position. Taking a step was a different matter and he nearly crashed into the wall before his hands quickly grasped onto the chair near the bed. His fingers ached as he clutched at it, cursing the weakness in his body and his own foolishness that had led to this situation.

            He’d barely made it to the fur and he could feel sweat trickling down his back. Hawke hadn’t told him what poison had been used except that it had been bad. He’d suspected as much during the fight. Whatever it had been must have been meant to truly finish the job if their blades hadn’t because even with it gone from him it was still taking its toll.

            Reaching out, he nearly pulled the fur off its hooks as he staggered. “Korth’s fucking teeth!” he snapped, frustrated with himself.

            “Cullen?”

            His name was mumbled sleepily and he wanted to curse himself again for waking her. “Go back to sleep, my love,” he told her. “You need your rest.”

            There was the sound of shifting as she no doubt moved to see where he was. “Cullen!” Elora gasped behind him and he heard her scrambling to get off of the bed. “What are you doing?!”

            “I need to move,” he said honestly.

            “You’re not supposed to be moving!” she cried.

            He made a face as she pressed against his side and looked down at her. “You’re a little too short to be a crutch, love,” he murmured.

            She huffed at him and didn’t move away, still trying to brace him as best she could. But she really wasn’t that helpful and he kept his hand against the wall. “Where were you even trying to go?” she demanded.

            Cullen wasn’t sure. He just had known that he wanted to get out of bed. He hadn’t liked being bedridden and it had happened far too many times in his lifetime for him to tolerate it now. “Just for a walk.”

            “A walk?!” she repeated. “Cullen, you nearly died!”

            “Aye and I’m tired of being in bed. Love, please,” he said quickly when she opened her mouth to no doubt snap at him. “Let me have this and then I’ll rest again.”

            Elora’s mouth pursed even as she puffed out her cheeks. She made an amusing sight but he knew better than to laugh at her. “Cullen, where do you want to go?”

            He started to say that he just wanted to step outside for some fresh air but he had a feeling his small Lowlander would force him back into bed if he even suggested it. A walk around the inside of the house wouldn’t do much good as it was hot and stuffy. He wanted mountain air in his lungs, clean and pure. His nose wrinkled. No, he knew what he wanted. “Is a bath too much to ask for?”

            She blinked up at him, her brows knitting together. “That’s not really moving,” she said after a moment.

            “Aye, but I think…no, I know I’ll feel better if I can get this sickness and sweat off of my skin.” He saw her still thinking it over and added, “Plus, I won’t be moving.”

            Elora made a low noise. “Alright,” she said finally. “If I’m truly too short to help you, will you be careful moving across the house?”

            His arm tightened around her. “I never said I didn’t like having you pressed against me.”

            A startled laugh left her. “Cullen!”

            He smiled. There. He had missed that sound. “Come on, love,” he murmured. “The sooner we get there the sooner I can sit down.”

            Sooner took longer than he thought for several reasons. She truly was too short to be as helpful as she wanted to be and his legs weren’t as supportive as he wanted them to be. By the time he was sitting on the bench near the table, he was winded and sweating all the more.

            “Damn it,” Cullen muttered, watching Elora bustle around to get the tub ready.

            “You nearly died, Cullen,” Elora said, looking at him. “You can’t be expected to bounce back to full health as soon as you wake up.”

            He rubbed a hand over his face. “Aye, I know, but I’ve never liked the weakness that comes with being bedridden.”

            “I don’t think anyone likes it,” she said softly.

            But he’d had more than enough experience with it to _know_ that he detested being trapped in a bed. The original time he had caught the chills hadn’t been his fault nor the times that had followed. This hadn’t been his fault-mostly hadn’t been his fault. But he had still disliked it as much as any other time once he had woken up. He’d been robbed of time and a portion of his life while he lay in that bed. He’d lost more than enough and now….

            He watched Elora as she melted the ice she had filled the tub with. Now he wasn’t keen to lose any of the time he had left. There was too much he had left to do, with the clan, with his family, with her. In fact, there was something he needed to speak with her about.

            “There,” she said, pushing to her feet. “It’s as hot as you like it.”

            Cullen chuckled at the displeasure in her voice. “Not all of us like being cooked in our baths, Lowlander.”

            “Mm, now who has the thin skin?”

            He laughed outright and took her hands as she held them out. Even with her bracing herself, he still pulled her off balance as he stood. “Careful,” he murmured as she bumped into him.

            Elora huffed. “I’m supposed to be the one telling you that,” she muttered.

            Tapping her chin so she’d look at him, he gave her a smile. “No reason we can’t both look after one another.”

            Her face softened. “True enough. Come on, Thane. Your bath awaits.”

            Getting his breeches off turned out to be far more of an adventure than either of them expected and Elora was as flushed as he was by the time he started sinking into the bath water.

            Cullen groaned as the heat soothed some of the aches in his body and sank down to his chin. He tipped his head back slightly to watch over the rim of the tub as Elora gathered up his discarded clothes to deal with. “You could wait to do that,” he said mildly.

            “You aren’t the only one who needs to move,” Elora whispered.

            He thought about that as she hustled around the house, stoking the fire and sorting out his clothes. She had said that she had barely strayed from his side while he had been bed ridden. He hadn’t asked and she hadn’t said why she wasn’t there when he woke but he had a good idea. He had known Hawke for long enough to have a very good idea. “Elora?” he called.

            “Mm?”

            “Join me.”

            She came back to the tub, setting a towel beside it before giving him a look.

            “I meant in the water, love,” Cullen said dryly.

            Her eyes narrowed at him. “I don’t know if-”

            “Elora, your faith in me is flattering but I can barely stand,” Cullen interrupted. “If you think me capable of anything more, you’re sadly wrong.”

            She huffed at him and reached out to splash him. “You called yourself a ‘lusty people’, Cullen,” she told him. “And I experienced that lust first hand. You can’t blame me for thinking of that.”

            He caught her hand and kissed her fingertips. “Think about it all you wish, love. I’m glad that you do but for now…I think all I have in me is a bath and perhaps a conversation.”

            She eyed him before pushing to her feet.

            Cullen watched her as she tugged on the ties of her clothes, not looking away as she slid them down her body. He didn’t miss the way she didn’t hesitate to let all of them fall from her, no shyness or fear on her face as she bared herself to his gaze. So he didn’t say anything when she quickly climbed into the tub when she realised he was staring at her. He smiled when she sat on the far end of the tub from him and shook his head. “No, Elora. Come here.”

            “You’re truly pushing this. What if your family comes here?” she asked.

            “They won’t.”

            “They could.”

            “They won’t,” he repeated. “I asked Hawke to give us some time together.”

            “I probably slept through most of it,” she muttered but she moved to him.

            She carefully settled against him, being mindful of his wounds, but he sighed happily as he felt her against him with nothing between them. One night was more than enough to imprint it forever on his memory but that didn’t mean that he hadn’t wanted to feel her again before the next dance.

            “You wanted to talk?” she asked after they’d lain together for a while.

            “Aye,” Cullen sighed. “No more later.”

            Elora shifted against him, letting her head rest on his shoulder. “No more later,” she agreed.

            He ran a hand down her back and let it rest at the base of her spine. “We still have time before the next new moon rises,” he said quietly, “before our next dance.”

            “Should you really be thinking about the dances right now?”

            “Aye because we’re courting, love. Each dance has meaning and I won’t let you walk into the next one blind.”

            Elora hummed and he felt her kiss his chest. “Then what is the meaning of the one to come?”

            “Rilla is the goddess of the fireside and we pray to her for children,” he said quietly. “While she doesn’t approve of making children at her dances without commitment, when it is there….”

            She stiffened against him before moving, pushing away from him until she could see him. “Children?” she whispered. “The second dance is to make children?”

            “It doesn’t always work,” Cullen said quietly, “but Rilla grants permission to try on our second dance if we want. There isn’t a punishment or prejudice of any sort if there is no child but those that do succeed…. Children of any kind are a gift to the hold, Elora, but those made under Rilla’s blessing are treasured by the entire clan. We will do everything in our power to ensure that nothing happens to them once they are born. They bring joy and light to our clan and we are made all the better for them being here.”

            Elora studied him for a moment, her brows drawing together. “Leo,” she said softly.

            “Aye, the boy was conceived on the second dance of Mia’s courtship,” Cullen agreed.

            “But she’s….”

            Cullen sighed deeply. “The gods gave Mia her son but took his father,” he admitted. “Hawke said that it was because Leo was meant to do great good for the clan but to have a soul like that among us comes at a cost and it was his father. He returned to the Lady before Leo was born.”

            Elora gasped softly and he could see tears in her eyes. “Oh,” she whispered.

            “Aye, it was painful. It still is and Mia, as much as she loves her son, has very little love of the dances anymore.” He sighed again, letting his head thump against the back of the tub. “Liefr was a good man and loved my sister fiercely,” he murmured. “I’ve never seen a man as proud and happy as when Mia took his hand at the fires. They’d already been lovers outside of the dances but there’s always the fear that the one you want won’t take your hand. But she did and we had some good in our lives for a while.”

            “But he….”

            “The gods took him back in the middle of the night a few weeks after we learned that Mia was carrying Leo. There was nothing we could do and we love Leo all the more because he doesn’t have his father to give him that love.”

            He watched as her lower lip wobbled and a tear tracked down her cheek. “Oh.”

            “Don’t cry, Elora,” Cullen breathed. “It is in the past and we cannot change it.”

            “But Mia,” she whispered.

            “Gets on as best she can,” he said softly. “She lost the man she loves and gained a son who will never know his father except for the stories he is told. It is a risk everyone takes when you love someone. We are all mortal and we will all return to the Lady at some point, no matter if it comes sooner than we expected.”

            “I don’t know if I could do that,” Elora murmured. “I don’t know if I could keep going if…if you….”

            Cupping the back of her head, Cullen pulled her toward him and kissed her slowly. “Gods willing, you won’t have to,” he said against her lips. “But if you had a piece of me, a child we had made together, it would be easier.”

            “I don’t want a piece, Cullen. I want all of you.”

            He kissed her again. Gods, don’t let him be taken away from her. Or her from him. He didn’t think he’d handle it nearly as well as Mia had. He was almost certain he would crumble inside like his father had when Sorcha had been killed. “Gods willing,” he repeated, “we will dance our second one and a third before Rilla’s fires and have a family of our own.” He paused, frowning as he realised something. “If that’s what you want,” he added. “We haven’t spoken of children or much of the future, of our future.”

            Elora was quiet for longer than he liked and the pensive look on her face worried him. “Children are a gift here,” she said slowly. “In the Tower, they’re akin to a curse.”

            “How could a child ever be a curse?” Cullen demanded, confused.

            “Mages more often than not breed mages, especially when both parents have magic. So far as the Lowlands are concerned, there are more than enough of us in the world as it is and bringing more into it is against the teachings of the Chantry. One thing is certain if you become pregnant in the Tower, you will not ever see your child.”

            Cullen jerked slightly, hissing as it pulled on his injuries. “What do you mean, you won’t see your child?” he demanded.

            “They take the baby away, usually as soon as he or she is born,” Elora whispered. “Some few might get to hold their child but they are always taken away.”

            He stared at her. Taken away? “What if the child isn’t a mage?” he asked.

            She shrugged. “There’s no way to tell when they’re so young,” she said sadly, “so they’re taken regardless. Any child born within a Tower is the property of the Chantry. If they are a mage, they’re sent to a different Tower than their parents when their magic manifests. If they aren’t, they will spend their life in service to the Chantry.”

            Cullen growled harshly. “You don’t own people,” he said lowly. “Having magic doesn’t make you less human and to have your own flesh and blood taken away from you? My mother would have slit the throat of any person who tried to take us away from her.”

            “But she was Avvar. For a Circle mage, the birth is witnessed by Templars who will not hesitate to strike you down if you try to keep the child. You can’t do anything but submit to their will on these matters.”

            He wanted nothing more than to tug her back to him, to hold her close and thank every god he knew of that she was no longer in the Lowlands. “No one will take any child you choose to have from you, Elora,” he promised. “I swear to you that I will not allow it. Your children will be a part of your life and you of theirs.”

            “Our children,” she whispered.

            The words warmed him nearly as much as when she had told him she loved him. “Aye, they will be if that’s what you want.”

            “I never thought I would have any of this,” she said in a small voice. “Having you, loving you, is more than enough. But….”

            He waited, anticipation and a touch of fear making his heart pound. He would accept it if she didn’t want children and try not to let it show how much he had wanted to have them with her. It wasn’t just himself to think about anymore; her wants and wishes were a part of his life now.

            “But children?” Elora breathed before a soft laugh left her. “Oh, Cullen, children would be perfect.”

            Joy surged through him. His hand slid up to cup the back of her head and pull her to him. He kissed her, holding her against him even as he felt tears sting his own eyes. “Aye, any child of yours will be perfect,” he said, pressing his forehead to hers.

            “You keep saying mine, Cullen, but they’ll be yours as well.”

            How to tell her he wasn’t sure he had anything good to offer a child? How to tell her he felt far too twisted up inside to be what a child would need as a father? How to tell her he was terrified that he might not wake up one day for surely her child would be destined for great things in the hold and his life would be the price of them being born?

            Her hands cupped his face and pulled him back to the moment. “Our children, Cullen, will be perfect because they’ll be ours and no one else’s,” Elora said softly. “Something I think we’ve both been waiting for for much longer than either of us will admit.”

            He smiled faintly for her before stroking his hands along her sides. “Does that mean we’re going to try?” he murmured.

            Elora’s smile was anything but faint and it set his heart to pounding again. “Yes, Cullen,” she breathed. “We’re going to try.”


	28. Chapter 28

 

            Cullen could feel the heavy weight of eyes on him as he sat at the table and he wondered, not for the first time, if breathing would offend his older sister. “Are you going to say anything?” he asked lowly.

            The gaze somehow got heavier in the silence that followed the question.

            “I won’t apologize for what happened,” he continued, his voice still quiet. “There’s nothing that could have been done to change what-”

            “You could have named a second!” Mia snapped.

            “I already told you, Mia, who was there to trust? What good would they have done when the others broke the rules, our laws? Their blades would have still been poisoned and they still would have struck at me the way they did.”

            “You don’t know that!”

            “And you don’t know that it would have gone any differently.” Cullen sighed as he looked at his sister. “They waited until Branson had left, until we’d had a falling out so they were most likely waiting for something like this to happen. They had it planned, Mia.”

            “And you went right along with it.”

            Cullen tried not to sigh. He didn’t want to do this, hated doing this, but she was backing him into a corner. “What do you want me to say, Mia?” he demanded. “They’re dead and I’m still alive.”

            “Barely! You’re weaker than a kitten right now!”

            “Aye and I could do without the lectures about it. I am well aware of how close I came to dying, more than you,” he added when she opened her mouth again. “I need you to support me, Mia, now more than ever when I can’t fucking defend myself.”

            Her lips pressed together. “I’m still angry with you,” she growled finally.

            “Aye, Mia, I know. You and the rest of the family,” Cullen sighed.

            Rosie had taken one look at him when they had gotten to the house and promptly fallen all over him. She’d berated him with one breath and sobbed her thanks with the other, all while pounding her fists against his chest. She’d told him she’d hated him and loved him in the same sentence before she’d promptly gone outside to gather herself. Mia had simply given him the cold stare the entire time, barely saying anything until they were alone. But there was someone missing and he hadn’t asked before, hadn’t been surprised that he hadn’t come with their sisters.

            He and his brother weren’t cut from identical cloth but they handled guilt the same so he hadn’t needed to ask why Bran hadn’t come.

            Elora had promptly passed out once his sisters had arrived. That hadn’t surprised him either as she’d grown sleepy in the bath, languid in his arms as they had kept absently talking about the next dance and their lives beyond the dances. They’d gotten out of the bath only shortly before his family had shown up and he had shooed her back to bed after her fifth yawn. It hadn’t only been for her sake because he had known that Mia wouldn’t say anything while there were other people around. And he had known that she needed to be mad at him.

            Mia muttered something under her breath before sitting across from him. She stared at him for a long moment, her expression hard. “Are you alright, Cullen?” she finally asked, her voice low.

            “I don’t know,” he said honestly. Rubbing his chest, he felt the ache there bloom again. “What did Hawke tell you?”

            “Not much,” Mia admitted, sounding cross. “She said she wanted the whole story before she told us anything. She only said that you were alive, awake, and asking for a bit of time with Elora before we descended on you.”

            “Thank you for giving me that, Mia,” Cullen said softly.

            She waved it off. “Elora needed it as much as you, maybe even more so. She barely left you, even at the risk of making herself sick.”

            His head turned to the thick fur hiding the Lowlander from view. “I can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same if our places were reversed.”

            “It’s a difficult thing for your heart to be outside of your chest,” Mia murmured.

            “Aye, I know,” he sighed. “I wish Father had warned us just how hard it would be.”

            A faint smile, the first she’d had since she walked into the house, curled her mouth. “You wouldn’t have believed him. You would have thought yourself able to handle it.”

            “You’re probably right,” Cullen chuckled, shifting slightly on his chair to find a better spot. “But a little more warning would have been nice.”

            “It wouldn’t have stopped you, Cullen. All the warnings in the world wouldn’t have kept you from falling in love with Elora.”

            He knew that but this, her, had been more than he had been expecting. Not that he had truly known what to expect. “We spoke of the next dance and she wants….” Korth, he couldn’t even say the words, his heart lodged in his throat at the mere thought and keeping him from saying them.

            Mia laughed. “Look at you! Tongue tied over the mere mention of children!”

            His eyes narrowed at her. “I’d damn near given up on this happening, Mia.”

            “I know, Brother. I’m not laughing at you. I’m merely happy that this has finally come into your life. Mama and Father would be proud of you.”

            “Father would have drug me out of that fighting ring by my ear,” Cullen said dryly before frowning. “No, Mama would have,” he corrected.

            “Aye, she would have. After turning those two inside out.”

            There had been no holding Sorcha back when she got riled. Not even their father had stood in her path when her flames were unleashed. He’d just gathered the children close or put them in their room until she had calmed. Even the rest of the hold and possibly the gods, got out of her way until she turned back into the woman they all knew and loved.

            It was easy to forget because she had been gone for so long but that fire and passion burned inside all of Sorcha’s children. They just needed to remember not to direct it at each other.

            The door opened suddenly and both of them looked over at it. Cullen didn’t say anything but he felt his breath leave him as he saw Branson standing there. He’d wondered if his brother would come on his own or if someone would have to force him to come here. From the looks of it, he didn’t _want_ to be there so it was likely the latter.

            Mia glanced between the two of them before pushing away from the table. “I’ll leave you two alone,” she said softly, “but remember Elora is resting.”

            Cullen nodded and watched her go, saw her gently place her hand on Bran’s arm before she was gone. Branson stayed near the door, not looking at him but staring hard at the floor. He sighed. “Come here, Bran,” he said quietly.

            His brother closed the door and kept his gaze on the floor as he crossed the room.

            Studying him, Cullen could feel the shame rolling off of him and he felt his own start to eat at him. “Bran, look at me.”

            Branson shook his head sharply. “This is my fault,” he rasped.

            “How so?” he asked calmly. There wasn’t room for anger in him, not now, not when he still felt exhausted, and it would only make his brother clam up. Besides, he knew that talking through Branson’s thoughts, and his own, would help both of them get passed this. Because they had to get passed it.

            “I broke the rules and hid it, tried to think that I was above our gods’ laws, tried to shift my blame onto you and couldn’t accept it when I was shown how wrong I was. I left the hold and wasn’t here for you.”

            Shifting on his seat, Cullen winced as pain flared through him and was glad Bran wasn’t looking at him. It would only make him feel worse if he’d seen that. “You did break the laws of the Fire Dance,” he agreed, “but there is no reason to think that your transgression would apply to me. What happened to me was solely of my own making.”

            That got him to look up, tear filled, furious blue eyes locking with his. “It wouldn’t have happened if I was here,” he insisted.

            “It wouldn’t have,” Cullen agreed, “because they wouldn’t have challenged me with you still here. They would have waited until something else drove us apart and played their hand then. I caused this to happen by not dealing with more of the problems in the hold.”

            Bran was shaking his head once more and Cullen sighed again. Damn them and their stubbornness.

            “It wasn’t one single action that brought this into our lives, Bran,” he continued. “This has been coming since I took the title of thane when our father died.”

            His brother’s face tightened. “My fault too,” he rasped.

            “Branson ar Sorcha, it was _not_ ,” Cullen said firmly. “None of us knew that red lion was there and our father did what he had done our entire lives, defend his family.”

            “It was hunting me,” Bran said weakly. “I was the smallest.”

            “You were the smallest and that meant that Father and I would do anything to protect you. Which is what we did. Our father gave his life so that I could kill that thing and save us both. There’s nothing we can do about it, Bran. No matter how much it hurt to lose him,” Cullen added softly.

            Bran was still shaking his head, his angry tears tracking down his face. “Father died because of me and you nearly did because-”

            “Bran,” Cullen interrupted, “come here.”

            His brother hesitated before moving around the table. A noise left him when Cullen hauled him down onto the bench and he tried to push away when Cullen hugged him. “What are you-”

            “Listen to me, Bran,” he said quietly. “Only you can forgive yourself for what you think was your fault but know that I don’t hold any of this against you. I can’t when I know I’m as at fault for our argument as you were. We both played our parts and that was taken advantage of. Even though I don’t think you need it because there’s nothing to forgive, you have mine, Bran. If it’s what you need to hear, I forgive you.”

            Bran pressed his forehead against Cullen’s shoulder and pushed. “Why?”

            “Because you’re my brother and I need you,” he said honestly. “I won’t ask for your forgiveness for what I said, but I need you here, with me. Our family needs us to stand together because it’s more than just you and I, Brother.”

            “I’ll stand,” Bran said thickly. “I won’t let you get hurt again. I swear it.”

            Cullen cupped the back of his brother’s head but a noise had his gaze lifting. He saw Elora standing across the room, the fur divider in her hands as she looked at them. There were tears on her cheeks as well and he wondered how much she had overheard. Not that it mattered.

            Elora licked her lips and gave him a small smile before she disappeared back into their room. Giving him and Bran the space that they needed right now.

            Closing his eyes, Cullen held onto his brother and silently told himself that it would be alright. They would get through this like everything else and come out stronger. They had to.

* * *

 

            Inhaling slowly, Cullen kept his eyes closed for a long moment. He could feel Elora curled up behind him, one of her arms draped over his waist. Her breath was warm against his back and her nose and lips were brushing his skin. Her breathing was deep and even, telling him she was still sleeping.

            He caught her hand to hold for a moment, lacing their fingers together. He wanted nothing more than to stay there beside her, to soak in the pleasure of being with her. But there was a feeling curling in his gut that he knew he couldn’t ignore.

            He sighed before he carefully moved off of the bed. Taking his time to make sure she didn’t wake and he didn’t strain himself, Cullen heaved a sigh as he pushed off the bed. He didn’t care if he had just woken from being injured. He didn’t like being this weak. But he kept moving out of their bedroom at the slow pace he could manage.

            The fire was low as he walked through the centre of the house but he didn’t stoke it for now. There wouldn’t be much point to it. He settled gingerly on one of the chairs at the table and closed his eyes for a moment. Slowly exhaling, he opened his eyes to look at the door. “I know you’re there, Hawke,” he said lowly.

            There was barely any time between him finishing his sentence and the door swinging open.

            It was easy to track her movements as she came in, even with the low light. He didn’t say anything as she approached him, watching as she sat across the table from him. She was wrapped in a thick cloak but he could still see her shivering and wondered if he should have stoked the fires. “Are you cold?”

            “It’s nothing you can help with, Cullen,” she said lowly.

            His gut tightened at that. “Why did you pick me, Olivia?” he asked. “The hold is too unstable to bring another god into it now.”

            Her pale eyes looked all the lighter as the firelight highlighted the dark circles underneath them. “You think it’s unstable now? If you had died, Cullen, the gods wouldn’t have let it stand.”

            “Meaning?”

            “You don’t want to know,” she breathed.

            “I think I have to.”

            Hawke stared at him, her mouth a flat line with her displeasure, but he didn’t back down. “They barely held back when Sorcha was killed, Cullen,” she said lowly. “You saw what happened to them with her death. They chose you to continue leading your clan and if you aren’t leading it? I’m not sure there will be a clan left to lead.”

            It was his turn to stare. “Hawke, you can’t let them do that.”

            “I have great sway with them, Cullen, but short of banishing all of them, there’s nothing that would contain their fury if you were killed through betrayal like your mother.” Hawke shook her head when he went to speak again. “Cullen, their rage burns hotter and longer than any mortal’s. They haven’t forgotten what happened and they’re unlikely to. If someone were to kill you within the hold, they would need to destroy all of the gods as well because they aren’t going to accept someone else.”

            “My family lives here, Hawke,” he said lowly. “There are good people that live here that wouldn’t be responsible or connected to anything that would have to do with my death.”

            She was quiet for longer this time, her gaze distracted as she looked at him. “You don’t understand, Cullen. The gods loved your mother like no other and her loss wounded them.”

            “But you and your father healed them.”

            “No, Cullen,” she whispered. “We brought them back to some semblance of what they once were, but that anger, that hurt, those wounds, are still there. It wouldn’t take much for them to slip back into it and there’s nothing that would bring them back this time. Their rage would burn through the hold and leave nothing in their wake if someone was foolish enough to strike you down.”

            The thought of that chilled him. He couldn’t let that happen. The whole of the hold couldn’t be punished for the actions of some. He couldn’t allow his family to be hurt like that. He couldn’t allow Elora to be hurt like that. “Is that your way of telling me they’re also mad at me for that fight?”

            “They’re mad you got hurt and grieving the one we lost, but they understand why you fought. They understand why you will continue to fight. They chose you for a reason, Cullen. They won’t tolerate it if someone from the clan tries to get around that reason.”

            That didn’t make him feel any better. “Then what do you suggest we do?”

            “Throw them off the mountain.”

            Cullen shook his head. That had been her response since he had become thane and personally had to deal with the remnants of the Mad’s rule. But he couldn’t do that.

            “Cullen, I’m serious this time,” Hawke said lowly. “You’re running out of time to deal with them. This attack is going to be the breaking point for this. The clan has already publicly divided between with you and against you. If you don’t act now-”

            “This is their home, Olivia,” Cullen interrupted sharply. “This has _always_ been their home. I can’t just tell them to leave.”

            “You’re going to have to if you want to make this hold what it is supposed to be,” she snapped. “You’re going to have to if you don’t want to undo all of the work our fathers and we have done. Or are you going to throw it all away because you’re afraid of what will happen?”

            “I am afraid,” he snapped back. “I’m afraid this hold is going to fall apart if I forced something like that to happen. I’m afraid that I’m going to wake up one day and my family will all be dead in their homes because of a decision I made. I _am_ afraid, Hawke, and I have every reason to be.”

            Her pale eyes seemed to stare through him. “Put a sword in your hand and you’re more confidant than any man I’ve ever seen,” she said lowly. “But leading your people seems to sap all that strength from you.”

            “I was never meant to lead or rule,” he reminded her. “I was the son of the Master of the Hunt, a warrior.”

            “How is leading a band of fighters any different from the hold?”

            He stared at her. It was leagues different because a band of fighters had one focus but a hold had a hundred, at the least, to balance.

            “Cullen,” she said softly, leaning forward. “You’ve let your fear of attack from those within the clan hold you back.”

            “Do you hear yourself?” he demanded. “Of course I’ve held back because the clan isn’t made up of only one type of person. There’s more than one thing to consider here.”

            “And what have you been considering?”

            “What’s good for the hold!” he hissed. “Everything I’ve done is for the good of the hold!”

            “Then remove the poison for the good of the hold.”

            Cullen stared hard across the table. She had led him by the nose into that one and there was no getting out of it. “This is their home,” he said again.

            Hawke shook her head. “It stopped being their home when my people came.” She paused, considered and shook her head again. “No, it stopped being their home when the lines were drawn with your mother’s death. The choices were made then and it’s taken this long for it to come to light. The hold has changed because of Sorcha’s death and the events that followed. There is _no_ going back but they refuse to see that. So this can’t ever be their home again, not without wiping out half of the clan and taking the gods with them.”

            Rubbing his hand across his mouth, Cullen thought about that. He’d known from the start that many had been opposed to the Chasind being brought into the clan to heal the gods. Some had tolerated it because they thought it was temporary and had chafed when Malcolm had been made augur. Others had accepted it and moved on, taking what the Chasind could give. Others still had fully taken the Chasind into their lives and knew that the hold would be gone without them. “What are we supposed to do then?” he asked lowly.

            Hawke leaned forward again, her face mostly in shadows but her eyes were practically glowing with her magic and connection to the gods. “We remind them who rules this hold,” she breathed.


	29. Chapter 29

 

            Tying her hair back, Elora tried hard not to sigh. She didn’t want to leave the house, didn’t want to leave Cullen alone. He was definitely getting better even if it had only been a few days since he had woken. Or at least he seemed to think he was doing better. He was moving a little quicker but she still saw him leaning against the wall or the back of a chair when he thought she wasn’t looking. If he was left alone, he would surely push himself beyond what-

            A high pitched giggle along with a low playful growl drifted to her from the main room.

            Her shoulders slumped. But Cullen wasn’t alone. His sisters had come over and Mia had unceremoniously dumped Leo into Cullen’s lap as he had sat at the table. The threat hadn’t been verbal but it was completely understood that he wasn’t to go anywhere. And Leo was more than happy to play with his uncle after being away from him for a while so Cullen wasn’t likely to move for a long time.

            Sighing softly, she left the room but paused to look at the scene in front of her. Cullen had his back to her on the other side of the fire, Leo still in his lap. Rosie was by the fire, stirring something in the pot over it and smiling to herself at whatever Leo was saying. Mia was seated to Cullen’s right, a pile of feathers in front of her and an arrow in her hands. Elora knew there was a stack of arrows beside her as well, newly fletched and ready to use.

            The bow slung over the back of her chair calmed a lot of Elora’s nerves. If anyone managed to get passed the ring of hunters that still circled the house, they were still going to have to face Mia.

            She saw Mia glance at her as she came into the room but it didn’t last long as she went back to the arrows. “Your Lowlander doesn’t look too impressed with the summons, Brother.”

            Cullen shifted on his chair, looking over his shoulder at Elora. “No, she doesn’t,” he agreed, settling back into the chair.

            Elora rolled her eyes and walked over to the table. “All things considered,” she muttered, “I think I’m allowed to be in a bad mood every now and then.”

            “Hawke merely wants to talk to you, Elora,” Cullen murmured. “It shouldn’t take long.”

            Hawke wasn’t the issue. Well, not all of it. She wasn’t sure what to think of Cullen telling her that Hawke wanted to see her. She hadn’t thought much about it when he’d said it since he’d sleepily mumbled it when they’d woken up this morning. But as the morning had trickled on, it had started to weigh on her and made her very aware of time as it passed. Then Cullen’s family had shown up and she had realised she was out of time.

            _An hour after noon, training arena._

            “You’re going to be late if you don’t leave now,” Cullen told her as she came up to him.

            “A few minutes isn’t going to hurt her.”

            All three of the siblings chuckled and Elora wasn’t sure how she felt about _that_. “I wouldn’t push her too much, Elora,” Cullen said quietly, bouncing Leo slightly on his knee. “Something is riding her and I’d rather not see her lash out at you because you’ve pushed.”

            Chewing on her lower lip, she softly whispered, “You’ll behave, won’t you?”

            An arm banded around her hips and pulled her toward Cullen. “You worry too much.”

            Her fingers shook a little as she ran them over his hair. “You give me reason to worry.”

            “Kiss me and I’ll behave,” he prompted.

            “Your sisters and your nephew are here. I don’t think they’ll let you misbehave,” Elora said dryly. “You’re not in a position for bargaining.”

            “Then you don’t want to kiss me?”

            “I never said that,” she breathed, leaning over him. But she’d barely kissed him before Leo made a noise that had the both of them looking at him. “That’s not fair,” she said, tapping his nose and making him laugh. “Your uncle asked for a kiss so I gave him one. Unless you want one too?”

            Leo grinned at her, nodding, and Cullen laughed softly. “Leo, are you trying to steal Elora from me?” he accused.

            “No!”

            “I don’t believe you.”

            Leo squealed as Cullen tickled him and squirmed off his lap to run hide behind his mother’s chair. “No!” he repeated, a wide grin on his face.

            Cullen’s hand tightened on her hip and she pressed close to him, cupping his face for a moment. “Can I get a proper one?” he asked.

            “I’m going to be late,” she told him but she still bent over to kiss him again.

            He made a noise against her mouth, his fingers kneading at her slowly. “Blame me,” he murmured. “Hawke will believe you.”

            Elora let her forehead bump against his and gently rubbed her nose against his. “I guess I don’t have to wonder who Leo gets it from.”

            Cullen gave her another quick kiss before his arm dropped. “I’ve kept you long enough, love.”

            Honestly she wouldn’t mind being kept longer but she knew a dismissal when she heard one. “Keep him out of trouble, Leo,” she murmured as she moved away.

            “Bye, Ella!”

            She waved at the little boy as he waved excitedly from behind Mia’s chair. Slipping outside, she leaned back against the door with a deep sigh. She didn’t move away immediately, simply breathing in the clear air that wasn’t clogged with smoke and all of the emotions that were weighing everyone down inside the house.

            “Elora?”

            One eye cracked open to look at the speaker. “Coming with me, I take it?” she murmured, smiling faintly.

            He returned the smile and his seemed far more genuine than hers. “Those were the orders if you remember.”

            She remembered. After he had told her about Hawke wanting to see her, Cullen had also told her that things were going to be changing in the hold and that some would probably see her as the reason for it. Because of that if she wasn’t with someone from his family, she was going to be escorted by Delrin when she went through the hold. “You don’t mind?”

            “Mind what? Doing my part to keep my thane and his family safe? No, I don’t mind at all.” Delrin paused and gave her another smile. “Where were we going?”

            “Training arena.”

            His smile wobbled. “Hawke isn’t holding anything back is she?” he muttered. “Shall we?”  
            She nodded and was thankful that he didn’t say anything else as they started walking. She wasn’t looking forward to going back to the place where Cullen had nearly been killed. She was having nightmares about it, flashes of violence and blood that left her shaking when she woke. Going back there was most likely going to make it worse.

            The hold was quiet around them but Elora could feel eyes on them as they walked. Cullen hadn’t told her exactly what was required for mourning one of their gods and she wondered if this was part of it. Or if Hawke’s return had caused everyone to take shelter. Either way, it was eerie having the hold so quiet again.

            Her steps faltered as they got close to the training ring and she could see Hawke standing in the middle of it, her back to them. Swallowing what she was feeling, Elora took the last few steps until she was standing inside the ring. “Hawke?”

            The other woman didn’t turn to face her but she saw Hawke tense slightly at her voice.

            Rubbing her arms, Elora looked around, her gaze skipping over the large, dark stains on the stone. “You wanted to see me?” she tried again.

            She pivoted on one foot to face Elora and her stomach tightened in response. “You want to stay here,” Hawke said quietly. “You want to make a life in the hold, be part of the clan.”

            “Yes,” Elora agreed. Was Hawke going to tell her that she couldn’t? That it was foolish to even be thinking of?

            “Cullen’s courting you which means you’re going to be the wife of a thane. There is no title for that and no official power that comes with it.”

            “I don’t want a title or power,” Elora said, confused.

            “It doesn’t matter if you want it or not. The mark on your hand gives it. Cullen courting you gives it. Your mere presence in the hold gives it. Your desire to help the other clans will give it. It has nothing to do with want and everything to do with who you are, Elora.”

            Elora wasn’t sure what to think about that. There had been a pecking order in the Tower so she understood there were different kinds of power. She understood that it was the same here. She understood that and everything Hawke was saying, so why had she been pretending that she didn’t?

            “But what matters is what you do with that power,” Hawke continued. “You want to help the clan, stay with Cullen, make a home for yourself. You want the hold to be your home and the clan your family.”

            “Yes. Are you telling me that I can’t?”

            A wry smile crossed Hawke’s face. “We didn’t get off on the right foot so it’s a fair question,” she admitted. “I don’t want you to leave, Elora. I want you to stay because you’re the only way we’re going to fix this fucking mess.”

            Elora stared at her. “What?”

            Hawke looked away for a moment before making a disgusted noise. “I can’t fix this,” she said lowly. “What’s wrong with the hold has been festering for too long. Cullen is going to do what he can, he’s going to start it, but he can’t do it alone either. There are those who will support him and those that will oppose him but he’s finally going to do what needs to be done. To do that, he’ll need your help.”

            “Of course I’ll help him,” Elora said.

            “Good.”

            There was only a faint shift in the air that gave Elora any sort of warning what was about to happen. A barrier snapped to life around her but the blast that hit it still knocked her down. Elora gasped as she landed on the ground, shaking her head at the pain that flared through her.

            “Get up.”

            Narrowed eyes looked at Hawke as Elora pushed herself up on one arm. She didn’t dispel the barrier, instead pouring more mana into it as she stood up. “How is that helping?” she asked flatly.

            “Every member of this hold will give their life to protect it. They will fight with everything that they are to keep hold and clan safe. If you stay here, if you finish your dances with Cullen, you will be expected to hold your own and protect your family.”

            “I’m not exactly the best at fighting,” Elora admitted.

            “You’re going to have to get better,” Hawke told her. “You’re a mage and with the right training you can be just as good as any of the mages that grew up here. I know you would have been trained by the Chantry but the rules are different out here.”

            “You attack an ally without warning?”

            “An enemy can wear the face of a friend easily, Elora,” Hawke said, looking away. “A friend can become an enemy without notice. You have to learn to be able to see the change, see the difference. Because if you’re to be Cullen’s wife, you’re also his last line of defence and you need to know.”

            There was something in Hawke’s voice that Elora couldn’t put her finger on. “And you know the difference?”

            “I learned the hard way,” she said. “A friend who put my clan at risk so he had to be removed. A friend who thought that he was doing the right thing but it put my family at risk. I nearly lost everything that was important to me because I took too long to recognize that the face of my friend had changed. I won’t make that mistake again and you can’t afford to make it even once.”

            There was a story there but Elora doubted she would get it today. “I know Cullen has enemies, that _I_ have enemies. But…they teach us to control the elements in the Tower but not how to fight. They give us a weapon but never want us to use it. I don’t know if….”

            “Lesson one,” Hawke said and Elora stumbled back a step as something struck her barrier again. “Do not doubt. The moment you do, you’ve lost.”

            At least that wasn’t any different. “Doubt makes the magic weak,” Elora said softly. “It makes it crack and become unstable.”

            The other woman nodded slowly. “Don’t doubt yourself, not when you’re protecting those that you love. You can’t afford it and neither can they.”

            Elora nodded as well. That she understood. This she understood. Training. She thought she had left it behind but this was a new life. There were new rules.

            “You fought at the wound in the sky, at the Breach, but you aren’t a fighter.”

            No, she wasn’t. “There’s no true fighting class among the Tower,” she said softly. “We have offensive spells but we don’t….”

            “The elements can function as a weapon but they are draining if you use them too much, no matter how skilled you are.” Hawke’s head tipped to the side. “Fire and spirit,” she whispered. “Both will serve you and the hold well if you use them properly.”

            “How?” Elora asked, taking a step closer to the Chasind mage. “How do I use them properly?”

            The grin that split Hawke’s face made Elora regret asking.

* * *

 

            Bracing her hands on her knees, Elora gasped for air. Every part of her was aching and not in a good way. She was exhausted, mentally, physically, and magically. She’d been knocked down more times than she could count and had somehow managed to stagger back onto her feet each time. But Hawke was still standing in front of her, looking exactly as she had when they started this.

            Sweat was dripping down her back and her legs were shaking. She wasn’t sure she was going to remain upright for much longer and she was starting to wonder if Hawke wasn’t human. Surely no one could still be that unaffected by using that much magic.

            She tensed when she heard footsteps approaching her but before she could do anything she felt a hand on her back. “Easy, Elora,” Hawke murmured. “I think we’re done for the day.”

            Elora blew out a breath and resisted collapsing to her knees. “I’m really not that good,” she muttered.

            Hawke’s face came into view as she crouched in front of her, a frown on her face. “Different training, Elora,” she corrected. “You said it yourself. You’re not trained to fight in the Tower. Both the Chasind and the Avvar are. We’re taught as soon as our magic comes on how to use it to protect ourselves and our people. For your first day you did well. Better than I’d expected.”

            Elora half smiled but something was nagging at her. “How do you know so much about Tower life?” she asked softly, hoping Hawke would talk more so she could catch her breath.

            Those icy blue eyes darkened for a moment and she looked away with a sigh. “Before we came to the mountains,” she said quietly, “I had a friend who escaped the Towers. We sheltered him in our clan and he told us a lot of what happened there. I’ve had brushes with your Templars before as had my father. A mage who doesn’t know their enemies doesn’t last long, protection of their clan or not.”

            Hesitating for a moment, Elora asked, “Is that the friend that became an enemy?”

            Hawke sighed again. “Anders…had a unique way of looking at the world,” she muttered. “He was a good friend but the choices he made put my family in danger and the safety of my clan will always come first. I had to send him away before his actions destroyed everything I knew and loved.”

            “Do you know what happened to him?”

            “No,” she said, shaking his head. “I haven’t seen him since he left. I…I hope he’s found peace in the world but his path isn’t with my family anymore.”

            “I’m sorry for asking.”

            Hawke shook her head again. “No, it’s good for you to ask, for you to know. It’ll help you settle in better.”

            Elora blinked as she pulled a small jar from a pouch on her hip and held it out to her.

            “This will help the soreness in your muscles,” Hawke explained. “Get Cullen to help you with it. He’ll love it and it’ll keep the both of you from moving too much.”

            Laughing softly, Elora took the jar. “He will love it,” she agreed.

            Hawke smiled before her face grew serious again. “I want to keep training with you, Elora,” she said. “You have a good grasp on your magic, but you need more practise using it in battle situations, on conserving and using your mana efficiently. More than that, I think I have an idea of what we should focus on for your training.”

            “You know, I thought my days of extensive training were over,” Elora sighed. “I’m not sure I’m made for this.”

            “If you can survive a night of dances with an Avvar thane, you can survive a bit of sword training.”

            She blinked quickly, not sure what exactly she should focus on in that sentence. “Sword training?” she finally said, not wanting to talk or think about the dances she’d had with Cullen.

            “Aye. The elves have a style where their mages can use a blade to defend themselves. My people count among their friends a clan of the Dalish and before we came to Sky-Bear Hold they taught us a few things.” She paused. “Me,” she corrected. “They taught me a few things.”

            “Why would you teach me that? It seems like it would be harder than anything else.”

            Hawke shrugged. “You don’t have to learn it if you don’t want. We can keep throwing fireballs and lightning, but having a secret weapon like that could come in handy. People will expect you to throw magic at them. They won’t expect you to draw a blade on them.”

            It would also work better in close combat, was less likely to damage herself or anyone around her if she had to fight in a confined space. “We can try,” Elora said. “But I don’t know how good I’m going to be at it.”

            Hawke smiled. “I’ll bring you what you need next time we train.”

            “Which will be when?” Elora asked hesitantly.

            She laughed this time. “In two days. I want you to rest up and be able to move next time. I also have things to attend to over the next while. And I imagine you are going to be busy enough without me adding to them.”

            Elora wasn’t sure she liked the sound of that but the sound of footsteps approaching had both of them looking behind Hawke.

            Carver was approaching them, his gaze swinging across the area as he walked. Elora had seen more and more of him since Cullen had been injured but she still wasn’t sure how to read the Chasind warrior. “You need to come home,” he said evenly when he got to them. “Your…friend wants to see you.”

            Elora frowned at the pause and at the way Hawke seemed to tense. “I’m coming. We’re mostly done here.”

            Something was definitely happening between the two of them but Elora kept her mouth shut. If they wanted her to know, they would have said so. And she didn’t need more trouble in her life.

            Hawke looked at her and gave her another smile. “I’ll send a message for when we’ll train again,” Hawke told her as she pushed to her feet. “For now, rest and regain your strength.”

            Elora straightened as much as she could, nodding slowly. She wanted to go home, take a bath, and never get out of it. She returned the wave the siblings gave her as they started away but didn’t move immediately. Maker’s tits, she was tired and didn’t want to move. But she still had to get home.

            “You alright?”

            “I don’t know,” Elora moaned, making Delrin laugh.

            “Don’t beat yourself up too much for it,” he said as he came up beside her. “Hawke isn’t an easy partner when it comes to training. The fact that you’re still on your feet….”

            Elora looked at him when he trailed off. “What?” she prompted when he didn’t finish.

            He slanted a look down at her. “I don’t know whether we should be proud that you, a Lowlander, held your own against our augur,” he finished, “or very scared.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the lateness of this chapter. I've hit another bit of a slump with writing so updates might be a little spotty for a while. I'm going to try to power through it but we'll see if it works out!


	30. Chapter 30

 

            Watching the door close, Cullen wondered what exactly Hawke had in mind for Elora. Despite what he had said, he doubted Hawke only wanted to talk. Not after what they had discussed the night before. But whatever it was, the augur hadn’t felt the need to actually tell him and as curious as he was, he knew it was between Elora and Hawke.

            “You didn’t tell her.”

            His gaze switched to Mia but she was still focused on her arrows. “Not yet,” he agreed. “After the meeting I will. I didn’t want to burden her further when she’s already twisted up about seeing Hawke.”

            “She’s twisted up because you got yourself hurt and nearly died, Cullen,” Mia corrected. “Elora’s like you. She hasn’t ever felt like this for anyone else and what happened has scared her good and deep.”

            “And sending her to Hawke with the knowledge that I’m summoning those I know are loyal to me in an effort to effectively split our clan would have been a better thing to do?” he demanded.

            Her lips pursed and her fingers stilled on the shaft of the arrow. “No,” she agreed softly. “But you will tell her?”

            “Aye, once she’s back and I have something to actually tell her. I don’t like keeping it from her, Mia, but Elora has her own worries. I’ve added to them enough as it is without meaning to. I’ll spare her this knowledge for the time being.” He paused for a moment, leaning back in his chair. “But I won’t keep it from the woman who will be my wife. It effects her as much as it does the rest of us and she deserves to hear it from me.”

            “Aye, she does.” Mia stroked the fletching as she studied him. “Do you have the next gift for her?”

            Cullen sighed and lifted Leo into his lap when the boy came back to him. “I have an idea but I haven’t been able to find what I want,” he admitted. “I didn’t think it would be that hard but no one has any. I have something else to give her but I don’t want to give up on that idea yet.”

            “You might have to look outside the hold,” Rosie said as she came back to the table. “Or I could ask at the farms if they have any for you to look at.”

            He nodded. “I’d appreciate that, Rosie. The people down there know you best out of the family.”

            She smiled. “I’ll take Bran with me later and we’ll look and see.” She paused. “You invited Andor to this as well, aye?”

            “Aye,” he agreed. “This will affect them more than anyone else and it’s been a long time since this has been addressed. Which is my fault for letting it go so long.”

            “We’ll go down with him and help tell the others about what’s decided here.”

            “Thank you.” He had a feeling he wasn’t going to be able to get away from the hold for a while, for several reasons. He’d trust his siblings to handle what he couldn’t and he would extend that trust to those that were coming today. He would have to trust them because they wouldn’t be able to achieve what he wanted for the hold.

            It didn’t stop his heart from dropping when that first knock came.

            He watched as Mia gathered up her arrows even as Rosie started toward the door. Mia put the arrows away and looked at him. “Ready?” she said softly.

            “Doesn’t matter if I’m not,” he told her. “This is happening now.”

            The smile she gave him was proud but she didn’t say anything else as Rosie opened the door.

            There were gentle murmurs as his sister welcomed the elders that had come and urged them over to the table. Mia stood to greet them as well, giving up her seat for one of them.

            “You’re looking well if not a little pensive, Cullen,” Katla said as she settled in the place Mia had just left.

            “Has he ever looked any different, Katla?” Mia laughed. “My brother has always been the serious one of the family.”

            “One of us has to be,” he said dryly, passing Leo to Rosie as she came back to the table.

            The elders chuckled softly and he had no doubt they were thinking about any number of incidents from their youth that only further proved that belief. Another knock at the door had them falling silent, most looking at it but Katla’s gaze didn’t stray from him.

            “What are you up to, Lionsbane?” she asked softly.

            “I’d rather wait until everyone is here, Katla.”

            Her head dipped slightly but he saw the questions piling up behind her eyes.

            The hunters were the next to come, a few that Delrin had told him were loyal to Thane and hold, and Moira was with them. They seemed surprised to see the others but they settled at the table without too many questions.

            Cullen listened to the casual chatter between them and his sisters but he could still feel the weight of Katla’s gaze. He had no doubt that she had a very good idea of what this was about given who was at his table but he didn’t want to put it into words just yet.

            The door opened a final time, Bran leading the last few asked to come; a few people from the hold proper and Andor from the farms. He would have asked more to join them but he knew that Andor spoke for all of them. Hawke had told him last night she would speak with the Chasind so they wouldn’t be left out of what was happening. Plus it would arouse even more suspicion if several people from the farms were coming to his house all at once.

            He already knew he was going to be asked about this meeting but if this worked then those questions would be moot.

            Silence fell as the last were seated at the table, everyone clearly taking note of who was there and more importantly who was _not_.

            “Interesting group, Cullen,” Andor said from the opposite end of the table when no one else spoke up. “Why did you bring us here?”

            Well, if Andor wasn’t going to beat around the bush, neither was he. “I am done making concessions for those that cling to what was,” Cullen said flatly. “What was killed many in our hold, including my parents, and I don’t want to go back to that. I’ve asked you here to see if you will help me hold onto what we could have for the hold, what we could be if we weren’t held back by those still clinging to the past.”

            There were gentle murmurs among those gathered and a few nods of agreement.

            “What of those that don’t want the change, Thane?” Moira asked softly, making the others fall silent.

            “If they don’t want to change, they will leave,” he said flatly.

            He thought he heard someone inhale swiftly but it was the only reaction the words seemed to garner.

            “Tomorrow I will summon a council meeting and then speak with the hold afterwards to tell them what I’ve decided. To any who do not want to accept how I rule Sky-Bear Hold, I will give them until the new moon to make their choice. If they cannot abide by my rule and what will be happening in the hold, they will leave. Either of their own volition or against it.”

            “What’s brought on the change? The Lowlander?”

            Glancing at Salka, Cullen said, “In part. They’ll no doubt think that I’m like the Mad, being swayed by another Lowlander and their god but they’re wrong.” He paused and shook his head. “Not that it matters what they think about it. Elora’s presence has simply brought the divide between our clan closer to the surface and made me realise it cannot continue.”

            “She’s the second stone,” Moira said quietly.

            Frowning at the skald, he was glad to see he wasn’t the only one who was confused by what she was saying.

            “Hawke told me once that the hold is like a pond and certain events are the stones thrown into it. We’ve been riding the ripples of the first stone for the last ten years and they’ve grown fainter with every season that passes but they’re still there. Elora’s coming is the second stone, bringing the ripples again but stronger this time because we still remember the last. Some of us are willing to ride the change in the tide but there are others who want to stop it, who want to deny that anything is changing at all.”

            “Things have been changing since Teo took the title of thane,” Katla said quietly.

            “All ripples from Sorcha’s death,” Moira agreed. “You might say otherwise, Thane, but the changes now are because of Elora’s coming or perhaps her desire to stay. She is the cause of the changes we need to make now.”

            “Then you agree that we need to change?” he asked softly.

            There were nods around the table as those gathered looked at each other. “Aye, Cullen,” Katla said just as quietly. “We agree that the hold needs to change.”

            “We’ll still follow the ways of the hold,” Cullen started to assure them but he stopped when Moira shook her head.

            “We already follow the ways of our hold, Thane,” she said softly. “We’ve accepted that we had to change to survive and that nothing truly ever lasts forever. Not even Korth’s mountains themselves will be there at the end of days. In order to survive, we adapt, we change, but we stay true to ourselves. Which is what we’ve been doing since the Mad nearly destroyed us.”

            “She’s right,” Andor said firmly. “You and your father before you did what you could to heal our hold after the Mad took Sorcha’s life. But the gods are still restless, they’re still holding onto that bitterness because some of us still haven’t moved on and they’re feeding from that. If we want our hold to be whole and clean again, we need to cut out that part of us.”

            Cullen nodded faintly, relieved that he wasn’t the only one that had thought that. Not that he should have been surprised about it; he _knew_ the hold hadn’t been pleased with the way some were blocking the progress they could have been making.

            “We’ll stand with you, Thane,” Andor said, looking at the others as they nodded. “Come what may, we will stand with you and our hold.”

            “Even if you have to fight kin?” he asked lowly.

            “Safety and wellbeing of the hold comes first. If they don’t want that, they aren’t kin.”

            Cullen looked around as well, seeing the same determination on every face at his table, before he nodded slowly. “Aye, then let us plan how to save our hold.”

 

* * *

 

            Rubbing his thumb over the pendant in his hand, Cullen tried not to mull over everything that had happened in the past hour. It had gone smoother than he had expected, even with his siblings’ reassurance about the support he would get. He hadn’t wanted to get his hopes up, however, but it had worked out. More than that, honestly.

            Everyone was in full agreement that this had to happen for the hold to survive and they would stand with him. More than that, they would quietly spread the news to those they knew could be trusted to help prepare the hold for what was to come.

            A deep sigh left him and he rubbed his face tiredly. He didn’t have the proper head for political matters in the hold, as much as he tried to do the best he could. He was a warrior and his first instinct was to fight, not dance around with words. There was merit to it, he knew that, but he’d been raised to protect what he held dear with fist and sword. Getting words right to avoid a fight didn’t come naturally to him.

            Thankfully everyone had been of similar thought and while they didn’t want to see fighting in the hold, they would stand with him. They wanted Sky-Bear Hold to prosper and knew that they couldn’t with how divided they were now. So they would band together to protect what they loved and continue with their lives.

            Sky-Bear Hold would survive without those that stood against him. They would make sure of it.

            Looking at the door when it swung open suddenly, Cullen shoved the pendant in a pocket and sprang to his feet when he saw Elora shuffling in. “Love?” he said quickly, taking in the strained look on her face.

            She gave him a pout and a whimper before shuffling toward their room.

            He stared at her, feeling a twinge in his back from how quickly he had stood. But he still followed her at a slower pace. The way she was walking made it seem like she was sore and exhausted. It had only been a little over an hour. What all could have happened in an hour to make her act like that?

            Cullen gave Elora a concerned look as she flopped onto the bed, face down into the furs and not even bothering to remove any of her clothes. “Love?” he said again, using the wall to help him move toward her. “Are you alright?”

            “No,” she moaned, sounding far more pathetic than she ever had.

            His concern spiked as he reached the bed. “What happened?” he demanded, sitting beside her. He started to reach out to place his hand on her back when he caught the tiny whimpering noises she was making. “Elora, tell me what she did.”

            Her head turned and she huffed out a breath to blow the hair out of her face. It took a few tries before he could see her and a pout was front and centre on her face. “Training,” she mumbled. “Hawke decided I need to be able to better protect myself. And the hold. And you.”

            Relief flooded him and he gently cupped the back of her head. “Oh. Aye, I can imagine Hawke wouldn’t go easy when it comes to protecting clan and hold,” he agreed.

            “She wants me to use a sword,” Elora muttered. “I’ve never used a sword before!”

            Rubbing his thumb against her hair, Cullen smiled as he listened to her continue to mutter about what Hawke had put her through. But he kept his thoughts about it to himself because he didn’t think Elora wanted him to tell her that he agreed with what Hawke was doing. He would never say no to another trained fighter within the hold and he knew Hawke would train her well. Which would also help them when they went to the other holds.

            He didn’t know how much training they’d be able to get through before then but at least they weren’t starting from scratch. And if Hawke was putting a sword in Elora’s hands, more than one person could help train her in the use of it.

            Elora let out a long sigh after she finished and rubbed her cheek against the furs. “Could I sleep until the next dance?”

            Cullen laughed and shook his head. “No, love. There’s much to be done and sadly we can’t hide from it.”

            Her pout came back. “Aren’t you the one that was talking about spending all of our time in bed?”

            “Aye but I don’t think you agreed with me.”

            “I changed my mind.”

            He laughed again and moved his hand down to gently rub at her shoulders. “It’ll get easier as you keep up with it,” he told her, still rubbing as he felt how tense her back was. “it’s only if you stop that it’ll be hard again.”

            Elora sighed deeply. “That’s not encouraging,” she grumped. “But she gave me something to help with the aching. Said you could help.”

            He watched as she fumbled with her belt and pulled out a small jar from a pouch there. He took it when her arm slumped onto the bed, idly studying the paste inside. He had an idea of what it was and it would most definitely help her but he wasn’t sure he wanted to use it. “Did she warn you about the smell?” he asked.

            “…No.”

            Cullen chuckled. “Well, it does smell, love. It works like nothing else but it’s usually a last resort because of the smell.”

            She stared at him, a frown puckering her face. “I’ve smelt bad things in the Tower,” she mumbled. “It can’t be that bad.”

            Cocking a brow, Cullen lightly cracked the lid of the jar and held it close to her face.

            “Fuck!” Elora gasped, jerking away from him and half rolling across the bed. “What is that?!”

            He quickly closed the jar and set it aside. “A last resort,” he chuckled. “But you’re in luck. I have something else that might be more agreeable to you.”

            She was watching him warily and he would have laughed at her expression any other time.

            He felt her gaze on him as he slowly pushed off the bed and moved to one of the chests in the room. A grimace crossed his face as he crouched down, using the lid of the chest to balance himself as he lost it for a moment. “My mother would make it for my father and others in the hold when they pushed themselves a little further than they should have. Or for general aches and pains. She taught all of us to do it but Rosie is the only one who has a knack for it.” He paused as he pushed through the clothes in the chest and sighed. “Odd that the youngest of us is the one that still remembers how to do it properly.”

            Elora was still watching him as he stood up, jar in hand, but her eyes were tinged with sadness now. “I’m so sorry that you lost her,” she said softly.

            Cullen shook his head and sat on the bed again, gesturing for her to sit up as well. “Some would tell you that she burned too bright,” he murmured, tugging on the ties of her clothes to loosen her shirt. “That those kissed by fire are never long for this world.”

            “That can’t be true.”

            He shrugged. “I’m not certain if my parents were relieved or upset that none of us took after her.”

            “Maybe they burn brighter but wouldn’t that just draw the attention of the gods,” Elora said after a moment, catching his hands before he could pull her shirt off. “And if they have the attention of the gods, they’ll be loved all the more and that wouldn’t mean they’d have a short life. Wouldn’t it be the opposite?”

            Cullen lifted her hands to his mouth and kissed the back of them gently. “Perhaps,” he murmured. “But I’m not kissed by fire so I don’t know.”

            Her teeth ran over her lower lip and he saw something spark to life in her eyes. “I don’t know if that’s completely right either,” she breathed. “I am a fire mage and I kiss you all the time.”

            He laughed, kissing her hands again. “Aye, love, you certainly do. But, here, we need to see to you before your muscles start to lock up.”

            She let him pull the fabric from her before laying back on the bed.

            It was hard not to laugh at her again when she struggled to roll over for a moment but he managed it as she finally got onto her stomach.

            “I don’t think I’m made for this,” she whispered as he shifted to straddle her thighs.

            Rolling the jar between his hands to help warm it, Cullen asked, “What do you mean?”

            “I’m not going to stop training because I do want to help protect my home,” Elora said softly, “but maybe I’d be better off as support. What am I going to do with a sword?”

            “Fight,” he said simply, dipping his fingers into the jar and rubbing the salve between his hands.

            Elora sucked in a sharp breath as soon as he touched her and he knew he hadn’t warmed the salve up enough. But all she did was squirm slightly under him without voicing a complaint so he didn’t stop.

            Silence fell between them as he worked on her back, rubbing the tension from her as best he could. He could feel her relaxing under him with each minute that passed and he didn’t want to ruin that but he knew he had to. This wasn’t something he could keep from her. “Love, I need to speak with you about something.”

            “Mm?” she sighed, sounding sleepy.

            “Things will be changing in the hold and you need to know what’s happening,” he said softly, his hands lightly moving over her back now. “While you were training, I met with a few of the others I know support what I want for the hold. They’ve agreed with me that things need to change and we’re going to start working toward it.”

            “How do you mean?’ she asked warily.

            “It might seem drastic,” Cullen murmured, trailing his hands down to the base of her spine and letting them rest there, “but those that don’t want to accept the changes will be leaving the hold.”

            Elora was quiet for a long moment before she rolled over, green eyes cautious as they stared up at him. “When?” she asked softly.

            His hands were still on her and he slowly rubbed his thumbs against the curve of her stomach. “I’m going to lay out the terms in the next few days. I want to give the people I know will help enough time to dig in and get everything they need in place before I summon the council. But those that stand against us will have until the next Fire Dance to decide if they will stay in the hold and accept the changes to come. If they don’t, they will leave Sky-Bear Hold.”

            “Are you sure?” she whispered.

            “The others agree; we can survive perfectly fine without those that oppose us. We’ll have to pick up the slack a little more but if we work together all should be well.”

            She was still frowning up at him, not yet convinced. “This is one of the reasons you wanted Delrin to go with me, isn’t it?”

            “Aye, Elora. You are the most precious thing to me in this hold and our enemies know it. They know that striking at my heart would be the best move to stop me. Before it would have been my family and it still might be so they will be protected as well. But you…Elora, they will surely try to hurt you, will blame you for what is going to happen. You’ll probably need to use what Hawke’s teaching you sooner rather than later.”

            “That’s fine,” she said softly. “I’ll do what I can to protect you and your family.”

            Leaning over her, Cullen closed his eyes and let his head rest on her chest. Breathing slowly, he tried to find the words to explain what she meant to him. “I love you,” Cullen murmured.

            She squirmed slightly as his lips brushed against skin but he felt her hands gently rest on his head. “I love you, too,” she whispered. “More than anything, Cullen, so I will fight for what we have here.”

            He moved so that he could rest his arms on either side of her head and he slowly moved to kiss her. “We will fight for our hold, love,” he breathed. “Together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, sorry for the massive delay on updates. I fell into a slump where writing was not coming easily at all and I wasn't inspired to try. I don't know how regular updates will be but I'm going to keep trying to pick at the story because I do still love it and it deserves to be worked on.
> 
> For everyone who's sent me positive messages and left lovely comments between the last chapter and this one, thank you so much. They perked up my day and helped me get through the last bit of this <3


	31. Chapter 31

 

            Keeping her hands wrapped around the warm mug she was holding, Elora stared out at the landscape around her without truly seeing anything. It had been a few days since Cullen had told her his plans for the hold and it had been weighing on her thoughts.

            She knew that some would blame her for what he wanted to do and that they even might try to strike out at her because of it. It had made her train all the harder when Hawke had come for her the next day even if she hadn’t felt like moving ever again. She couldn’t rely on others to keep herself safe. That hadn’t changed since the Tower, the methods were just shifting to a new form of defence.

            One hand left the mug to brush against the hilt now hanging from her belt. She’d only gotten it yesterday and didn’t know how to remotely use it but Elora refused to leave home without it. She’d never heard of a spirit blade before but she’d paid attention while Hawke had explained what it was.

            _“It’s an elven method of fighting.”_

_“Then how do you know about it?” she asked, nervously fingering the sword hilt. She wasn’t going to doubt Hawke about this but she’d never heard of a mage using a sword before. Especially not one made of magic._

_“The Hawkes have many friends and among them are a clan of Dalish. The same ones I was trying to reach out to before I went north.” Hawke smiled faintly. “One of them, Merrill, is a very good friend of mine and I learned quite a bit from her.”_

_“Including this?”_

_“Well,” Hawke chuckled, “not directly from her. But you pick things up the longer you’re around people. Or make deals with unsavoury spirits in long lost catacombs for the knowledge. I don’t remember where exactly I picked it up.”_

_Elora stared at her. “That is not encouraging in the slightest.”_

_Hawke laughed outright. “It’s probably more the first. I wouldn’t give you a cursed item.”_

_“I’m not so sure you wouldn’t!”_

_The grin on the other woman’s face was so full of mischief that Elora had to take a step back. “Then you’re already smarter than half of the clan,” she murmured. “But I like you, Elora, and more than that, I’m committed to helping Cullen keep this hold alive. Cursing you wouldn’t do that.”_

_Letting out a slow breath, she tried not to give Hawke a glare and instead looked down at the sword hilt. It was strange to be holding it when she was used to the smooth wood of a staff. There was leather wrapped around the hilt but she could still feel the bite of the metal under it. But it was the stone embedded in the hilt that caught her attention more than anything._

_She stroked her finger over the clear stone before nearly dropping the sword when she saw something pulse inside it. “Are you sure it’s not cursed?” she demanded, her head jerking up to look at Hawke._

_She was startled to find the augur watching her intently, pale eyes transfixed on her. “No, it can’t be,” she said quietly. “It was made specifically for you, Elora, and it’s merely waiting for you to claim it.”_

_“Claim it?”_

_“Arcane warriors build swords from their own magic among the Dalish but even among them the talent is becoming rare. Normally they would forge their own hilt, forming that connection with the blade before it’s even fully made but we didn’t have the time for that and I wasn’t going to send you out looking for the materials to make it. So it was fashioned without the presence of magic nearby and touched by no hand that carries the gift.”_

_Elora’s eyes darted to where Hawke’s brother was standing at the edge of the training ring, talking with her escort. “Is that why he gave it to me?”_

_“Aye. I couldn’t risk bonding to it because that would defeat the entire purpose of giving it to you. It might have been reset but we don’t have the time for that.”_

            _“How do I claim it?” she asked softly._

_“You train with it. You keep it close to you no matter where you are. You could even sleep with it under your pillow if you wanted. Waking up startled and reaching for it might actually be the best way to form the blade to start with.”_

_“And cut myself or Cullen?”_

_Hawke chuckled. “Aye, well, maybe not.”_

            Running her teeth over her lower lip, she put her hand back on the cup. She hadn’t cut anyone since she couldn’t make a blade. For everything Hawke knew about it, she’d never actually had one herself and couldn’t tell her exactly how to form it. All she needed to do was bond with the sword, whatever that meant.

            “You’re sighing a lot, Elora.”

            She glanced at Delrin and gave him a small smile. “There’s a lot on my mind,” she admitted.

            “Are you worried about today?”

            “Yes,” she admitted, “but also no? I trust Cullen and what he’s doing. I trust you to keep me safe if I can’t. But….”

            “We aren’t the only ones in the hold,” he said, nodding. “You’ll find more support than you think you have, Elora.”

            “Everyone keeps saying that,” Elora sighed. “It isn’t that I don’t believe you but I come from a place where allies are just as likely to stab you in the back if it’ll benefit themselves so it isn’t easy to simply believe.”

            He briefly touched her shoulder, squeezing. “You’ll see it soon enough, I wager,” he said quietly. “With what the thane intends to do today, you’ll probably see it very soon.”

            And how many of them would be carrying a cloaked dagger? Elora shook her head and sipped at her tea again. Now was not the time to be thinking about that. If she treated everyone as a foe, it wasn’t going to end well for her or what Cullen was trying to do.

            “We should head back,” Delrin said suddenly. “He’ll be calling them soon and I think it would be better if you were inside before he did.”

            She nodded but lingered for a moment longer. The cliff overlooked the side of the mountain, giving her a clear view down to where the farms were nestled before the massive forest took root. The sun was high enough to paint more than pinks and reds across the landscape, glinting off of the lake that was near where the Chasind made their homes. What Cullen was doing was for the benefit of his entire clan, the farmers and Chasind included. She’d wanted a clear view of it this morning to remind herself of that, to hold onto this image of tranquility in case things went poorly.

            Turning on her heel, she kept her mug cradled in her hands as she walked back to Cullen’s home with Delrin. Others were moving around the hold and she was very aware of those that looked at her as she passed. No one stopped to speak with her this time and she felt that keenly. She didn’t know if Delrin was silently telling them to not or if they were aware of what was happening today and had their own thoughts about it.

            But she kept her chin up and refused to stare at the ground as she walked through the hold. This was her home now. If she was going to fight for these people, she couldn’t be cowed by them. She needed to be strong or at least pretend that she was.

            “Wait,” Delrin said suddenly, holding his arm in front of her to make her stop walking.

            She hissed softly as she jerked to a stop and spilled tea on her fingers. They were mostly covered by gloves but the fingers had been cut from them and were now hotter than they’d been a moment before. She’d only started to pop some of them in her mouth to soothe them when she saw why he’d made them stop.

            A small group of women was standing near the door of Cullen’s home and they were all looking at the pair of them expectantly.

            “What are you all doing here?” Delrin demanded.

            One of the women stepped forward and Elora immediately recognized her. She gently reached out to lower Delrin’s arm and stepped forward herself. “Vera,” she said softly. “I wasn’t expecting company.

            “No, you wouldn’t since you were not born to us. But it is custom to show our support of the thane in whatever way we can,” the older woman said, smiling fondly at her. “We have spoken amongst ourselves and agreed that the best way to show our support is by being with you.”

            Elora licked her lips nervously. Cullen had said that word would spread among those in the clan that supported him but he hadn’t mentioned anything about this sort of thing happening. “I….”

            Vera motioned for her to step further forward, her smile staying in place and now the rest of them were smiling as well. “Come, come, child. We will make more tea and food and speak of what you still need to learn of the hold. If you’d rather, we can tell stories to pass the time while your thane makes his announcement.”

            She glanced at Delrin and saw he was smiling ruefully. “Should I?”

            “It’s your choice, Elora,” he said honestly. “No one else can make it for you. They’re offering you their support and showing that they accept your right to be here in the hold. They’re choosing you. Are you going to choose them?”

            Looking back at them, she realised that she did recognize most of the women in the group. She felt bad because she didn’t know all of their names but she knew that all of them had made the effort to speak to her on more than one occasion in her time in the hold. And not simply because Cullen had danced for her.

            Elora smiled again and stepped forward. “I don’t suppose any of you know how to use a sword?”

* * *

 

            The words hung heavy in the air as he knew they would and right along with them was the surprise and shock.

            Cullen remained seated. He’d said what he needed to, had told the elders exactly what was going to happen in the hold and now it was their turn to respond. Or at least the ones that hadn’t known.

            The silence didn’t last for long.

            “You can not mean this!”

            His head turned to the speaker and he heard Hawke and Branson shift on either side of him to look as well. “Have you seen me bluff before, Petra?” he asked mildly.

            The old man pushed himself out of his chair and took a step toward Cullen.

            Bran growled low in his throat, his hand going for the hilt of his sword.

            Cullen quickly reached out and grabbed his arm. “Let him speak his words,” he said lowly.

            It was a long minute before Bran let go of the sword.

            “You would see us ruined because of what softness you’re finding between a Lowlander’s thighs?” Petra spat. “You cannot mean to divide us over a woman!”

            “I don’t,” he said flatly. “And we are already divided on matters. We would be dead if not for the Chasind and yet you would see them gone. We would have no augur and rampaging gods in our hold if not for them. Our crops would still be withering in their fields and we would be dead. _That_ is what must end if we are to become the hold we were meant to.”

            “How can we when you bring filth into our midst?!”

            “Do not look to us for filth,” Hawke said lowly. “The Mad brought that upon you when he let the Lowland male poison his mind and turn him from his gods. The Mad brought it upon you when he threw Sorcha upon Rilla’s fires and denounced this very hold. If you are looking for filth, Petra, look no further than your own hands because you fought alongside the Mad and what he was bringing to this hold.”

            “Do not speak to me, Chasind witch,” Petra spat.

            “Do not speak to your augur like that,” Cullen growled.

            “She is not _my_ augur!”

            “Then you have no place in Sky-Bear Hold.”

            The room became silent around them again and Cullen could _feel_ not only the council but the gods weighing their words.

            “I have more place here than you, whelp. I’ve sat on this council for more years than you’ve been alive!”

            “But you will not abide by what I have said?” Cullen said lowly.

            “You’re going to tear our hold apart over a Lowland whore!”

            His hands curled around the arms of his chair but he forced himself not to react. His gaze moved to one of the hunters near the door. “Escort Petra to his home. He has half of an hour to gather what he will need to support himself on his journey from Sky-Bear Hold,” he said flatly.

            “W-What?” Petra sputtered.

            “I have given my orders and you have told me that you refuse to listen to them. You are banished from Sky-Bear Hold and any who share your thoughts may follow you down the mountain.” Cullen paused to look at the elder. “We have no place for any in the hold who would see us divided.”

            “This is my home!” he snarled. “I was born here before your lot thought they knew what was best!”

            “And I am Thane!” Cullen said shortly. “Chosen by the gods and backed by them! If you will not listen to me or them, you have no home in this hold!”

            Petra rocked back before slapping away the hand that touched his arm. “You will regret this, Lionsbane,” he spat. “You cannot hope to keep this hold if you are banishing those loyal to it!”

            “You aren’t loyal to it,” he said lowly. “You prove that with every word you speak. Get him gone.”

            The hunter didn’t let the elder slap his hand away this time and forcefully escorted him from the building.

            “Does anyone else share his opinion?” Cullen demanded. “I have no more time for these games. If you remain in the hold, you stand with me. Leave if you do not and you will not be stopped. But if you stay, you are agreeing to how I run the hold because I will not tolerate these actions again.”

            Silence met his words but he wasn’t surprised. He hadn’t expected much resistance given that most of the elders and council were far more crafty and smart to do it here.

            “If you’ve nothing to say,” he said lowly, “you can go.”

            Chairs immediately scraped against the ground as people stood from them.

            He watched the clan leave, refusing to budge despite the looks he was thrown. He had no doubt that somewhere in the hold there would be another meeting tonight, one that he would most definitely not be invited to but it didn’t matter to him. His allies were standing firm on this and there wasn’t going to be any room for anyone that stood against them.

            If there was to be a fight, they would be treated as any other enemy of the hold.

            “That went better than I expected,” Hawke said softly once the hall was empty of all save them and Branson.

            He scrubbed his hands over his face, feeling far more tired than he had when he had woken that day. “Oh?”

            “I expected more of an outcry,” she admitted. “Which makes me wonder if they were expecting this?”

            “It’s possible,” Bran agreed. “They’ve known for a while that things were going to change. They might not have outright expected this decision from Cullen but they had to know that _something_ was going to happen.”

            “And if they’re merely biding their time? Waiting for another opportunity to strike?”

            “We will meet them head on,” Cullen said flatly. “All those who stand with us will be told to be at the ready. I don’t enjoy the thought of fighting within the hold but if that’s what it takes to move forward, by the gods, we will do it.”

            He batted both of their hands away when he pushed out of his chair and pointedly ignored the noises they both made.

            “Bran, return to Mia’s house to tell her what happened and of Petra’s removal from the hold. Hawke, walk with me.”

            “You’re sure you’re fine?”

            “I’m fine,” he said flatly.

            “Don’t worry, Bran,” Hawke murmured. “I won’t let him fall on his face for everyone to see.”

            He threw a look at her but it got a chuckle out of his brother which was more than Cullen could get recently. “Aye, well I’d be more willing to bet you’d be the one to push him over.”

            “Me?”

            “Aye, you. Augur or not, you can’t change the trickster you are at heart.”

            Hawke made an offended noise but Cullen didn’t buy it. “Your thane gave you orders, Brason.”

            “Aye, I know. You watch yourself, Hawke.”

            She started laughing softly as he walked away and Cullen glanced at her. “You did that on purpose.”

            “Of course I did,” she said softly. “Your brother is your sword and shield when you can not hold them. He can not stay mired in guilt if he is to protect you. Many hands were involved in what happened so there is no reason for him to take all of the blame onto himself. It is done and while it will not be forgotten, he needs to move on and return to himself as much as he can.”

            Cullen studied her. “He’s going to dance for Bethany.”

            “He is,” she agreed. “We’ll be here at the next dance to ensure that it happens.”

            “Even with only two left in the year?”

            Hawke turned fully to him. “If there were only two dances left in the year, would you dance for Elora still?”

            “Aye,” he said immediately before sighing. “I see your point.”

            “The heart wants what it wants, Cullen,” Hawke said quietly. “There is no stopping it. What is one winter’s wait when the rest of your life is before you?”

            It would have been torture for him but he would have done it to be Elora’s husband. And so would his brother for Bethany.

            “Come,” Hawke said, “let’s get you home before you fall down.”

            “I’m not that weak,” he growled, pushing away the arm she held out to him and stubbornly stepping away from his seat.

            “There’s no shame in accepting help and not pushing yourself further than you should,” she chided. “I know you want to dance for Elora again but if you hurt yourself more before the new moon, then what? You’ll have that long winter to wait. Don’t be a fool, Cullen.”

            He looked at her. “I am truly fine,” he said. “I’ve been saving my strength for this and I plan on going home to rest again. I am well aware of how close I came to dying, Liv, given you keep telling me.”

            Her mouth twitched as they walked outside. “You need reminders. You’re more stubborn than an ox.”

            “Thank you,” he said dryly.

            Her smile grew for a moment before dulling. “Watch yourself and Elora, Cullen,” she said quietly. “I do not want to lose anyone else because of this hold.”

            “I will.”

            “I am serious,” she said, her voice getting thick.

            He almost stopped to look at her. Had she seen something? Had the gods told her something she was keeping from him? “Liv.”

            “I don’t know what it is,” she said honestly. “Only that more is coming. Elora started it, you’re moving it, but it isn’t here yet.”

            Cullen wasn’t sure what to make of that. Despite having an augur for a mother, he had no knack for deciphering their words when they spoke like this. “For good or for ill?”

            “I don’t know,” Hawke repeated. “I wish I did but there is nothing there.”

            He could hear the agitation in her voice and he knew better than to ask for more. She would tell it when she had it.

            They rounded the corner leading to his house and he nearly stopped. A frown curled his mouth as he saw Delrin leaning against the wood beside the door. Not sure he liked that, Cullen called, “Why aren’t you watching her?”

            The hunter’s gaze moved to him and a smile quirked his mouth. “You may be my thane and I would follow wherever you lead, but all the glory in the world is not enough for me to stay in there right now.”

            Cullen’s stomach sank. “What happened?” he demanded, starting to push forward to open the door.

            Delrin quickly grabbed his arm, his smile still in place. “Calm yourself, Thane. Nothing happened beyond the clan doing what they have always done. Show their support for their thane.”

            “I don’t need anyone else being cryptic right now,” he growled.

            Hawke laughed suddenly at his side. “Oh. You didn’t plan for this, did you?” she chuckled. “I’m not sure if _you_ want to go in there either, Lionsbane.”

            He threw a frown at her. “What are you talking about? Why wouldn’t I want to go inside my own home?”

            Hawke and Delrin shared a look but she shook her head. “I’m returning down the mountain. I need to speak with my family but tell Elora that we’ll resume training in two days.”

            “You said you wanted her to train tomorrow.”

            “Because I also forgot about this,” she said as she walked away. “I’ll give her the day to recover and then we’ll begin again.”

            Cullen watched her go before looking at Delrin again.

            “No,” he said. “You can go in there and find out for yourself, but I’m staying out here.”

            He huffed and reached for the door again.

            “Before you go in,” Delrin said quickly, “how did they take it?”

            “About as we expected. Those that knew stood firm and those that did not…are still resistant to the idea.”

            “And?”

            Cullen slowly turned to the hunter. “Elder Petra is being escorted from the hold as we speak,” he said flatly.

            Delrin nodded faintly. “Not surprised it was him,” he muttered. “He never did like you or your family. He didn’t expect you to actually do it, did he?”

            “No. Alert me when the hunters escorting him return,” Cullen said, pushing the door open. “I want to….” His voice died as several heads turned toward him.

            “Cullen!” Elora called happily and he found her in the group of women cluttering his home.

            He still couldn’t find his voice, not understanding why there were so many people here. “Ah….”

            A titter of laughter ran through the group. “Look at him,” he heard Vera’s warm voice chuckle. “You’d think we caught him with his pants down by the look on his face.”

            More laughter and he felt a touch of heat fill his cheeks but he still stepped into the house and closed the door. “I will not intrude,” he said, moving toward the bedroom. “I merely want to rest.”

            “It is done?”

            He stopped to look at Vera again, seeing her at Elora’s side by the fire. They had come here for a reason. He’d worried that only having a few warriors at home wouldn’t be enough, that he wouldn’t get back to Elora before someone else did. But, clearly, he’d had no reason to worry. “It is done,” he said softly.

            She nodded as did several other of the women. “Good. You go rest. We’ll keep Elora occupied until you wake.”

            Lifting a brow, Cullen nearly didn’t follow her orders. He was thane after all but he moved to where his Lowlander was sitting and brushed a hand over her hair. When she looked up, he kissed her quickly and murmured, “Behave.”

            He wasn’t sure what to think of the light that lit up her eyes or the smile she gave him as he pulled away from her.


	32. Chapter 32

 

            Sitting before the fires, Cullen watched them lick at the wood. The mages had already stoked them high, the heat reaching him and making sweat bead on his skin. The clan was gathering and the tension that had been building within the hold seemed to be absent as they came together. For that he was at least thankful. He’d seen the strain as he’d walked the hold, noticing exactly where the tension seemed to be the greatest. But he’d relied mostly on the hunters and Hawke for information on what was happening since his decision. He hadn’t wanted to hide but if he’d wanted to dance he’d needed to rest.

            And, by the gods, he wanted to dance.

            His gaze swept over those that were gathered and his mouth turned down. Neither Elora nor his sisters were present but the sun had only just set. There was still plenty of time for them to join them. He’d been kicked out of the house earlier, given the difficult task of getting Leo calmed enough before he was herded off with the other children. He’d nearly run out of stories to tell before the boy had been satisfied. Although, the little boy had still managed to wrangle a promise out of his uncle for more come the morrow. It had been painfully obvious that the boy had known that Cullen would be leaving soon to visit the other holds and he’d been desperate for as much time with his uncle as possible.

            “Why the heavy sigh, Thane? Are you not excited to claim your Lowlander again?”

            He half turned to look at the woman standing near his seat and grunted at the grin on her face. “Liv.”

            “Aye, that is my name and not the answer to my questions.”

            “Excitement has nothing to do with what I’m feeling right now,” he said lowly.

            “You worry about the future, as you always do.”

            Cullen looked back at the flames. “One of us has to.”

            She scoffed. “I worry but in my own way, Thane. We both cannot be seen as worried or the whole of the clans will fall to ruin around us.”

            He knew that. He’d always known that. Hawke had her own way of doing things and the way she cared for the clan was one. Because he knew she did care. If she hadn’t, she would have left them long ago. “We leave the day after tomorrow,” he said quietly.

            “Aye, the clans are impatient for you to bring the ‘saviour’ to them.” Hawke nearly snorted the word. “They are not going to like that you plan on being back before the next new moon.”

            “I do not care,” he said flatly. “I am not missing the last dance because they want to parade in front of her, to try to woo her away from the hold.”

            “Not that it would work,” Hawke said. “Elora has made this her home and gods have mercy on any who try to take her from here.”

            “Is he sulking already?”

            Cullen’s head turned at the voice and he levelled a look at his sisters as they joined them. Mia simply returned it and Rosie looked away with a giggle. “I am not sulking.”

            “I have known you your entire life, Cullen. I think I would know if you were sulking.”

            “Gods save me from the females in my life,” he muttered.

            Hawke laughed lowly. “Not the greatest plea when you are preparing to dance for another female in your life,” she pointed out.

            He didn’t get to say anything to her before she walked toward where her kin were already seated. The light from the fires made the white and red swirls on her skin practically glow as she moved and several heads followed her. Not that any of the men in the hold ever had the balls to dance for their Chasind auger.

            “You have nothing to sulk about,” Mia said, pulling his attention back as Rosalie wandered off to join her friends. “She will be here soon enough.”

            “Why didn’t she come with you?”

            “She wanted a moment to herself. This is all new to her, Brother, and we can give her what time she needs to prepare herself for what is coming, can we not?”

            “Of course,” he said quietly but there was an itch under his skin. They wouldn’t be the first to dance so it wasn’t as if she needed to be here at this moment. But he wanted to see her, wanted to see the paint on her skin that showed that she had accepted his first dance and was waiting for the second to start. “This used to seem simpler.”

            Mia laughed softly and patted his arm. “It is easier when you are not the one waiting for your heart to join you. It is easy to judge and stand back when you are not dancing around the fires. But she will come soon enough then it is only one more moon, Brother. You have the patience for that.”

            He liked to think that he did. Before her he would have sworn that he did. But falling in love had tossed a great many things on their asses. Most of all him. The corners of his mouth kicked up and he settled a little more on his seat. She would come, they would dance, and he would take her back to their bed.

            Maybe. Provided they got that far.

            A grunt slipped out of him when a fist slammed into his shoulder and he glared at Mia.

            “She’s not here yet,” his sister told him sternly. “Get your mind out of your trousers.”

            “No,” he said, still glaring at her.

            She held her look before she laughed delightedly. “Oh, Brother, I am glad for you,” she murmured. “I am glad this happened for you.”

            “Mia,” he muttered, swinging toward embarrassment now.

            She patted his shoulder before taking a step back.

            “Where are you going?” he asked, frowning as she stepped off the platform.

            “Cullen,” Mia said patiently, “you’re waiting to dance on your second moon with Elora. That seat beside you isn’t mine anymore.”

            “We haven’t finished dancing yet.”

            “You will, Brother. We all know it and soon she’ll sit there. Ripe with your child, gods willing.”

            “Gods willing,” he echoed. He watched her walk away from him, unease filling him again. He couldn’t remember a time when he’d ever sat up here by himself. Only a handful of people ever joined him but he’d never been alone. It didn’t matter that she was right, that Elora would soon sit with him; tonight he didn’t want to be by himself.

            But there was no helping it as more of the hold came to the fires, filling the seats and the air with the sounds of their conversations. For the latter, he was glad because this was the first dance in a long time that their Chasind brethren had come to and he had wondered how tonight would go. Yet for the moment, it seemed that all was well.

            Catching the gaze of one of the elders, he gave a shallow nod. The sun was fully set now and it was time to welcome the ones that had come of age since the last moon.

            The drums that had been idly playing switched, grew more focused and pronounced to draw a hush from the gathered clan as the new adults joined them. He watched as the young women tittered between each other, some with shawls draped around their shoulders and others already proudly baring themselves. The young men were no different, chests puffed up as they walked before the fires and playfully pushing each other.

            Their smiles barely dimmed as they passed by him before they found their own places around the fire to the sounds of the drums and the loud thumps from hands and feet of the clan.

            The sounds didn’t end there, the drums wouldn’t stop until the last dance had been done and the clan didn’t bother being quiet anymore. Banter and teasing rose up; laughter and the occasional shout of encouragement. But no one rose to take the first dance.

            The sweat that was clinging to his skin wasn’t solely from the bonfires. Cullen knew that much, his nerves coiling tighter the longer his Lowlander didn’t show. More than that, he could feel the weight of the clan’s gaze on him as he waited, as they all waited to see what would happen. It didn’t seem to matter that Thane wasn’t supposed to claim first dance; the clan had apparently decided that this new moon he would and none were dancing until he did.

            Looking over the gathered crowd, he found most of his family but-

            “Thane!”

            What noise had been around him died at the shout, even the drums faltering and stopping as all turned to look.

            Cullen straightened in his seat, frowning as he watched the group approaching him. “Branson,” he said lowly, noticing the tight grip his brother had on one of them and the way Elora and Delrin trailed a few steps behind him. “Svana.”

            She jerked on her arm, trying to rip it out of Branson’s hold but he refused to let go.

            “What is going on?” he asked shortly.

            “The dark of the moon is a safe time where all are protected,” his brother said tightly, his voice pitched enough for those gathered to hear.

            “We all know that, Branson.”

            “Svana broke the laws of our people. She inflicted harm on the Lowlander.”

            Cullen heard the murmurs that broke out at that before they were almost immediately hushed but his attention had shifted to Elora. She’d been staring at the ground before but she was meeting his gaze now. “How?” he demanded.

            “I do not know how it started, only how it ended,” his brother practically growled. “Svana attacked her with a blade.”

            “I was provoked!” Svana snapped. “The Lowlander bitch struck first!”

            Elora’s eyes narrowed and moved to look at the other woman. “If I’d struck you first, you wouldn’t be standing here,” she growled, stepping forward before Delrin pulled her back.

            The only sound filling the air was that of the fires now but it only lasted for a beat.

            “See?” Svana said. “She speaks of violence when I only defended myself!”

            “You entered my home with a blade and threatened me,” Elora said, shrugging off Delrin to take that step toward the other two. “You told me I had no place in the hold and you were going to make sure I never had one. You attacked me!”

            The single step had put her more into the firelight and he could see the slash along her cheek. Svana had cut her? The low growl rumbled out of him at the sight of the wound. “How did she get inside my home with a blade?” he demanded of Delrin.

            “She lied, spoke of wanting to make amends before the pair of you danced again,” the warrior said tightly. “I was a fool to listen to her but I thought that she had more sense than to attack someone under Rilla’s moon.”

            Cullen hissed out a breath, hands curling around the arms of his throne.

            “She has you under her spell!” Svana shouted. “Like the Mad, you’ve fallen under the spell of a Lowlander and this one will ruin our hold! She’s already ruining our clan and she must go!”

            That had people whispering again and he sank back into the chair, trying not to glare at this woman.

            “You’re the one that’s delusional,” Elora snapped. “If anyone’s mad, it’s you!”

            “Thane,” a low voice-one of the elders-said from nearby, “this is a serious claim. All are offered safety on this night, no matter from where they hail, and to break that is to incur the wrath of the gods.”

            The whole of the clan knew that and he bit his tongue to keep from reminding the man that his family knew that better than any other. “What are you saying?” he finally said.

            “This is too close to you, involves the woman you’re dancing for. It pains me to say this, but you will not have a clear head on this decision, spell or no.”

            “I haven’t-” Elora broke off with a growl when Cullen sharply motioned at her.

            It didn’t matter that he knew she’d cast no spell; the elder was right. “Then do you have a suggestion for an impartial judge?”

            The elder stared at him, nodding, but it was another voice that answered.

            “I do.”

            Everyone turned to look at Hawke as she stood near the fires. “Augur,” Cullen said lowly.

            She didn’t even glance at him, her focus on Svana and Elora. “You both claim that the other threatened and carried out violence. Do you stand by your words?”

            “Aye!” Svana spat. “The Lowlander is mad!”

            Elora glared at her, fists curling at her sides. “Yes,” she said simply but the word was harsh.

            Hawke looked between them. “Thane may be partial to who he’ll back and others may accuse me of it as well. But the gods would not lie about this.”

            The entire hold inhaled as one and Cullen felt his own breath rattle in his lungs. But his voice failed him when he tried to protest.

            “Svana. Elora,” she said firmly. “The gods can determine who among you is lying if you open yourself to them. Will you?”

            Cullen stared at Elora as she shifted on her feet, tugging at the edges of the light shawl around her. “What does that mean?”

            “I will summon two gods and they will join with you, will be one with your thoughts, and know who is lying. They will take the life from the liar as soon as their deception is found.”

            Elora took a small step back, her expression shifting to one of fear before she schooled her expression. But he saw it.

            “Will you, Elora of the Lowlands, offer your body to one of our gods to find the liar between you?” Hawke asked.

            She hesitated, licking her lips, before she nodded. “Yes,” she said softly, her voice wavering. “Yes,” she repeated more firmly, a small glare on her face.

            Hawke took a step, one hand raising toward her and the fire leapt for a moment. “Will you, Svana of Sky-Bear Hold, offer your body to one of our gods to find the liar between you?” she repeated, her gaze swinging to the other woman.

            “I’ve done nothing wrong!” she insisted. “The gods favour her because of her fucking hand and the way she spreads her legs for the thane!”

            Hawke froze, pale eyes blazing from her painted face. “Will you offer yourself to the gods, knowing a lie will destroy you?” she asked.

            Cullen shifted on his seat. He didn’t know what Hawke was doing but her voice was making his gut tighten and all he wanted to do was squirm in response to it. He’d known her for years, knew when she shifted from the dry wit of the leader of the Chasind to augur of the hold, but he’d never heard her speak like this. Was it because his judgement was called into question? Or was it because someone had broken one of their most important laws?

            “Svana, I will not ask you again.”

            “No!” she cried. “The gods-”

            “Silence!” Hawke snarled and shrieks broke out around the fires as they roared to twice their height. “If you will not allow this, you admit your guilt in attacking the Lowlander on the darkened moon.”

            “I didn’t!”

            Hawke slashed through the air with her hand. “Your words are meaningless before the gods,” she snapped. “You have forfeited your voice in this! Judgement falls to you, Thane Lionsbane.”

            Cullen wasn’t sure he wanted to speak after all of that, especially since the fires hadn’t calmed. “Hawke.”

            “This has festered for too long, Thane. Deal with it.”

            His lips pulled back in a snarl at the way she said it but he moved his attention to Svana. “How many times have you tried to interfere with this?” he asked lowly, trying to find the words he needed. “How many times have you tried to come between me and the Lowlander?”

            Svana opened her mouth before her eyes went wide as nothing came out.

            “Her voice is forfeit,” Hawke said simply when he looked at her.

            He nodded. “You know the laws of our hold, of our people,” Cullen said. “Violence on Rilla’s night is met with banishment from not only our clan but all Avvar.”

            She shook her head, mouth working frantically and silently.

            “Your crime is not only against the hold, but the Lowlander as well. If she wants it, you will be bound to her for the rest of your life, no longer a part of the hold but a servant to her and her line.”

            “I don’t want it,” Elora snapped before he could even ask.

            “Then banishment is all that remains,” he said, pushing out of his chair.

            Svana tried to shrink back but Bran had hold of her still.

            “You are no longer part of this hold,” Cullen told her, raising his voice to be heard over the fires. “You are no longer Avvar. When the sun rises, all will know what you have done when they meet you. This last night you will sleep in a cell, no longer a member of this clan, and tomorrow you will be branded. You will leave our hold and never return. You will be killed on sight if you do return.”

            She was crying now but even that was silent.

            “You were warned,” he said, dropping his voice so only those close would hear. “You were warned and you still chose this. You have no one to blame but yourself, Svana. Do not return here ever again.”

            She started to reach for him, her expression pleading.

            “Get her out of my sight,” he told Bran.

            His brother barely waited for him to finish before he was hauling Svana away.

            Cullen flicked a look at the fires before looking at Hawke. She shook her head and pointedly looked at Elora.

            She was doing that?

            “Elora, look at me,” he said, taking the few steps down from his throne.

            She sucked in a short breath before turning to him.

            The cut was shallow and followed the line of her cheekbone. Any higher and it could have taken her eye. She could have shielded, could have healed it. How had Svana even gotten that close to her? Why hadn’t her gods done something to protect her? The questions piled up on his tongue but none of them came out. He finally swallowed the lot of them and looked over her shoulder at the fires.

            His Lowlander barely turned to look, her brows drawing together.

            He watched as the flames slowly receded, whatever magic fueling them returning to the owner.

            “I haven’t cast any spell on you,” she muttered from between clenched teeth.

            Perhaps not intentionally but he knew what she meant. “Do you still want to dance?” he asked quietly.

            Her lips pulled back in a snarl as her head snapped back to him. “Yes!”

            His sides strained as he fought not to laugh at how loudly she had said that. Reaching out, he brushed his fingers over the thin trail of blood on her cheek. “Sit, my Elora,” he said softly. “Sit and let the clan calm so we can dance.”

            Elora stared at him before she shook her head. “No,” she said this time, shrugging off the shawl she’d had wrapped around herself.

            His tongue had been heavy before but now it was fat in his mouth, choking him as he stared at the red and golden swirls across her skin. The fires made the paint glow, her skin burning as she stood before him naked to the waist. “No?” Cullen pushed out, desire coiling in his belly as he didn’t bother trying to stop his stare.

            “I’m not going to sit when we’re both right here,” she said. “Dance with me.”

            Cullen stared at her and watched as her chin lifted. Stubborn Lowlander.

            He didn’t bother looking at the rest of the clan; he took a step back and shrugged off the cloak he’d had draped around his shoulders. As it hit the ground, the first sound of the drums came back, their owners knowing what was about to happen. This was Rilla’s night and violence or no, they were here to dance.

            Elora started to step toward him but he moved another pace back and shook his head. “You’re going to make me wait?” she whispered.

            “Only fair,” he purred. “You made me.”

            “That wasn’t my….” Her voice died as he didn’t hesitate, already moving in front of her. “Cullen,” she breathed.

            He didn’t bother hiding his smile as he danced, making her spin in place as he moved around her. He’d already decided at the beginning of the night that he couldn’t make this dance long, that if he wanted to actually make love to her tonight, he couldn’t spend all his energy at the fires. But that didn’t mean he was just going to give in to her.

            The drums were loud now as he spun and twisted around her. He was close enough to hear the little catches in her breath and they made his heart skip in return. Svana be damned. Clan be damned. He was going to dance with Elora. He was going to take the Lowlander as his wife.

            As he started his third circle around her, both hands reached for her and hers immediately smacked into his. He stumbled a little as she pulled him to her and a low laugh spilled from him. “Impatient?” Cullen murmured.

            “I want you,” she whispered, her hands sliding up his arms to gently rest against his shoulders.

            He slipped one hand behind her, cupping her ass to pull her closer to him. But the other reached up, catching her left to pull it away. Threading their fingers together, he said, “Dance with me.”

            She didn’t look away from him as he led her around the fires. She swayed against him, taut nipples brushing over his skin. There was no hesitation in her now as they danced. Her steps were sure even as they made them up as they went along.

            Her lower lip disappeared into her mouth, her moan barely muffled as he pulled her along his thigh. She squeezed him, rising on her toes to get away from him, and this time he let her. Her fingers flexed on his as they passed by the fires, the flames jumping again.

            “Easy,” he purred. “I’ve got you.”

            Pale eyes stared up at him. “Aren’t I supposed to have you?”

            He tipped his head slightly. “If you want,” he said lowly.

            Elora took a breath and her palm was shaking as it pressed to his chest. Her touch lingered before she took a step back from him, still holding his hand.

            He followed her, stopping when she did.

            Not looking away from him, Elora backed away from the fires, holding his hand firm in hers.

            The clan was silent as he continued to follow her, leaving the light behind them. When they were fully in shadow, he didn’t stop when she did, winding his arms around her. He murmured her name as he bent over her, kissing her upturned mouth.

            Her sigh washed over him, lips parting and tongue sneaking past his.

            Cullen caught the back of her head, fingers threading into her hair while the others fanned against her lower back. He moved them deeper into the hold as he kissed her, barely hearing the drums over his heartbeat in his ears. He stopped when they bumped into something and pinned her to it.

            His blood felt like it was on fire but he’d had nothing to drink tonight. His passion was his own but there was more lurking under it, emotions that had no place in this night. “Elora,” he whispered, tearing his mouth from hers. He didn’t wish to speak, had other plans for his mouth, but they needed to set this aside.

            “No,” she mumbled, rising on her toes to try to kiss him again.

            “Shh,” he soothed. “We have the whole of the night for ourselves.”

            “I want more.”

            A helpless chuckle left him at that. Lusty Lowlander. “Shh, Elora, love, listen to me. I have to ask you something.”

            “You want to talk?” she asked, incredulous.

            “Only for a moment,” Cullen murmured, his hand slipping around to cup her cheek. His thumb skimmed under the cut. “You should heal this.”

            Her brows drew together in the dim light.

            Something hummed against his skin and he watched as the wound slowly sealed itself until the only trace of it was the blood on her skin. “Why did you hesitate?” he asked, steeling himself and looking in her eyes. “When Hawke asked you to join with the god to prove your guilt or innocence, you were afraid. Did you lie?”

            Elora stared at him before she shook her head. “We talked about this,” she said in a small voice. “About possession.”

            They had but it had been brief. She hadn’t wanted to talk about it while he’d been recovering. Then there’d been no time with everything that had happened in the hold. “Aye, but your reaction. Love, if you had nothing to hide why the fear?”

            “They kill any mage it happens to,” she whispered, voice trembling. “They kill any mage they _suspect_ it’s happened to.”

            “Elora….”

            “I know it’s different here, I know that,” she continued quickly. “But…I grew up in the Tower. Possession is a death sentence and not always the nicest death you can have. Even if it’s different here, I saw what happened to you and…I didn’t lie. She struck me, but a lifetime of constant fear of possession….”

            Was not easy to let go. Tipping her up to him again, he brushed his lips over hers. “Then you’re braver than you let on, Lowlander.”

            She huffed. “I was terrified,” she corrected.

            “Are you still?” he murmured, shifting his leg back between hers.

            Her breath shivered out of her as she pushed down on his thigh. “No.”

            He smiled slowly. “Tomorrow we can talk more about this,” he told her. And they would. She was too strong of a mage, too closely tied to the gods of the hold now to have that fear unaddressed.

            “And tonight?” Elora whispered huskily.

            “Tonight we dance.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeeeeeeey, so this kinda happened without me fully intending it to. I sat down to start writing a little more on it and wound up writing the entire chapter. Which isn't a bad thing, it was just more surprising to me given how long it's been. And I know it's been a long time. I do see all of the reviews and comments you all leave on here and I want you to know that those were a huge motivator in making me sit down to write this next chapter.
> 
> I still don't know if updates will be regular and if they do become a bit more frequent it won't be anything like they used to be. My attention is divided between fandoms, but this story is special to me and I will continue to poke at it to give it and you all the ending it deserves. So hopefully this was worth the wait and thank you all for your kind words and for being patient with me. It means the world to me!

**Author's Note:**

> So here we go on this adventure! Because that's exactly what it's been since I posted The Fire Dance but I wouldn't change it for the world. I'm honestly more than a little nervous posting this because it's going to be a slow burn up to that other story but here's hoping it goes well!
> 
> A few things, since posting the Fire Dance it came to light that a month wasn't long enough for everything that needed to happen between events so it's been pushed back. I'll modify the other story to reflect that but that's what happens when you write something before the plot is fully established. So, in our calendar, this story starts sometime in February and the Fire Dance takes play May-ish. Timelines. I wish I could make it all wobbly but sadly not.
> 
> Also the story doesn't take place in the Dragon Age. I'm not really sure on when it takes place except it's a few ages before that and I'm taking liberties with the history of Thedas and what not to make the story work. As medieval a setting as the Dragon Age is, it's not medieval enough across the board for what I wanted to do. Creative liberties have also been taken with the Avvar because I can.
> 
> And Olivia Hawke belongs to Luci (magisteramell on tumblr/buckybarrow on Ao3) as all of our au's mesh all of our characters together to form one big happy and massively dysfunctional family. I'm not sure how many other characters of hers are going to be showing up, but as they do I'll mention it!
> 
> I've got a few chapters written so far so I'm going to try to update this as regularly as I can and so we'll see where we wind up!


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